First, I wanted to share some backstory: I was a beta my entire life until recently. This feeling of inferiority, which started to develop in middle school, has stayed with me until ~2 years ago.
I've been with my wife for 8 years (1 of them married), who I met shortly after high school. Throughout the first 6 years of our relationship she also treated me like a beta, because like others here constantly mention, I wasn't ‘the captain of my own ship’. She would call me and want to talk on the phone when I was with my friends and give me shit if I didn't want to talk. She would give me a hard time about this, or that, or whatever. If we went out with people, she would point out every little mistake I made. For a stretch of several years, she would just act cold to me, and I never really understood why. Of course, there was also very little intimacy - sometimes we wouldn't have sex for 1-2 months. I would try to ask her what was going on, and she'd come up with ridiculous reasons - "You've gotten better at it, but you still leave your clothes on the floor sometimes, and these things turn me off”..
After college, I got a decent job. Because I advanced a marketable skillset, I became highly valuable and started to make a very good income (~100k). Shortly after this, a natural transformation occurred. First, I stopped taking shit from everyone and anyone - the utility company, my boss, my friends, my family, my girlfriend. I became fairly grounded and serious. At first, this elicited slightly negative reactions, but 2 years into this, it clearly seems like all of these people respect me more. I hold people to high standards, but I hold myself to even higher standards, and people can see that.
Now back to the situation with my wife. Naturally, our interaction began to shift as well. She'd be going on about how much her dad is an asshole (he really is), but she did this every other day. In my new state, I would be frank and say "look, you're right, he sucks. But this is all we ever talk about. I'm getting sick of it." When she'd ask me to do favors, previously I would do whatever just to please her, but now everything would come at a cost or come with an understanding. By this I mean the understanding that if I am asked to do favors, and this 'favor-asking' is mostly one-sided, then that makes me the authority. If I fulfill the favor, then great, if not, then don't berate me for it. If you do berate me for it, forget about me doing favors for you in the future.
This shift has transformed many aspects of our relationship, but most notably, our sex life. Before, it always felt like I was 'working for her'. My focus would be to make her orgasm, and when she did, it was then okay for me to finish. It was 80% missionary, and 20% doggy - always. In retrospect, despite her orgasming, it wasn't great sex for either of us, and it explains why we had sex so infrequently. But for the past 1.5 years, we have sex several times a week, and in many instances, 2 or 3 times a day. And when we do have sex, she's trying to do everything she can to please me. Even though she’s now ‘working for me’, she orgasms more, and much more intensely (very loudly, for an extended period of time). She loves to get on top of me and orgasm that way, which is something she never did before. Again, this is fairly new over the course of the past ~1.5 years.
And it doesn’t stop at the sex. She’s always hanging around and doting on me. And perhaps more importantly, she’s become very happy. For the past 1.5 years, she has been jogging every single day, meeting up with friends for coffee or lunch, and truly enriching her life in a way that I’ve never seen her do before. She used to just sit in and watch TV most of the time.
Anyways, last year was when we got married (the first 7 years were unmarried), and we decided we both wanted to conceive a ~6 months ago. However, I decided to have a little fun with it. I told her outright in all seriousness that if she wanted a baby, she'd really have to work for it. You could tell that she was a bit confused - she couldn’t tell if I was half-joking, or if I was being serious. The first few times after I said this she did put in a little more effort, but it felt kind of fake, so I just continued to pull out.
She'd get a little disappointed and would question me about it, but in my newly-adopted firm tone, I'd say, "I really meant what I said before, you are really going to have to work for it". After being pouty a few times, she asked me what she could do. I pointed out a few things, like some lingerie outfits, but I also firmly told her that the burden of figuring out what I like was mostly on her.
Here is what's strange and what I still can't figure out. You'd think this was selfish of me, but believe me, her pleasure began to intensify to levels I did not even expect. After ~1.5 months of her ‘working for it’ and being extremely submissive and proactive (I won't go into the details), I unloaded in her, and for the love of fucking God I wish I had recorded her facial reaction. It was pure ecstasy. It was like some mix of crying from pleasure and of someone who just came up for air after spending too long underwater. It was a facial expression I’ve never seen before. Then, she laid there for a while with a blank expression. After a few minutes, she arched her butt up and held that position with her eyes closed, still breathing heavily. An hour later, she was masterbating very intensely.
The time after this we had amazing sex as well, but it wasn't quite as good, so I pulled out again. Like earlier times, she got a little frustrated and pouty. It's almost like she thought we got to a point where finishing inside was guaranteed. Nope. We didn't have sex for 3-4 days (whenever this happens, I just pretend like I don’t care), and then she got her period. Once her period was over, or close to over, she went fucking nuts….
We were going at it like crazy every day, and every time I blew a load inside of her, she would have that look again (or something similar). Not that 'cycle', but the next one, she did get pregnant finally. I was kind of worried how the sex dynamic would change after this, but it didn’t. I'd wake up for work and get in the shower, and she'd follow me to give me a blowjob. I'd say "I need to go to work soon", and she'd look up to me from the ground and say in all sincerity, "please, please fuck me". So of course I did.
I wanted to share my story, because I think it points something out. To be a leader, you have to lead. You can’t ask other people what to do or what they want, because they simply don’t know. If I were to ask my wife if she wanted me to treat her this way several years ago, of course she’d say no, because society told her that it’s unacceptable for a man to act this way. I believed it too. But both of our lives have transformed once I began to take charge.
But I also have a concern. My wife is truly becoming a nympho. She continues to act like one even though we’ve already conceived (so she no longer has to ‘work for anything’), and it seems to be intensifying. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it is starting to concern me - my instincts are reacting and telling me that perhaps I don’t want to her to go to far in that direction.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this?