I am currently getting my Masters in counseling, and I’m in the middle of a class for Counseling couples.
From a RP lens, I can’t help but think about how Rollo writes about BP men acting in relationships based on the “old books, or the old set of rules. The teachings and lessons in my current counseling class are mostly based on those old set of rules, but as a Rollo says, women are playing by the “new book,” or the new set of rules. Men who are still playing by the old set of rules will be in for a rude awakening sooner or later, often after its too late and the marriage contract is in effect. Then, they may begin to see their woman acting differently, and this is very confusing to the BP man. He sees his woman "changing," but really what he is seeing is her following the new book of rules in a more open manner.
I don’t see it with any anger anymore. The anger phase has come and gone, but that doesn't mean I don't get angry sometimes. It's just, I very rarely get butt hurt anymore. I've become glad that I see it how it is. The truth is women love opportunistically, and based on their current mood, which can change in an instant. They will throw all these rules (that they teach us in my counseling classes) out the door in the heat of an argument. That is just part of the new book, so it doesn't surprise me anymore. As a matter of fact, it often amuses me. When I get amused by her trying to push my buttons, A&A and AM have all but become the default, and she will often laugh along with me.... Why? Because she knows its just a game, and the fact that I "get it" allows her to laugh along with me. This is what they mean when they talk about the man having such a strong frame that it is like a container. The woman is drawn to that strong container, and she fills the container that the man lives. To boil it down, she is often living in my frame instead of the other way around.
My oneitis is pretty much gone, but if I'm not diligent and careful, I can easily fall back into her frame... because remember gentlemen... the shit tests never end.... and you don't want them to. If the shit tests end, that is a signal of indifference or apathy, and also signals a lack of dread. Passive dread is an ongoing factor in the successful RP man's life, and it is a healthy dread. If she's feeling dread, she still sees you as attractive and fuckable, and that turns her on. She won't admit it, but trust me, the fact that she initiates as much or more than me confirms that actions speak louder than words.
Getting back to the class: They talk about communication and blah blah blah... but when it comes down to it (in the real world) women will fight dirty, and all of these teachings about proper “communication “ are really just buzz words to keep the beta males on task. AM and A&A are my go to's, and I don't take her serious enough to have a conversation about "communication." Also, it will bore her to death and dry up her pussy like a hair dryer on a summer day in the Arizona desert.
That’s why FRAME is so important. I’ve been on hard-mode almost daily for over 2 years, and hardly anything she can say or do has an effect for longer than 10 minutes, if that anymore. More times than not, if I do lose frame, and it does happen occasionally, I will quickly regain it and simply say "lets just drop it. It really doesn't matter." End of conversation. If she tries to prod and continue the argument, I just go broken record... "lets just drop it. It really doesn't matter..." because you know what... it really doesn't matter. Life has become simplified in that way. It doesn't mean I have a drama-free relationship with my wife, it just means I control the flow of drama and start it and end it how I wish. Any drama happens in my frame.
Now, I get “ I love you sooooo much” with that old loving look in her eyes. I love seeing that, but I don't base my happiness on it, and I realize it can be completely different tomorrow, or even 10 minutes later... and that's OK. Frame has to be internalized to get there, and faking it will only expose you as a fraud, so I don't buy into the "fake it till you make it" on the subject of frame. Just try to build your frame, and be genuine. **STFU until you can build your frame strong enough** to implement A&A and AM. These should be genuine and come naturally with time and lots of effort.