“I spoke to a lawyer on Wednesday”

johneyapocalypse · 2018-09-18T00:08:57+00:00

For someone so apparently strong and independent you don't seem very strong and independent.

It always sounds good to say I've done this and that for ages and now I've decided to stop. In practice, however, it is much more arduous and far slower-going.

Be cautious paper tiger.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-09-17T22:46:43+00:00

“I feel really confident about my life with or without her”...

Our work here is done.

Great progress my friend.

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-09-17T23:32:18+00:00

Great update on your hamster's thoughts about your wife's hamster.

straius · 2018-09-17T23:39:50+00:00

She doesn't want to do the work to catch up or keep you and she knows what that spells out for her but she'd probably prefer to split based on what you described than do all that hard work.

If you're only 2.5yrs in, time to get out. The hill slopes in one direction if you're not working hard to get up the other way.

My wife and I are getting divorced. We don't fight. She's a high quality woman, loyal, caring, but a bit too vanilla. Some of the divorce is due to lack of enough stimulation even though things are good and some of the divorce is because I've learned that marriage is just not for me. This is the weirdest, smoothest and love filled divorce I've ever heard of, but in the end, our value adds are way out of sync and there are some nature differences I've decided aren't worth the cost of staying in.

Plates just are not desirable to me while married so we're gonna split before things turn for the negative, or worse, just putter along in purgatory. Neither great nor terrible.

Make up your mind soon, doubtful she will meet your efforts and try to end things before things get embroiled in bitterness for a smoother ride out.

Check out the book "Good Karma Divorce" it will give some decent insight on how to potentially lead her through the divorce while minimizing fighting and fear.

UEMcGill · 2018-09-18T11:54:07+00:00

Her: I might as well contact him now and submit the papers. Me: “who’s the lawyer” Her: I’m not telling Me: don’t you do it, you’re going to regret it

You were in her frame for this conversation. What you said was, "Hey you're better off with me than without me"

What she heard was, "I feel affected by your threats to leave"

She will resort to direct communication when necessary. It was not direct communication. Women primarily communicate feeling.

Without knowing the rest of the situation I can only speculate where it was coming from. They do seem to come from pain. What do you want? That's the question.

Red-Curious · 2018-09-18T15:42:19+00:00

So, you've thought about divorce, you've talked to lawyers, you've started a plan for the divorce process ... and then you get ticked off and threaten her when she says she did the same thing. What the heck, dude?

Also, you whine about being 3 months without sex. But nothing in your post indicates you trying to initiate with her. Are you employing kino throughout the day? When you see her twirling her hair while oggling you, do you flirt back? Are you practicing overcoming ASD and LMR with her? It sounds to me like you just want excuses to get divorced, not to solve the actual problem. If that's the case, just do it already. Get divorced. Don't whine here about her talking to a lawyer if you're not even trying to solve the problem in the first place. Make a decision and execute, but stop living in limbo. Either screw her in bed or screw her in court. Just do something.

Also, yeah, you screwed up. You broke frame. She was oggling the new guy you were becoming, and then you convinced her it was all just a farce. It takes months or years to convince someone you've changed. It takes one mistake to convince them you really haven't. Back to work.

BluepillProfessor · 2018-09-20T01:01:19+00:00

What do you want?

If divorce you are headed in the right direction.

If reconciliation then figure out what would a good marriage look like to you and work towards that.

red-pill-man · 2018-09-20T01:22:56+00:00

Also, what are the odds I will receive papers?

-----------------------------------------------

Who cares?

adeptintact · 2018-09-21T03:45:27+00:00

Stop being a beta and divorce already. You'll be much happier in the long run. You don't have kids so less complications. Enough said.

friendandadvisor · 2018-09-27T17:24:28+00:00

Also, what are the odds I will receive papers?

I'd say about 200,000 to 1, in favor of 'receiving'.

It could just be her hamster talking but those are actions that can’t be ignored.

I think that your hamster is talking so loudly, you cannot hear anything.

Not sure how I will react if I receive papers. The only thing I can think I’d say is something like “this is your decision, your life and your loss.”

You are blind as a fucking bat. She can't stand you.

Sepean · 2018-09-18T11:51:51+00:00

Bro, there's a reason we say you shouldn't listen to your wife. Girls very rarely mean what they say.

So stop listening to your wife. She's going to threaten to leave and call you an asshole and tell her she hates how you're behaving and yadda yadda. This is going to happen a lot, and the intensity will only get worse. It's just shit tests, she's trying to break your frame and control you.

Ignore it (or better yet AA it), and keep on doing your thing.

weakandsensitive · 2018-09-18T02:14:35+00:00

I’m debating on going into defcon 5.

Clearly you're a dumbass since defcon 5 doesn't mean shit.

red-sfpplus · 2018-09-18T01:26:48+00:00

All you fuckers following me into the divorce process.....

Ain’t none of y’all prepared

screechhater · 2018-09-18T03:00:00+00:00

What is DEFCON 5. ??

You give too many fucks, and you are in her frame

You post is about trying to get her to bend you your demands. You lose. She had your balls in her purse

Separate rooms. By whose choice ?

Cam_Winston21 · 2018-09-18T13:23:57+00:00

Somewhat hesitant to chime in because of the dearth of info and for all I know you should be kicking her to the curb for no other reason that threatening divorce, but I will add that for several years my wife had similar traits (weight gain, boring, lazy, checked out, adding little value to civilization) that turned out to be a severe vitamin D deficiency. Once she started to take D supplements, in a few days the person I decided to marry started to return.

If your wife used to be exuberant, exciting, full of life, then maybe some blood work could be in order?

Again, I may be reaching....

jakethesnake5000 · 2018-09-19T14:33:19+00:00

Just going to chime in here...I’m 3 years into my marriage and have never slept in separate rooms more than twice on two separate occasions. If you’re not having sex and sleeping in separate rooms, someone fucked up big time. 2.5 years is a very short period of time to go from honeymoon goo goo gah gah phase to man I hate this bitch and I don’t want to sleep with her. Somewhere down the line your marriage got derailed or maybe it was never on track and you just pretended because marriage sounded like a grand ol time. I’d assess why this happened in the first place before you divorce and game women again or else you might end up exactly where you tried to get out.

That’s my two cents.

chachaChad · 2018-09-20T18:38:19+00:00

>All I thought was why the fuck would you contact a lawyer to leave and want info on long term home improvement stuff.

Dude... those aren't long term home improvement stuff. She's getting the house ready to sell.

juliusstreicher · 2018-10-17T05:28:27+00:00

"Dont do it, you're going too regret it"??

Dude...

gameoflibidos · 2018-09-18T14:47:50+00:00

She sensed you are disconnecting. She tested you by mentioning she went to a lawyer. You failed that test by saying don't do it. You should have said something like "I hope mines better" and otherwise completely ignored the comment.

If you want her to step it up in order to somehow make the marriage survive, she has to A) still want you and B) be uncomfortable with the situation and think that if she doesn't step up, you're gone.

You basically just told her.. .. no i'm not really leaving you... it just looks like i might.

Title	“I spoke to a lawyer on Wednesday”
Author	jakethesnake5000
Upvotes	14
Comments	73
Date	17 September 2018 10:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/204008
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9gp0oj/i_spoke_to_a_lawyer_on_wednesday/