659,329 posts

Wife and I decided to end our 12 years relationship, 7 year marriage today.

by nothestrawberrypatch | August 08, 2018 | askMRP

20 upvotes

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I was your typical blue pulled chump. Dated this smoke show when I was 18, became super needy and she dumps my ass 3 weeks later. I linger in her family off and on for 5 years eventually we get together at 23, fast forward to now we have a beautiful daughter and been married for almost 7 years. Introduced RP theory about a year ago after having a 4 year dead bedroom and an emotional affair with a woman at work. Got my shit together and began to deprogram. First got rid of the affair, began dread on my wife and it was working well. Then came the comfort tests. I think this is where I failed. She began to respect me as a man, we were sexually charged, but no matter how hard we both tried we couldn’t become emotionally attached again. We had a talk today and realized we’ve tried everything and it’s best we end our marriage and continue to coparent. I stated our daughter needs us to get along. So no fucking bullshit. She agreed. I’m on a plane now back to work for 2 weeks. The drive to the airport with her had a sense of peace to it. Like an old dying dog had finally got put down. What do I do now? How do I remain RP but a good father? How do I not get fucked over and not become some blue pill chump who gets taken advantage of?

Edit: How do I have a RP divorce/separation? Forget the other shit I asked yesterday. I’ll be fine in those regards.


Post Information
Title Wife and I decided to end our 12 years relationship, 7 year marriage today.
Author nothestrawberrypatch
Upvotes 20
Comments 92
Date 08 August 2018 06:26 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204116
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/95jkxm/wife_and_i_decided_to_end_our_12_years/
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Comments

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy

As for your question. Lift, sidebar reading....

No one's special.

I'd suggest red curious posts on how to divorce, and don't be risk averse

[–]rollston100011 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is no such thing as “we decided”. You decided? She decided? Be a touch judge here.

BTW. The “lack of emotional connection” you’ve experienced is a fallen oneitis, and if you missed it, if you would like to get it back… you have quite a lot of work to do around your mission and frame.

[–]lasteem112 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Emotional connection? I translate this to mean new relationship lust. That always fades and as RPer you don’t want to ever be in that state of mind. You want her there as much as possible by gaming her, but it will never be new kind of lust. It sounds like you had it there after you found red pill. From what little detail provided, doesn’t sound like a marriage to throw away.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Understood. My life goes on pause for the 2 weeks I am away. This is just day 1. Digesting it all today.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret23 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you already have your shit together for the divorce BATTLE that is about to ensue?

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the golden comment.

She's cool now, but the odds she STAYS cool are like 1 in 10.

Once her friends/family find out you're separating, she'll talk to a divorce lawyer, and everyone will try to make her act like a shark that does nothing but bites OP's wallet and future happiness.

At least have an initial consult with a divorce attorney like... tomorrow.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Odds are 1/100

On a GOOD day.

[–]lionmenden18 points19 points  (23 children) | Copy

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is very hard. Falling back in love is extremely hard, but it is doable. Most people here have gone through this process after the anger phase. It sounds like you're still in the middle of this process, but you're giving up because it's easier to quit.

Infidelity is the only real deal breaker in a marriage. Nearly anything else can be fixed. Unless I'm missing something (like is your wife hung up on the "emotional affair"?), it sounds like your marriage is fixable if you want to do the work to fix it. You still haven't fully fixed yourself, so quitting your marriage is premature.

It's your life, but here's what I would do. Call her and tell her to hold off on taking any action for now, that you have thought hard about this and want to talk when you get home and you need to discuss logistics, for the sake of your daughter if nothing else, before anything happens. When you get home, tell her if she wants a divorce, you will give her a divorce. But that you're not going to be the one to file. You believe the marriage is fixable, and you are willing to put in the effort to fix it because that's what you want and what you believe is best for your daughter and your family.

Good luck. If you can figure out how to fly a helicopter, you can figure this out.

[–]hack3geRed Beret7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

You believe the marriage is fixable, and you are willing to put in the effort to fix it because that's what you want and what you believe is best for your daughter and your family.

If you say this your marriage will be over. Your wife doesn't want to think you are there for your daughter who the fuck would want that - ask me how I know. Your wife needs to know you want it to be her by your side in life but you don't need it to be her. If you actually have a vision for your life now is the time lay it out for her and make sure there is a place for her - maybe she gets on board maybe she doesn't.

My wife and I were at that point - I had written a check for the lawyer and she was going to open houses then I gave her that talk. I have no idea how my marriage turns out but I am giving her a chance to come around. My wife hates it and is kicking, screaming and fighting me the whole way - she just wants to be comfortable and put no effort in but that is to be expected. I know what life I want to live and I am raising the standards for everyone in my life. I turned down a hell of a divorce agreement that maybe some day I'll regret because if I kill the puppy shes gonna turn fucking crazy and try to divorce rape me but I wanted to give it a shot and see if she would come around to the man that I knew I could become when I put the work in.

I read a few of your other posts and it sounded like you didn't like what your wife had become but there's not much about you leading her to be different. I got a good wake up call from someone today here actually that my wife's behavior is a reflection of me and what I lead her to be. Perhaps you haven't done enough in leading her to be the woman you can connect with. I am guilty of it for sure and trust me if you try to bring her back to the marriage there will be some pretty fucking bad days. But when I've led her and was a strong oak we have had some of the best weeks of our entire marriage - you have to connect with her emotions, give her feelz / tingles, make her feel like she is the only woman in the world for you and at the same time not need her at all. You will be giving to her from a place of honesty instead of out of a desire to get something back.

As for being a good dad this is just fucking hamstering - you should already be a kick ass dad. My kids love hanging out with me and doing all kinds of things they don't get to do with their mom. We wrestle, box, go camping, play games, ride scooters, fuck around on the playground, play catch, kickball, etc. Your relationship with your daughter is not contingent upon their mom - get that through your head quickly.

That being said I'm not here to talk you out of divorce - you need to figure out what you want and not have some strangers on the internet tell you.

[–]lionmenden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with you, and in my quest for brevity, I may have not emphasized that right. I'm not saying to tell the wife you want to stay married for the sake of the daughter. I'm saying to tell the wife you want to stay married. To her. Because you want her in your life. And you want her part of your family.

And if she asks if you're staying for the kid, you tell her you'd rather be divorced than in an unhappy marriage. You'd rather the daughter grow up in 2 happy homes than 1 unhappy home. You want to be married because you believe you can create 1 happy home, and you want the wife as part of it.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wait-all this to say that you are trying to coax your bellicose SBX not to divorce you??

I don't think you need to be posting here.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe you are right

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

You can love woman or understand them, you can't do both.

How the fuck can you "love" a woman after knowing about hypergamy?

Check your head.

I love my life, it has a woman in it, but it doesn't have to.

[–]lionmenden3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you understand your kids? Your friends? Your siblings? Do you still love them? Do you literally love no one in life but yourself?

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only people in your life that will ever love you will be your parents. Everyone else only cares about what they can get from you or what you can do for them.

Love yourself and do whatever the fuck you want.

Of course I love my kids.

I love my cat Lucy.

I currently value my wife.

Love for a woman is for Disney movies and children.

These are my personal values.

[–]AlexGreenleaf2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

You sound like you have issues with acceptance.

If you can't love a woman, why be married.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Because she adds value to my life.

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Which requires marriage because... ?

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

It doesn't. Let me quote myself.

I love my life, it has a woman in it, but it doesn't have to.

[–]AlexGreenleaf2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She can add value without you being married to her.

Rephrasing 1st Q:

What value does being married add to your life?

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The value she adds stops when I divorce her. Her current incarnation helps me be a more effective me. She makes my mission easier.

Why would she do any of the things she's currently doing for me now after I divorce her? So the 3 pairs of gym cloths I can produce a day, I'll have to wash them. The mountain of dishes and clutter around the house? I'll have to do all that. The tasks I delicate to Her, like boil up 2kg of white beans and cut up another 2kg of veggies for my food prep? I'll be doing that.

I can do all of these things and I have but doing them cuts into my food prep time and gym time. We have 2 kids, there are only so many hours in the day.

She adds value and replacing some of the shit she does Takes a energy from tasks that mean a lot to me and make me a better version of me. And it's that better version of me i want my boys to experience.

I could be fucking someone new by Saturday night imgur. She never turns me down for sex now. Funny thing Is, once you make some progress In this and the sex is non issue you realize really quick how small sex really is in the grand design. It stops being something you give a fuck about.

Getting married is always the wrong decision. Almost all of us here took the pill AFTER marriage. We don't make the right decisions, we just have to make the decisions right.

Rolo himself discourages marriage.

Every young man i speak to at the gym I discourage marriage.

Being married brings zero value to my life. The woman that is currently occupying the spot of wife in my life does. I could replace her if I had to.

[–]AlexGreenleaf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry for going awal for a bit. Thank you, great response and explanation.

I agree with the not getting married advice.

And I also agree with 'we just have to make the decisions right'.

You intend to stay married anyway it seems. By taking the 'can't love a woman' perspective (yes, it's a perspective) you are leaving a lot of value on the table.

If everything else is going well for you, it looks like this is the one part where you still can make your decision to stay married 100% right.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is very hard. Falling back in love is extremely hard, but it is doable.

Infidelity is the only real deal breaker in a marriage.

You believe the marriage is fixable, and you are willing to put in the effort to fix it because that's what you want and what you believe is best for your daughter and your family.

Are you looking for a prize for handing out the "Gayest Advice on MRP"? If so, you're doing a stellar job.

[–]lionmenden6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

This doesn't deserve a response, but for those who don't understand....

Agreeing to divorce her is Dread level 13. It shows Outcome Independence, you don't care if you divorce. It shows Abundance Mentality, obviously you have better options if you're willing to divorce her. It makes her question whether a post-wall single mom can find a better man willing to raise her bastard kid, which makes her re-evaluate your SMV.

Telling her you want to work on the marriage and won't be the bad guy and file for divorce to make it easy for her gives her two options, either divorce you, which she likely doesn't want to do (and if she does, win-win, bitch is gone) or follow your lead and agree to working on the marriage. When the captain tells the first mate to fall back in line or he's getting in the life boat and leaving, the mutiny is over, one way or the other.

Infidelity is a deal breaker because it's a hard boundary. Her being a bitch isn't a deal breaker, it's a spectrum, you decide when the juice isn't worth the squeeze. This doesn't mean infidelity is the only reason you divorce, it means that for anything else you decide if it's fixable or not. If she crosses your bitch threshold you divorce her, but you get to decide where that boundary is.

As for love, I'm not talking about infatuation or pedestalization. I'm talking about building a connection with another person, the way you do your family, kids, friends. If you're a nihilist with no connection to anyone else (which likely indicates an avoidance of being hurt again) then by all means, spin plates on TRP. The assumption is that people on MRP value the relationships they have with their kids and their wives, just they understand the nature of those relationships.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This doesn't deserve a response, but for those who don't understand....

It may not have deserved a response but it warranted one because your post was vague and could easily be misinterpreted. It has nothing to do with me - or anyone else - understanding it. If it was, you wouldn't have clarified it.

Having said that, I still disagree with a lot you are saying.

a. You don't have to have better options to agree to a divorce, you just have to have the balls to show her where the door is. Waiting until "Dread Level 13" - or some other random timeframe that was made-up by someone else is ridiculous and waiting until you have other options isn't showing Abundance Mentality - it's basically a male version of branch swinging.

b. Infidelity is only a deal breaker if you decide that it's a deal breaker. The same as any other deal breaker that you decide on.

c. Men spin plates because they want to fuck other women. This has nothing to do with nihilism or not valuing their relationships with their wives. It has to do with sex. You can fuck other women and still have a connection with your wife.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When the captain tells the first mate to fall back in line or he's getting in the life boat and leaving, the mutiny is over, one way or the other.

The captain leaves the boat on a raft? What the fuck did I just read you pussy faggot. The captain is the captain of the ship.

Maby your pathetic loser ass would row away on the life raft but an actual leader would throw that first mate overboard and sail right back to tartooga to bang some whores, drink some rum, and maby find another first mate if he gets sick of the whores.

Leave your ship and the crew?

That's pathetic.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Infidelity is the only real deal breaker in a marriage

had the same thought on gaydar level. removing more value than your adding is sufficient cause for divorce in my book. if i want an anchor i'll buy a boat

[–]lionmenden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with your point, but you're missing the context. The wife isn't the anchor, the guy is. He needs to fix himself. Then give his wife time to keep up. Then he can determine if she's an anchor. I'm not saying infidelity is the only reason for divorce, I'm not saying he shouldn't divorce her, I'm just saying it's premature to determine until he fixes himself first.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

They sell anchors without boats.

Just sayin’...

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re right , in case you lose your anchor

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some boats have few anchors

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

The fact that you allowed a dead bedroom to exist for FOUR YEARS speaks volumes about your character and value as a man.

You have much work to do. Get busy.

[–]suprathepeg4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The step you missed before agreeing to anything with her was talking to a lawyer.

Don’t expect this to go smoothly, if it does count yourself blessed.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

another contender for gayest post of the year on askMRP. congrats.

the fact that you ask these "please boil the ocean; and then spoon feed it to me" questions says everything.

ps. your wife has found, what she perceives as, a stronger branch.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

(had) an emotional affair with a woman at work

we couldn’t become emotionally attached again

What's with all these emotions? Are you a man or a woman? Where's your stats and your "cut the shit" details?

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

You’re right - own my shit. It was an affair I just didn’t fuck her.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't fuck her and you didn't fuck your wife for four years. Sounds to me like there's a whole lot of not fucking going on here.

[–]LeanFatso14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

so you were an orbiter basically.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha

[–]DeepReindeer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe the phrase is "emotional tampon"

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Know what your shit was?

she didn't fuck you for 4 years and you never fucked anyone else. The fact she calls it cheating when you decide to go become an orbiter, and you feel bad about it?

dude...

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you did the damage for nothing?

[–]JudgeDoom692 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

The peaceful mood in the car on the way to the airport was because she was eagerly thinking about the fresh cock she is now free and clear to ride while you're out of town for the next two weeks.

First got rid of the affair, began dread on my wife and it was working well

Without reading your post history, it seems like you jumped from stopping the emotional affair directly to playing some dread games. You skipped the hardest and most important step, self-improvement.

What have you done to increase your attractiveness? What are your lifts and percent body fat? Did you improve your grooming and style or are you still going to Great Clips and wearing baggy mom-jeans? Did you address your rank body odor and bad breath? Have you become more assertive? Do you lead? Do you keep the house in good repair? Are you owning your shit?

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Dread games - I started with steps 1-5, Which is essentially imo RP theory.

Owning my shit:

Started out 220lbs. Now still 190 can’t shake the last 10lbs. I know it’s a diet thing, and maybe testosterone. Been dairy free, GF for a couple years. Need to change it up somehow..

First thing I do when I get out of camp is get a haircut from the same HB8, get a little flirt in and go home, not without catching the same seat on the plane to game the fight attendants who sit directly across from me on take off and landing. Usually I succeed with them giving me free beer.

I’ve got a lot going on for myself. I make 150k+, good looking, dress well, multi skilled and I’m fun.

Things I lacked on in my marriage but continue to improve:

Keeping the house in good repair:

-picking up after myself, I’m bad for leaving shit everywhere.
-picking up on cues that something needs to get dealt with before it drove my wife insane.

Myself:

I’m too fucking passive. I can go a long time without letting shit bother me. (DBR 4 years...)

I need to be more assertive, stop leaving out details of events and be more honest. I still worry about what people think and I need to stop that shit.

I’m educating myself so my job is needing me more than I need them. I will be completed this goal by the end of September.

I want to lose that 10lbs. This I feel would get me from top 10% of men into top 5.

So yes, I have been not just playing games. Just been lurking and improving.

[–]JudgeDoom691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should post an "Own Your Shit" update on the MRP sub each Tuesday. It's a good way to make sure you are setting clear goals and working to achieve them. You will get some great feedback, (and you will also get shit on if you're being lazy or bullshitting yourself).

Yes, your marriage is most likely cooked. She will be fucking her New Chad while you are travelling. Use this as motivation.

The best revenge is great success. Continually improve your SMV into the stratosphere. It'll drive her hamster wheel into light speed. Take out any anger and bitterness in your weight lifting.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You know those people are paid to be nice right?

Free beer on an airplane. lol.

Your problem? You're fucking delusional.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That’s what you picked up through all of this? Getting a full free beer, sometimes two on a 1 hour flight is a small victory. Clearly you don’t fly very much.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah.. clearly I don't.

You keep being your delusional self.

[–]adeptintact2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You make a lot of money so be prepared to pay some child support and alimony. I got divorced as well, but it was my decision mainly. I'm still the best dad I can be to my child, but it is more difficult because you won't see them as much.

I'm happier now though and feel. I made the right decision. My relationship wasn't that good with the ex-wife partly because I was blue pill. I've fully embraced red pill and my current LTR is much better in most aspects.

My advice is do what your gut says and what makes you happy, and not necessarily what everyone else says is the right thing to do.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Noted. Thank you

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Then came the comfort tests. I think this is where I failed.

Probability not the case... need more specifics .

You don’t decide to end a 7 yr marriage in one night. You should provide specifics on this conversation also. I’m guessing it’s not over.

This is a shit post because it lacks important details.

Let’s get some details on the conversation to end it and details on the failed comfort tests.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Clearly you don’t end it in one night. Does the 4 year dead bedroom not give a clear indication of a timeline here?

I looked over several early red flags because I fell in love with a fantasy of marrying this woman at a young age. Def: Oneitis - I see this now.

Details of the convo? I asked after a weekend away from each other where her head is at with regards to us. The tone of the conversation was essentially agreeing upon putting a disease ridden dog down. Mutual tears and a hug at the end. She the went to the bathroom to puke.

This is the end. We still love each other but we are not good lovers.

[–]lionmenden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I asked after a weekend away from each other where her head is at with regards to us. The tone of the conversation was essentially agreeing upon putting a disease ridden dog down.

She wanted you to lead. You made her lead. You should have said "if you want a divorce, I will give you a divorce, but I am still working on myself and our marriage and I'm not giving up." Unless you've truly given up, then carry on.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does the 4 year dead bedroom not give a clear indication of a timeline here?

You are missing my point because you have never been there before. I have been there. It takes many conversations like this to really end it. It may feel like you ended it with one conversation, but that’s almost never the case. It’s a slower death, especially after a long term relationship like that.

Also, the fact that you had dead bedrooms for four years proves my point even more that you will put up with more before this really ends. You need to get yourself in a position where the state plan is the same as the goal plan before you put the cart before the horse, which is what you are doing right now. Sidebar, lift and STFU for now

[–]FoxShitNasty833 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have been married for 7 years and you decide to end it after a year of MRP? I get the whole dead bedroom thing, I'm there now living it. I also get that at somepoint you have to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze, what is to stop this repeating itself again with the next woman you meet? Have you fixed yourself enough?

You did your first own your shit post and nothing since?

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No I definitely haven’t, and I didn’t decide to end it.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok then this is a blessing for you, go fuck strange you have a lot of catching up to do. You are free now, lucky cunt :)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

It seems like you won the prize you were after, but called it quits because you couldn't connect emotionally. I bet you could recover it and save the marriage and the kids' misery if you would sell your house. Establish yourself someplace completely new and start over. The struggle will give you and her something to connect about. Maybe you've both gotten too comfortable. So beat that. If anything, for the sake of the kids.

[–]RiderHood4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

The classic “geographical cure”, which is a temporary fix at best.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wherever you go, there you are. It's a saying about the geographical cure from AA. Fits so well.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In the 12 years we’ve been together We’ve travelled all over the place, we’ve moved cities, bought and sold houses, she’s gone to school twice - once for nurse, second for massage therapy.

I was a trucker for the first 6 years, became a helicopter pilot. We sold everything and moved into an RV to follow my line of work. We’ve since moved back home but I work 2/2 as a gas plant operator and recently invested in a bunch of hiking ad camping gear to explore our province we live in and planned a shit ton of trips. Our life was anything but dull, which I think half of it was me trying to please her.

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

The fact that you stated that you had an "emotional affair" tells me all I need to know about you. Gods speed to your next failed relationship.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, this was all pre-RP. I’m not worried about falling into that trap again.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You still dont get it. The fact that you even register an emotional affair, as a type of affair a man is capable of having, is, in and of itself, pure faggotry. Women have "emotional affairs", gazing forlornly into space, butteflies fluttering, birds chirping, in their dizzyingly whimsical world. You are a man, or at least you could be, if you stopped buying into this faggotry. The fact that you let your shrew dangle this over you in any other manner besides laughingly at your failure to close to deal, and you accept this reality as an accurate condemnation (escalated yo the category of an affair) is in an of itself telling of your current mindset. You shouldnt be ashamed of wanting to fuck strange, you should be embarassed that, despite your efforts, you didnt fuck strange, and she lording it over you like you did

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wife doesn’t know.

It was my choice to not fuck her. She was begging for it. Literally. At the time I just wanted validation from a woman. Definitely not embarrassed about it. I’m happy I didn’t stick my dick in crazy, shit where I ate etc... Again - she’s the reason I began RP. I was your text book case of a nice guy. I’m a better man, father, friend and co worker today than I was this time last year. I still have work to do, but internally I am much more confident than I have ever been with my life.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why? Redpill is amoral. Also, the past has no value to the future.

Why would this automatically qualify him for a future failure?

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly as u/Rian_Stone stated. OP was a fucking orbiter in the past - which he does not realize. Women don't have emotional affairs. Men don't have emotional affairs. There are just beta fucks who women use as emotional tampons while they wait for a "Chad" that is "worthy" enough to take her in the ass.

He is a future failure because via his language/narrative he has not recognized or learned from his past.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True. the fact it's called an affair means he's too timid to know what real dark behaviour looks like. They used to call that shit acquaintances, penpals, or some other flaccid term

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Well I hate to rain on your little divorce parade but this is how it is probably going to play out. You will find somebody younger and much hotter than your wife. She will come sniffing around when it gets started but you will not root through the garbage. The ex-wife will be forever angry at you because you did not "fight for us." Between relationships you may go rooting through the garbage but you probably still won't be able to pass the comfort tests. Probably even less likely to pass them at that point.

Save this post for your own peace of mind because you will be gaslighted over it for the rest of your life.

was working well.......Then came the comfort tests. I think this is where I failed. She began to respect me as a man, we were sexually charged, but no matter how hard we both tried we couldn’t become emotionally attached again.

Fellow travelers take note! I see this all the time. All the damn time. The brutal truth is that you fail the comfort tests because you are no better than a fickle female. You have fallen out of twu wuv! That is why you fail the comfort tests. You really don't love her- which is kind of the whole point of them.

Fellow women-lurkers take note! When you arbitrarily cut off sex for months and years it is easy for your man to build up resentment that overshadows any love he may have once felt for you. How about we try something else next time?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is why divorce is a feature, not an adverse outcome.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't forget, while his monthly costs go up on paper (CS, alimony etc) his disposable income will increase, as will the free time.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The brutal truth is that you fail the comfort tests because you are no better than a fickle female. You have fallen out of twu wuv!

a really good point coach. i failed them as a young man because i didn't know any better and was a completely self centered prick. i find them easy to pass but i still wuv my snowflake

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's not as if it's hidden knowledge. It's the foreward to the first fucking sidebar book.

Sometimes, we open the curtain, and see the Wizard of oz is just a little old man.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

really feeling it today, sex last night was AWESOME

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, well, 🤮

Seriously.

Word vomit.

The BOTTOM LINE is...

WTF DO YOU WANT?

If you want to stay married, then go to the sidebar and start acting like a man.

If you want to get divorced, then do it.

You can be a real loquacious pain in the ass to read.

How do you have an RP divorce/separation?

By going first to u/Red-Curious (not a call for help, Red) posts and reading ALL of his divorce posts.

Next, use the search function for MRP, askMRP, TRP, and askTRP, and research divorce, divorce rape, custody, alimony, etc.

Educate yourself.

Learn so much about this shit that your attorney would hire you as a part time paralegal in the future.

Your little smoke show snowflake is going to burn your shit down in court if you don’t take this shit seriously.

Did she finish school yet?

Is she a nurse yet?

Those will mitigate the alimony, some.

YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY.

RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

INTERVIEW AT LEAST THREE!!

You have one shot at the title, champ.

Put in anything less than 100% of your available time and effort into increasing custody time and limiting child support/alimony, and you WILL be paying for it for the next 13+ years in child support, and longer in alimony if she’s just content to take your money and bang other guys while she raises your daughter to hate you.

I don’t know when you added your edit to your OP, but you’ve vacillated between divorce and working on the marriage at least four times in this post and comments.

MAKE A FUCKING DECISION.

I’m all for you working on yourself, and seeing how the wife and marriage respond.

But to be clear, if you work on your wife or your marriage, you WILL FAIL.

You DID get THAT FAR in the sidebar, right?

RIGHT?

One final thought, or two.

You’re looking at greener pastures, because the one you’re in is shit brown.

What you have NOT FULLY INTERNALIZED yet is,

YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR OWN PASTURE IS SHIT BROWN!

And if you don’t fix your shit, those greener pastures over yonder?

WILL TURN SHIT BROWN, TOO.

So fix your shit.

Stay plan and go plan, same plan.

Act like you’re going to stay.

Prepare to leave.

Use this time to REALLY learn/internalize MRP praxeology and GROW.

Those ioi you get?

Wait until they get to know you like SHE knows you.

Either way, become a paralegal in your own divorce, or become the MOST IMPROVED PLAYER in the game of your life.

If you need help with the sidebar, askMRP.

(See what I did there? Seriously. Reach out. You might be AMAZED at what 5,000+ subscribers have to say to help you)

Whatever you do, it’s time to STFU and..

GET TO FUCKING WORK.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best advice given. Will do.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talk all you want.

Welcome to phase of depadasyslizing and waking the fuck up.

It comes as no shock to many as to what you are feeling.... she ain’t so special now. And, you probably are finally seeing she is post wall.

Lift. Sidebar, but most of all, STFU.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

“How do I not get fucked over and not become some blue pill chump who gets taken advantage of?”

Don’t be a bitch.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. We’ve been through the mountain of resentment for the past 2 or 3 years. Had countless deep lows but never separated, always worked through it to a point of contempt.

I call it the serpent of our relationship, she cannot forgive me for how she perceived I should’ve acted in the first year of my daughters birth. Not getting into details but short - daughter was very cauliky, wife contacted c-diff and both were quite sick. I was working 12-14 hour days mid winter and very tired. Bottom line is if she can’t forgive me this will never get resolved, I’m tired of it constantly coming up every time she feels insecure, and I think she is too. I’m not naive in thinking this will go 100% smooth, but I am optimistic we can do it with my daughters best interests in mind.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Of course it comes up every time she feels insecure.

That’s how women are.

They can instantaneously access any random or periodic bit of behavior from any moment in time and use it to justify their feelings in the moment.

Why do I feel like you have not read the entire sidebar?

Why do I feel like you have not read ‘The Way of the Superior Man’?

Why am I having all these feeewings?

You inconsolate bastard.

Fix your shit.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she cannot forgive me for how she perceived I should’ve acted in the first year of my daughters birth

huh, that sounds familiar. check out my oldest post on poor frame.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I think this is where I failed

That's a terrible mindset, but yours to have. There are no failures, only feedback.

She began to respect me as a man

I disagree because of this next line.

couldn’t become emotionally attached again

What is this? Wtf, a woman only cares about other woman. They can't love you the way you love. This shit is right out of the rational male and you said you have been at this a year? Isn't talking about emotional attachment in this context negotiating desire?

I think this is where I failed

If you think it's a failure in your head then it is a failure. If your operating from your own true self then it's not a true failure, only some feedback to grow from. Self Improvment is what we do. Remember?

How do I remain RP but a good father? How do I not get fucked over and not become some blue pill chump who gets taken advantage of?

You don't, you will remain the chump. I didn't see or read any insights Into why you are the way you are. There was no description of growth or humility.

Whatever problems you have now with this woman are going to follow you and manifest in clever ways with your plates.

Bang as many as you can man.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I understand whatever problems I have now will manifest in the future without any further improvements.

My wife is very good at getting me to enter her frame via gaslighting. I have no idea wtf she is even talking about with this emotional connection BS. I said to her yesterday it sounded like she wants to be married to a woman, or the beta she was married to before (I didn’t say that part) I lived in my wife’s frame for 10 years, and that’s why we lasted.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

and that’s why we lasted.

What's this we shit? It's just you and you felt safe letting her lead. You stayed with her.

My wife is very good at getting me to enter her frame via gaslighting

Well she's not even trying, she's running the default woman script with zero effort. Your getting beat by a bot.

You know what's going on and still failing.

You know she's good at it? Your male, become better than her, learn and grow.

Shes not even trying!

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I understand whatever problems I have now will manifest in the future without any further improvements.

My wife is very good at getting me to enter her frame via gaslighting. I have no idea wtf she is even talking about with this emotional connection BS. I said to her yesterday it sounded like she wants to be married to a woman, or the beta she was married to before (I didn’t say that part) I lived in my wife’s frame for 10 years, and that’s why we lasted.

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have no idea wtf she is even talking about with this emotional connection BS.

OK, so SHE was the one that said that 'there is no emotional connection.' She was the one that ended it.

Go back and read all of your posts in this thread. Cut and paste them into a .doc and read them, and I think you will see the big picture. I'm seeing a litany of actions showing clearly that you are still missing an essential component of RP, and are still, clearly, within your wife's frame.

She is dumping you so she can go ride on some new cocks, and you still think that it was a mutual agreement. You still think that you need to please her.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

He’s missing more than one component

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am and this is helping me recognize that I need to be more clear concise and honest

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re right in the sense that I am in her frame. As stated before, she’s very good at gaslighting me into hers. When I first started my RP journey I went Rambo, and discovered with my social status, personality, and looks how well this theory worked and had to back off a bit. That being said I clearly lost some of what I had learned initially and need to sidebar again.

I always said my wife leaves me, I don’t leave her. I sensed this time she had no more fight left and I essentially coached her into killing the puppy.

[–]classicthrowaway860 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Stay plan is (was) the same as the go plan. Sidebar, lift. Be a good dad.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks.



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