TL;DR - swallowed pill, implemented dread, lost attraction to wife. Now what?
M (42), W (39), married 13 yrs, 3 kids. Swallowed TRP one year ago. I’ve read the sidebar and books, improved myself, been lifting about 4 years but got serious about one year ago and I’ve put on about 20lbs of muscle. Currently 164lbs, BP 185, OH 130, DL 275, SQ 200, 15% BF.
This is my first post, I’ve always thought I should wait to contribute until I had more RP experience.
I followed the plan, followed the levels of dread up to and including DL 10. I made mistakes (went Rambo, failed shit tests, then comfort tests) along the way, but kept coming back to RP, MRP, re-reading things I missed the first time around. I found new hobbies, started riding dirt bikes and I’ve been taking Krav for 10 months. Made new male friends, improved my looks, wardrobe, became more fun, social skills, and practiced PUA.
I made slow but gradual progress with the wife along the way. Eventually I became a better leader and she started following. Sex improved little by little. By far, the biggest change came when we had our main event 2-1/2 months ago, when we briefly separated. I had done my homework; I talked to attorneys, talked to the bank about how to keep my house, was tracking my time with the kids, had a FU fund.
Once I had laid it all on the line, she started working immediately to turn things around. Suddenly she was pleasant, and hornier than I had ever seen her. Now, sexually, nothing is off the table. Whatever I want, and there’s no asking from me, I just do it. She initiates almost every day. Makes me breakfast most days, packs a lunch for me and cooks dinner when I’m home. She’s been pleasant most of the time. When she does get out of line, I correct her swiftly. Mild shit-testing, but more comfort testing. I’m not good at these. I was so BP for my entire life, I’m overly cautious about adding in a little beta here and there.
I’ve improved myself, and I’m not done by any means. I’ve found plenty of ways to keep improving myself.
Here’s what I didn’t expect. I had placed my wife on a pedestal for so long. And let me tell you, I polished that pedestal like you wouldn’t believe! I was proud of it (raised by a single mother). I truly believed it was my role to serve her like a princess. It makes me sick now to think about it. I had placed her on a pedestal for so long, that I always saw her in my mind’s eye as a couple points above me. I could never have imagined now being attracted to her. Now, I’m more HV and I find myself losing attraction to her.
I know RP is amoral. I know I have to figure this out for myself too. I’m asking the community, what are some strategies for dealing with this? Are there only two options - suck it up with the wife or spin plates?
Bring on the criticism.