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Help a woman by helping her husband. Please.

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October 8, 2018
7 upvotes

I (24f) somehow came across MRP and can I just say some of the information y’all are passing around is fucking spot on. Anyways, I wish my husband would read this. He doesn’t have reddit. Any good ideas on how to help him discover this? Should I just send him a link and let that be it?


Post Information
Title Help a woman by helping her husband. Please.
Author badthrowawaynames
Upvotes 7
Comments 52
Date 08 October 2018 06:47 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203925
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9mcl4u/help_a_woman_by_helping_her_husband_please/
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Comments

[–]LR03115 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Send him this link:

http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/dude-got-minute.html?m=1

Apologies on the formatting. I'm on mobile.

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you!!

[–]SepeanRed Beret7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy

Yeah, send him our way. Don’t mince your words - tell him that this is the stuff that makes you wet while right now you’re on the path towards an at best passionless relationship.

And tell him that once he gets going you’re going to call him an asshole and try to control him, and that if he listens to you, he’s a weak manchild and it’ll make you dry as the desert.

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I am a pretty strong willed person. I will be the first to admit that, so I know I have some work to do myself.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

You’re shooting yourself in the foot if you try to submit to a non-alpha man. He won’t grow to face the challenge and you won’t be attracted to his alphaness. He needs to alpha up and learn to handle whatever you throw at him during the process - after that he’ll be a real man, you’ll be genuinely attracted to him and you can submit and be happy.

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So don’t submit until he makes me? Thank you for the advice!

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That is one point of view.

The other is what we tell men: Fake it till you make it.

According to The Surrendered Wife, a woman CAN make a man more "Alpha" by being more feminine and stepping back so that your man can step forward.

I would definitely read the latest version of this book which is called "The Empowered Wife."

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Going by the experiences on the RPW subreddits, that doesn’t work.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nature abhors a vacuum.

Create that vacuum by pulling ‘away’ and allow him to fill it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You say the sex is great. So, you keep him nice and satisfied? Most guys go RP after banging their head against the wall for a few years wondering why they aren't getting laid. If he's getting laid good and plenty he has no incentive to change.

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean the quality is there but I don’t think the frequency is as high as either of us would like.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (16 children) | Copy

He doesn’t have reddit? It’s a web site... everybody has reddit.

Can you be more specific about what you thought was spot on? That might help to give you the best course of action....

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

He doesn’t have an account on reddit and he never gets on the website. The concept of him taking charge of his own life and by him being more “alpha” (if that’s the right term) and not needing me I will desire him more. I we have been together for years and I love him, the sex is great, but I don’t WANT him if that makes sense. I have tried to ask him to be more assertive, or dominant but that isn’t really clicking for him.

[–]civilizedfrog5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get him mmslp, SGM and NMMNG.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

Even if he did it, it is because you told him to.

That doesn't work- it's not him being more alpha. It's just him doing what you ask

[–]SepeanRed Beret5 points6 points  (12 children) | Copy

If he becomes alpha and has a strong frame, he’s an alpha with strong frame. That his wife wants a strong framed alpha doesn’t change that one bit.

I mean, what are you saying here? That if your wife wants an alpha you shouldn’t be alpha?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret-1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy

You can't really lead if you're only leading because you're told to lead.

Another example:

If you tell your wife she should tell you she loves you, does it mean anything when she says it?

Etc

[–]SepeanRed Beret3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy

You can't really lead if you're only leading because you're told to lead.

Blah, blah, philosophical circlejerking. Someone tells you to lead - does that make it impossible to lead?

Of course not. There's no "haha I told you to do it so it doesn't count", either you do it or you don't.

It's the same with being alpha, you're alpha or you're not, how you got there hardly matters at all.

If you tell your wife she should tell you she loves you, does it mean anything when she says it?

It might, depends on how she makes me feel when she says it. Why the fuck would me telling my wife to do something make it impossible for her to do it with honesty and feeling?

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just want to plant the seed (or red pill) and let it grow.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

What /u/simbarlion is fumbling around with is that if the dude in question comes here and LARPs, then he isn't a guy who "just gets it."

That would be true in the short run, but if he takes the process seriously he will move past LARPing and even the girl who begged him to take charge will know when he's congruent.

Does that stop the bickering, kids?

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Kids? You’re hurting my feelings.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh! Oh! I had something for this...

Nope, I lost it.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Oh you guys with your fancy red hats....

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Someone tells you to lead - does that make it impossible to lead?

Oh the irony of a leader who needs to be told what to do....

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I asked the question so you would think instead of falling back on this snarky ego protection you got going. Sorcererking also tried explaining it to you.

You can’t let someone else hamstring your ability to do anything.

This is even a common shit test, where wives begin telling their husbands to do what they were already planning to do. Men with weak frame struggle with that because they feel they’re in her frame now by doing what she asks, when really the truth is the opposite.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

already planning to do

I agree if this holds true. Otherwise I totally disagree. In fact I have seen this discussion before...the genuine transformation will only come from within.

This view is applied to gambling, alcohol etc. If is going to be a genuine change, he has to come up with it and not be told.

Showing him the way might help him start his own journey. But in most cases he will resist

You’re shooting yourself in the foot if you try to submit to a non-alpha man. He won’t grow to face the challenge and you won’t be attracted to his alphaness. He needs to alpha up and learn to handle whatever you throw at him during the process

Your earlier words to OP. Variation to same point.

EDIT: you are all over this thread arguing against most of us are saying he has to want to change...what gives, why so invested,??

Seems like semantics old sport

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When we made MRP men only, we tried to work with Red Pill Women to funnel women over to a site that could help them but we discovered that working with women did not accomplish our goals and they apparently threw up smoke to deliberately distract from the discussion.

Therefore, unfortunately we have no referrals for women.

Traditionally, married men become "Red Pill" after years and decades of a sexual desert and a frigid, cruel, harpy wife who treats him horribly.

Perhaps there is a middle ground to take?

[–]470_2_700_nm3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’m glad you have joined us! One rule we have here - if you are a woman - please post a picture of at least your (.)(.)’s - it’s our way of making sure this is not a troll post.

Thank you and I look forward to helping you further.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

+1.

Where the titties?

[–]throwawayfaggo-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

A troll, a rambo or a failure? Oh wait, all three are the same thing around these parts.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The cows in search of a cowboy. Women are herd creatures and need to be led, so we know why you are here. Men with equalist upbringing may be expecting to much from you and at the same time lazily escaping the male burden of performance. It's in his nature but that nature is oppressed by matriarchal cult teachings. Deprogramming the unwilling is not impossible, but he has to want it too.

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The essence of the other comments is that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. Most guys find this place because they are living with a harpy shrew. They are living a miserable existence and that has become the motivation for serious effort.

You want to change the behaviours of your partner, however beware that if you succeed in achieving such a change over a sustained period, it will require a change in mindset. A key part of the MRP mindset is becoming outcome independent by removing sexual dependence on the wife.

This mindset will likely involve a change in priorities within your marriage. If your husband becomes more alpha and more attractive to you and other women and is open to other sexual relationships; are you able to set aside your ego and allow him to have adventures on the side? That would have been a suitable carrot for me before my wife became a harpy shrew. Where is the carrot or a credible stick for your husband?

Alternatively, are you just trying to make a better beta, while waiting to bludgeon him into further betaness should you feel anxious or jealous?

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can start with the fact that I’m not okay with opening our marriage. I can handle him flirting in person with a girl but not later contacting her and attempting to move it further. I feel that way because if I were to do the same then he would lose his mind.

I do wish he would lead us in the relationship. I try my very best to be a good wife. We both work. He is in the medical field so he works long shifts and nights. I have a considerably less stressful job. Ever since we moved in together I have taken it upon myself to carry the responsibility of taking care of the house (cleaning, cooking, groceries, making sure bills are paid on time) We have good communication and rarely argue. I do feel like he is insecure.. I don’t know why he is a pretty attractive guy.

I’m not entirely sure what you mean by make a better beta? I want him to lead me. I feel like I always remind him to do everything and I take care of him so much that not only do I take care of the house but I lead him. It’s very much a if I don’t do it or make sure something gets done, it just won’t get done. I know there will be a power shift. And I’m sure there will be times where it’s difficult for me but our relationship is strong. I don’t want to turn into a harping bitch for him to step up. I have tried to have conversations with him but he just says okay and nothing really changes.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret-1 points0 points  (17 children) | Copy

YOu can’t. There is no way to force a man to take the pill. It’s traumatic enough when we realize it’s what we want.

Your best answer is to go to /r/redpillwomen and learn how to be the feminine in your relationship. A good woman will know how to guide her captain.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

They don’t have a clue about this over on RPW, read their posts on the girls who don’t have alpha men, their feminine approach clearly isn’t working.

The number one thing guys find traumatic is that they’ve been lied to about the nature of women and how their wife deceived them into doing beta shit that made their relationship worse. Having a girl who tells you what she wants, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

[–]throwawayfaggo1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I've come across /r/RedPillWives too - what's the take on that one?

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

They and redpillwomen have some good ideas on how to be feminine and add value, but they don’t know how to get a man to alpha up and they often lack problem solving skills.

They are nice places, but you need your man to alpha up and handle shit, you can’t do it for him.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

You can't get a man to "alpha up". True story.

I spent the weekend in Vegas with a 22 year old buddy of mine. Nicest of guys. Motherfucker couldn't make a decision or express an opinion if his life depended on it. It was such a turn off.

You see it here in r/askmrp all the time. Bunch of basic bitches not able to just make a choice and own it. It's the classic question of "do I wipe my ass from the front, or the back?" Bitch... just wipe your ass and get on with it. If for some reason you get shit on your finger, try the other way next time.

This is why so many men, suck so fucking much. If you post in OYS and you're halfway competent, then you come here to r/askMRP (or worse... r/askTRP), you see your competition. Jesus fucking christ - this is what women have to choose from. Is it really any surprise that so many women are shrill, harpy bitches?

But hey - least I don't have anything to worry about.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

It’s not that black and white. Sure we’re locked into certain behaviors due to learned habits, hormonal levels, etc. But behavior is still very malleable and hormonal levels are greatly influenced by experience.

A lot of men have been taught to be more beta and force themselves to be more beta because they think it works. Of course we can teach them to move more in the direction of alpha instead.

How far each man is from his baseline and how far he can move from there, that’s individual and I’m sure there’s lots of guys who can never alpha up. But there are men who can do it, fully or partially, and improve their lives greatly.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think WNS was implying that one cannot force, cajole, encourage, or enable a man to "alpha up," and that only the dude himself can do it when he wants to. Can lead a horse to alpha but can't make him fuck, or something like that.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not like you just decide to alpha up out of the blue. Most guys here started the process because of a dead bedroom.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

how would you bet if you had to? men who shirk responsibility don't all of a sudden embrace it without a catalyst. it takes serious personal effort.

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s like lifting or dieting. Most people don’t change jack shit, some do a bit and get a slightly positive change, a few are able to put some real effort into it and see great results.

So if you’re asking me to bet, sure I’ll bet against him. But it isn’t impossible, and I’d rather give people the info they could use to succeed than tell them to not bother trying.

Also there are people who do take responsibility and put in effort but who just lack guidance. Before MRP I was lifting and well dressed, all the obvious stuff I was on top of. I tried a ton of shit, from choreplay to communication to reading couples books and dragging her to therapy and being a good father and quitting gaming and social media and threatening with divorce. I was trying really fucking hard, it just hadn’t crossed my mind that my wife was actually not telling me what she liked but was instructing me to sabotage our family.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a very interesting and very different question. How do you guide the men who's efforts are misguided?

I actually think we do a really good job of this here at MRP with men who clearly put in effort. Any given week, look at OYS of the people who are posting for the first time, who are putting in relevant information, and I think most of them get very good feedback.

But I classify those people as folks who put in personal effort - so it might self confirmation bias.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

True.

Yet someone can come here and say the same of the betas that post here.

RPW is hypergamy on display still women are not overt.

It's a fine line between being overt and nagging. She will have to break her ego and learn to submit. This isn't easy. If OP can learn those two things she may have a chance.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

The process here is nothing like what they have.

Our process for fixing a failed marriage works. We alpha up, our wives become wet and submit.

Their process doesn’t. If you’re a woman with an alpha man, or looking to attract a high value man, sure go there and learn, it is one of the few places that will openly speak honestly about what makes a girl valuable (even though they talk too much about baking and too little about getting fit and being kinky).

But when it comes to fixing a marriage, their process is stupid. The girl submits, the man hardly changes a thing because he thinks it is going great, and she’s not really happy or attracted since he’s still a clueless beta so she has to fake it harder and harder.

The man needs to swallow the red pill and actually be alpha, attractive and able to handle her. I used to read on RPW and the FRs from girls faking their submission, they were not happy stories.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don’t disagree you except that the woman can’t make a man alpha by throwing him a link and saying read it, or asking for it. He has to come to that himself. if she has to become overt she is at the end of the line.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sure she can. Throw him a link to MRP and dead bedroom him. That’s the burning platform and the assembly instruction for the fire extuingisher, if there’s an alpha hiding inside that’s all a man needs to get it done.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ha. Ok. I concede the point.

I'd hate to be your husband.

[–]Xtinamina1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

(even though they talk too much about baking and too little about getting fit and being kinky).

Haha YES. I'd love to see more of that. I feel like we in RPW think talking about sex is taboo!

But when it comes to fixing a marriage, their process is stupid. The girl submits, the man hardly changes a thing because he thinks it is going great, and she’s not really happy or attracted since he’s still a clueless beta so she has to fake it harder and harder.

Ttthhhiiiissss. The strategies over there never made any sense to me and this is exactly why.

[–]badthrowawaynames[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll check it out. Thank you!



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