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Stupid mistakes. Rookie mistakes.

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October 7, 2018
11 upvotes

Maybe this is just a “word to the wise, don’t make this mistake” post.

43yo lifting , 15% bf. 6’2” 200#

Man I goofed up. In an earnest manner that if felt was of the best intents. I fucked up.

I shared in an email to my wife my thoughts on our marriage situation. This was not emotional or feeling based email, but a document of why I am taking my own path forward.

Not embarrassed of it nor ashamed, it was an honest attempt to state clearly a small set of things I believe would be excellent actions towards staying married. It was me trying be fair and say, “Here we are so near the end for these reasons. If we want to try to fix this here are 5 things I will need to see happen.” One of them was fuck me or fuck you. But put very pragmatically. I thought this was the fair thing to do. To put it clearly in front of my spouse, how we can strive to stay together. Stupid.

So I learn from my closest friend that wife shared the email with several of her girlfriends. My friend’s wife is friends with my wife and he would have not and has never gotten involved in this and he would never want to. But this time he did. He told me and he did this at great risk to his own self. I am not mad. I am only wondering why she decided to share it. It was the last of the trust in our relationship, now spent. Seems a stupid thing to do for a woman who has no job and no prospects outside this tenuous marriage. Her choice. Huh...

Anyhow I fucked up. I learned a few things. My friends think I should move on now (20+years married) and they are telling it to me straight (now). This weeks agenda: lawyer up. Hit gym. Stfu. Read.


Post Information
Title Stupid mistakes. Rookie mistakes.
Author ieatclicks
Upvotes 11
Comments 37
Date 07 October 2018 05:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203927
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9m6ng4/stupid_mistakes_rookie_mistakes/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women share a common brain. Once you tell one of them something, they all know it.

[–]catchpull6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

And they share everything. We men have to assume that. Too bad most including me learn the hard way.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy

Not sure where you are in this whole thing but yeah. you expressed it on email. and as already said own it. Most times people keep secrets because of the social embarrassment and then hold them over your head for the same reason. Why? because you should feel bad about it. So don't.

If aint' nothing don't make it nothing.

Fuck that. Fuck them. You wanted a better marriage and did something about it.

Alright so you didn't handle it in a masculine way. Like you emailed....fucker. Next time don't, in fact I would flip it. Now all her friends know you want to fuck.

Sounds like a target rich environment to me.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

"You wanted a better marriage and did something about it."

yep

"Next time don't, in fact I would flip it. Now all her friends know you want to fuck."

yep

get swole and believe me, she gets the shame of not being able to keep a man. Get masculine and get your shit together. You will be shocked as to how this turns out

[–]SuperCrazy078 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Really? A target rich environment?

I’ll bet his wife’s friends are a bunch of heavyset mid-40s harpies wondering when menopause is going to hit and bitching about how much better they are than men.

If OP gets his shit together and starts lifting, these girls are the last place he should be looking for pussy.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A wet hole is a wet hole.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

2 months into RP, I did something similar, but in writing instead of email. Still, poorly conceived. Born of anger and fueled by my newfound knowledge.

It did not go the way I wanted. My frame was too shaky, my boundaries not well enough defined. It set me back at a time when I was just starting to make some meaningful strides forward.

But I learned: STFU, MAP, Lift.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Own it. Don’t be ashamed of it. DO NOT APOLOGIZE. She shared the fucking email, not you

Go fucking lift today.

So many of you rookie/nubees miss the key factor in all of this, it’s self respect and a clear vision as to you, not anyone else, but you, taking full responsibility for all of your needs to being met.

If this means laying it out in an email, then fucking own it.

Fear. Get past it. Right. Now.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If this means laying it out in an email, then fucking own it.

Totally agree. So many posters are so scared of being overt. As long as it was clear and unemotional just own it like sh has said.

Prizewinners need to work with the rules to win the prize.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

“I am only wondering why she decided to share it.”

To show her friends how much of a pussy her husband is... I’m sure they all had a nice laugh.

Chicks talk. Men Do.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

The ole "I want to want to be fucked will you fuck me now"? confrontation. Classic example of how not to have your wife want you even more. Being overt about covert contracts doesn't fix them.

Your friend risked what exactly? Pissing off his precious wife? He most likely says happy wife happy life to himself before he massages her feet and buys her flowers trying to earn his monthly starfish. At least he's straight.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're ready to end it all, and stupidly opened your mouth like a whiny bitch....

Your post history indicates you deleted something you were ashamed of 2 months ago.

Given that you've shown you can't STFU and jumped straight to "Fuck me or Fuck You", in an email like a faggot, you might just be a bit Rambo.

Slow your roll and maybe just maybe consider doing some fucking work first. You clearly missed the sidebar advice of 1 month of WORK per year of marriage. You've missed the advice of STFU. You've missed the advice that you can't negotiate attraction and FMOFY is left for AFTER you have gone through all of the other steps to make yourself a high value man.

Basically, you're trying to skip all the steps and get to the rewards. It doesn't work that way. But go ahead and lawyer up right before you go to the gym. You got this.

Faggot.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was not emotional or feeling based email

LOL. You're autistic if you think your emotions didn't drive the composition and subtext of this email.

I am only wondering why she decided to share it.

An ultimatum like this is a life-shaking event for her, and she can't get a second opinion or impartial discussion or rally support from you, so of course she's got to share it with some other confidants. What the hell else do you expect or want, and why?

My friends think I should move on now

You shared it with your friends and confidants ... is this a betrayal of trust? No; that's what friends are for.

It was the last of the trust in our relationship, now spent.

That you see it this way reveals that you're a beta Nice Guy, embarrassed to openly own your expectations or your dead bedroom or your marital difficulties or your covert contract or your assertiveness or "being an asshole" to your wife. A MRP man's public and private personas are congruent, and he isn't afraid to let others know where he stands.

Now that you've had your Rambo moment, get back on the wagon and back to work.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"I am not mad" lol.

One thing I've learned...whenever the urge to do something relationship-oriented "in an earnest manner" starts sneaking up on me...which still happens from time to time...I know to slam on the brakes and not listen to the beta shit goblin....what William Burroughs called "the Mark Within".

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So I learn from my closest friend that wife shared the email with several of her girlfriends

Ok, she emotionally checked out way before this event. Do you not think she knew it would get back to you? That’s an indirect way of her begging you to kill the puppy... most likely because she’s covertly told you a couple dozen times , but you don’t know womanese yet or you don’t want to see it

Lift, sidebar, get ready to pull the trigger. Most guys come on here chirping about how they are going to end it... then they go back into denial and eat a couple bags of Cheetos

Don’t be that guy

[–]Frosteecat4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Her sharing it with multiple people seems childish to me. And displays an inability to think for herself or to make reasonable decisions. Seems like she needs your guidance vs your "emotional sharing".

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The silver lining is that OP exposed which layer of failure his marriage is hovering. She doesn’t respect him. She isn’t motivated by him. She isn’t attracted to him. She thinks he’s replaceable. No woman of value would do make her man out to be a joke in front of her crew.

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you’d have been better off talking about it rather than an email, but what’s done is done.

LOL at not expecting her to share. That’s just what girls do. If I sent an email like that, I’d KNOW her mom, sister, and friends would be reading it two minutes after she did.

And, what “great risk” did your friend take? Telling you that his wife got an email? Jesus. If you get a divorce, in two years that guy is gonna be jealous of you.

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Obviously she doesn't know or she wouldn't be sounding out the hens to figure it out. I personally would focus on the easiest of your email declarations & see if there's a willingness to change. If she can't or won't do the EASIEST things, the rest are moot. Nobody likes ultimatums. I recommend you keep your OVERT co tracts to yourself going forward and don't let on you know she shared for now.

[–]r_u_a_badfish21 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP, I feel like I’m missing something. What did you write in the e-mail to your wife? You were vague about it’s contents.

[–]PhysicalPotential1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She did you a favour now kill the puppy.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Brave friend, brave. Respect for calling her out. At least in writing there is no room for misinterpretation. I'd be interested as to how it plays out.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

he did this at great risk to his own self

What great risk? Is he CIA deep undercover and his wife is a militant Russian arms dealer?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Coward!



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