Dating With Kids After Divorce

Reddit View
July 16, 2018
6 upvotes

Brief background: In my 30s, divorced, one kid (under 5), 50/50 time split with baby momma. I've been spinning plates, usually two at a time, for a while now. Never introduced one to the kid for obvious reasons.

This isn't an issue for me currently but I'd like to solicit some field reports and thoughts from the men of this sub that have experience in this matter... in advance of it becoming an issue, if ever.

As a girl climbs the ranks from ONS - Plate - FWB - Girlfriend, when and how have you introduced the kid?

If she has her own kid, when and how did you co-mingle them?

I've identified a tension within myself between:

  • Wanting to demonstrate a proper male-female model of interaction for my kid, and
  • wanting to limit any emotionally distress to my kid.

To clarify, I'm not seeking a LTR to accomplish the former nor am I willing to forgo one to eliminate the risk of the latter. My experience being serial monogamy (without children) and plate-spinning (with a kid) has left a void in my experience I'm hoping to outsource here.

My gut thinks that the right call is to ease into it thusly:

  1. Public outings - meet at parks, etc where it's obviously kid-centric but daddy has a friend (minimal PDA - hug hello / good bye, friendly Kino) and we part ways.
  2. Public outings that venue change to my place - she comes home with us for a meal or something and leaves.
  3. Allow the direct-to-home visits, maintaining minimal PDA at first and slowly ramp if all are comfortable... like snuggling on couch, kisses hello / good bye, etc
  4. No overnight stays until 3-6 months are spent at step 3.

Thoughts?


Post Information
Title Dating With Kids After Divorce
Author RPGivesYouWings
Upvotes 6
Comments 18
Date 16 July 2018 04:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204205
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8zc8wq/dating_with_kids_after_divorce/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
serial monogamymonogamykinoFWBlong term relationshipplateONSfield report
Comments

[–]mrpthrowa12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Some basic principles:

  • Realise that in principle, you having a child is a plus in the SMP, not a minus. Your juice is proven working, you got a woman knocked up, you know how to handle kids, and if you're a good father you'll instinctively know how to handle her as well, just like the kid she really is. The true alpha patriarch (tm) has a harem of women he fucks and rears children from whenever he wants to further his lineage. Difficult with the current set of laws in place, but certainly possible given never marrying, being in the right state, and having enough money which you should be striving to have anyway as part of owning your own shit.

  • Realise that when a kid is involved, there are 3 further relationships for you to observe. Hers with the kid. Hers with the mother. You three (or more) together (kid, you, her). A woman can never have the privilege of getting into this until you have vetted her for 1 year minimum.

  • Her relationship with the mother should ideally by nil directly. But they will subcommunicate, and they will do that in ways you could never imagine possible, and women are super super good at this, on another level. This is something to aware of, but not necessarily to do anything about except when lines are being crossed. The kid will happily yap and talk and they will pick up signals. When the child asks the new woman "do you put cucember on your face?" that communicates to her that the ex still cares about her appearance (dread) but is worried about her age (dread, she'll think you left because she was getting old, and she will strive to look young). When the child tells your ex that "daddy has a mirror next to his new bed" the ex will think you're having wild kinky sex. The ex sometimes sends the kid with lipstick kiss marks on his cheeks. The new girl buys me all sorts of shit to show me off (watch, shoes, hat). Oh by the way, this is already happening between your mother and any woman you're already with. Women instinctively do this just like cats instinctively mark their territory with piss.

  • I would advise against LTR'ing a woman who already has a kid. Yes, this is hypocritical: the mother's biological instinctual drive is very strong, and is more brutal than you'll ever believe. It will come back to haunt you, you will be deprioritised, or worse, took advantage of. A mother, instinctively won't see you as anything but a provider once you live with her and her child.

  • Your frame must be rock solid. Given a good SMV, your new woman will always feel threatened by the ex (she KNOWS she wants you again). Your old woman will always try to make her feel threatened as women are instinctively competitive for high value men. They will always sub communicate and try to approach boundaries and you'll have to see that a mile away and put a stern stop to it. They both must fear you.

  • Meeting the kid is the ultimate prize for any woman. She has to prove beyond any reasonable doubt that she is emotionally stable and intelligent. You'll have to see first hand see how she reacts when she is under emotional distress. She WILL develop feelings for the kid. The kid WILL develop feelings for the woman. You can feel abundant all you want but you can't let any woman have the power to hurt your kid. I can't stress enough how high the bar should be for such privilege.

  • I would posit that there are the following steps to take:

    • She knows about the kid (you could do this whenever you want): most girls think this is a negative. Most girls instinctively react very positively to this. I've had 2 girls first hand tell me that they "were surprised at how they reacted when I told them I had a kid". My own experience reinforced this. This is due to 1) basic biological drive: you are fertile, and another woman saw it fit to get your child 2) She will start developing (hamster) feelings towards the child without even meeting them. Once she proves worthy enough, tell her she will eventually meet the kid. She will do everything to be worthy of that experience. She will buy them gifts, tell you about ways to be a good father, recommend reading and experiences, etc...
    • She sees photos of the kid: an alpha must jealously guard his children against biological competitors, and will only show off his kids once he feels safe. 6 months minimum.
    • She starts giving you gifts and imagining life with the child, and shows that she is ready to see him.
    • The new woman gets to see the kid: They (both) will be anxious, you must be obsevant and handle it with care. I'll never forget my child nervous happy look once he realised that the new woman was super sweet to him. 1 year minimum.
    • The woman and the kid stay overnight with you.
    • The woman lives with you and the kid.
  • The relationship of the three of you together: at some point, the dynamic will set in where you are the alpha (as you should be) and they are two kids interacting. And kids get along better in ways you wouldn't imagine - they'll be silly, they'll be doing childish innocent things, they'll have the wonder eyes look (both of them) and all you can do is observe and be happy that they are getting along. It was a bit of a hard pill to swallow that my kid feels more childish with the new woman that he could be with me. But I have to settle into the (still fun) steel rock for both of them, tell them off sometimes, keep the schedule of the day going, and be the responsible adult.

  • The experience can be very enriching for your kid. I went from thinking that my child will have it hard in life being from divorced parents. Now he has TWO women loving him to bits, smothering him in care and giving him a much wider range of life experience than I and his mother could every have done in our miserable marriage. His mother is a disciplinarian who teaches him how to clip his nails and shower himself, and his step mother reads fiction with him and plays football with us all three in the park. It's tremendously rewarding for the child and they are always looking forward to the days we spend together.

  • The experience is also very enriching for the woman. A child will trust her, will hold her hand, will play with her, and show total vulnerability with her. Her motherly instincts towards him will kick in and they can be as strong as a real mother's.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

“Yes, this is hypocritical”

Only gay thing you said.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Slightly off topic, but I cannot see a ONS or a woman that is just a FWB ever becoming more than that.

Have your fun and then post them.

Your timelines for introducing a girlfriend at public spaces etc looks good. My buddy freaked out his teen son by introducing his new girl to him 2 weeks after the divorce was finalised. Don't be that guy.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Improve for the next chapter as an awesome divorced dad.

Read the saga of u/2gunsgetsome on how to transition to OI recently single guy with kids.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As soon as she meets your kids, she escaped the plate-zone and is now in the LTR spot.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are making this way too complex.

Don’t bring a woman around your kids until a good amount of time. Get laid where you can... it’s not difficult right now.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-2 points-1 points  (9 children) | Copy

I never want to see you refer to you children's mother as their "baby momma" on here again faggot. She is their mom and always will be. Refer to her as such.

Beyond that, there is zero reason for a ONS, Plate or FWB to meet your children. Perhaps a girlfriend, but that is 6+ months at least.

Every single one of my FWB whom have stayed at my home have been gone before my kids wake up in the am. My kids never even knew they were there.

[–]RPGivesYouWings[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Thanks for sharing your relevant perspective and experience.

I will respectfully disagree with your assessment of the term "baby momma", chief.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I have to agree with them. It shows little respect for the fact that woman, regardless of what she did, will always be your child's mother.

That is a childish and immature way of treating your child's mother. Big the bigger man and call her your child's mother.

[–]RPGivesYouWings[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

My god this comment section has turned into a shit show.

Thanks to everyone for moralizing on an informal term that is essentially irrelevant to the question at hand. Next time I'll be sure to refer to her as "the Mother, most revered."

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bring forth the pedastal so I can worship my kid's mom like the biatch I am.

[–]weakandsensitive-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Better than "baby momma".

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Are you black?

[–]RPGivesYouWings[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Does it matter?

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Baby momma" seems to be more accepted in the black community. If you aren't black, I would think of you as a low class, trailer trash, whatever-you-are. So yeah, it matters. Don't be low class.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking beat me to it.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter