659,329 posts

Sick Wife - We cant have sex anymore because im going through menopause.

by FoxShitNasty83 | September 06, 2018 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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35, 5'7", 154lbs, married 8 yrs, redpilled 9 months.

SO 39, 5'4", (wont get on scales)lbs

to refresh your memories im the guy that hasn't had sex for 4 years, not proud of this just highlighting the level of beta'ism we are dealing with here.

Recently things have been going well, Another woman flirted with me in front of the wife we went to a family wedding where a lot of people commented on how happy and more outgoing i am... as well as the 4 inches i'm missing on my waste. This pissed her off and she spent the rest of the wedding day sitting with the old folk complaining about the loud music... despite my best efforts to get her to dance (I found someone else).

My wife complains a lot about her health (infections, tiredness, weird lumps on neck) normally I would just comfort it... but a few times recently i jokingly suggest "we should go and get her put down so i can upgrade to a younger model or you can just go to the doctor like a normal person would".

So she calls the doctors and they want to see her to do a physical checkup.. she also says the doctor said "it sounds like you are coming up to that time in life (menopause)" I just STFU and go sleep.

This morning i start getting angry in my head im prepping for this being another shitty excuse and she can pull out the "menopause card any time i try and get intimate with her" the reality is she could need treatment (HRT) that might actually help her. Initially i thought about going with her to the doctors or reminding her that "i need sex to be in a relationship and this better not be an excuse" this sounds lame.

how do i handle this, im thinking with my less angry head on:

  • This is her problem.. support where needed and DNGAF
  • if i get the "i cant have sex with you anymore line"... "that's great.. i wont bother you for sex anymore"
  • stay plan is the go plan
  • again if she categorically states that she cannot be intimate with me due to health reasons, our marriage ends if we cannot find a compromise that works.. im committed on this but i dont think she realises this yet.


Post Information
Title Sick Wife - We cant have sex anymore because im going through menopause.
Author FoxShitNasty83
Upvotes 15
Comments 164
Date 06 September 2018 07:59 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204051
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9dg766/sick_wife_we_cant_have_sex_anymore_because_im/
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Comments

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red35 points36 points  (6 children) | Copy

Walks in.

See no sex in 4 years.

Walks out.

Even I have my limits.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

Took me way too long to figure this out as well. I get where OP Is coming from. Once he flips the switch it'll be on. Right now he's still not there.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

True, I'm working on that switch.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

so you have passive and active dread engaged, and you got nothing

9 (months) > 8 (years)

when's the 5 year anniversary of you not fucking?

seems like a poetic opportunity to shoot the puppy

time to get your D-plan finalized

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The puppy has been dead for 4 years... he's doing a "Rose for Emily" thing with it.

It's gotta stink at this point.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pointed awarded for the literature ref.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amen to this, my god.

[–]youcantdenythat24 points25 points  (6 children) | Copy

95% chance she doesn't find you attractive.

5% chance there is really something wrong with her hormones.

Your best option is to find another woman who does. She probably won't even care.

[–]helaughsinhidden5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Agree, be honest u/FoxShitNasty83 if she left you for another man, she'd be fucking his brains out, at least in the beginning of the relationship.

[–]oytrp4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wouldn't be surprised if she already is.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's a fucking wildebeest she's not going anywhere.

Fuck her.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

if she left you for another man, she'd be fucking his brains out, at least in the beginning of the relationship.

Hold on...of COURSE she'd be fucking his brains out...it would be for more/different dick! But, point being, she hasn't left him for another man. She just doesn't give a shit for him.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She dosent give a shit your right

[–]The_LitzRed Beret42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brother, you need to take a trip.

Get on a plane and go to India or Thailand. Then go and find one of the farms where they still use elephants to drag and lift heavy shit. It is amazing how powerful these animals are.

Then you will notice a skinny ass mahout commanding this elephant to work. And the elephant listens.

Then go and find the place where they train the elephants. The mahouts dominate and intimidate a young elephant into submission. And then reward it, but they keep that mahout stick closeby to remind the elephant who is boss.

The mahout and elephant have a good relationship, but the elephant does not know any better and it does not know its limits and power.

At night they chain the elephants up. A smallish chain that a full grown elephant can snap like a piece of dental floss if it wanted to, but it doesn't.

In the elephants mind, that chain was able to hold him in place as a baby, and it is still more powerful than him. The mahout commands the elephant and listens, out of fear because he was brought to submission as a baby.

Methinks it is time that you throw your mahout off, break the chains and decide how you want to live your life.

Right now you are occupying your mind with her health "problems" and totally missing the point of your self improvement.

[–]askmeanything214 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

the only reason you haven't had sex in 4 years is you

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

our marriage ends if we cannot find a compromise that works

Sounds like you want to negotiate desire if you ask me.

Why would you want to stay with someone that way?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus fuck, dude.

I don't care if you've been here a day or lurked for a year... besides being an omega do you just not have even a shred of self worth?

Get all your shit in order, divorce... monk mode till you ensure your next dry spell will be no more that a week (when you have the flu). And more properly vet your women.

How did both your ancestors make it?

Could caveman you have defended her against a lone sick wolf? Or how would she have not been left for the next bear to snack on?

[–]wkndatbernardus6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

She does sound like a fatty morsel for some grizzly.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Here we go again.

What the fuck are your stats ? 9 months ?

Are you lifting ?

What is the place in the Sidebar ?

Diet ? Wardrobe. ?

Gargantuanblog posts over at MRP but the deleted his name- go read it then dive deep to one year ago and read the the train wreck shit he posts.

Unattractive. HRT.

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

STATS OR GFTO

[–]FixYourselfFirst2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stats: 5' 6" / 158Lb / Bf 21% / 35yo

SQ 170 - OHP 75 - DL 155 - BP 105 - ROW 100

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you! Next, which books have you read? Give a 1 sentence summary of what you learned from each of them.

[–]FixYourselfFirst1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

He posted his weak stats from 3 weeks ago.

Stats: 5' 6" / 158Lb / Bf 21% / 35yo

SQ 170 - OHP 75 - DL 155 - BP 105 - ROW 100

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck, 9 months and this?

OP, you are doing something wrong. Get your T checked.

[–]Mukato1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus! That's just fucking sad. if he was 65yo then he might be somewhere, but 35?

[–]RocketScientist_nr37 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

TLDR: You lack leadership and SMV. You function in her frame, so you get ignored/denied. Reflect on that while lifting heavy things.

Insist on medical/hormonal treatment. Help yourself by leading her and be strict about it. Don't argue. Don't threaten. Be rational about it. Make her understand you are getting serious about wanting her to get better because you want to have a fun life with her (and not because you want to have sex, as the lack of wet pussy is mainly the symptom of your low SMV, rather than her hormonal deficiencies). She'll get emotional. Her frame will try to resist. Her shit tests will follow to check if you're serious about it. Remain calm. In case of emergency STFU. You should 've done all this 3,5 years ago, because now she's used to ignore/deny you and there will be a lot more salvage work.

Women in their menopause do fuck. If you want some, then you should work on your SMV: Lift, work out and dread. If she still doesn't want to fuck you while you're getting in shape, then some other woman certainly will.

She won't go into menopause (absence of periods for 12 consecutive months) until she's about 45. It's possible her hormones go haywire up to 10 years in advance during perimenopause, working up to the actual menopause. And it takes about 3 years for women to adapt physically and mentally to that actual menopause. So I guess, if you don't take action, you'll have about another 8 years of hormonal shenanigans to look forward to.

And there 's still always a way out...

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks, I was considering going with her to the appointment as I'm certain she will gloss over any sexual issues and just wants the diagnosis and not the treatment.

[–]dandar460010 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't. Not your job to fix her so she can have sex. In fact if you mention it, you will be the asshole that only cares about her health so he can fuck her. If she wanted to fuck you she would move heaven and earth to fuck you and would use her hands and mouth if she couldn't. Open your eyes and look at what she does, not what she says. If she wanted to fuck you but couldn't she would use her hands, mouth or ass. If she wanted to be intimate with you she would find a way. She just doesn't want to.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck... Yeah this is it hard to hear but thanks. I'm ignoring the menopause completely not my issue and just re-focus on me

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife was 45 when we got married. She's been through menopause. She's never had HRT. She's also DTF whenever I want, and always has been.

Menopause is an excuse, one that you will begin to hear over and over after the appointment.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

True story. If she knows that you expect it and sees you as having high value, but she doesn't feeeeel like fucking, then the appropriate response is, "what is wrong with me that I don't have sexual desire for my husband?"

Mrs. Monkee experienced this and told her doctor's office that next month wasn't acceptable, she needed to be seen immediately. A woman experiencing dread will fix herself without being told to.

OP, you are not at DL9, despite having made mouth sounds in the direction of your wife that are the same as BPP's example.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

FSN, you are a nice guy, that's clear.

It's time to own this farce of a marriage, put on your big boy pants, and burn this fucker down.

You're flogging a dead horse my man.

Kudos for the honest appraisal.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, I see.

You're Little Edie, and she's Big Edie.

I hear Grey Gardens is beautiful this time of year.

Your lifts, attitude and assertiveness are that of a post-menopausal woman. You and your wife are more like dysfunctional sisters, or a creepy cloistered Mother/Daughter pair.

You both need a full physical, and at least you need to do something about your body.

You are not even at DL 1 based on your lifts and body composition. As the guy why was really fat and made $300K during a sexless 2013, I have some experience with this.

Your meek, weak self will not reap the benefits from a divorce, even though the one you're currently with sounds like a nightmare.

You are not working hard enough, or are LARPing all the way.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy

AUTISM.

Edit: Ok, I can elaborate now. You're doing the "I put in a quarter, why isn't sex coming out?" thing that women complain about. "I did the Dread thing, why isn't she breaking down and having sex with me?"

First off, you let it go 4 years. Jesus fuck man, you think that whatever she feels for you after that long is going to magically change? Even if you can change her feelings for you, it will take a long time. Longer than you should stick it out for. Part ways friends and build a new, better life for yourself.

Your marriage needs to end, but that isn't failure. Not ending it right away, is.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Yeah I know, 4 years and that's on me that's my fault i let this happen I get that. I know at somepoint I have to end this, at the moment to be honest I'm not man enough to do it. And that's my issue, I was always a person that was pushed and tollerance it until one day I have had enough but when I reach that point I won't go back. I worked hard for all of this the house and life, living close to work. There is a strong chance she will move 200 miles and take the kids and there is shit all I can do about it.. it's just how the law is round here. It's dead between us, I have been too beta for too long I stood by and watched this happen and didn't know how to unfuck it.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sunk cost fallacy.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

u/FoxShitNasty83 pretty much have it nailed here.

Assuming you've spoken to a professional, they will tell you what your options are. Assuming you're correct, then you've yet to realize a redpill here.

they aren't your children

If they were, you would be able to have some measure of control over their lives.

I have been too beta for too long I stood by and watched this happen and didn't know how to unfuck it.

And I'm surprised you cannot see that this is EXACTLY why you have been fucked in this marriage. She put a stick on your back, with a carrot(kids) attached, and told you to run.

And boy do you run, for no reward at all.

You talk about being beta as some bad thing, yet everything you do is in persuit of being a better plow horse, expecting the stable owner to give you the nicest stable.

Want to know what an un-beta thing here is? Risk tolerance.

I'll let you work out the particulars involved with that statement

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

they aren't your children

this in five words is the primary lesson i took from the last few years with daughter

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's funny too. Out of all the things that people are told here, of all the social norms that we call bullshit on, of all the de pedestalizing of women behaviours, all of it.

This one line is the one that seems the leave palatable.

And funnily enough, it's like the first chapter of the Manipulated Man, which is one of the first sidebar books.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Manipulated Man

is not on the MRP sidebar; and it should be. 101 or prerequ i'm not sure which.

they aren't your children

understanding this has been the most painful process in all my life. i don't know if it's because it's an unnatural process or i/society is just more gay now.

children dying for one of many reasons used to be a very commonplace thing. i gotta think were designed to handle

they aren't your children

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah it's trp sidebar.

I generally consider both essential reading

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I stood by and watched this happen and didn't know how to unfuck it.

Bullshit. You always knew what to do, it's not rocket science. Until you make your needs important, they will not be important to you or anyone else. You have to change.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

There is a strong chance she will move 200 miles and take the kids and there is shit all I can do about it..

have you met with lawyers and discussed what strategies you could use to end up with a better situation?

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I can object of she moves and it's then down to the courts to decides what's best for the children. There is nothing I can do to stop her

[–]RaughKee1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She can't take the kids and move somewhere far away. The courts almost always land on the children's lives not being interrupted, that means schools, friends, sports. Go get yourself a good lawyer, not an asshole lawyer because judges get tired of them, but a very competent lawyer. Listen to the lawyer and get a divorce.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Point One - There is no doubt you will end this marriage. I am amazed it lasted this long.

Point Two - Your biggest concern needs to be what you will do next, after this sexless shit show of a marriage is amicably ended. Without major, lasting changes on your part, I will guarantee that you will be back here complaining about no sex, or worse, again.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re her father. She needs you and you support her. She’s not a partner, she’s a dependent.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Generally, I agree with all the comments in here about it's time to go.

But what I suggest is FOLLOW THE PROCESS. Follow the process, man. Are you following the levels of dread? Are you STFUing, lifting, and reading? Or are you LARPing along?

Yes, four years. I'm with pretty much every guy here stating that this is not ok and you should 99% leave. But then what. You'll end up like Steve, that's what. Haven't fixed the core problems, so doomed to repeat them.

So instead of going Rambo (which may or not be justified, and I lean toward may), just shut up, lift heavy things, fix your numbers and your frame, and become attractive to all women.

Because I assure you you're not attractive to all women right now.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not attractive to all women, my numbers are shit. I will get fucked by divorce (it's just how it is here). I feel I need a mental reset and focus back to the beginning on the basics and nail them 100% before moving forwards. This will put me on the best footing when I do divorce. One thing is certain I will need to bang strange... I owe her nothing.

[–]freshona3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Back in the days, I had me a girlfriend with whom I was unable to climax. We tried, but every time I got excited, she was hurting.

So I broke up with her, citing this as my reason. It's a good reason.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

It's been 4 years man. Fuck someone else. Forget about your wife.

Lumps on her neck?

Won't get on a scale?

Tell me all the ways she adds value to your life. Tell me about your current goals and mission and how she assists and adds value.

Tell me why the fuck you would continue one more year masturbating in the shower.

Why!

No kids?

Next the bitch. You have to at the very least give a younger woman a chance to treat you poorly.

What do you lose by discarding her like a used condom?

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Kids

[–]Mukato6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

you are fucking your kids up by staying. The boys are learning how to be little bitches and the girls are learning how to be the shittiest females on the planet with massive daddy issues. 10 to 1 they end of stripping or in sex work by 30.

Leave and give them at least one good example of what a man should be.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are demonstrating to them how relationships are supposed to work.

Is this the example you want for them?

What about the other questions I asked?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

How is your parents and wife's parent marriage? Did either pair of parents model a trainwreck of a relationship for you guys? That life of silent desperation, blatant unhappiness and quarreling, the despair of dreams gone down the toilet "for the sake of the kids"? I'm going to guess there was a lot of that. And now look how that turned out. But hey, if there's one thing to learn from history it's that it's dead easy to repeat it.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Parents marriage is going strong, wife's parent is not. Her mum cheated and left never to be heard from again

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So... you married a woman with abandonment issues, who grew up lacking the model of a stable healthy marriage. And now she sits there, putting the same level of effort into her own marriage that her mother seemingly put into hers. Zero. And of course when she hangs out with old women, she hears about menopause and it's a great excuse to reduce the level of investment in your marriage even further without having to bear any accountability for it. 'It's just how nature works, not my fault."

See how what the parents do has ramifications on the kids? Looking at a family tree, shit rolls downhill. The down side of divorce on the kids is loss of time and making them sad in the short term. The up side of divorce on the kids is you getting your act in gear and teaching them self respect, boundaries, and eventually being able to have adult conversations with them and giving them great memories of their time with you as a happy enthusiastic dad instead of a broken shell of a man.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m one of the stranger persons in this sub in that I came in not having issues with sex. My reason for coming to this sub was that my wife was slowly starting to lose respect for me. I don’t know if I was a chad before but I definitely ran the game on her. She always came back for more, especially when I told her no.

I’m saying all this because on average sex is about 3-6 times a week sometimes twice a day. My question for you is why have you waited so long to deal with this issue? You say you’re on dread level 9 but from all appearances, you’re not. You’re still trying to have sex with your ugly harpy wife. She’s so disinterested in you that she’s okay with another woman flirting with you. The last time I mentioned another woman to my wife she sucked my dick like it was the elixir of life.

It’s obvious that your wife isn’t interested in being on your team. If you ran the dread game like you said you did and are putting in the work why are you rejecting the results? The results say that your wife doesn’t care. She hasn’t changed her tune and you’re still in a sexless marriage.

The real question is how much longer are you going to keep doing this. How much more proof do you need to see that what you had is gone and what you’ve got isn’t going to change? I’m about ten years younger than you so I mean it when I say it, you have got so much more life to live. Do not let this harpy woman take the best years of your life away. My father lost so many good years to a verbally and physically abusive woman. While I do realize this may not be your case, there are some similarities in regards to how you’re letting this woman affect your life.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No sex in 4 years?

Or did you mean no sex with her in 4 years?

Because the top one is your choice in this scenario.

[–]rasgaroht2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

If I m reading this correctly, your wife is 29, last time you fucked her she was 25 ?

Btw I m no doctor but isn't 29 quite an early menopause?

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

My bad she is 39 but yeah you are good at that maths stuff

[–]PersaeusRed Beret9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

Still really early for menopause

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

chicks get that shit at 40?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Menopause doesn't end sex. It takes two....The wife ends it and he accepts it. The cause isn't menopause.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm focused more on the timeline

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

menopause increased sex for me. no shark.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The average age of menopause is 51 years, however there is a wide age distribution that ranges from 40 years to 58 years.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, it is a process. Happens over time, 10 to 15 years of slowly losing hormones. Highly, and individually, variable, like men losing their T.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

rarely.

[–]Tiway222 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

4 years? Brah, time to step up the dread level and hit the gym harder

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Time to file some papers. I'd be talking to attorneys after 4 months, forget 4 years.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

4 weeks, this dick ain't going to suck itself

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

4 days here. My balls are ticking timebomb and will explode otherwise. Fuck ever using my hand again.

[–]MRPFuckMe12 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

It’s safe to say that after four years, you’ve wrapped up the sex portion of the marriage—if you could even call it that. It’s a bit silly to think there’s much of anything you can do. Pack it up dude. And if the menopause thing is true, just think about the fact that you’re 39 and the rest of your life, you’re going to be married to an old lady. I’m 37 and I wouldn’t dream of it.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm 35 and yes i agree marry younger (lesson learnt)

[–]DeepReindeer7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nobody is telling you to marry at all. BTW - how many fuckers in this thread have to tell you to get out of this marriage before you do it? Christ man, 4 years without sex? FOUR FUCKING YEARS? Do you sleep in a dog crate at night? Have you been castrated? WTF dude, you need professional help. Stop fucking with the internet, get your divorce, get professional help immediately.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am getting professional help with the divorce.

[–]Mukato1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

please listen to /u/DeepReindeer he is telling you the truth.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Ha. Been there. In fact my STBX is fond of saying

"It's not the 1950s I don't have to have sex if I don't want to."

Whatever. I found others that don't believe that.

As for you...Don't her hands and mouth work?

The thing is even the most sexual woman will look for ways out of fucking you. It is literally the natural order of things. Just because you want sex from her doesn't mean you are insensitive or unable to understand what she is going through.

Flip it. If you stop dedicating time and attention to her because of whatever reason is she going to be understanding.

im committed on this but i dont think she realises this yet.

Relationships are like a ham and egg breakfast.

Pig was committed. The chicken was involved.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Interesting, can you expand on the flip it bit? Yes she does notice and get pissy when I withdraw time and attention.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Seriously? You've not studied enough. I am not going to make it that easy for you.

Women's currency is sex

Men' currency is time/commitment

Which do you think is more valuable?

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, noted

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She gets pissy when you withdraw time and attention; you become frustrated when she withdraws sex.

[–]FixYourselfFirst2 points3 points  (16 children) | Copy

I found some numbers you posted back on March 6th, compared them with your August numbers (5+ months):

  • 5' 4" -> 5" 6" - you grew 2 inches
  • 155 lbs -> 158 lbs - Going the wrong way
  • SQ 115 -> 170 (+55/48%) - decent progress
  • OHP 60 -> 75 (+15/25%) - Hardest lift
  • DL 132 -> 155 (+23/17%) - You should be going up 5/10 lbs per week.
  • BP 88 -> 105 (+17/19%) - not even trying
  • ROW 88 -> 100 (+12/14%) - pathetic

You are not serious about your lifts or your weight. Beside the squats, your gains could have been accomplished in one month.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy

I honestly hadn't measure myself since 25 and yes turns out yes I'm taller.. recently moved to lift 3 X per week. I felt weak and couldn't progress. I was only eating 1500 calories and 60g protein. Now 2000 calories and 180g protein. So I hope thing improve, i agree my bench is the worst and hoping these changes help.

[–]officepeeon2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

You're still lying to us and yourself. If you were staying at 1500 cals daily and lifting (even if it's just the fucking bar) you would would have lost some weight which you have not.

My guess is 1500 cals are the "good days" when you're disciplined (3 or 4 days a week?) and the other days you fuck around and convince yourself that because you're doing so good on your diet and working out that you "deserve" to have a cheat meal or an extra wine spritzer.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

I don't cheat, I weigh my meals and log in my fitness Pal.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

If so, you may be like me, the sluggish metabolism is good at maintenance. Add HIIT to the mix, since CI isn't as effective, then you can only learn on CO.

If you restrict further you end up slowing metabolism.

Swimming skipping ropes, wind sprints, all good options.

Also, consider throwing some 24h fasts during the week. Only other way to restrict calories without metabolism damage

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks I will look into all this

[–]RaughKee1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Also, consider throwing some 24h fasts during the week. Only other way to restrict calories without metabolism damage

Bro-science. There is no real scientific evidence that fasts do anything other than make you hungry for a day. Don't bother.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

If you want to talk to op, respond to his comment. I could care less about your opinion on the matter

[–]RaughKee1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

The two biggest areas of BS are diet and exercise, I'm just trying to help you stop spreading it. Learn or don't learn.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Walk me through it then, your benevolence. How many hours until it becomes dangerous?

I sleep for a solid 8, should I get up in the middle of the night and snack? No? what if I skip breakfast too, that ups it to 12. Surely thats killing muscle tissue, right? I obhviously don't eat before bed, theres another 4 hours. I don't know how i survived! those extra 8 hours to make it a solid are probably debilitating, what happens in those 8 hours?

Wheres that magic number that you have to eat before you wither and die? Where the benefits of calorie restriction and ketosis outweigh the dangers of starvation?

You clearly don't want to go to the internet and start throwing around research papers you can or cannot read, we do have a few guys in here who are pretty good at it, PHD's even. They would call it out if one of us were wrong. so lets do it on this angle...

You are saving the world from it's own ignorance, put up or shut up...

[–]RaughKee1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Here is a decent summary of the actual science of fasting, which is basically a shrug (i.e. not enough evidence to support any claims, may be good for a little weight loss, good for mice as long as they didn't overeat on non-fasting days, no control to show it was any better than caloric control over all days vs. fasting on some). https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/intermittent-fasting/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3680567/

If you are hitting the gym though, those nutrients are needed for glycogen conversion into you muscles. There are no differences between test groups who eat either before or after exercise (fasting overnight or not).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242477/

So unless you're a mouse or enjoy discomfort, carry on with regular eating that meets your caloric needs. It's just another stupid fitness fad that we'll all laugh about in 5 years.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So I hope thing improve, i agree my bench is the worst and hoping these changes help.

From an earlier comment.

Hope is not a method.

Look OP I was in your position. Not once but twice one I married. Yeah I did that shit TWICE. I am going to tell you now that she will always have a reason to NOT fuck. She will.

Using the kids as a reason. Yep. Been there but again there will always be a reason. There are other flared men that have made this decision. Some regret it and change thier minds. I am one of them.

Your kids will always be there. The question is do they have a happy father or not. Trust me. They know the difference. What you don't want is when one of them comes up to you and tells you.

[–]BostonBrakeJob2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Just curious here, but have you just drug her to bed/tried ripping cloths off on the spot? If so, what happens after?

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

If I touch my wife she recoils and goes arms folded.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

you really did not answer the question. have you tried to rape your wife; as in just push her down and take her whether she wants it or not?

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol no

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

this might have been an option years ago, but i wouldn't go there now

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I figured it was somethin like that. Sounds like a real boner killer...

Just remember, for every 1 that won't there's 10 that will.

[–]TxRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. But it's also the same advice you've been getting for a long time. You tend to agree with it yet you don't take action. Stop delaying the inevitable and make a damn decision!

Are you going to be posting about this a year from now, still trying to get your wife to fuck you? Medical issues or not you shouldn't be in a sexless marriage. She doesn't sound like a fun person to be around regardless. Good luck dude.

[–]pointster_VSK1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP you seriously need to drink some “man the fuck up” juice.

When i first came to MRP i thought i was the biggest beta, but thanks to the harsh wakeup calls i got from this community, i realized i just needed to man up.

Menopause is just an excuse.

What does menopause have to do with a blow job? Does her hands have arthritis that she cant even suffice a handjob, just to shut you up?

I guess its safe to say, the attraction on her end is just dead. Not her sex drive.

Its up to you if you want to support her emotionally but i would def move on and get another woman for the sexual aspect. It would be hard to reverse 4 years of a sexless relationship.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.01 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you have kids?

If not, get in shape, go fuck something even if its a hooker and go do everything else besides deal with your wife and her fucking hypochondria.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes I do

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.01 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then let me revise my original statement.

If not, get in shape, go fuck something even if its a hooker and go have fun with your kids and don’t deal with your wife and her fucking hypochondria.

[–]ParaXilo1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Roommate situation not a marriage anymore. Also barely read after 4 years of no sex. There's gotta be a limit.

Get your lifts up and physical aspect in check. We both need to do that.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yup totally withdraw now, am fully focused on lifting and burning that fat. I will find a combination that works for me. Good luck

[–]ParaXilo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Same to you.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn’t sound like you understand how to use the tools yet, so I’m. It sure how you think you’re at D9 but still saying pussy shit like “you know I need sex (except that I haven’t needed it much for the last 4yrs because I haven’t done anything about it)”.

Stop waiting for her to wake up. Stop waiting for her to agree with you. Stop waiting for her to do anything. What are you doing about you - that has nothing to do with her or your marriage?

More importantly, what are you doing to prepare for the end game; where you either decide to enjoy your no-sex marriage with your obese wife OR where you transition her back to the wild and cut the cord on your no-sex marriage to an obese wife?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Menopause? At 39?

No. What you have here is a wife/SO who doesn't want to fuck you. Plain and simple.

There is no way I would put up with no sex for 4 years. No.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why are you with this woman again?

[–]DeepReindeer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because he's that big of a bitchboy.

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Continue to focus on you. Seems time for dread level 10, since you said you were on 9 already.

[–]Captain_pants40 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Divorce was the best decision I ever made. Your wife sounds like a blob of shit

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have to be honest even though I'm sure they will be fine, the kids concern me. My wife is just the sort of controlling bitch that would restrict access. Im in the UK and need to find out the facts certain she will move closer to her family 200 miles away

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

redpilled 9 months.

What books have you read? What did you get from each of them? What are you lifting stats? You really can't guess at your wife's weight? What is your SMV and her's?

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Clearly he missed the cut the shit thread.

[–]FixYourselfFirst0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Here's the stats you posted 3 weeks ago.
Stats: 5' 6" / 158Lb / Bf 21% / 35yo

SQ 170 - OHP 75 - DL 155 - BP 105 - ROW 100

This is pathetic. You are not trying.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Agreed, I'm now lifting 3 X per week and eating more calories protein as the calorie deficit was making me weak as fuck.

[–]SBDadvanced0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What program are you on? Run stronglifts 5x5 for 6 months and take it serious. After your lifts do 30 mins of walking on a treadmill at 3 mph high incline. Eat eggs and oats every morning and eat whole foods proteins for lunch/dinner. Steak/Chicken/Beef/Fish. Its simple man.

Once 5x5 gets too hard to progress week to week, switch to the program Wendler 5/3/1 and never look back. Read the book too. Youll be strong as hell and look good in 2-3 years for a nice 40 year old peak.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Been on stronglifts since Jan had some injuries now doing 3 X properly. Also getting diet sorted as eating too little

[–]SBDadvanced0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good deal. You kind of have to get addicted to the gym a little in my experience.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I found that lifting 3 days per week doesn't work for me. I lift 5 days a week and rotate between muscle groups as to not overwork any particular area.

At 21% bodyfat you can likely use all the help you can get and getting an extra calorie burn might be just what you need. I think you are not working out frequently enough and hard enough. I think the recommended breaks in 5x5 are too long. Get on a program with 45-60 breaks between lifts. You should be breathing heavy and sweating when lifting. Lifting isn't cardio, but being a little out of breath between sets in my opinion is a good thing and it will help reduce that body fat.

Go watch Pumping Iron back from the 70's. You get a little insight into Arnold's mind and what makes him different. He embraces the pain and the struggle of lifting. Yes, he was on roids, but he is simply wired different than most which is why he achieved so much in lifting. We can all use a little extra Arnold in the weight room.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, I do breath heavy and sweat. During my last squat sets I had to rest 5 mins between sets to get breath back. I didn't want to deload. I'm interested in lifting more but was sticking to 5 X 5 as a starting point. I gym at lunch and am interested in other program recommendations that will help me lift more? I'd like to stick to stronglifts for another month to see impact of diet and frequency change.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

5 mins rest is way too long IMO. I know that's what the program says to do, but that is because you are trying to complete the next lift successfully. That's what I never liked about 5x5.

I was my strongest when I was doing a 5-3-1 program right after I did 5x5. But, I still didn't like it. My biggest issue was the kind of physique it was building. It will give you a thicker physique like the dudes on a strongman competition that toss VW Beetles over walls. Those dudes are some of the strongest on the planet. Their physique would probably be described as "gross" by the vast majority of women.

I personally enjoy and much prefer a traditional bodybuilding program. There are a ton out there. Right now, I have been doing the Arnold Blueprint. The workouts can be long +1hr and there is a ton of volume in the program. But, I have had better results with it than any other program I have tried thus far. There are a ton of others. I am honestly not as strong right now as I was before, but my physique is 10 times better than it was prior and I am approaching my previous PR's again.

My point being, you need to take the gym more seriously. I see the same fuckers at my gym every morning. Some of them have been lifting for the past couple of years and still look like the same sorry sacks of shit they did when they first walked in the door. Just because you pickup and set down weights doesn't mean you "lift".

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I really appreciate this feedback and I will look to find a new program. Cheers

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hysterectomy is an excuse for a pause in having sex; however, Menopause is no excuse not to have sex.

39 is fairly young for menopause?

Also women have redundant orifices for a reason. At least one of them should be operational.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So, what part of not having sex in the last 4 years doesn’t say “I can’t have sex with you anymore”?

I get that you are trying to see if there is anything to salvage here before pulling the plug. What I think you fail to realize is that it is already over. What level of sex do you hope to ever achieve with this woman? Once a month starfish? I bet if you finally said you were going to divorce her she could say to you “FoxShitNasty83, I’m sorry I’ve been such a cunt. I will fuck you like a pornstar from this day forward.” And you would fall for it. Watch what they do and not what they say. What is she saying?

Can you really trust someone who discarded your needs for 4 years? This is why when you finally pull the plug there is no going back. She can say and do whatever she wants to get you back, but you simply can’t go back to that.

Theory, how many kids did she say she wanted when you got married? If it is the number you have now then she never wanted to be a wife and only wanted to be a mom. She can still be a mom once you divorce.

[–]DeeMooreDeeMarriet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Another one married to an older woman....younger or you're doing it wrong.

PS- Menopause at 39? Pretty unlikely.

[–]officepeeon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

20% BF? Unchanged in 4 months? Expect to get laid? What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop fucking around and actually lift you fat fuck.

Your "Week 19" OYS vs your 8/21/2018 OYS stats are nearly identical. What the fuck have you been doing for the past 4 months?

This tells me that your wife is not the problem. You are. You lack discipline and are half-assing RP, which doesn't fucking work. You probably half-ass everything in life as well. If I can see through your bullshit your wife certainly can.

Stop being a beta-bitch and fully commit to making yourself better instead of seeking "atta-boys" from Internet strangers. Your post history fucking looooong. Instead of commenting on every damn post go lift something.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed thanks for the beating

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck her.

Either literally or figuratively, you need to fuck her.

But until you get to the point where you are literally ready to burn it all down, you won't do either and I feel like you're still a long way from that point.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Ok.

Time to stop piling it on.

It’s time to get honest with yourself .....what do you want ? Seriously ?

Lots to think about, but cut the bullshit and stop worrying about lost time and days. Time to get honest with yourself and realize it’s time to take stock with where you are at and sinplh answer .... are you attractive enough to fuck ?

I think not. Something you are not being honest about is keeping you from between her legs for FOUR YEARS. Got it ?

If she is cringing when you touch her, get on with fixing it.

But whatever you do, be honest with yourself

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I am needy, I am still skinny fat, I lack frame, I lack muscle, I lack leadership, I lack a mission.

I'm kicked, punched, beaten, dead. I lifted, I read, I implemented but inaccurately sprayed my life with RP expecting the sex to return. I don't know what I want, I don't know what to do. I rambo'ed.. I have a sick wife and an unfair divorce legal system. Back to DL1 lift and STFU with focus and I won't fucking stop until I am dead. Fuck the wife I'm goimg to try getting elsewhere and if I can't do that then I will keep trying. I'm not giving up on me.

Thanks for making me think, thanks for your time.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck DL 1

Just Lift, clean up your diet and read the side bar

Most of all, kill the victim hood

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks

[–]redpeaks0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lumps in the neck can be thyroid stuff, have a doctor check her out. Google hypothyroidism pictures, if she looks like that she probably has it and it affects everything in a person. Because it sounds like if she stays this way and you go do your way, you will have to cut her loose.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Doctors are getting bloods done at the moment they think it might be chronic fatigue syndrome... She's getting checked out. I have a personal divorce councillor arranged next week. At the end of the day this is her issue, her hands and mouth still work this isn't working for me

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are 35 and you’re wasting time on her. No sex? No matter the excuses there is always a way.

[–]TurdDoctor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Stop saying your wife is sick- simply put- it's an excuse by both of you. Even if she were sick physically, she could still fuck/suck/use her hands. Stop making excuses.

My guess is that she is "sick" mentally in some way but that is not something for you to fix, it's up to her, and she has chosen not to.

Don't pass this "sickness" on to your kids. Make a real plan with goals and a timeline to prepare and execute a divorce and be a able to compete in the sexual market place afterwards. Focus on the things you can change vs those you can't. You can't get taller but you can lose fat, you can't become a millionaire but you can create a savings fund to get started out on your own, you can't bench 500lbs, but you can get to your body weight.

Good luck bro.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers, exactly this... New mission get to 12% body fat and prep to exit. At the moment honestly.... I'm not attractive and I need to change that for me.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No sex in 4 years? Divorce.

[–]djxput0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No sex in 4 years? By 10 days for me I start going mental ... the time between sessions for me is slowly increasing and me complaining and pleading has done no good - some how I found myself on these forums and am going to stop being all depressed about it and do something about it.

But seriously 4 years ... In the past I dated this hypochondriac (for a long time) - so got an idea where you are coming from.

I'm really not sure how you made if for 4 years. But I think you are doing the right thing; take care of yourself and prepare yourself for the inevitable.

I sometimes wonder if certain women just dont get it or is it me being naive. I wonder if certain women are 'taught' the wrong things (parents, friends etc ...)

lots of good answers about how it will affect the kids ... I got a friend that got real bent out of shape when his wife left him for his brother (cheated on him etc) ... and just hearing him talk about it I can see how his kids are going to be all messed up from all the messed up stuff that is happening. Doesnt mean you cant have compassion for your wife but you have needs too.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah the reality that I can see she is in a shit place physically and emotionally. I have compassion for her as a human being but everyday I see her less and less as my wife... She's in bed by 7pm she has doctor visits booked in and bloods done etc. I do my own thing in the evening and dngaf and own my shit. This is now about me and me only I leave her to sort her self out. I'm keen to learn game next as I have been practicing catch and release and my game sucks. Got a 40 yr old that wants to meet up for drinks... I'm going for it.

[–]JetPatriot0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Aw c'mon. My wife was so super hot at 43 that I gave her a bikini. Life does not end at 39, but it seems like your happy life has. Time to really think- do you want to stay in this relationship or is it just giving you false rewards? Only you know the answer. See a counselor to talk this through to get help deciding what to do.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks old thread but still relevent advice. Stay plan is the go plan, I have a lot of self improvement to do get fit and game is where I'm at so that when and if I drop this fatty then I'll be best placed to get something much better rather than the fat dregs that give me attention now. I'm genuinely happier at the moment and enjoying the journey.



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