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Is this as good as it gets *with her*?

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July 25, 2018
12 upvotes

How do you know if this is good as it gets with this woman.

I have progressed through the levels of dread over about 15 months taking it slow working on myself, one month per year of the relationship. My attractiveness and frame have grown tremendously and it feels like I'm "in the zone". You could argue that I have more to go but at some point physical attractiveness plateaus and it's more about strengthening the inside (frame) and pressing forward with your mission. That's where I'm at.

Lately, it seems like I'm just spinning my wheels with her and not moving forward. How do I know that this is as good as it gets with this woman? For those who have moved on from their LTR- how did you come to understand that it wasn't going to get any better with her and it was time to try with someone else? Or did you just know?


Post Information
Title Is this as good as it gets *with her*?
Author TurdDoctor
Upvotes 12
Comments 39
Date 25 July 2018 11:51 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204168
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/91r52p/is_this_as_good_as_it_gets_with_her/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gameframelong term relationship
Comments

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

People simply don’t change all that much once they reach adulthood. Sure, we change our attitudes and behaviors toward certain things given new realities, expectations and experiences but our core personality stays pretty much intact unless a significant outside force or event beyond our control alters who we are for better or worse.

We all “grow” and become more comfortable doing things that we didn’t like doing before. But the baseline personality doesn’t move much. She is who she is. And you are who you are.

For instance, my wife is wayyyy more comfortable with stuff that was completely off limits a year ago. But I also know there are plenty of kinky nymphos out there who will fuck like demons compared to her because they have desires stemming from a baseline personality that my wife will simply never have.

Trying to change her is a fool’s errand. The only question worth asking is: what do you want?

[–]TurdDoctor[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have employees and understand that each one has different strengths/weaknesses and greater or less potential for meeting my needs (as an employer). I provide feedback to improve their performance and give them a chance to do better over time, but I understand at some point that some people are just never going to be good at __. They usually have other skills but just not _. It could be a deal breaker where they have to go or maybe not. If it gets to the point where I have to say "do ___" or you're fired, I have already decided to fire them, I'm just going through the motions so I don't get sued for wrongful termination. After that talk, they improve for 2 days and then its back to their "normal performance".

Just like that employee that will never be good answering phone calls or collecting money or whatever I need them to do, I'm trying to figure out if this is essentially the dynamic with my wife.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

After that talk, they improve for 2 days and then its back to their "normal performance".

Ouch, my employees are usually able to hold it together for two weeks.

[–]FeralRed6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've held to my idea that the dread steps are just a ladder to a binary ending. When you get to the top, you make the final decision.

The idea of climbing the ladder in the first place is to ensure you are not the fuckup. Because if you are, and you don't fix that, guess what ditching the current relationship does? Not a fucking thing. You're still a fuckup, and you'll continue to fuckup any subsequent relationship by being a fuckup.

So, make sure you're not a fuckup, give her some time for her mental image of you to change (or not - 1000 foot rope concept), and if you're still not getting your needs met, it's time to go.

Unfortunately nobody gets exactly 1000 feet, nobody knows what their engine is capable of pulling and for how long. She can cut the rope, or you can.

You haven't actually stated what dread level you're at... have you fucked anyone other than your wife? Does she know that's where it's headed? IS that where it's headed, because if not you just wasted over a year doing MRP for the relationship.

Your wife has only fucked you, ever. Virgin until 26, religious Catholic, and all the hangups that come along with sexual repression. I don't know if she'll ever be your slut. All you can do is try, then make that binary decision that you are sexually incompatible.

[–]thunderbeyond6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

My question with this post is the "with her" part.

Are you thinking that another female will be able to do everything better?

There is a dangerous line of thinking that you ditch your wife, find another woman and then go through all this again. Because "with her" it's no good but with others it would be better.

I have some different questions for you:

  • does your wife contribute to your mission? Or at least does she not get in the way of you achieving it?

  • why don't you just go get some strange (the sex with her is clearly a thing for you)?

[–]TurdDoctor[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you thinking that another female will be able to do everything better?

No, just more frequent better quality sex with another female. Everybody has different strengths and weaknesses.

Getting strange would help at that time, but where would it lead to? Would I get strange on a regular basis to get my needs met? We all know how this ends. so why prolong the inevitable.

My point of with her is exactly that, there is better available elsewhere but how do I know I've gotten the best wine I can out of these grapes?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

how do I know I've gotten the best wine out of these grapes?

You won't. You can't predict the future. Just like Wall Street can't predict the stock market. If I sell a stock today, the price might sky rocket tomorrow. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. But in the investment world, we make decisions based on information that is available.

Your wife is a bore in bed. She was a bore before you even married her. Sure, she might be a cum gargling sex goddess who just hasn't been properly unleashed yet, but you don't know what you don't know. The information at hand tells me it's time to sell. Or, at the very least, hedge your bet (plate her).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would I get strange on a regular basis to get my needs met? We all know how this ends

hasn't ended for me so....

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Let's Get Ready to Rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for the Main Event. FMOFY.

You should have the abundance, fuck you fund, and attorney in mind if you even think of burning it down. Until you can begin an affair in under two weeks, you're not ready. Because if you bluff, balls go back in the jar, and your entire body of work to this point is for naught.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

While it's a redpill axiom that every woman will be madly aroused by and hypersexual for a sufficiently attractive alpha man (and I agree that it's best to start by assuming AWALT, that this is the case with yours), as with any human trait there will be some variation in intrinsic libido between women. You should be very, Very, VERY cautious before assuming that the problem is your wife rather than you, but your wife does have some of the markers (never masturbates; late virgin; no highly sexual time in her life) suggesting that she's toward the low-libido end of the asexual-hypersexual spectrum. Here are my observations on maintaining a satisfactory sex life with such a woman; YMMV.

Be VERY cautious in assuming that the problem is now mostly her, not you. I'm having better sex now than ever before with my wife, and while I believe that she's naturally toward the less sexual side of the spectrum, my still-weak game and SGM is holding us back from even better. I'm still the problem, not her.

Edit: The fact that your wife reads romance novels such as 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight suggests that she has some libido that you're not reaching. It's still on you, man.

[–]TurdDoctor[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Your points are well taken. The mantra early on is that you have to unfuck your fat ass and become attractive. You go to the gym and get in shape, you exercise your mind with the sidebar and build frame.

At some point in your MRP journey its time to take stock in your life and look around. Maybe she doesn't find you attractive enough to drop her panties and be down for every kink, but it doesn't mean another woman wouldn't. You should blame yourself in the beginning for not getting the sex you want because you are not attractive. At some point of progress if you're not getting the sex you want it's your fault because you're staying.

I know there's no perfect answer anyone care really give to this post. The point is really to get some ideas to strengthen my mindset for what lies ahead.

Recently I went through all those boxes piled in the basement with my old pictures, cards from dead relatives, orgainizing all the shit I would have to deal with if I moved out. It's enlightening to go through all your possessions and envision how everything would be split up. It's enlightening to go through old pictures and remember the normal sexual relationships from the past and compare it to the present.

I know there's more work to do on me, it's never ending.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

At some point in your MRP journey its time to take stock in your life and look around. Maybe she doesn't find you attractive enough to drop her panties and be down for every kink, but it doesn't mean another woman wouldn't. You should blame yourself in the beginning for not getting the sex you want because you are not attractive. At some point of progress if you're not getting the sex you want it's your fault because you're staying.

This is clearly true ... but it's not at all obvious when that point has been reached, especially to you. The involvement of our egos, any anger or covert contracts we still subconsciously hold, lack of frame or game that we never had and thus don't realize we're missing, the "unknown unknowns" about ourselves and our wives, the sunk costs, ignorance of the current SMP and our current SMV, fear of social and financial consequences, and the muddled morality of the situation, all make us solipsistic and usually terrible judges of whether that point has been reached.

Since our intuition is soooo untrustworthy here, we need a more objective method for finding that point. The deliberate and sequential stages of /u/BluepillProfessor's 12 Levels of Dread are also designed to provide this objectivity. So you feel that you could get better sex from other women? Feelings are free and are worth as much; prove you could by gaming and at least number-closing a number of women. Sure, you've got some faded old photos and memories from your better days several decades ago, but could you do it today? Prove it, to yourself as much or more than to your wife, before leaving her. Maybe your wife doesn't yet realize that she's willing to radically improve her sex game to keep you ... and that she'll even enjoy it ... if she is challenged in the right way by a FMOFY impending divorce ultimatum to challenge herself to open up sexually. You don't know yet; you can't know yet; you can't trust your judgment. Follow the program and find out the answer "scientifically."

I sense that your MRP journey so far has been a Dancing Monkey plan focussing on making yourself attractive without challenging your wife, and that you're now looking for excuses just to leave outright rather than doing the more emotionally challenging higher Levels of Dread. No. Stop being a pussy and get on with the program. Prove that you really still have what it takes to get and sustain the sex you want in a LTR, and give your wife an honest chance first.

Don't be afraid; she won't really cut your dick off. (A woman who might would respond well to properly applied Dread, anyway.)

[–]TurdDoctor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

...but it's not at all obvious when that point has been reached, especially to you.....

You make good points here all around- I'm not done with the program looking for excuses to leave, I'm just pausing to take stock in where I'm at. Maybe I'm looking for excuses to justify staying longer, not sure. Either way I will own the outcome of my decisions.

Don't be afraid; she won't really cut your dick off.

I'm not afraid of her but I did secure all the firearms in the safe some months ago as a precaution (remember Phil Hartman, how about this one

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You should be very, Very, VERY cautious before assuming that the problem is your wife rather than you

Imagine the humiliation of throwing out a virgin wife and then finding out she crossed the Rubicock

The cock notch number that, when a girl crosses it, accelerates her descent into debauched sluttery.

It’s like, once the snatch seal is broken, her womb trembles and the four horse cocks of the apocalypse pour molten semen into her damaged psyche.

[–]TurdDoctor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Funny you bring this up. I have thought of this sort of thing and how would I feel about strange cock in her and would she go all feral slut on a new guy.

It's like the girl that I dated and hated that she smoked cigarettes- of course she quit after we broke up.

Do you think this a barometer of whether you are ready to leave her, if you don't care that she will get strange cock and go all in slut with a new guy? Just a theory of mine that if you really don't care, you are ready to leave (because it will happen most likely).

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Until you're willing to walk away and burn it all down to the ground, you'll never know the answer to that question.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is your mission? Is it getting sex out of your wife?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your inner game is lagging, and you know it.

Once again, your question has nothing to do with her, it is all about you.

The grass is greener everywhere. So what?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

"show me the money"

Put your balls on the line my man, tell her your going to walk over this, and mean it. Only then will you see what she is willing to offer. Your under contract to stay and its a major effort to break out. She knows it.

[–]Reach180Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lotta guys here need to go back and read this post... twice. Way too much talk lately about verbalizing "I'm going to leave" or verbalizing "Hard Boundaries".

Emphasis on: Whenever a person delivers an ultimatum, always understand that this is a declaration of powerlessness.

You are advising OP to declare his powerlessness.

If you need to say it to your wife, you are not living it. That's not to say that OP owes it to his wife, or his marriage, to not cut bait and move on. That's his decision to make.

But also understand that AWALT also means that the next woman will eventually end up treating him like his wife does now if he's not ferreting out whatever weakness is hiding from him in his blind spot.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are advising OP to declare his powerlessness.

I endorse this view.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The ultimatum is the exertion of ones power. His power is in the credibility of his options.

No options no power.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you framed yourself as the dominate and her the submissive? Start. Sounds like she has signs of being submissive. Might need to tap into it if you hvant already.

Next time she acts out or rolls her eyes, take her across your knee for light spankings. Doggie style, pull her hair, slap her ass, ramp up the dirty talk, etc.

You doing any of that?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would need more than "I feel like I am spinning my wheels" to justify throwing a faithful virgin back into the pile.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

faithful Virgin

Why you talk about OP like that?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Start banging other women.

That is the best indicator I have found thus far.

Larger the sample size, better the sampling.

[–]KznRob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Patrice O'neal said on Black Phillip many times, a man's period is when he wants other strange but he can't.

[–]redsprinklersystem0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's surely a very introspective thing. Very much YMMV.

All I can offer are some questions to lead the thought process:

What is it you want that she isn't delivering?

Is it me? (SMV high enough / leadership issue)

Could I get that thing from a different woman?

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also - what does she offer and bring to the table? “The grass is always greener...”

What ever your choice is...stay and keep chugging or go and roll the dice....make that choice with integrity and open eyes.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Might just be inexperience. May have to teach her the Hard lessons.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You posted your hourly rates yet?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll do it for free this one time...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not a hard deadline. Unfortunately it's simply: I have made my case and moved on faster than you have caught up to my acceptable level (if you're even trying).

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

not moving forward

What's the goal? What does moving forward look like?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

well, what are you not currently getting from her. you're super vague here

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hindsight

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do I know that this is as good as it gets with this woman?

Probably because this is as good as it gets her with a man like you.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I usually listen to my gut, that tends to be the right answer no matter the situation.

When something "feels wrong" it usually is.

Lots of fish in the sea.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How much time vs LTR vs months worked ?

The honest to god trust is you must have it all together enough for her to realize she needs you. A few posts in the main sub are revealing this..... but then again, the OP lives lifevon a manner that displays this

98 percent is about frame and it’s gonna take a serious meltdown for her to realize you are nor fucking around

A great post as of recent about retraining himself to how he wants to fuck and he is doing it with strange. I ask you, is that physical ? Mental ? The divorce ? Or, a sum of all of it ?

The Disney programming affects every aspect of your life, you ncusing what you have done to allow yourself to get into the rut of bad sex, living in her frame letting yourself go enough, that you became a chore, and you allowed it



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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