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My wife wants to be a unicorn

Reddit View
August 5, 2018

39 yo, wife is 38. 2 girls under 6y/o.

Found the red pill about 6 weeks ago. Read NMMNG, working on MMSLP and Models. Read some Rollo Tomassi, too. Read the forums a lot. Have been doing isometric exercises every day for a month, with cardio from running and biking. I also surf when able to, SUP, and stand up jet ski - all good workouts.

Diet is much better and I'm definitely seeing a difference, and so is she. Getting a lot more touches and grabs these days from her.

I need to either buy weights or get a gym Membership. No fucking valid excuse there. I don't want to get too much bigger, but I do want to add a little.

Wife resists spending the money, but I can budget my own account for things like this. She doesn't know my actual income from side hustles and some contract jobs.

My wife sent me down the redpill path.

She didn't give me a link, but ignorantly sent me in the right direction.

She advocates for my personal growth, finding more friends, spending time on activities and hobbies.

She clearly wants a man with alpha traits. AWALT. Like I had when we met, before I allowed children and routine and her lack of body confidence to neuter me.

What she actually asks for though, are beta traits. She wants me to be her rock, her safe place, her comfy hubby. Do the dishes, watch the kids. You know, all the shit I already do most of the time. She says she wants to do things that she can't imagine doing with me, as her safe one. Fuck that, I'll do whatever as long as it's fun.

The thing is, she's trying to get her feelz from others. Not by cheating (I'm fairly certain), but by soliciting men online to fawn over her, chat, and she hopes - to meet. Fuck that. She knows my current boundaries and seems to respect them, but she pushes against those boundaries by poking me with the "I'm getting bored chatting with them, because I know I'll never meet them". I respond with a smirk and STFU.

A bit of background: we are both finding ourselves more interested in and in involved with the kink community. We are both exhibitionists and post photos of ourselves and us together, online. She loves showing off, with her newfound body confidence. I like showing her off. We've met others in public places, as friends, together. We are interested in meeting other couples for fun. My boundary is her meeting other men alone. I not even sure that won't change in the future.

Most of this actually transpired weeks ago. For the past month, we have had very frequent, often excellent sex. She knows I'm also looking for and chatting with other women. I'm also looking better than I have in years, and am once again stepping into the alpha sphere. I was there once, that's why she fell for me. And it feels good to get my fucking groove back.

I'm much more up front with my needs and wants. I kino and game every day. She often sends me nudes. We have sex 5-7 days a week, often in the morning and night. We talk dirty in messages and in person. We are both having a lot of fun.

But still, those occasional jabs.

Today, I told her that I'm glad at how things have changed and that I couldn't go back to a deadbedroom. She insisted that even if we lose sexual interest, that we are much deeper than that. Obviously, she's couching for a future in which I'm her stay at home beta (even though I'd be allowed plates) who earns money, watches kids, fixes shit, etc. Not fucking happening, love. I just told her I want so sure about that, then STFU and fucked her.

Afterwards, she had some questions, the crux of which were wondering if I would leave if the sex dried up. I told her the answers and details are forthcoming. I could have just said yes, but the actual questions were more complex. She's a fucking tricky one. I need to work on fleshing out my boundaries and stating them clearly.

She's right in a way. We are best friends. We connect and work on many levels. This helped lead me to oneitis and betadom. Even until recently (1 month ago?) I was telling her I wanted to grow old with her. How does that feel like such a fucking stupid thing to say now? It does. Things can change quickly.

I wonder now if she has unwittingly destroyed her own plans for a stay at home beta. Because if that was her plan, she fucked it all up. No way am I ok doing that. I'd rather move out and go back to surfing and have my girls half the week, any day.

Part of the problem with this woman is that she is smart, sexy, and a trained actress. She could get away with just about anything. Thing is, I trust and believe her. She has been up front with me about things she would definitely like to hide, but seems to be living up to her vows to be forthright and truthful.

I think.

What I'm sure of now is that as awesome as we are right now, I'm not going to be a cuck if things slide back or go nuclear. There's going to be a main event at some point, and although I'm impatient, I'm not ready for it quite yet.

There's more, but I had to puke this out. Maybe there's some value in there for someone. If not, consider this my victim puke.

Also, since I am bad at (read: don't give a fuck about) guarding my devices and logins... If you see this... Hi wife! I'm doing this for me, and if it works for you, GREAT! If not...

Post Information
Title My wife wants to be a unicorn
Author no_turning_back_rp
Upvotes 7
Comments 76
Date 05 August 2018 07:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
RolloalphabetaAWALTcuckcheatingkinoplateunicorngamethe red pillNMMNG

[–]UnbreakableFrame16 points17 points  (12 children) | Copy

This post is a huge mess. TRP and cuckoldry are complete opposites. You need to decide which path you want to go down before you post anymore.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

That's what has been bugging me. We stepped into this scene, which is drawing us both in more, but seems utterly incompatible with RP.

I can tell you right now I'm not spitting up the red pill, so there is my answer.

[–]UnbreakableFrame25 points26 points  (7 children) | Copy

A huge part of TRP is learning that hypergamy exists and finding a sexual strategy to either circumvent it (as in TRP) or try to combat it (as in MRP). The open relationship community embraces hypergamy at no real gain to the man. A high-value man can gain all the benefits of an open relationship without being married or committed. A woman simply can't do that. That's why open relationships are an asymmetrical power-dynamic that always favors the woman. She gets your financial commitment and help raising kids while not providing you anything that a single man can't get in return.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, this kind of blew me away. I feel dumb for never realizing this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

That really distills the issue down. That's what has been bugging me so much, even if I couldn't quite see the issue that clearly.

I told her that if she wants to stay married to me, I expect all the benefits including regular sex, and monogamy. She's on board. Or she's lying. I guess I would have to snoop to try to know for sure.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If you are even having this type of conversation and she initiated it, of course she is lying. Simple fact that alpha/high quality men are not in this predicament. Open relationships that she starts are just to facilitate her AF (with others because it's not you) and to keep you as her beta-bux tampon.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, I definitely see this now. I've made it clear that if she wants to remain married, that there's no way I'm sharing her.

She has agreed, and told me that if, in the future, she changes her mind, it will be with the full understanding that it will be over. And it will be, because here's no way in hell I'm putting myself in that position.

Looking back on her hamstring and half assed equivocations, I'm in fucking awe. AWALT. I thought she was different once, boy was I wrong.

But, I do believe she's not lying. The shit her hamster was coming up with when she was manipulating me was impressive.

I do entertain the possibility that I am wrong - to do otherwise would be folly - but I do trust my instinct here based on our time together. She is a wily, intense, smart woman. Her hamster can run with the best of them, but I believe what she tells me.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

take her "wily, intense, smart" ass of the ornate marble pedestal you made her out to be on already. Men's romanticism and idealism can be our worst enemies and means to be manipulated.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is off the pedestal, now. In fact, she's pissed at me because I don't want to interact with her and I STFU. I'm getting my shit done today and taking the fucking jet ski out, then I'm probably going to spend the night out. I've had enough of her dragging me into her frame.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well said.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've really been struggling with anger lately.

I thought maybe I wouldn't get as angry as some I see on MRP during their journey. Because I wasn't really blue pill most of my life. I was a fucking shiftless, sometimes confident, sometimes weird fuck, but I never had really subscribed to the fairy tale. Until I did.

But yeah, I'm fucking pissed now. I ate that bp shit up as soon as it was served to me. Plus I shut down so much of myself that made me interesting. Couldn't see it at the time.

I'm writing this now while staying with family, a couple hours from home.

I snooped. I checked some email correspondence and while it was nothing more than what I expected, seeing the things she wrote to him... feels she isn't getting from me because I'm the safe one, the known constant... feelz I can't possibly giver her simply because I am an known quantity, her husband... that pissed me right the fuck off.

I'm totally out of frame.

So I fucking left. Visited my old town, my old job. I wanted to ask my boss about my old job, but he's out of town. But I did meet Skye, with blue hair. And she was sure full of smiles for me. That felt nice. Got some other looks too, walking around the mall. And I'm not dressed well, at all.

Sent wife a message that I wouldn't be back until tomorrow. Called the kids at bedtime and told them I love them, didn't speak to wife. Now I'm here drinking Bourbon and smoking indica and typing on this piece of shit website.

[–]UnbreakableFrame1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It sounds like you are on the path to something healthier. It's important to remember that when we travel this path of taking more personal responsibility for the things that happen to us in our life, or "owning our shit", we can sometimes focus on the wrong things.

Is it your fault that you acted like a complete beta and created an environment where something like this could occur? Yes, it is. However, is it your fault that your wife ultimately is doing what she is? No, it's not. Your portion of failure to take responsibility is allowing your wife to degenerate into this weird E-whore. However, you didn't force her to become this thing or even suggest that she should. She did that all by herself.

Now, if you still want to save this relationship, you have to focus on your own behavior and personal development only. A good sidebar book for you to focus on at this point in your journey would be "The Mindful Attraction Plan", by Athol Kay. Your wife has become a leech on your life (not even really a matter of opinion at this point). She still extracts that trapping that most women aspire to gain from marriage: you behave as a father to your children and provide financial support. What part of the marriage contract that traditionally entices men is she fulfilling for you? My guess is... sort of nothing. You need to either find a way to gain value from this marriage again or discard it and move on. I strongly believe from reading your posts that if you don't quickly get a handle on these things, the worst has yet to come for you emotionally. You have a chance to act now and make a change.

I don't believe that anyone should tell you what your desired outcome for your marriage should be, for it to end or continue, but you need to make changes and create a life in which you can actually thrive. That starts with you, not with her. Lash out first at yourself for letting yourself be in this mess. If all the Amazon employees that bitch about how bad it is working in their warehouses quit, Amazon might consider making changes to incentives people actually wanting to work there. The worst case scenario is that they now no longer work for an employer they hate and can now look for other work, provided that they have any qualifications (read: high value).

Last, but not least, remember that if it does come to some sort of comprise, you can only make comprises with someone when you think their demands are undesirable, not completely intolerable.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is really the advice I need right now. I love this place.

I definitely feel that better things lie ahead. Incidentally, I bought Kay's books last week and am really into them. Great advice for me.

The first part of yesterday was difficult, but as soon as I started engaging people, I felt back in my element.

I was very terse with the wife, and she sent two very long emails, apologizing. This lessened the anger, and I feel like I can go back there and not be so Rambo with her.

The great thing is, I am easily finding the ability to treat my girls as they deserve to be treated, regardless of how I'm feeling. I had struggled with that sometimes. Never abusive, but at this age they really need a lot of patience and firm, controlled direction and consequence. I can give them that now, every time. I truly am in a better place, and I'm not ever going back.

Today I'm going to explain to her that a gym membership is requisite and non negotiable. As well, I'm going to begin doing team sports on Sundays.

What I need most is to focus on my professional development. Thankfully, for me right now that means laptop work, which I can do piecemeal from almost anywhere. I'm still tethered to local contracting jobs which take my actual presence, too, for which my e-whore wife watches the girls. Of course, that's not really a benefit to me when I'm out there making money for all of us. It's the side hustles I need to develop much more.

[–]jacques_cousteau0079 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wondering if I would leave if the sex dried up

You failed a shit test

But don’t worry.

Being bad at something is the first step toward being really good at something!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the link. I still have much to learn. I'm going to dive deep into this.

[–]jacques_cousteau0071 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most of the best posts are on the main sub. All time great posts about demoting/promoting plates, maintaining frame, and references to Manosphere websites

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's good to know, I've only just started poking around there after devouring a lot of MRP/AskMRP.

[–]hystericalbonding7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't want to get too much bigger

Accidental Arnold. I hate it when that happens.

IRL you're just a fat fuck. Plug your numbers into the Navy body fat calculator. You should be at 12%.

I need to work on fleshing out my boundaries and stating them clearly

You need to work on shutting the fuck up.

I wonder now if she has unwittingly destroyed her own plans for a stay at home beta

Women want unicorns, not betas. Should you be alpha or provide comfort? The answer is both, in the correct context.

trained actress

Jack had the tools. Deleted guy didn't.

She could get away with just about anything.

Women are as shitty as we let them be.

Also, since I am bad at (read: don't give a fuck about) guarding my devices and logins... If you see this... Hi wife! I'm doing this for me, and if it works for you, GREAT! If not...

Passive aggressive dipshit. STFU until you've read WISNIFG.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, seriously. That thread you linked is a great read.

I'm not sure really how fat I am. I definitely need to lose some fat though. I'll get my bf% tomorrow.

And you're right. I do want to get bigger.

[–]Majormikeoz7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

" Afterwards, she had some questions, the crux of which were wondering if I would leave if the sex dried up "


It seems to me you have boundary setting problem.

If you want to get into the swinging community, have at it. But you have to think long and hard.. would you be happy knowing that your wife is being taken to pound town by a randomn guy and coming home to you with his cum dripping out of her pussy?

I've know a few couples that have gotten into the swinging/poly community and most of the time it's a fucking disaster. One couple, he thought it was a good idea until one party he went to with his wife... he didn't find anyone he was interested in but she did and he had to sit outside near the pool having a beer and listen to the sound of his wife getting drilled by 2 guys at once, (she was howling her head off) and all of a sudden he wasn't so hot on the idea.

So, be really careful what you wish for...

Set boundaries.. enforce them with consequences..

Be the train..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No. I was at no point comfortable with the thought of my wife being fucked by another guy. I considered it for a while, read a book about jealousy, read poly blogs. I gave myself long enough to consider it and my mind never really wavered.

Today, my wife told me that if I want to be her only one, I have to step it up in the game department: dates, planned domination play, etc. We've been doing this, but I do need to learn more about myself in that regard. After a few years of marriage and two kids, dates were few and far between, but lately we have both been having a blast bar hopping and generally feeling like hot slutty people.

She is a person with some power in her professional life, and of course with the kids, so like many women, she enjoys the release of being submissive.

I do need to work on my boundaries. I keep putting it off, but I need to put some things in writing.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

the irony in your post title is epic. in the swinging community, aka "the lifestyle" a unicorn is "a single woman that goes to swinging parties without a man in tow".

i have no firsthand experience in this community. however, i have a ex-plate/college GF that is in it balls-deep. a lot of other guys have already commented on a lot of the details (matches everything she has said); but i will summarize the "the lifestyle" is ran by the wives because she can go without you; but you can't go without her.

unless you're prepared to blow up your marriage, and i would really say willing and eager to blow it up, don't walk down this path.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

I have some short term experience as a single-ish man. Every word u/Persaeus said is true. You will fuck yourself. Everything goes out of your control, unless you are the bull.

On the other hand, if you are ready to blow up your marriage and move on, you can let her lead you to an amicable split, go ahead.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

It’s been super interesting to learn about about the lifestyle from my ex-GF/plate.

Mostly interesting because it’s demonstrates all that Rollo discusses about open hypergamy. Interestingly , one of the main tenets of the lifestyle is “no cheating”

She invited me to there big takeover of New Orleans last week ; but I’m happily married now. This would the way to do it: with plates.

IMO, OP is already fucked and just doesn’t realize it yet

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

What I'll never understand is how can any self-respecting man put resources and a financial and emotional safety net under a woman who wants to be a slut for everyone.

I'm not mad at a person wanting to live her life as a gaping hole, but society shouldn't try to convince me to enjoy watching the hole get dug and accept that I should toss Benjamins on the bonfire at the bottom.

OP needs to say "Sorry babe, but no one fucks my wife but me." If that doesn't work or she keeps on prodding, escort her to the door. The fact that these insatiable idiots brought two future strippers into the world is on them to figure out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

how can any self-respecting man put resources and a financial and emotional safety net under a woman who wants to be a slut for everyone

Agree, I don't know how they do it. But they do it willingly and with a smile. My short term participation was the single guy added for the wife.

These "pleasant" "nice" guys were pimping out their wives so she can get her jolly's on his dime. Think of it, Joe the pimp walks up to you and says, "Take this ho I'm supporting and do her". It was too crazy for me to stay with.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah. It's not happening. I made it clear today that if she wants that lifestyle, it's not going to be with me in tow. That's not me, try as she had to convince me it could be.

So now we see if she really wants a manipulated man or not. I suspect not but how would I ever know?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

That's not me, try as she had to convince me it could be.

If that's what she wants, she will eventually get it. Human nature, not male or female. Unfortunately, your options have changed, a lot. You now have a woman that has made it plain that she wants other dick. IMO this will not end well, no matter what you do. Based on my personal experience, this LTR is not ever going to be what you want. Kill the puppy sooner rather than later. I will qualify that my first wife had similar rumblings early on. THis will not go well for you.

Edit: If that's what she wants, she will go underground to get it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That definite possibility hasnt left my mind. She made it clear that she needs me to fulfill her needs. I made it clear she also needs to meet mine. We are both aware that this may not work out in the end.

We are adults that communicate well, and I trust her to be up front with me, because in my experience, she would rather put her cards on the table and move on, than play games.

She told me on our second date that she would be open in telling me how she feels, because she kept too much to herself in past relationships. She really doesn't seem to want to manipulate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds good. Unfortunately, many women have trouble consistently communicating overtly. I would only advise that you watch her actions carefully, just in case she falls back into the preferred feminine method of covert communication.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She definitely has that difficulty. I've learned many, but not all of, her cues.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. Once the lid is off the jar, kaboom. She's not going to stop fantasizing about these things.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Part of the problem with this woman is that she is smart, sexy, and a trained actress. She could get away with just about anything. Thing is, I trust and believe her.

How can you write with such self awareness when you have none?

Ah, fuck it. I could go through your post and quotemine all the contradictory statements, I hit 7 already before getting to this summary. The entire thing is a weird, 1984-esque level of doublespeak. You've clearly got wishes (what you call boundaries, what we call unenforced boundaries), you married a narcissist that has no desire to see you as anything other than a setpiece for her one woman play. You seem hell bent on pretending all the rules she laid out for you were your idea, and are bragging points; Bragging about shit that shame was supposed to force you to deal with.

Also, since I am bad at (read: don't give a fuck about) guarding my devices and logins... If you see this... Hi wife! I'm doing this for me, and if it works for you, GREAT! If not...

If you repeat it often enough, you may even start to believe yourself. I'm sure she will too... You wonder if she killed her plans at having a stay at home beta... I don't think she did, you've just developed wonderful coping strategies to enjoy the box she placed you in.

And if I had to guess, your transition from deadbedroom to sex was either her wanting a fuck trophy, or her getting some on the side, and you getting the spillover of the tingles that someone else already gave her. Maybe you haven't done some amazing work to become an attractive man, I just don't see it here.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Meet" is womanspeak for "fuck".

"My wife doesn't have online relationships or "meet" men." Add in "without me present" if you're actually going to try to make the swinging thing work.

She's already done more than you know.

And I don't think she fits any definition of unicorn I know.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wife resists spending the money, but I can budget my own account for things like this. She doesn't know my actual income from side hustles and some contract jobs.

How fortunate that there's a beta workaround that doesn't challenge your wife's frame, which is apparently impossible for you.

My boundary is her meeting other men alone.

I told her that I'm glad at how things have changed and that I couldn't go back to a deadbedroom.

Not fucking happening, love.

Wait, finally some alpha spine and boundaries?

I'm not even sure that won't change in the future.

I just told her I wasn't so sure about that, then STFU

Afterwards, she had some questions, the crux of which were wondering if I would leave if the sex dried up. I told her the answers and details are forthcoming.

I could have just said yes

Actually, no, you couldn't; you have no boundaries you're willing and able to claim and enforce. What's your plan?

I'm also looking better than I have in years ... I'm much more up front with my needs and wants. I kino and game every day.

Ah, the The "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme. Dance, Monkey, dance.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're right on point one. I need to own that shit. I need a gym and we will pay for it. Or buy a set.

Regarding boundaries, she has been made aware of the ones I do have, but I do clearly need to define and announce more of them.

I did start by dancing, but not any more. My eyes have been opened. I have a way yet to go, but I feel a definitive change to DNGAF about this - I miss my old, self-centered life.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Regarding boundaries, she has been made aware of the ones I do have, but I do clearly need to define and announce more of them.


How to Build Boundaries During Your Transition

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

If you have a high value woman and you’re a real man, I can’t understand how you’d let some other dude fuck her. I had a similar shitty relationship with a lots of sex. Relationship got worse, but sex frequency stayed strong. We both talked about opening up and I said I wanted to fuck other women but not a chance that I’d want her banging some dude (mind you my Ex’s value was rapidly declining at this point - harpy, overweight). So we went to work picking up unicorn girls in clubs and then fucking. Lots of threesomes with eager, single girls that had awesome personalities and very fit bodies. The. Things started to fall into place for me. Red Pill, absent captain, etc. I realized that I’d have to put the time in to see if my Ex wanted to HS he and get on the new bus. Of course she didn’t. Much happier now with my HB9 GF that’s 15yrs younger and RP AF. You wouldn’t catch me bringing another woman. Into the mix in a good relationship. Not at all.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That question is over. If she wants to fuck another man, then she can't stay married to me. We are working on it from there.

She has expressed interest in other women, so a threesome may actually be in the cards. The problem is, she will then press the question: "what's the difference with adding a guy instead?". Despite the express boundary and the otherwise obvious answers to that question, her tenacious nature could likely mean the end of the relationship.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not for nothing but with an answer like that, you still sound like you don’t know what you’re doing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm learning as I go. I never expected these changes, and they happened so quickly.

What I can say is I feel better now than I have in two years, and I fucked my wife for 3 hours tonight (and the 7th time this week), and afterwards we were laughing, talking, and being intimate like we used to before the kids.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You wouldn’t catch me bringing another woman. Into the mix in a good relationship. Not at all.

Interesting. Not even for the novelty, eh? Although you've already got those notches on your belt.

I on the other hand, would be down to see my LTR bang another hot chick in front of me, but I also don't have the threeway resume you do. Your post makes me think, that a sign of a bigger issue?

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I can’t say if you’ve got bigger issues or not and I don’t know what your relationship goals are. If you’re more TRP and interested in banging as many women as possible, more power to you. If you want a relationship w/ one woman and you identify with MRP, then screwing other people opens up a can of worms that gets in the way of your LTR.
And my record is 3 girls at one time. I’ve already climbed that mountain.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And my record is 3 girls at one time. I’ve already climbed that mountain.

You sly son of a bitch.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you are nowhere near being able to handle that sort of community. That is a road that you don't go down without being mentally prepared for.

[–]maxofreddit1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

/u/CoachDad9 has a great comment at the top.

I’d say you need to work on your STFU.

You talk to much, you’re giving her too many answers instead of her having the “fun” of figuring it out.

“So that’s an ultimatum?” Roll over and go to sleep and/or fuck her silly. If she wants two guys, get out the sex toys until you know you’re good and ready (if ever) to go to a place you can never come back from.

If you’re talking with her, as in using words, you’re in her frame. If you’re showing her through actions, it’s more likely your holding frame properly.

I’m not saying there aren’t Alpha guys who swing, but it’s a dance you gotta be pretty damn sure you’re taking the lead, and she knows it.

If you’re kinky & into that type of thing, you may end up being that one guy that makes it work, and gets bragging rights. And if course, pics or it didn’t happen ;).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Definitely agreed in the STFU. That was one of the first things that really clicked with me, as I do talk too much, too often. We are great communicators, but that doesn't mean everything needs to be spoken or communicated at all.

As of now, we aren't getting into the kink community any more. Maybe minds will change in the future, but as of now I've decided it's beyond my boundary and wife is willing to accept that. We will see where it goes from here.

[–]maxofreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve learned that my wife (and I, too) think that I should “just be that way” and she doesn’t want to be a part of their execution process, or want me to justify why I feel a certain way, or make a certain decision. It’s takes the mystery out, is what I gather.

Good luck, and keep your mouth shut.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She said this, she said that.

Yep, always listen verbatim to what they have to say in order to understand them.

Lost cause, faggot.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe. But as of tonight, things are pretty fucking awesome. We'll see.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not a unicorn. Sounds more like she wants to be a hot wife. Someone who gets to go out and bang rando’s while you sit at home patiently waiting for her return. I see this whole thing heading for disaster. Clearly she wants to get some strange, and is going to resent you for denying her that.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

But still, those occasional jabs.

Why the fuck do you care what a woman thinks? Her hamster shits on you and you let it bother you? Fuck man, you wrote a whole post about it.

I wonder now if she has unwittingly destroyed her own plans for a stay at home beta.

If your sitting around thinking about what she's thinking or doing then you my friend are in her frame. Stop that shit. Focus on your mission.

Today, I told her that I'm glad at how things have changed and that I couldn't go back to a deadbedroom.

Fantastic. You just fucked yourself. You told her? What happend to stfu?

You can't go back to a deadbedroom? You just gave her all your power. Based on your giving a fuck about her feelings and how she communicates and her having the only functional vagina in the relationship she has something you just told her you need.

Your new, so I'm gong to assume you only glanced at the rational male. Here is one of the most important lessons in the whole fuckig book.

"In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least"

Here, read the words from the man himself:

Stop needing anything from your wife,it makes you weak. Her shitty jabs at you are comming from her sense of entitlement as your wife.

I read a quote in one of these threads that has stuck with me.

"Her entitlement ends where her despensibility begins"

Become so fucking awesome and self sufficient she actually believes she is despensible to you. Like you could captain the boat with no first officer.

This weird sex shit you are doing is going to have strange cocks stuffed into your wife if they have been stuck in her already.

Her looking for anything from another man means only one thing.

You have a lot more work to do.

Stop taking and telling your wife anything . Act, do, perform, work on you until the world notices.

Acta non verba!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Needed that. You're off a bit on some points, how could you not be without all the info. She knows I'm willing to walk, and she knows that she needs me around. I talk about missing living by the beach and surfing, etc. Yes, she has the only pussy in this relationship, but I'm also attractive enough and outgoing enough to find someone else her equal. If I couldn't, this wouldn't be working at all, she's too shallow.

STFU is clearly something I need to work on. She's really good at getting shit out of me.

Acta non verba.

[–]0086753090 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Let me try not to be a complete dick in pointing out that you may like the idea of being "Alpha" and swallowing that RP but this post screams beta, soon to be literal cuckold. You're letting your fear get in the way of leading your wife. Wives are meant to be led, guided, inspired. She's calling the shots and enjoys her jabs at you, keeping you in your place. Firmly set boundaries. Be consistent with consequences/solutions/rewards.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Our marriage dynamic has swapped twice.

When we met, I was the leader, no question.

After we moved and I left my job and my passion (surfing) behind, I started to slide towards beta, big time.

So now I'm on my way back.

Yesterday I set some very clear boundaries with my wife. Specifics, which she needed. And she responded very well. Compliance with no questions. So yeah, it's clear she wants and needs a captain.

As of now, the consequences aren't stated explicitly, other than if this doesn't work out (boundaries followed, etc), then I will not remain married to her.

[–]0086753091 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like you're getting a better grasp. I don't ever like telling a man what to do with his wife. However, you literally asked for it. The only additional bit I might add is, especially since you really don't want to divorce your wife, don't make that be the only or the most announced/reinforced consequence. There are other options.

You can let her know you're withdrawing from her and then do it. You can let her know you're going to withhold sex (or specifically pleasing her) from her and then do it. Whatever it is, you announce it first and then follow through. She'll see that you're a man of your word and that you're a man of action.

Also, I don't know where you guys are spiritually but if you are Christians, it would help your wife to be around Christian women. Hell, even if she's not Christian it would help her to be around women who understand the place/role of a wife. As a woman experiences being truly led, there's generally backlash at one point or another and then acceptance and follow through.

[–]CalvinRichland0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Stop putting your kids at risk of this fucked up marriage

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You got it, boss.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Noticed a theme here

One great thing about our relationship is that we are very open communicators

Thing is, I trust and believe her. She has been up front with me about things she would definitely like to hide .... but seems to be living up to her vows to be forthright and truthful.

And a problem too.......

... a trained actress ... She's a fucking tricky one ..... She could get away with just about anything.

All women lie to their men all the time and if you know she could get away with anything, she knows it 10x.

Beware of trickle truth. You know she is chatting up men, I would bet there is more you don't know about.

CoachDad9 is spot on about swinging. I'd add that if you start and then stop, you will be the only one stopping.

A good buddy of mine I play cards with was bragging about his new open status in his marriage last year. Turns out his wife was hoping they could simply switch marriages, not sexual partners for the night. Now she is still fucking him, in that house, in that bed, but without him. They had been doing snapchat for about 8 weeks before hand.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah, AWALT, but my wife doesn't want a manipulated man.

As far as I can tell. These kids sure do look like me at least.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

but my wife doesn't want a manipulated man

This is true, but this won't stop her from shit testing you and trying to break you.

These kids sure do look like me at least


[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Shit tests and comfort tests abound. I messed up a couple times by removing myself too abruptly (or for too long), but I'm getting better.

The comfort tests I'm becoming more unsure about as I try to blunt my beta tendencies.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Look, think of a house on the east coast USA, like Florida. Hurricanes come to your area once every 20 years and fuck shit up. Now picture an anxious homeowner who is worried about the place falling down on top of them during a storm. So every day they test the house. They push on the exterior and interior walls of the house really hard to make sure they don't fall down, jump on the roof, bang on the foundation. A good house won't move, creek, wobble, bend, sink, dent, break, or have that person's hand go right through it. Each test gives the home owner the confidence that it is doing it's job and is reliable. Even if the wall never fails, each morning the anxiety returns, so the home owner does it again every day forever.

As you digest the sidebar, you will learn that you are right when you say she doesn't want a weak manipulated man, but because AWALT, she will test you. She will try to move you, make you lose your shit, push you around, be sneaky and get away with it, over spend money, disrespect you, push buttons, throw tantrums, make plans, cancel plans, call your family shit, boss you around, and the list of all the shit they try to make us deal with is endless. Even if you never fail, she will keep trying it anyway because that anxiety returns daily because AWALT. The stronger you are, the less anxiety she has. The weaker you are, the more she will test. The more you fail, the more she is going to look to replace you as though you are a flimsy house with a hurricane coming right at it.

Most in this sub enjoy decent marriages or are at least in marriages we want to be in but want them to improve. Don't be one of those assholes that do this half-assed. Swallow the pill all the way. That means lift, read the sidebar (completely), internalize everything, try to improve daily. Master shit and comfort tests. Learn to not deer, but to dare. Try not to take it personally, that is the benefit to knowing AWALT. The way this looks, you have a wife who is very intelligent, sexy, somewhat woke, and a challenge. By outward appearances, she's had the upper hand so far and had her way with you, but now you have a secret playbook and support group to become the kind of man SHE ADMIRES, which is far better than a man she bosses around. This everything here ultimately benefits her and you as you become a better version of yourself as long as you both don't pull the pin.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wow. Thanks for the illuminating post.

One of my first lessons from falling off the precipice that brought me here was the need to do things fully and commit. That's what I did before getting married, and for the first couple years of marriage. That whole time, my wife was chasing me. I was the surfer talking to the surfer chicks. The boss of a dozen young men and women in a busy, critical job. The one with various hobbies and activities I pursued.

Then we moved, for her career. I left my job, I left the beach. Surfing was my bag... my passion. She knew it would be hard, but neither of us knew I would fail like I did. I forgot to live my life. Sex stopped, I got depressed. It got worse. ~

She is a challenge, yes. I used to think I needed that challenge to keep me going. Not any more. Now it's just part of the equation. She gives me trouble I deserve? I Own My Shit. If I don't deserve it? She's getting some shit back.

You're really spot on, I think, in general. I'm so grateful I found this place. I had a severe lack of strong male influence in my life, growing up. My father is a great person, but possibly the most beta man I know. I love being able to come here and have a range of advice and response, from supportive and understanding to deserved contempt and verbal violence. That's why I post so much here.

That's another thing, I really need to work on securing positive male friendships. Since the move, I've got basically nothing, so devote my free time to self improvement or hobbies. I want to go out and socialize, too.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Then we moved, for her career.

Ah man, the beginning of the downfall, always. Gotta build the castle on your land.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I knew back then, intrinsically, naturally, that it was going to be a problem. Perhaps I should have said no. That would have been the end of it, but maybe for the better, overall.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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