Swallowed TRP, losing interest in wife

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July 30, 2018

TL;DR - swallowed pill, implemented dread, lost attraction to wife. Now what?

M (42), W (39), married 13 yrs, 3 kids. Swallowed TRP one year ago. I’ve read the sidebar and books, improved myself, been lifting about 4 years but got serious about one year ago and I’ve put on about 20lbs of muscle. Currently 164lbs, BP 185, OH 130, DL 275, SQ 200, 15% BF.

This is my first post, I’ve always thought I should wait to contribute until I had more RP experience.

I followed the plan, followed the levels of dread up to and including DL 10. I made mistakes (went Rambo, failed shit tests, then comfort tests) along the way, but kept coming back to RP, MRP, re-reading things I missed the first time around. I found new hobbies, started riding dirt bikes and I’ve been taking Krav for 10 months. Made new male friends, improved my looks, wardrobe, became more fun, social skills, and practiced PUA.

I made slow but gradual progress with the wife along the way. Eventually I became a better leader and she started following. Sex improved little by little. By far, the biggest change came when we had our main event 2-1/2 months ago, when we briefly separated. I had done my homework; I talked to attorneys, talked to the bank about how to keep my house, was tracking my time with the kids, had a FU fund.

Once I had laid it all on the line, she started working immediately to turn things around. Suddenly she was pleasant, and hornier than I had ever seen her. Now, sexually, nothing is off the table. Whatever I want, and there’s no asking from me, I just do it. She initiates almost every day. Makes me breakfast most days, packs a lunch for me and cooks dinner when I’m home. She’s been pleasant most of the time. When she does get out of line, I correct her swiftly. Mild shit-testing, but more comfort testing. I’m not good at these. I was so BP for my entire life, I’m overly cautious about adding in a little beta here and there.

I’ve improved myself, and I’m not done by any means. I’ve found plenty of ways to keep improving myself.

Here’s what I didn’t expect. I had placed my wife on a pedestal for so long. And let me tell you, I polished that pedestal like you wouldn’t believe! I was proud of it (raised by a single mother). I truly believed it was my role to serve her like a princess. It makes me sick now to think about it. I had placed her on a pedestal for so long, that I always saw her in my mind’s eye as a couple points above me. I could never have imagined now being attracted to her. Now, I’m more HV and I find myself losing attraction to her.

I know RP is amoral. I know I have to figure this out for myself too. I’m asking the community, what are some strategies for dealing with this? Are there only two options - suck it up with the wife or spin plates?

Bring on the criticism.

Post Information
Title Swallowed TRP, losing interest in wife
Author Bushpilot817
Upvotes 11
Comments 51
Date 30 July 2018 06:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204146
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/936tum/swallowed_trp_losing_interest_in_wife/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
single motherbetadread gameplateshit testcomfort testliftthe red pillpedestalPUA

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy

I'm curious whether your waning attraction comes from anger about your past betadom (she wasn't sexually eager to please you all along) or your abundance mentality leads you to believe you can do better than her? Are we only talking physical attraction?

There's the old phrase "show me a 10 in a LTR and I'll show you a man that's tired of fucking her"

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Yes, just physically speaking.

Great point. Probably both. I was very angry and resentful for quite a while when I first found TRP, but thought I was past that quite some time ago. I also get a lot of interest from hotter, younger women now. And yes, 13 years of the same pussy - we’ll variety is the spice of life.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I don't have any answers, I suspect you answered your own questions in the OP.

I was asking for personal reasons. I'm 7 months in and feeling much the same way. She has responded well, but now that I see her through the RP lens, she's less attractive to me. In my case, it's less physical and more that I'm so angry and resentful that she didn't step up all along... only when she began to fear losing me. I had hoped it would pass by the time I'm as far along as you are, mauve it never will. I think daily about spinning plates. I will think long and hard about the positives and negatives as well as the morality of doing so before I act.

Whatever you decide, keep your foot on the gas!!

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I experienced the anger and resentment you’re speaking of. That phase will pass, almost to a point of amusement. I had to realize it was my fault, my behavior in the past, that was the reason she was interested in me. I wasn’t being attractive.

Keep moving forward and give her time to catch up. For me there was a long lag time.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I do accept my shortcomings, but just feel taken advantage of. In some ways I feel like her best years are behind her, mine still lie ahead... questioning if she really deserves exclusive rights to my best if she didn't fully give me her best, if that makes any sense?

[–]suprathepeg4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m less far along but I’ve started to really see that the problem is always me.

She didn’t give you her best and you definitely weren’t giving her yours.

Being a BP faggot, acting out covert contracts and justifying the poor response by building a mental fallacy of what a great princess she is in your mind while you lay offerings at her feet so you can sleep at night is hardly giving her your best.

Get over yourself.

One thing that I realized about stay plan is the same as the go plan is that it’s not weather I stay or go it’s weather she stays or goes. You are mission oriented, you are going somewhere and she can either stay with you on that path or go.

Personally I think married men spinning plates is high risk. Prolly better to look at ethical non monogamy. If you think broaching that convo will ruin her than her catching you could be that multiplied. I’m not really interested in ruining my wife nor fighting the ugly divorce that could go with. I’d think you’re better to be up front about it with her, but you do you.

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you handed your child over to a known pedophile for a sleep over, are you going to be super pissed at the pedophile or should you really be pissed at yourself for being so dumb?

Letting that realization really sink all the way fucking in is the only way to see the resentment leave for good.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

You won the war and now you're looking for what's next. Give it time, if she's high value my guess is you will respect her again.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

he didn't say he disrespected her, just losing attraction for her

his wife is 39, that's to be expected

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

My wife is morbidly obese and I think of ending it when i get iois from normal bmi chicks. She tries to lose the weight but seems to be struggling.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why do you not end it? I'm curious

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

3 kids and the few perks of having a big gap in the smv. She is actively dieting and working out. But is like the biggest loser chick who cries at weigh in when she gained instead of lost.

[–]jkp991 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You need to have at least some respect for a women to share a life with. Work harder on yourself. Much much harder. Go 80% of the way and then decide what to do. But go.

[–]wkndatbernardus5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wonder if his wife would respect him if he were unemployed and "trying" to find a new job.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't respect when someone lets themself go like that. Just like my wife didn't respect me when i did back in my bp days.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

I have a similiar problem. It's not that I don't find my wife attractive anymore, its just that the carrot has moved.

I found the red pill over a year and a half ago after looking for ways to improve my sex life with my wife. I wanted dirty, passionate, animalistic sex that we had before marriage and kids. Now that I have that, and in some ways have a better sex life than we ever had, I'm thinking..."now what?"

When I used to "communicate" with my wife about my sexual needs she used to say "nothing I do will ever be good enough for you." I used to think that was bullshit and say to myself All you have to do is fuck me frequently and enthusiastically. But now I'm not so sure that is true and perhaps my wife was right along...

When you accomplish goals, a new one should take its place. I feel like I have accomplished my goal of turning my sex life around, but I have not replaced it with anything meaningful...yet.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

>Now what?

Now you lead your family on the greatest adventure possible.

>nothing I do will ever be good enough for you.

Again, very common reaction from a woman. Less common reaction from a man but not exactly rare. I believe it stems from being dissapointed at yourself for choosing who you chose. Again it is not anger or dissapointment at the wife but at yourself. This is a normal result of going through the anger stage. It is like mourning the loss of something very close to you (i.e. your blue pill life) and accepting a man's 'burden of performance.'

If you still feel like this in a year you would be somewhat rare.

You are still relying on your wife for validation but your standards have increased. Now she is giving maximum effort and you are to far in front of her right now.

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree. I’ve found some other interests to pursue, areas of improvement for myself, and there’s always lifting and better nutrition. I guess I feel like I’m shorting myself if I don’t follow my biological desire to fuck other women. I guess it boils down to I’m still trying to shed some of my blue pill conditioning about cheating. I grasp the concept, but struggling to work through it.

[–]turbospeedsc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have wanted to post something like this for some days, basically my wife has been doing everything I wanted in bed and then some more, but somehow I want more, my wife is young 26 I'm 34, but now I want younger hotter pussy, and I know when I get it I just gonna want more.

Is this a phase or is what happens once you lose the bliss of ignorance

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

We get these every week. Anger Stage. Give it time. Stop externalizing your anger at yourself for being a weak bluepill for so long. You are not mad at your wife. You have not lost interest in your wife. You are mad at yourself. It passes in time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are there only two options - suck it up with the wife or spin plates?

almost. you could also divorce

but i vote you spin plates

[–]raywinstonsaysyouwot1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How did the main event go down, did one of you move out, and for how long? Also, do you have children?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

M (42), W (39), married 13 yrs, 3 kids. (emphasis added)

That's from line 2 of the OP. Open your eyes, dude.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think we need a name for it, I felt the same. I remember a point in time, that I became totally neutral.

OP, bear with me, I'm already divorced, I see you're asking your question. For me, there was no coming back.

The truth is, that if you decide to ditch your wife, then you're going to get a plate or a few, then you're going to find that special young slim tight HB-10 plate... you're going to get bored, eventually. You're going to go through the same thought process. If you keep your game tight, this is going to be typical - women are going to chase you, women of such qualities that you didn't ever think it will be possible.

What do I think? I think this is exactly as girls feel, as the relationships feel. You chase, you get something, you win, then you look for your next conquest.

Pussy is pussy, you have kids, what would I do? Fuck her hard today, do all the fetishes, nothing off the table, whatever you want man. Kill that madonna-whore complex. Wait as your kids grow up. As soon as they hit maturity, divorce, so you can support them financially, not pay child support to their mother.

As for plates, get one or two, probably also married. See there's nothing special about pussy. First you pedestalized your wife, then you pedestalize (idealise) extramarital sex. There's nothing to pedestalize.

My first response to you was: chill the fuck out, STFU, and do whatever you want but I deleted it, decided to wrote this instead. But, I see this is actually the same advice.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Even though your advice ended up being the same, thanks for the response. I needed to hear that, and I think deep down I knew I was just pedestalizing different pussy. I DO need to chill the fuck out. I’ll continue to fuck her however I want, and bide my time. If the opportunity presents itself to fuck other women, then I’m going to move on it.

And yeah, a name for it would be good.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (13 children) | Copy

Your lifts suck.

Beyond that, do what the fuck you want. We don't really care.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

You bet, I’m working on those.

[–]Whiteliesmatter11 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

I am sure you know about it but Stronglifts will get an average couch potato from the couch to 300 squat in 6 months. I was 6 feet, 160 lbs and 25 percent BF. I failed my first 5x5 squat at 200 lbs. today I did 3x5 at 285 and weigh 184 at the same BF, maybe a bit higher. I have never been naturally athletic and could have considered myself a “hardgainer” I am also past my peak years for this.

Rest of it I can’t help you.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I tried a few different programs for the first few years in the gym. Hired a trainer for a while too. The last few months I’ve made the most progress on my lifts - sticking to compound exercises; chest/tri’s, back/biceps and two leg days per week. Tracked all my lifts and went up in weight on most lifts each week. Definitely a hard gainer. Still pushing it, and adding in some isolation exercises on for some weak muscle areas.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're a hard gainer, yet put on 20 pounds of muscle in the last year? And with 20 pounds more muscle, you still bench only 185?

And why give your weight without your height. That matters, you know.

You're kidding yourself.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, forgot to write my height - 5’9”. I could have been more clear.

I’ve put on 20lbs over 4 years. However, I’ve seen the most gains in my lifts in the last year where I’ve been consistent about eating the right macros, eating enough food, and tracking my lifts.

When I started going to the gym, I weighed 145, could bench maybe 105. I know I’ve got a lot of room for improvement, but I’m also pleased with my progress.

[–]Whiteliesmatter10 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You are doing a bro split. Waste of time for a novice like you. You are a hard gainer because you are doing a bro split. Google Stronglifts, read everything on that site, download the app, get your squat to 300, then switch to Texas method or Madcow. You don’t need isolation exercises yet because your whole body is a weak area still. Spend your time on the main lifts. Squats, DL, BP, rows, and OHP, and maybe a couple of assistance in the beginning while the program is still easy. As a novice you need to increase your lifts every session, not every week. Once you are squatting 300 for reps you can think about increasing every week as the easy gains will be gotten by then.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah thanks bro

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Checked out the site last night. Thanks for the advice. I’m probably going to start this program. It recommends I drop my weights by quite a lot, when I first start, to work on form. Is that really what everyone does?

[–]Whiteliesmatter11 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you are happy with your form on the main lifts, I would take the starting weights with a grain of salt. The point of it is that you need to have the form in your muscle memory by the time the weight gets hard, your form is so natural that it doesn’t break down under absolute max effort, which is where you will be most of the time in this program. That takes a lot of reps of the same lifts on a regular basis to work. If you have been doing too much variety in the gym over the past while I would spend the time to get the form stuck in your muscle memory. Keep in mind that whether you start at the bar only or at 160 pounds won’t make a difference in 6 months. The weight adds up fast in the grand scheme of things.

Another reason is that you won’t get injured approaching your maxes so slowly. You will get a clue that something is still too weak of your form is a bit off a couple of weeks in advance if you add weight slowly. Then you can reload, fixx the form or give the weak part time to catch up, then take another run at more weight, then you get it next time. Less injuries is more lifting which is faster progress. This is part of the key to this method’s success.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Appreciate the advice. I can see the logic behind the plan. I’ll be sure to check my form.

This seems like the kind of plan I was trying to get to. I dropped a lot of the isolation exercises 12 weeks ago; just stuck with bench, squat, DL, row, OP and pull-ups. Added weight each time I exercised, and made the most progress with my lifts so far. But, after reading from the SL site last night I can see I wasn’t going to accomplish more with the way I had it split up. Just wasn’t hitting all the muscles frequently enough.

[–]jkp990 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That’s great to hear- just started with strong lift. Never lifted before. Don’t really know what to do. So I thought, just start somewhere...

[–]Whiteliesmatter11 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


Read everything on that website, download the app, and do the work. Boom, you will be stronger than 90 percent of men in only 6 months.

[–]jkp990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, I have looked into his videos. Great to have an Independent source recommend him with rp background.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It’s your life; who knows. Sometimes you wake up to RP life and realize you’re with a static value, static attraction woman. Not who you’d choose today. So you might feel the crushing disappointment of the decisions of your youth.

I’m still trying to figure out how you got up to DL10 and now you’re not sure what to do.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I know I would never marry again.

I don’t understand your question re: DL10

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You said you followed the levels up to dread level 10

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, that’s correct. Are you asking how I got to the point I was okay with nuking everything, and now uncertain? The answer is I was encouraged that she was so willing to try to save the marriage, I thought it was what I wanted. Now I gotta decide if it really is or not.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Figure it out. Once you stop making her your mission it opens up thebworld

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got it, thanks.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm wondering if she's doing all of this as an act, to cover for some Great Blow against you in a divorce proceeding.

[–]Bushpilot817[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t know, don’t care. I’m already prepared to go if it comes to that. Gonna focus on me.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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