I'm in a bind and honestly don't know what to do. I'm a mere week out of taking RP and fuck - it's insane. Currently reading MMSLP and have finished NMMNG. I can't read fast enough before the next shit hits. Before MRP and reading here I never realized how fucking stupid I've been. I've spent countless hours on self help books that have produced shit.
RP works guys - i can't believe it. It's blowing my mind.
I've already fucked up one marriage before this one. About 8 years ago my first bitch fucked a Chad, then another, then another - all on craigslist. I sat by in my stoic white knight castle as she ran all over me - typical drunk captain. Very typical. She lost all respect for me, then it's the same story with my current marriage - but this time I didn't stick my dick in crazy (previous marriage) and have to marry that one (white night blue pill bullshit amirite?).
My first marriage was one in which we met in college and like all drunk captains type 1 - I definitely was the alpha then. Highest leadership in my frat. I hazed little bluepill bitch boys. Did my best to show them the ways of RP way of dating (although I was a bluepill bitch once in a relationship) although I never knew this existed. I was an amateur, but it got me pussy... lots and lots of pussy... but when I entered serious relationships I always seemed to lose my frame.
Anyways - back to marriage 1: She fucked Chads. I was needy. I wanted to fuck, but didn't want my loving caring i'llthinkofyou dick as I climbed the corporate ladder and didn't OYS. She was a SAHM who shit and comfort tested me all the time. I failed every fucking test DEER my way out of it. Fucking shit. As i look back, I realize the failure of my marriage was entirely my fucking fault. I blamed her, Chad, Chad, Chad, whatever... but the reality is I was a weak little pussy who would take shit from her and well... that's how marriages end.
Shortly after my 1st wife moved out on me, I went into an almost hysterical panic. Doped up on meds, drinking, fucking, whatever - I was in a wild spiral. Eventually I managed to read enough helpful sidebar material to get my ass back on my feet and OYS. I remember reading through RP and implementing it's recommendations on reading and such, but it didn't stick like reading all the stories and helpful comments people have made here on MRP.
I got my shit together after that around 2011 - and was back to my old form. Fucking everything I wanted, doing what I wanted, hanging with the boys, playing sports, going to the gym. SMV 8. Killing it - then I met my current wife.
I got married to her after 3 years of dating. I vividly remember on our honeymoon her saying to me: "All you want to do is take me upstairs and fuck me on our honeymoon", to which I replied "Yes, I do.". We fucked like crazy for years leading up until our pregnancy about a year after getting married.
I started being a pussy. She got pregnant and I wanted to be the best loving understanding husband ever. It all began there. She quit her job for me to be the breadwinner, and I did, very successfully. But at the same time I let all my shit fall apart again as the drunk captain. She started taking over duties that she shouldn't have to as the first officer. Before long until a few months ago - she was doing almost everything house related. She constantly nagged, and complained about nagging. She is/? depressed and has been taking a litany of drugs to deal with it, but now I'm questioning if it was me all along being a bitch and not leading her when she actually needed me most to lead - not be a whiny loving bitch.
I realize now that I have seriously fucked ALL this up on my own. She just needed to be lead.
My wife is a strong willed and independent woman, or so I thought until I swallowed RP. Fuck was I kind of wrong? I'm kind of lost on who my wife is at the moment because either I've gone Rambo or she's a submissive. She does anything I want when I tell her to.
I started a week ago – I began STFU, AA, AM – which I’m not so bad at after all these years of no practice. It came extremely naturally to me because of my success professionally. It felt pretty easy just to follow the rules. The results were instantaneous. I am better, higher, more confident and loving life moreso than ever as I remember my old self. All the projects around the house that I wanted done? I’m done with them ALL. Fuck yes. The only place though up until now that I OYS was at work.
I am leaving for business for about 15 days in about a week, and my wife is going nuts. She’s never done well with my travel (misses me when I don’t call regularly – then gets bitchy and shit tests me and I fail). I’m not really sure how to handle this one because I’ve never been this long away from her internationally and I’m for certain going to want to do my own shit while traveling and better myself. At the same time, the changes I’ve made have been sudden. She’s already noticed some key things even though I haven’t said a fucking word about fight club. She’s been fucking me everyday, and for the first time in a year we fucked in the daytime (OMG WOW.. pussy). I’ve held frame on all but 2 occassions over the last week – to which she fucking nailed me down on in a hurry but I was able to AA/AM them away. She’s been asking to spend time with me beyond belief in the YEARS I’ve bene with her, but I’m too busy OYS. She notices that for sure, but in the same way how the fuck can she complain when her semi-drunk captain is starting to get off the booze.
I know I should watch what she does and not what she says. But tonight I heard in a massive shit test:
You are doing something different I don’t know what it is but I don’t like it. (She begs to spend time with me though. Constantly comes and initiates conversation when I'm busy OYS)
You have been sexually aggressive for the last week and it makes me uncomfortable. (Her pussy is fucking drenched every time. I haven't had this wet this consistently in years once we get going. She's typically not wet at the beginning until I get about 10 strokes into pounding that pussy)
You don’t spend time with me (comfort test – passed)
When we do spend time, you don’t talk with me (again comfort – but I am STFU, I feel like a shit test comes all the fucking time and I’m not experienced enough yet to AA/AM and am trying to just STFU)
I’m going to bed don’t try and have sex with me I’m going to sleep.
BEST ONE: “I liked it better the other way”
So, guess what I did? She went to bed, I was busy working on some shit, got a shower, went to bed and initiated. Got my first hard no. So instead I decided to say fuck that to see if I could pass a hard no at this point – which in hindsight I’m having a hard time deciding if it was a good call for myself this early. I told her after the no that I needed to cum, and I was going to cum all over her. Stuck my dick in her mouth to gauge her interest and she complied. Cleaned her up good and I rubbed her tits and she moaned, and cuddled up against her since she’s been a good girl to me lately. But then:
Her: I told you I didn’t want to do that. You need to listen to me. Now it’s late and what time is it?
Me: Pretty late! About 12. (we’ve been fucking til 12 all week, and she got a 3 hour nap today)
Her: Why did you do that? (I’m read this as a shit test)
Me: Your body is hot. You make me horny. Are you going to go get those pictures made we talked about?
Her: ….. haha…. Yes.
Her: I feel like the only emotion you’ve been using is sexual.
Me: (trying to STFU) Hmmm. Well, you’re hot. I like your body. I’m going to go have a cigarette, want to go with me?
Her: Hahah – no I’m too sleepy.
Me: Ok see ya later!
Her: I’m so frustrated, I don’t understand
Happy to provide more context but this is the deal: I’m getting laid, and laid better than in years. Mindblowing. It’s like a flipped a switch on my wife, but the frame I’m holding is in jeopardy with my next trip. I’ve always been a little pussy and called her every night
Sidenote: I'm internally angry. I dont want an angry frame so I'm internalizing the best one can but I'm sure some bleeds out. My wife is noticing. I often sit in silence and STFU with her because I'm the worst beta ever when it comes to failing shit tests. I want to talk and talk and talk after years of bad training.
So I'm leaving my wife behind for 2 weeks. How do I handle this with her given I'm angry, horny, and feeling genuinely like I'm hurting someone that I truly do love that i also have a small hate streak for?
Go ahead and tear apart my pussy gents. Need some of it, along with sage advice.