Handling “will you ever leave me” question

TrenGod37 · 2018-09-03T17:51:43+00:00

“Not unless you give me a reason to”

gettingmymojoback · 2018-09-03T19:16:53+00:00

I often prefer pressure flip for this type of question .....

“Why do you keep bringing it up? Is there something you want to tell me?”

Edited because it’s been ages since this exact question has come up in my case....

Taipanshimshon · 2018-09-03T17:51:27+00:00

You just keep being a good wife and don’t worry.

Or really - the answer depends on your dynamic.

The fact that she asks shows that she knows you have good reason to. Think about that

helaughsinhidden · 2018-09-03T18:25:24+00:00

"Are you asking for a friend?"

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-09-03T23:33:04+00:00

Pressure flip.

YOU, “What are you doing that you are afraid if I find out, I’ll leave you?”

HER, “Nothing.”

YOU, “Then you have nothing to worry about, do you?”

DeepReindeer · 2018-09-05T16:01:11+00:00

"LOL, you sound like my girlfriend."

man_in_the_world · 2018-09-03T21:19:11+00:00

/u/weakandsensitive has key posts relevant to this issue that you should read:

When you're ready, and sufficiently advanced in frame and very clear on your vision and expectations for your marriage, this test creates a "teachable moment" to clarify them for your wife:

if you've been congruent in behavior and mentality for an extended amount of time that has given rise to some level of dissonance, having a frank conversation about expectations is not the worst thing in the world.

We all know that purely talking about behavior changes doesn't work. But with the 7% verbal communication in addition the 93% non-verbal communication, the words coupled with the actions and behavior together can be used to paint a clear picture which sets a new boundary and new set of expectations.

But before you take this step, be aware that

If you haven't put in the time, energy, and effort working on yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and philosophically, opening your mouth to say something is the wrong move. This is beside the fact that no one cares what you have to say anyway because you most likely suck. ... if the crap you are spewing from your mouth is at all dissonant from what your body language is non-verbally communicating, all you're doing is making yourself look bad. ... If you are not completely congruent in what your mouth is saying, what your heart is feeling, and what your body is projecting - the words coming out of your mouth are completely wasted.

UEMcGill · 2018-09-04T13:40:42+00:00

"Sure, why not?"

When women ask stupid questions, give them stupid answers.

mrpthrowa · 2018-09-04T14:05:18+00:00

"You will always be by my side and I'll take care of you so long as you're good and loyal".

downvotesanimals · 2018-09-03T21:08:45+00:00

Sure, just give me a reason.

IRunYourRiver · 2018-09-04T02:33:14+00:00

I just started getting these and I can say I've failed every one of them. I sound pathetic and reassuring. Gag. Thanks for asking the question. Good suggestions on here.

RedPillCoach · 2018-09-04T18:55:09+00:00

Of course not dear, unless you force me.

Want to talk about the kind of behaviors that would force me to dump you for a younger model or shall we leave it to your imagination?

lionmenden · 2018-09-05T14:19:52+00:00

I went through this. First, this is most likely 90% comfort test and 10% shit test, it's not 50/50. Your A&A/AM is applying more dread. When you hit the point where your wife is genuinely concerned you are going to leave her and is verbalizing that, you have hit maximum effective dread. I have not seen this concept discussed before, but it's the conclusion I have come to. Applying more dread here will make the situation worse, not better.

You might get more sex, but not better sex because the whole time she's wondering "will this make him not leave me? Am I doing it enough? Am I doing it right?" Hard for her to enjoy sex like that, which in turn makes it harder for you. She's also less likely to want to try hard, because it feels like she's wasting her time. If a girl friend-zones you, you're going to stop caring about her (right?). Same deal, if she thinks she's losing you she will try harder, but if she thinks she's already lost you and can't get you back, why keep trying?

You'll know you've hit this point when she asks if you're going to leave while simultaneously following your lead. That's not to say she's doing everything you want, but it means she's trending in that direction. Remember she's following you on a 1,000 foot rope, it takes time for her to respond, but if she's afraid you're leaving and she's working on improving for you, you are at max dread. You can't pull that line harder, or it'll snap.

I do something similar but a little different from what most here are recommending. Hug her like a kid, put her head on your shoulder, kiss her on the forehead, and tell her something like "I am married to you because I want to be. I make a conscious decision that I want you to be my wife. I don't ever want you to give me a reason to leave you, because I want to be married to you." The point is that you still have expectations of her, but that you are making a choice to be with her, and you slather on a bunch of comfort because that's primarily what this is, a comfort test.

Title	Handling “will you ever leave me” question
Author	jimmy_thetulip
Upvotes	5
Comments	21
Date	September 3, 2018 5:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9cnia4/handling_will_you_ever_leave_me_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/handling-will-you-ever-leave-me-question.204056 https://theredarchive.com/post/204056