Birthday Gifts and anger phase

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August 10, 2018
8 upvotes

My wife doesn't contribute much value to me in my opinion. She's good with our kid but for me, easily replaceable. Over the last year I've made huge gains in my physical/mental game. My SMV is definitely above hers, she's still has not worked out 1 day since having our kid 2 years ago (i lift 4x a week). She's a SAHM and I control everything, she has no interest in anything other than the kid's stuff. So she's my passenger and seems happy with that. Mostly her problem is she's lazy i guess.

Anyway her birthday is coming up and I don't want to do anything that say's butthurt but I don't feel like getting her shit. What would you do?


Post Information
Title Birthday Gifts and anger phase
Author slade2020
Upvotes 8
Comments 20
Date 10 August 2018 05:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204111
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/968xlx/birthday_gifts_and_anger_phase/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtsexual market valueliftgame
Comments

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard69 points70 points  (6 children) | Copy

Listen, I'm about to write a giant wall of shit and some / all / none of it may apply to you. So take it for what it is, chew the fish, spit out the bones, etc.

Are you taking her on an adventure? Is her life an adventure? Are you fun to be around? Women engage the world through their feelings and right now, she is getting a shit ton of hormonal opium from her kid and the validation that it brings on Facecrack. She is a "mommy" now and that means that most of the time, she is the most important creature on earth and the bestest, most wonderfulest thing ever.

So, she's fucking lazy. You guys aren't boning like you want, she's soft and pudgy, she isn't interesting, she sucks. Guess what? It's probably your fault. You aren't leading. Leadership is influence and right now, you are losing the influence battle.

Women tend to be reactive to their environment and not proactive to making changes unless they are uncomfortable. Right now, her environment is mostly dominated by mommy hormones, mommy stresses, and mommy affirmations from Facebook. This is all much more potent than anything you can passively bring. And if you are passive about it, that won't change. She doesn't care how badass you look now, how strong your frame is, how much money you make, etc. if you aren't making her life an adventure. She has something that gives her far more feelz than that and it will stay that way until the urchin is 5-6... unless you guys have more.

That's why you see so many families pop out a few kids, the dad gets fat, the mom goes into full mommy mode for 8-10 years. Once the kids are a bit older, she looks up and realizes that without mommy hormones, her life is boring as shit because her husband is terrible at creating an adventure. So she goes the gym, hits up the trainer, gets a decent body back, and then "has no idea how it happened" when she has an affair with the lawyer who works out on his lunch hour at the same gym.

YOU have to lead her to something better than the comfortable shit she is probably used to. She is in a familiar rut of getting up early with the baby, feeding the baby, posting 26 pictures of the baby to FB, getting enormous validation from everyone else about the baby, etc. You need to sell her a better vision. You need to appeal to her feelings, her emotions, her desire for the dramatic and adventurous.

So how do you do it? Well, it sounds like you are decent shape, make decent money (or at least are controlling what you have), and are at least somewhat thoughtful / intelligent. So fucking woo her. Do some fun shit. Figure out how to make your life together an adventure together both with and without the baby.

Did you guys do anything physical together before the baby? Find a babysitter and book that shit. Go rock climbing, biking, hiking, whatever. Find a way to do something reasonable (entry level) that will still exhaust her and make her realize how out of shape she has become but how in shape you are now... while not rubbing her face in it. In other words, a beach trip is probably a bad idea right now. Don't be autistic. Baby steps are important here or she will go into full retreat mode. You want her to think "damn, I forgot how fun that was but I need to get in shape again so we can do that some more!"

You have competition for her right now in the form of a tiny human that basically causes her body to release some of the most potent chemicals known to man every time it looks up at her or latches on to the titty. And that's ok. But you don't overcome that or compete with that by being a rock-solid, money-handling autistic robot. You overcome it by being fun. Create adventure. Dream a little. Talk to her about your vision for the kid. Talk about fun stuff you guys will do together as a family and then start to incorporate some of it now in a way that makes your wife realize she has to get her shit together.

Give her a vision or adventure she wants to be a part of because a good physique, solid frame, and money handling skills won't make a bit of a difference versus tiny baby + Facebook.

Sell her on better.

EDIT: so screw a gift. Get a babysitter and go on a weekend trip or do something awesome. Gifts suck. Experiences are where the feelz are at.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

☝this guy fucks

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn good post.

[–]ellifino2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well done Capt! I think if you could expand on this a little further, it would make for a great “back to the basics” MRP post. I think for a ton of guys here, you nailed it on the head. An expanded post on inviting her on your adventure and why it is so important would be well appreciated.

[–]ParaXilo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great post. 5th year married this year and feels like I'm on the right course. Refreshed and following my plan again. We're having fun. Still going out for dinner for our anniversary but I added something for the first time in our marriage. Fun. Escape room. Might send tingles. Might not. Gonna be fun either way. Busting outta that room before the serial killer gets us so we can enjoy some brick oven pizza that isn't a fast food chain.

Edit: I shouldn't comment at 3am. I can't spell

[–]PersaeusRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't feel like getting her shit. What would you do?

i find that doing what i want to do works the best.

[–]helaughsinhidden12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Buy her a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!

[–]helaughsinhidden5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Joking!

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Of course it was a joke; she'll LOVE the slippers!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's a SAHM and I control everything,

Have you lead her to workout? To be valuable? Have you opened the door and set the barand she's refused to go thru? Or have you opened the door and stared at her as if she's supposed to know what you want? Or are you simply standing in front of the door with your arms crossed.

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got my wife some wool socks for her birthday. She finally stopped using mine.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

For birthdays and Christmas, I have allowance in the budget of $300. The week before each event, I will sit down and calculate my SMV rating compared with hers.

For every 0.25% my SMV is above her SMV, I subtract $75 from the present allowance.

This year, my SMV was so high, on her birthday, my wife actually owed me money. It was a surprise to me then, that even though I explained this to her with Excel sheets, she did not want to respect my leadership on this issue.

[–]SrsWHATISWRONGWITHU1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the correct answer.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like a blast to be around. I imagine the conversation revolves around how awesome you are and how you control shit.

I gave you a hint

[–]askmeanything24 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

put the same effort you made to write this post into buying a gift

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is a prisoner.

Re-read your post.

She is escaping Shawshank via your child’s life

Congrats

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shortcut to the answer as to what to give as a gift: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHQBgOZKk6k

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If she doesn't deserve skittles, then don't get her skittles.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you don’t give her skittles, make sure she knows she can still taste the ‘rainbow.’



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