My wife grew up through some significant abuse and has a hard time opening up. She recently received really terrible news that really effects her only regarding a family member of hers. Instead of opening up about it, she shuts down completely and refuses to talk about it and goes into like zombie mode.
I tried telling her I'm here for her and I love her and such, but she just stays shut down. I am gone from her for the next 3 months due to buisness. So really all I've been able to do is Skype and try to be her oak. She just doesnt open up though, if she does she gets very upset... like to the extreme and says she cant control herself and she has to go so she can get calm down. I tried to tell her being upset is normal in situations like this. After seeing she didnt want to open up I told her I wasnt going to make her open up but I'm here for her if she needs me and I love her. I told her I'd make sure I was avail to answer if she called for any reason.
She started venting via text after wr got off Skype and I figure atleast this is a way for her to vent. But she got upset to the point she said to just leave her alone, and i responded I can understand she is upset and needs space, that I'll be here when she needs me, and dropped the convo.
It seriously bothers me that she doesnt open up. She refuses to open up at all. I hate that how she was raised (beaten for even crying) effects her ability to open up. She doesnt process negative life stuff very effectively and shes pretty internally self destructive when that happens. I'm not sure what is the best way to Oak for her, or be her Oak even from afar... I dont wanna over do it showing I'm here for her... I also dont wanna go Rambo and not give her comfort when she needs it. I just know it bothers me deeply that she doesnt open up because I want her to be able to rely on me in tough times and see her process through bad times in a healthy way. And I'm not sure how to help here.
Based on other posts, I've been told I'm going fucking Rambo, failing comfort tests and not making my wife feel like she is my priority. So, I tried being here for her in this one, instead of just telling her things were gonna be ok and moving the fuck on. Apprecently from the first few comments I've read, I'm not sure how to not be her girlfriend but also be an Oak, but also not be a fucking Rambo. So specific advice on why I should go out of my way to call her every day and tell her I love her and showing I love her is not against MRP rules... but yet, when shes upset and I'm trying to be here for her I'm being a faggot who is trying to be a girlfriend. This seems super contradictory to me.