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What is the fly in the ointment of your success?

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healthyteacher4
August 23, 2018
11 upvotes
askMRP

No matter how much TRP you apply to your life and execute flawlessly, there will always be one or two pieces you can never quite fit into place. Maybe you built strength, but fail shit tests. Or you pass shit tests, but fail to embody abundance mentality. Maybe in the darkest recesses of your heart, the seed of oneitis is starting to grow again. Or maybe despite implementation of sidebar, women still just don't respond to you.

So... what is the fly in the ointment of you achieving your optimal level of success?

For anyone who doesn't know the term 'fly in the ointment,' here's a def:

The likely source is a phrase in the King James Bible: Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour. (Ecclesiastes 10:1) For five centuries, 'a fly in the ointment' has meant a small defect that spoils something valuable or is a source of annoyance.


Post Information
Title What is the fly in the ointment of your success?
Author healthyteacher4
Upvotes 11
Comments 69
Date 23 August 2018 05:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204083
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/99kl3u/what_is_the_fly_in_the_ointment_of_your_success/
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Comments

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

Resisting the urge to talk when it’s best to STFU. That’s a tough beta trait to keep down after decades of programming to “talk it out”.

Interestingly enough I’ve found I’m starting to build a Pavlovian response to it. Every single time I’ve resisted the urge to open my mouth and say some lame ass shit has ended up with getting blown or fucking (her initiating) within 24 hrs.

Makes it a lot easier to remember to STFU if the urge to spill your fee fees arises.

[–]mtwinemn3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea. The worst is knowing your right but remembering logic doesn’t work with them. Fog more

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well-put. That was my fly for a while, but after a year I've gotten much better at it. It's a huge thing.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha me too

[–]simbarlionRed Beret5 points6 points  (17 children) | Copy

her work travel x my hamster.

It cripples progress despite a pretty clear allegiance.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret6 points7 points  (16 children) | Copy

She doesn’t need to go to another city to fall on some strange dick....

Travel or not makes no difference.

[–]dandar46001 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

That may be so, but it sure gives her opportunity for you to never find out. She's in another city, with people you don't know, a ONS in those circumstances is as easy as going down to the hotel bar and ordering a drink. Heck, it may not be even her intention to cheat when she gets that drink. You know, it just happens...

[–]PersaeusRed Beret8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy

stop focusing on her when she is not right in front of you, ain't you got better shit to do.

i look forward to my wife's b-travel in that i have extra time to do whatever the fuck i want more than i normally do whatever the fuck i want.

if you guys are going to become your own point of origin you have to understand at the deepest level: she is not yours, it's just your turn

if she gets some strange dick in another city but continues to add value does it subtract value from your life. if you can't stop thinking about how she might be getting strange dick does it subtract value from your life.

in other words, if a dick falls in the forest and no one is there to see it why do you care?

[–]BostonBrakeJob4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

in other words, if a dick falls in the forest and no one there is to see it why do you care?

This is fucking hilarious! I'll be using this phrase in the future

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's been a while since I saw dick in a forest

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[edit] relocated the word "is"

had that one tumbling around my head for a few weeks

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for saving me a lot of thumb typing!

Worrying about “what if’s “ is insecure as fuck. Being insecure is unattractive as fuck.

Noobs, be attractive, don’t be unattractive.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok this is in reply to all comments since my last.

I was asked what is the fly in my ointment.

This is what brought me here, I am working past it. I agree the word ' crippling' is over dramatic.

I don't have any other ' flies' to be concerned about

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

MGTOW! MGTOW!

M!-G!-T!-O!-W!

Dicks in the forest!

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha that works better, I need to amend my joke to vagina falling on dick in the forest

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You think she can’t keep you from finding out without travelling?

Newsflash, you aren’t with her 24/7. If she wants to fall on strange she will find a way. Fuck, read reports right here of flaired posters banging Billy Beta’s wife in an upstairs bathroom while he’s downstairs oblivious.

What are you going to do? Lock her in a tower?

Travel or not, it’s all the same shit.

Stop worrying about her. Worry about you.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah I know. But our progress is obviously much more than whether or not she chose to cheat. Frame, neediness, trust, domestic pressure etc etc

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

But our progress

I found your problem.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Spot on analysis. Beautifully succinct.

Briffacult's Law

The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Relationships are a womans job, my job is to be valuable enough that at least 2 women would fight to have one with me. then my job becomes ensuring I am paid full market price, (or develop side hustles to round out the numbers)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LOL! this sounds more appealing than falling forest dicks

[–]2ndalRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everyone's fly comes down to one thing: their self. Most guys are going to say that she does this, she does that, and those things are what keep them from having the life they want. Whatever it is that she does that you think is your fly is wrong: it's you, and how you fail to hold your self on course against the things life throws at you, including her actions.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not smashing widely available strange is a real struggle.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha me too

[–]Cloudsurf89[🍰] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Not yet having a clear idea of my mission.

You can't have true drive, passion and direction until you have picked out what it is that you give a shit about and are consistently working towards it.

I reflect regularly on this but I recognise that 'finding and pursuing my mission'is my life's work. Still, when I act on odd motivations then I guess it could be counted as a fly in the ointment as it's not propelling me in the right direction.

I welcome discussion on this

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

These are both r/RPChristians links, but they may give you some insight into the process of finding your mission.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn, I often suggested that you and Red-Curious are like human libraries. I'm just now realizing that you've built an actual library, numbering system and all.

Well done.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha thanks!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I struggled with this, too. But I realized you can find a mission anywhere. Driving around, I see signs for dance lessons. Piano lessons. Sometimes you have to lay down your own preferences and say, 'I'm going to invest some dough and go try to learn to dance even though I cannot dance and don't think I'd enjoy it.' Just keep trying new things. See where the path leads you. Only good things can come from trying those new things.

[–]IRunYourRiver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your short term mission could be to stop worrying about your long-term mission. Make yourself available for your calling when it finally comes for you.

[–]IRunYourRiver3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy

Just starting here. So my ointment is chock full of flies. Everyone says it starts with frame, so that's what I'm working on first.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

It starts and ends with frame. Frame is everything. Frame defines who you are and you define yourself through your frame.

Once you get to that point, everything else begins to fall into place.

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I hear that all the time and reading about it in the sidebar, I think I get it and then it sort of fades. I'm bouncing between "frame" as being a sort of emotional discipline, to being a kind of container that allows you to collect experiences, to frame being a reason you get out of bed in the morning.

I'm also struggling a little with the differences between frame test and shit test. I think these are different.

[–]BostonBrakeJob3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thinking about frame, in order to build frame, can be like someone telling you "don't think about purple elephants."

Having been there myself, I can tell you eventually you'll get there. And about 1,000 times along the way you'll think "holy shit, I made it!" ...just to lose your shit over something stupid a few days later.

Learn to love the process, not the finished product. There may come a day when you'll miss the discord and/or the thrill of a suprise.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

My take on men who have no frame.

The comments do a great job peeling off layers.

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks, absorbing the info now. The RedPill journey is fascinating to me in part because I think I was more of an alpha type up until 15 months ago or so. In the vernacular of MRP, my frame got its ass kicked...hard.

The idea that there are elements of life that don't enter your consciousness because they are not part of your reality is pretty much a short summary of the early part of my adult life. The problem, that I'm seeing now, is that the reality I had built was faulty.

Blindness to AWALT, hypergamy, the need for game, the reality that the mother of my children wasn't pulling her weight in the family, our fundamental solitude, and that my wife cannot be a soulmate. These were some of the flaws in my frame. So it wasn't like I never had one. It's that it was a "Nice Guy" frame replete with Hallmark Card BS and whatever latest gaslighting powertalk was coming from the double X chromosome world.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The problem, that I'm seeing now, is that the reality I had built was faulty.

Alternatively, the reality you built didn't meet your desired end goals.

If you were willing to be 100% satisfied with a blue pill lifestyle, all the other things you listed wouldn't be a problem. You might've been able to make the choice to be happy.

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The happy cuckold. I'm sure such a thing exists somewhere. It wasn't a question of if but when.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I care only about the things I choose to care about. I lie to myself when convenient. Truth is always relative.

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But it still has to have enough integrity to either completely cover the matrix or accept the circumstance that the matrix exists. The truth I was living before was fraying around the edges and the truth of the matter started poking through. As I've said before, I really tried to keep that truth together, but it just didn't work. I discovered the red pill by accident,and it struck me immediately as being correct about many things. What differentiates the red pill from your run of the mill emasculated whining is that it gives you some directions on how to build a machine that can withstand reality.

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Having too many fucks to give about what other people may think. In other words, failing to be my own judge.

This manifests itself in many ways: guilt, shame, and loss of OI.

I have to periodically read NMMNG and the beginning on WISNIFG to maintain OI.

It all makes sense logically and I buy in fully, only to have a trigger event bring about emotions and I’m aware I’m giving too many fucks logically but the emotions don’t stop for a couple of days.

Despite this weakness STFU allows me to maintain frame and fuck my wife how and when I want. I’m killing it on mission, hobbies, friends, and life.

I also have a lingering desire to not be married. Fence sitting sucks. I’ve been doing it for two years.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I also have a lingering desire to not be married. Fence sitting sucks. I’ve been doing it for two years.

Sick of her shit, want strange or wanna keep the family together for the kids?

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She gives me very little shit.

I would like to be free to spin plates and I want to keep the family together.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The classic struggle

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

only as elusive as you make it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What is the factor that makes you not want to be married anymore? The main thing.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wanting freedom to fuck younger women without guilt.

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So... what is the fly in the ointment of you achieving your optimal level of success?

1. Complacency.

It's why I ignored the gym so long. I used to be beta as hell, for real. I am pretty sure my dad has actually undiagnosed autism as a matter of fact and he was my role model apart from drug dealers that associated with as a teenager. Through studying men's psychology and men in the bible, I updated my thinking a while back with decent results. My wife, thankfully, responds really well now after a fairly rough adjustment period. At that point, I stopped reading, I stopped going to the gym, stopped updating my belief system in the relationship, and started to give in to small shit tests slowly and just allowing myself to feel guilty saying no. I have noticed that I am just too satisfied with moderate success and should really keep the pressure on.

2. Abundance Mentality.

I do have the mentality and reality though. In general, her friends or women at church compliment me to her directly telling her she is so lucky, blah blah. My wife is quite attractive so she doesn't express genuine threat, but if I get a complimented in front of her or through her, we have great sex that night for sure. I traveled for work to places like Vegas, New Orleans, London, and Copenhagen I get IOI's and have opportunity. Sometimes to my surprise, I had to turn a few attractive women down.

Here's the catch, my wife and I are Christians and it's for real (I know, my language is hypocritical at times). She knows that I took my vows serious and I have an issue with giving her the "vibe" that I might be cheating, could start cheating, or could leave her to attain dread. She still comfort tests me though. For example, when recently I started my gym membership, she made a series of comments over the course of the first week like "why did you join a gym" "who are you trying to impress?" and I joke back "I need to stay fit for my all my girlfriends" Something I wouldn't have said without MRP, but it's banter, and I think she knows it, and she also knows I am faithful.

3. Oneitis

I never saw myself at the prize. Wife was sought after by all my friends before we even dated. I saw her as a 9 and me a 6.5. She gained weight will all 5 kids and used to have a little crazy in her from being raised by an alcoholic, bpd mother. Even with the weight, I still see her like she was in high school and she's always remained very beautify. Get's hit on even at +200 and last time we drank at a bar she had a F HB8 hitting on her. Once I eliminated most of my beta traits and took the helm, I started to forget her black belt in shit-testing and didn't notice the hypergamy as I wasn't familiar with it yet. She makes comments that pop that bubble that I ignored before and displays how it's never enough. I have turned a huge corner this summer in this area, but it's 20 years of belief that I am fighting. She is approaching the wall and I am getting in better shape, that's all helped a ton, but oneitis is still an issue for me.

[–]BostonBrakeJob2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Balancing what I want in the moment with the "type of dude I want to be" and how it fits into my long game. Namely, Jesse's girl.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I talk too much. I was raised by a single mom who conditioned me to overcommunicate via what was effectively emotional manipulation. What's funny is I'm married to a woman who is pretty evenly balanced on the emotional spectrum and really isn't much into communication like that. Regardless, I'm a grown ass man and need to own my shit in this area more consistently.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

So, what is the fly in the ointment of your success since this is AMRP?

For everyone, it’s different.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I realize for everyone it's different; that's what I was curious to know. Mine, right now I am implementing a lot of things and feeling great about myself and my progress. My fly is initiation/spontaneity from her. After building up my body, my mind and my actions and being that better leader, I am still the one who kisses her, who initiates sex. It's not even 80% I initiate vs 20% with her- it's 100% all me always initiating everything.

Like I said, there's always at least one fly. That's the one I'm currently working on plucking from the ointment.

[–]2ndalRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your fly is not her lack of initiation and spontaneity. Your fly is not being the man who she wants to initiate and be spontaneous with.

[–]BostonBrakeJob2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could just be poor vetting too. I know we're to assume AWALT around here...but we all know they vary.

My wife is most enthusiastic after I've been playing with my DT traits pretty heavily. Her hysterical bonding is how some other women initiate everytime they wanna get off. There are several reasons behind this, I know. But the point is, every woman will not respond the same to a masculine man.

u/helaughsinhidden is right too though. The fly is OP's expectations, and his response (even if it is just internal) to his reality. Lack of OI and abundance, in RP terms.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly, you can't negotiate attraction, so in order to be a "fly in YOUR ointment" it has to be something you are in control of that you struggle to master.

[–]gameoflibidos3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mine flat out told me that me being dominate and taking over/initiating is part of what gets her going. Apparently it kind ruins it for her if she initiates, so it's all me all the time.

My wife though, while having a more dominant attitude in her workplace and even with her side of the family, towards ME she's very submissive. She basically wants me to tell her what to do all the time.

[–]Reach180Red Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

After building up my body, my mind and my actions and being that better leader,

I suspect this is bullshit. How long have you been at this?

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have so many areas to work on its not even funny.

I care too much about the actions of other people that don't really affect me. This breaks frame at the times I need it most.

I don't game my wife consistently.

I get manipulated into doing things I don't want to do. This is an area I've made huge strides in but her manipulation is freaking amazing and has all the plausible deniability one could hope for.

I want to work on my MAP (and I am) but time management with a big family and a wife who only checks into the family to disrupt whatever routine I build before checking out again makes it super hard to do much more than the gym after the kids are in bed.

Although I have made great progress over the past 8 months, I have a long way to go physically to be attractive on the level I want to be.

Although I started this 9 months ago, I feel like I'm only beginning.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Although I started this 9 months ago, I feel like I'm only beginning.

stop fucking around

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely not fucking around. I'm very proud of the progress I've made. I just have a really long way to go.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What’s the best ointment to use when I rub one out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I cry into my hand and then use tears.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what is the fly in the ointment of you achieving your optimal level of success?

My temper and getting flooded in everyday interactions- especially when I am Hangry.

A more general answer to the question, I think, will find that the answers are different from person to person but revolve around a personality defect that is innate to them and which formed early on- either genetic or interacting with your parents (almost always the momma).

I suspect the answers will include:

--that unshakable desire to people please

--Fear of... (insert any random object, feeling, emotion, or person in everyday life)

--Still thinking with a male brain and present as emotionally autistic when dealing with women (i.e. talking when you should STFU, initiating when she is screaming "no" with her body language etc).

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dairy. When I have dairy, I have the shits. Lactose intolerance is my kryptonite.

Gets worse when I eat spicy food on top.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

After I got hit by that car, I've never been able to do heavy pulling exercises without hooks. that and even two surgeries in, my nail is still fucked

So, what do you want to whine about?

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being married and having kids.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-5 points-4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Reading dumb posts from faggots.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

recommend you stay out of AskMRP

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

STFU, you once posted about how to COPY AND PASTE?! LOL

​



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