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How to lead someone who says no to everything.

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August 14, 2018

I lift. I've gotten better at shit tests. One area where I have problems though is that my wife says no to almost everything. Two ideas I fully subscribe to are to be the leader and to be fun. So, I try to arrange fun stuff. Hiking, even just going to Costco and buying groceries can be turned into fun. But all I get from wife and kids is no. I have trouble understanding how I can lead my wife and kids if they are unwilling to go where I attempt to lead them. It's not like I can drag them into my car. I struggle with this simple thing and appreciate any help you offer.

Post Information
Title How to lead someone who says no to everything.
Author healthyteacher4
Upvotes 7
Comments 38
Date 14 August 2018 07:03 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
shit testlift

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (7 children) | Copy

Act as if. Lead with an assumptive close. That is, make plans with the assumption they are going. Don't ask for their opinions or permission.

"Hey everyone, we're going to do x, y, and z today. Reservations are made and I have our tickets."

That's OK honey. I'm going to stay home today."

"We leave in 1 hour. Everyone needs to be dressed and wear comfortable shoes. See you in the car!"

If they aren't ready in an hour, you leave without them and do all the shit you had planned solo. Just make sure you are doing fun shit. Trips to Costco and other mundane tasks is not my definition of fun.

[–]lololasaurus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is good, but I challenge your Costco statement.

You need to be doing fun stuff.

But you also need to be freaking fun. And since life also involves cleaning, going to Costco, mowing the lawn, and a billion other mundane tasks, and women count buying them a car and a minor compliment at roughly the same number of points, you better be making Costco fun too.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Trips to Costco and other mundane tasks is not my definition of fun.

Love Costco. Love Menards.

See movie example.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks. That's a legit response.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Come on kids, we're going on an adventure.

To Costco.

Maybe afterwards we can to go the dentist.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

To the free samples, kids!

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What kind of oppressed person doesn't LOVE free samples?

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You first need to teach your kids self control and how to delay gratification. Then, good luck trying to get them to think running errands is fun. You sound like a dipshit who tries to get pumped up about going to the dentist. I teach my kids to make a list, get in, get out. Not everything in life is fun, and not fun things often still need doing.

Kids know when you are full of shit. So does your wife. Have you ever considered that if you bullshit your kids about the grocery store being fun, you teach your kids to disbelieve you? If you act the same whether you are running errands or going hiking, what do you think happens?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't give them a chance to say yes, only a chance to opt out. Sometimes momentum keeps people stuck. Maybe they're just sitting there, but none the less it's still momentum that keeps them from acting.

"Hey kids I'm going to costco, who wants to go?!?"

Becomes, "Hey kids, get your shoes on. We're going to Costco!"

"Babe, want to go to the lake this weekend?"

Becomes "Hey babe, what do you want to make for lunch at the lake this weekend?"

And then go and do. Alphas have a mission, and everyone can choose to opt out, but he achieves the mission.

[–]FoxShitNasty833 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

The kids don't want to do fun stuff with dad? That's a worry right there. Mine like fishing.. hey kids we are fishing today.. "yeah cool dad, can you show me how to put a maggot on!"

I invite the wife, I don't ask. If she dosent want to come along that's fine. She also dosent like to touch the maggot but that's her loss

Edit: how old are your kids? Do they have any hobbies?

[–]civilizedfrog2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Taking a girl on a fishing trip is a bad idea.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Genuinely curious why you think that.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, but then there's April Vokey...

She's supposedly never caught a brown trout so she's not perfect

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Here you go. If your kids are not willing participants in whatever it is you're doing that's "fun" ... then I'm not sure we are using the same word.

The kids can see when mommy's being a cunt. Caveat ... if all your kids are under 10 years old, then the mommy glasses are still rosy, and mommy can do no wrong. If you've got kids older than 10, then the glasses are off, and logic chops are starting to fly. Kids are indiscriminate with their logic chops until they are taught otherwise. Logic chops are amazing at that age. I love it when my older kids (13-15yr) let the logic chops fly at my wife or at me. It's like playing with a jab coming at you in boxing. Or it's like watching my wife succumb to nothing but a jab in boxing.

If your kids don't want to join you on fun stuff, then you've most likely got a ship with a lot of holes in it drilled by a lot of different people - but mostly by yourself.

Short answer? Sidebar+lift. Long answer? Sidebar with a Krispy Kreme (for the kids) and a coffee (for you)+lift.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also kids under 10 love fogging.. "dad your a poo head" ..."your right I do shower with poo instead of soap".... Endless fun.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you want to make things fun for them.

Make things fun for you. Know where you're heading and do it. You don't lead them, you lead your life, you have fun, and then they involve themselves in your life because they want to have fun too (or they check out of your life because they are dragging you down).

The stay plan is the go plan. And remember : at least one month (maybe 2 or 3) for each year you spend as beta billy to start getting results.

[–]DeepReindeer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My kids HATE going to Costco, no matter how much fun I try to make it. They get to sample foods, look at toys, etc. It's still shitty to them. I think it's a good thing. Hiking is the same.

You need to figure out what those kids like to do and do that with them. It sounds like you don't know what people in your family enjoy. "Hey kids, lets go hiking!" - kids thinking "fuck dad, I want to get better at throwing a football."

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to think it was astounding that people had such weak frame that their own kids could even imagine refusing to obey them, let alone actually refusing, until I saw how many weak parents there are in the world. Their teenage years are going to be super-fun for you unless you turn that around.

Authority is conserved. If you don't have it, they do.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Become the leader that your crew wants to follow.

Start with the sidebar. Report back when you're done.

[–]ice_walkerHead Negotiator1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have two points that has helped me:

  1. Have fun, don't be fun. The first is something you do for yourself, the latter something you do for others to like you.

  2. Act as if I was single. For example I want to go rock climbing. If I want to go with the kids, I arrange the trip together with another family so kids have someone to play with at the crag. If I want to go alone, I arrange a babysitter, this may or may not be my wife depending on what plans she has. Either way, the bottom line is to not be dependent on the rest of the family for the plan to work out, that way my wife can always choose whether or not she wants to come along = no pressure = more likely that she will actually do. And if she rather stays at home and work in the garden or whatever, fine as well.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I lift.

It's not like I can drag them into my car.

Which is it?

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm pretty sure you can drag your kids to the car. If they're actually too big for that, then I'm sure you can motivate them - take away their allowance or internet or something like that.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you want to be spoon fed. That’s not what we do here. This is sidebar 101 stuff

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is where I need work Aswell.

You need to become more fun, not the plans you make.

I don't know what that looks like for You, it's going to be different for each of us.

I read a response recently here that really hit me hard in the ballsac. It was about how weak faggots (in this case me) only put effort into the redpill work that comes easy for them. They hide and avoid the growth that's hard and has real value.

Become a more fun version of you.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a post in the main MRP sub addressing a wife that doesn't wan to be led, look for that. Also, read Pook if you haven't already for a good take on "fun".

Second, create FOMO. Take u/youscum's post and actually go do fun shit on your own, and do fun shit often. Start with the kids and get them to do fun shit with you if the wife still refuses to join, eventually FOMO will should kick in unless she's too far gone to care. There are old posts floating around on that too.

Third, as others here say be the guy who everyone wants to follow, which is the hardest part and takes the most time, yet the prescription is the same ---->

[–]light-----------dark0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The way you seem to be approaching leading sounds like you’re dragging them along, which sounds very undesirable.

There seems to be a fundamental aspect of inspiration incorporated into leading. Are they inspired to follow?

Go do fun shit on your own, or with friends. . Come back and share the awesome experiences through story - her imagination and feelz will paint a picture that inspires her to follow your lead next time around.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. That's good advice.

[–]themormonchurch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go without them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How old are the kids?

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This poster is a feminist troll or a blue pill simp.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Counter question. How do you motivate an employee who doesnt want to be motivated?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Going back quite a long time now, pretty sure I wasn't given a choice when my parents wanted to go and do shopping or something else essential like that. The deal was if I didn't play ball then I wouldn't get to do any fun stuff. I can't imagine how Costco would be particularly fun for anyone under 18.

What do your kids like? There must be something that they enjoy doing that could be turned into a day out .

[–]iloveairplane0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've been wife would pretty much say no to me for anything back in the day - but now she will follow me off a cliff. You will make some mistakes along the road so just plan for that and hold frame. It does work best though to pick something that you want to do (be exciting), and do it (have fun), inviting or telling them to come along with you (not asking for their input). Your wife WILL shit test the hell out of you at first and possibly forever each and every time that you decide something to do without her input. But you will also find some things that the family really likes (and things they absolutely don't like - so you can just plan to do on your own!).

Another suggestion that really helped me is to use some exercises that will get her in the mindset of following your leadership and not saying "no" to everything.

It is "compliance testing". Start small by telling her to do something for you like "please take this into the kitchen" or "please grab me a coffee on the way home", "come over here and sit with me". The more you tell her to do something for you (not asking, telling), the more she will get used to complying with you. Right now you probably never ask her to do anything for you because you are a capable guy and can do you own stuff right? But you're not leading her to follow you if you can't get her to do even little things for you. Start small, build a level of compliance from her, then ramp up over time. Get to the point where you can non-verbally communicate some of these little compliance tests for her to pass. It can be fun.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sir, that is golden advice. Thank you so much. You are correct... because I am capable of doing all my own shit, I never ask her to do anything. But I see the importance of it, especially since women have no qualms with having men do things for them.

[–]lololasaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop looking for their buy in.

Go have fun at Costco. Do it joyfully. Leave without them if they won't go but NOT butthurt. Just go cheerfully and come home cheerfully and share the highlights later. And have fun with other people at Costco, ya know? Make conversation, have a genuinely good time.

But you are not a leader if you're asking their permission and buy in to be led. Well, you are a leader, but your leadership is leading your wife to not listen to you because you suck at actually influencing in the direction you want to go... Just the opposite.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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