Things in my life, excluding my marriage, are going great. I’m reconnecting with old friends, stopped talking to friends that decrease value in my life, for the first time in years I am proud to look at myself in the mirror without my shirt off, I feel extremely confident doing cold approaches, kicking ass at my job, getting shit done around the house, lifting very regularly, and my short term Map goals are on track to be complete by the end of this year. I’ve dwelled for a long time about divorce and decided that if there are no changes in my marriage once those goals are complete, then I will reevaluate the marriage and take action as deemed necessary. Dwelling daily on it like I used to a couple of months ago didn’t help me in any way. I’m prepared for divorce: talked to multiple lawyers, real estate agent lined up (the only asset we share, no kids, it would be split 50-50), I know where I will live after the house is sold. I am working hard to disconnect my emotions from my marriage and they are already disconnected to her mood. I now do most of the work around the house and have completed many projects around the house, I basically can live here with out her and nothing would change from a responsibility standpoint. Before the drama, she added value to my life and now I can say she doesn’t (gaining weight, boring, lazy). I want to stay married to her if she comes around by the time I finish my map, but if she doesn’t I am mentally prepared to end it. I have to do what’s best for me.
My marriage is in really bad shape: no sex for 3 months (married 2.5 years), separate bedrooms for a month, she doesn’t want to do anything fun outside of the house (she doesn’t do anything fun in general, basically a homebody), and she said she has “checked out”. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen her checking me out, all the signs of attraction like hair flips, is more interested in my life, and is a little bit more playful.
This Friday I broke frame for the first time in about a month (drunk text about her not doing shit... I know I fucked up). She used it against me and plowed forward saying I haven’t changed one bit (hamster talk) and that she “saw a lawyer on Wednesday”. After that:
Her: I might as well contact him now and submit the papers. Me: “who’s the lawyer” Her: I’m not telling Me: don’t you do it, you’re going to regret it (this seemed different than a ‘there’s the door situation’ Her: what’s our separation date (this made me realize she probably did see one) and more hamstering about the tests.
After that, shit went back to normal. We ate. dinner together/take out and I continued to do some major work on our garage. Some random tree removal people came by giving out cards so I got an estimate. She was really interested in taking down some trees and the prices. All I thought was why the fuck would you contact a lawyer to leave and want info on long term home improvement stuff.
I’m debating on going into defcon 5. This marriage is definitely looking bad with the checked out talk and the lawyer talk, I’m thinking I need to raise funds immediately and put some of my Map on hold (don’t renew Muay Thai class, decrease my investments (current socking a lot of cash away in stocks) Do you agree?
Also, what are the odds I will receive papers? It could just be her hamster talking but those are actions that can’t be ignored. Not sure how I will react if I receive papers. The only thing I can think I’d say is something like “this is your decision, your life and your loss.”
No matter what, I’m going to be ok. I feel really confident about my life with or without her.