Birthday Gifts and anger phase

Listen, I'm about to write a giant wall of shit and some / all / none of it may apply to you. So take it for what it is, chew the fish, spit out the bones, etc.

Are you taking her on an adventure? Is her life an adventure? Are you fun to be around? Women engage the world through their feelings and right now, she is getting a shit ton of hormonal opium from her kid and the validation that it brings on Facecrack. She is a "mommy" now and that means that most of the time, she is the most important creature on earth and the bestest, most wonderfulest thing ever.

So, she's fucking lazy. You guys aren't boning like you want, she's soft and pudgy, she isn't interesting, she sucks. Guess what? It's probably your fault. You aren't leading. Leadership is influence and right now, you are losing the influence battle.

Women tend to be reactive to their environment and not proactive to making changes unless they are uncomfortable. Right now, her environment is mostly dominated by mommy hormones, mommy stresses, and mommy affirmations from Facebook. This is all much more potent than anything you can passively bring. And if you are passive about it, that won't change. She doesn't care how badass you look now, how strong your frame is, how much money you make, etc. if you aren't making her life an adventure. She has something that gives her far more feelz than that and it will stay that way until the urchin is 5-6... unless you guys have more.

That's why you see so many families pop out a few kids, the dad gets fat, the mom goes into full mommy mode for 8-10 years. Once the kids are a bit older, she looks up and realizes that without mommy hormones, her life is boring as shit because her husband is terrible at creating an adventure. So she goes the gym, hits up the trainer, gets a decent body back, and then "has no idea how it happened" when she has an affair with the lawyer who works out on his lunch hour at the same gym.

YOU have to lead her to something better than the comfortable shit she is probably used to. She is in a familiar rut of getting up early with the baby, feeding the baby, posting 26 pictures of the baby to FB, getting enormous validation from everyone else about the baby, etc. You need to sell her a better vision. You need to appeal to her feelings, her emotions, her desire for the dramatic and adventurous.

So how do you do it? Well, it sounds like you are decent shape, make decent money (or at least are controlling what you have), and are at least somewhat thoughtful / intelligent. So fucking woo her. Do some fun shit. Figure out how to make your life together an adventure together both with and without the baby.

Did you guys do anything physical together before the baby? Find a babysitter and book that shit. Go rock climbing, biking, hiking, whatever. Find a way to do something reasonable (entry level) that will still exhaust her and make her realize how out of shape she has become but how in shape you are now... while not rubbing her face in it. In other words, a beach trip is probably a bad idea right now. Don't be autistic. Baby steps are important here or she will go into full retreat mode. You want her to think "damn, I forgot how fun that was but I need to get in shape again so we can do that some more!"

You have competition for her right now in the form of a tiny human that basically causes her body to release some of the most potent chemicals known to man every time it looks up at her or latches on to the titty. And that's ok. But you don't overcome that or compete with that by being a rock-solid, money-handling autistic robot. You overcome it by being fun. Create adventure. Dream a little. Talk to her about your vision for the kid. Talk about fun stuff you guys will do together as a family and then start to incorporate some of it now in a way that makes your wife realize she has to get her shit together.

Give her a vision or adventure she wants to be a part of because a good physique, solid frame, and money handling skills won't make a bit of a difference versus tiny baby + Facebook.

Sell her on better.

EDIT: so screw a gift. Get a babysitter and go on a weekend trip or do something awesome. Gifts suck. Experiences are where the feelz are at.