Wife wants feelings justified. How’d I do?

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July 4, 2018

where I am at

Been working through everything I read in the sidebar (I’m reading MMSLP I’m about halfway. I been picking at it everyday. Little by little) . Lifting has never been an issue. My goals have been to stfu and not allow myself to enter her frame. This shit isn’t called hard mode for nothing. She knows exact what buttons to push. I find myself wanting to snap constantly. But I keep saying stfu. Don’t enter her frame. Go do something.

the incident

I invited some of our friends over for a forth of July party. Grill and fireworks. We needed to run to the store t”o grab stuff. We had a time frame to prep before I told people to show up. So my goal was to be in and out.

I tell her this. “In and out we need to get back” because I know how she is when we go to the grocery store.

Sure enough she’s taking forever so I go off and grab exactly what we need. While she sits and debated what the ripest avocado is (we didn’t even need them for the party).

When I get done. I meet back up with her. She says I just need to grab a case of water for the house. So I go with her. Of course I’d normally carry the case from the self to the cart but I had received and important text from a buddy. (Yea it could have waited but I didn’t even think anything. I looked and responded.) And she’s fully capable to carry it herself. so she grabs it and walks it over to our cart.

She’s standing there staring over my shoulder at what I’m texting. She knows I hate this and it was personal stuff from a friend that didn’t involve her. So I said stop being nosey. I hate when you do that. Or something of the sort.

She puts the water in the cart and says, why do you always have to be an asshole.

I ignore it. She’s in a mood now. I check my stuff out. And go to the car.

She’s driving, so she goes in and won’t open my door. I stand there, she pulls forward. I stay put for a sec then walk up to the door and keep pulling at the handle and locking on the window. She opens it.

I get in and say. “That was a gooood one babe. You got me so good (in a sarcastic but playful. You can do better tone)” She smirks then goes back to being pissed off 😠

Again just let it be.

Then she goes “are you going to apologize?”


“do you even care about my feelings? You don’t do you?”

I never said that

“You never respect me. Or how I feel. And I do everything for you”

I do respect you.

“Yadda yadda. Now yelling about how I didn’t help her with directions I didn’t even know she needed”

I laugh and say geeez at this point because I can’t even help it. She’s just finding something to get mad at.

We get home and I ask her a legit question about something with the party. She ignores me. I don’t have time for this. I go in the house.

I’m literally taking a quick she and she swings the door open.

Asking if I’m going to bring up the exact stuff I asked her if she wanted me to leave in her car or not. I said

“ I asked you ignored me. So I will get it later”

She said “I ignored you because that’s what you do to me”

“I’m not going to argue with you over trivial stuff, so that’s why I ignore you. ”

(I deer here. I caught it after but it is what it is. I’m still learning)

Now she’s going off on how I didn’t help her carry the water to the cart. When in reality I know it was how I responded to her peering over my should to the text. So I stop this dead.

I’m not doing this. If you needed help you could have asked.

“Look at me. Can you just be nice to me. And respect me”

Of course. I love you!

And then there wasn’t much said after this.

The rest of the night was fine. She is on her period and still blew me. And we all had a fucking blast but I deal with something like this almost daily. About something usually stupid. If I had to get this is coming from a place of needing comfort.

my personal thoughts

She wants my attention. Love and affection. But I am having such a hard time gaming her. I just don’t have that drive in me like I used to. I think about how much i liked her when we first met. And I can’t find that spunk in me anymore to do all I used to anymore. I think it’s because of the constant nagging. I never really been beta to her. always on the alpha side just lack some leadership skills in the relationship.

I have cheated before and women give me lots of attention. So I’m sure it adds to the constant need of comfort but The cheating was pretty far in the past. I’m starting to wonder if this is a sign it’s time to cut things loose. I really do have some good times with her. And in the grand scheme of things our relationship is really good. But I find myself lacking the drive to put in crazy efforts to game and give her affection. And the thing is I do put in effort but it’s almost like I can’t do it fast enough. Or enough to satisfy what she Is looking for. Or maybe that’s just an excuse on my part because I don’t feel like trying. I’m not sure. It’s like I’ll show her love and affection But she is constantly trying to drag more of it out of me. And as you know this can come off unauthentic if that’s the case. She also nags a lot and it causes me to not want to award that behavior. I’m not sure if the nagging is coming from the lack of attention. Or what.

And I honestly got thrown off when she asked me if I care about her feelings. Because I know I’m not supposed to. But I also am not supposed to communicate that with her.

Post Information
Title Wife wants feelings justified. How’d I do?
Author hopinghobby
Upvotes 10
Comments 51
Date 04 July 2018 12:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204249
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8w1exk/wife_wants_feelings_justified_howd_i_do/
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (4 children) | Copy

How’d I do?

Pretty shitty. But hey, learning from failure makes things stick.


What does a wife like? A leader.

What do good leaders do? Plan effectively.

Why the fuck, if time is an issue, did you make it a date to go to the grocery store and then complain the date wasn't moving along fast enough? The worst use of time here is to not divide and conquer.

You showed her with that first decision the time component was malleable. Then while you're there you tell her to speed up while you dick around on the phone. And unless you're literally texting said friend off a ledge to jump, the shit can wait if time is an issue. We always say "watch her actions and not her words" what do you think she does naturally with you?

If I ever end up at (and in, not just swinging by with one person running in to pick up something we forgot) the grocery store with my wife...(and usually the kid) it's never because we're in a hurry. I'll goof around with the kid, act like an idiot, inappropriately touch my wife when no one is looking...etc. The sooner you wake up to shopping for ANYTHING together is a date in her mind then you'll do better.


And I think they just like to say they're being rushed even when you are obviously not rushing and they feel some internal impetus to rush (I'll still get it when I could care less and am even paying less attention) , you just gotta ignore their internal struggles bubbling to the surface.

If you actively rush then you just play into that and are becoming a boring date. If you randomly rush, and are spouting off reasons things need to be speedy while acting like it only applies to her? You give ample reason to be treated like a douche.

Overall if time is an issue, plan better, don't go together. Go get 'er done or let her go (not have an audience to drag out a test if she's feeling like you invite it...)

Second big point : If you don't know what STFU is at it's core, the surface can easily be read as butt-hurt pout or passive aggressive. It's actually a criticism by those that don't understand the point of STFU.

STFU means to NOT

a) communicate femininely , like a chatty gossip therefor inviting being friendzoned by your wife

b) open the door to committee that which is decided already/think and decide outside your mind therefor it's up for debate

c) clamp down when you feel like you are slipping into REACTIVE mode

d) and lastly just to not say something stupid or add fuel to the fire.

What STFU does not mean is

a) the silent treatment

b) tit for tat, entirely enters the other's frame , you specifically weren't bringing in groceries because of HER behavior. What ever the hell happened to time being an issue and you not being a man and picking up heavy things? 99% of the time BRINGING IN THE GROCERIES IS NOT A COMPLIANCE TEST. Hold out your arms. Tell her to load you up. I like to make one trip. My arms bristle with gigantic reusable cloth bags of heavy items. The only thing stopping me from grunting and kicking in the door is that it'd create a lot of door-frame rework and who's got time for that?

“ I asked you ignored me. So I will get it later”

She said “I ignored you because that’s what you do to me”

“I’m not going to argue with you over trivial stuff, so that’s why I ignore you. ”

Translated: wah, you pinched me and hurt my feels, I pinched you because you pinched me, I'm not going to pinch you back this time...that's why <PINCH>

How old are you? (rhetorical) If you find yourself having this type of childish interplay it's time to examine yoru motives, why the fuck you are giving a fuck and go do something constructive.

You want to be treated like a man and not nagged at like a bitch?

Plan well, drive always, carry heavy things, don't diddle on your phone like a teenager, and IGNORE bad behavior don't play into it (EVEN if you realize later you were the initial cause).

The rest of your post? You opening up the door for all of the types of "do you care for me? why don't you listen to my feels" all a symptom and not the problem.

Go back and think "had I planned this out well and acted like a man instead of part of a committee" if you would have been talking about emotions and this point and blah blah bullshit.

Your whole personal diarrhea... I mean diary... wtf? Get your head out of your ass. Not wasting time in the weeds. It's a diversion. You've diverting yourself.

I never really been beta to her.

Well.. except for what you're relaying to us here with your actions.

Lets revisit some past comments that you need to shake your mindset and really start addressing that is the core of what you seem to be running into and people hitting the nail on the head with you and you glossing over or blowing past with your replies:

from u/UEMcGill

"My question to you is why to you invite all this drama into your life? Do you like it?"


"She", "She did this", "she said this".. Why do you give a fuck?


"Sounds like you probably genuinely aren't any fun and she's legit aggravated"

<again, this new post, same problem as the old post>

...many commenters...

  • You've been told to not DEER numerous times for a reason.

  • You are in her frame.

  • Give less fucks.

  • You have a weak fragile ego.

We all have strengths and weaknesses coming in here. An easy trap to work on (just like in the gym or on the mat) is to improve the areas you are already good at and keep ignoring your weak spots hoping an increase in what you are already good at outshines your flaws.

Well guess what? Unless you are the champ at one, ANY other flaws count exponentially more.

Are you a top notch comedian? Then maybe your AAs and AMs can blow through comfort and fitness tests.

Are you the king of PUA and stealth and run full train leaving a swath of side plates so great the only reason the wife is staying behind is because she is always feeling like a winner "that you came back"?

Are you so deep into NGAF and have a singular focus on your goals and frame that you exude some sort of Zen mastery glow that she clings to like a beacon?

Are you so swole in the bod and career that any female would feel stupid jumping off the you train for lesser meat?

99.9999% of men need to improve in each area to their PERSONAL CHROMOSOMAL MAX.

NO , NO , NO there are only a few superstars. YOU ARE NOT LEBRON in any area, yet you are focusing on what...PUA maybe? as your strength and ignoring you massive prob with weak ego and frame, and giving too many fucks. STOP WORKING ON WHAT YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALREADY GOOD AT AND WHATS EASY. You gotta go DEEP, bitch. Introspect , motherfucker.

You have to address whats OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. It's leg day, chicken legs.

Like Mayweather, she can just avoid everything you throw strong until she's got a bead on your weakspots and one good smack and you're going down.

Until you change something fundamental about you for the better in your weak areas where it becomes the new you, you will always slide back into your weak zone and they will overcome your strengths. You've posted enough I worry about you need a Paradigm shift to see. And many do, to get out of old patterns.

If you can't pull off AA or AM , try being cool and collected but with an outward projection of non-plussed , devil-may-care. Might be an easier pivot.

Your goal should at minimum not be to come back here with another tit-for-tat mountain built from a molehill of deer and butthurt post, with a sitcom style analysis with you as the central misunderstood hero at the end.

Happy 4th.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You could easily make this into a stand alone for MRP proper.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I really need to concisely distill some of this into more generalized and practical application. It's been a while since I've contributed but I wanted to make sure I had something new to contribute first and so much ground has already been tread.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is what I need. I will re read this probably everyday this week. To really get what you’re saying.

1.) to start. We were in the car together. I had nothing planned. And I realized fuck it. I have off tomorrow. Let’s see if people want to get together. It was spontaneous and a way to get everyone together.

It happens. You can’t always plan everything. That being said. That’s why she came with me. Otherwise me and her would be spending time together. (We don’t get to too often) and then what I’m just supposed to split the day date with her. Leave or drop her off to go to the store. Of course she’s going to want to come with me.

But other than that. Yes my planning skills can use some work.

  1. ) your saying I need to give less fucks and I feel like I haven’t really been giving any. And that’s why she’s asking me if I care at all about how she feels.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spontaneity can work out great. It can be all that you expect. But it can also not, and if you're not careful you could react to a covert contract you didn't realize you signed with yourself over it.

You could take an indicator that the giving less fucks air you are putting forth is numbness.

GLF's has a million flavors. And these are my own non-sanctioned way I look at the categories, again trying to illustrate MRP is a toolset you use to build your own house:

  • the GLF I would hope we're all striving for: unflappable and self assured. Fucks aren't given because you're happy with yourself, your life choices and getting bent over someone disagreeing with any aspect or trying to assert frame pressure is amusing because you're above it. You're a rising tide lifting all boats. You are sad if people don't see this, but it's more of a parental sad because you've always got yours and everyone else's best interests at heart.

  • numbGLFs : you have no fucks left to give because you're raw from giving so many fucks you blew your fuckometer gears. You're incapable because of scar tissue or damage... not really good to project. Sometimes misinterpreted in your favor. Sometimes this can trigger mate retention action from her. Most of the time not.

  • BullyGNFS : You've got a glf flavor of another variety, but you do so for the reaction it gets. And you kind of enjoy knowing now that the person who cares less gets more so you use that to effects that are not concerned at all for the other person's mental fallout. You see this with natural Alphas. Definitely shows up with the sociopath emulating dark triad. It's one of those that can work, if you're OK with it. I think this one is more hard to truly be unless you're of that bent to begin with. RP is amoral. So on a personal level I dislike it and think it indicates deep down you're a narcissist or sociopath with a broken brain, but you can't argue it works.Consequently: detractors and those who don't understand mrp assume this is what we are or are going for.

  • Psychopathic gnfs - Your gnfs are random, all over the place and have no rhyme or reason. You are too distracted to gfs of any variety sometimes, then other times you seem to explode with fucks for slight (or hidden to others) cause. People don't know what to expect and are confused. This can be a natural state. But also I think this can be the INTERPRETED state of those just starting out rp. Ie. you can contain yourself when paying a lot of attention (because it isn't ingrained yet) , but you slide when you aren't focused (for whatever reason, ie. alcohol, or you just got off the phone with a family member that riles you up, or you're just sleepy). This really tends to attract girls who need a man to fix/project. Guys with PTSD, etc. but generally it falls apart for 2 reasons: things go south and someone ends up getting hurt. OR she fixes him and gets bored. No real long term win here to me.

[EDIT] Just another sidenote on this one. I think this is why it's especially important for guys starting out (or starting to slide when getting too comfortable in a few years of success) to not help themselves have an easier time by making sure to control themselves, set and setting and not add difficulty by putting themselves in easy-to-lose situations. Eg. Don't go to a party and drink too much because she said she's fine and will chauffeur you. Don't take her out to an aggro-pickup bar. Or hang out for a dinner party with her recently divorced friend who has a chip on her shoulder against men and is looking to bring your wife into the cougar fold. If something comes up and you're glf muscles are atrophied or sore, take a look at it and go: wow...am I really just setting myself up for a tough go? Because when you fail then...you'll look inconsistent, like a psycho, or weak like a thin veneer.

  • The thin veneer / rubber band GNFS: You can gnf's for a limited period of time. But steady or repeat pressure cracks that shell because it's obviously weak or false. Again. Easy to be in when you just find this place and are treating this like reading a manual "Oh she tests me and I just need to come up with a witty reply? Or not speak for a minute? GREAT!" Unfortunately this isn't how the world works.

So , you're going to have your own true inner variety and sometimes that can be in line with what is perceived. But once you own it or make it who you are: sticks and stones...slings and arrows... you are who you are despite it all.

[–]eddielovett3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t trust women behind the wheel the stereotype exists for a reason

[–]The_LitzRed Beret11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

To be honest with you, you sound way to serious, and a little spat like this riles you up enough to sit and stew over it.

I don't know your wife but her locking the door sounds like an attempt at humor, to get you to lighten up, but you saw it as an personal attack. Stop viewing everything as an attack on you.

I am going to look at it from her point of view. You kept on rushing her in the supermarket, then stop dead to do something on your phone. She sees a hypocrite in her solipsistic mind. Then later she tries to get you to lighten up in the car, you get angry. Now she gets angry back at you.

I don't know your wife but her locking the door sounds like an attempt at humour, but you saw it as an personal attack. Stop viewing everything as an attack on you.

You need to lead her, and a good leader also knows the limitations of his crew. You need to learn when to push and when to pull.

And a few more things.

- The captain drives.

- You needed the avo's.

- Fireworks...

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I can see the rushing her thing and then texting even thought it took 2 seconds. Maybe that’s it maybe not.

As far as the locking door thing. No way in hell did she do it as humor. I know her. She was pissed and wanted me to feel pissed. That being said i think you misinterpreted my reaction.

When I got in the car my tone was that of sarcasm of you can do better. And very light. I got her to smirk because of it. She was in no mood to be humorous. She wanted her feeling justified. And wanted me to be pissed like she was. But I wasn’t and I didn’t respond in an upset way. I knew what she was doing

That being said.

-I’m not going to always drive. Fuck that she can drive when I need her to.

  • we didn’t need them at that moment. We weren’t there to shop for other shit.

  • yes!

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

All that said you should have treated it as if it was an attempt at humor (amused mastery).

Each time she nags, it is a shit test and you are failing if you are getting upset. Other comments confirm you are at least inwardly feeling defensive. It is good if you can stfu, but even better if you just recognize what is going on in the moment and react more fun loving as if every shit test is an attempt at humor.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I suck immensely at AA with her. And I also read a post jackten wrote. About going from this guy, right into using AM And AA. How she’s going to look at me like wtf the fuck are you doing? What is this shit?

And I had happened so I found it better to STFU for now and ease into the other stuff.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she is feeling ignored or neglected, you are using STFU too much. You could try a half measure and smile at her and say something like "you look so cute when you are mad". No hint of sarcasm though, it will backfire. If I want something I may follow up immediately with "now, can you go get me a sandwich (or whatever)" to imply that there's nothing wrong as far as I'm concerned

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I found it better to STFU

Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[–]GroundbreakingDevil6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I tell her this. “In and out we need to get back” because I know how she is when we go to the grocery store.

Sure enough she’s taking forever so I go off and grab exactly what we need. While she sits and debated what the ripest avocado is (we didn’t even need them for the party).

So your wife is terrible about lollygagging at the grocery store. You know this.

You are in a hurry and want to be in and out because you are on a schedule. You bring her along anyway.

She does exactly what you expected her to do. You get mad/annoyed.

She doesn't like you being mad at her, so she gets mad.

You assigned a team member to go on a mission you *knew* they were going to jeopardize, based on past performance.

You brought all of this upon yourself through failure of leadership; your awkwardness in dealing with her being pissed is the secondary issue - that will improve as with practice as you read and implement the MRP texts and techniques.

choose one:

  1. "Wife, I'm running to the store to get supplies. I'll be back in 45 minutes. While I am gone take care of X, Y, Z, OK?" <smack ass, 10 second kiss> "If you do a good job there's more where that came from when I get back." <smirk>
  2. "Babe, I'm really busy right now with X, Y, Z; I need you to go get some supplies, OK?" Do this early enough to allow for her to lollygag, since you know she's going to do it anyway. If you're lucky she'll bring back some avocados and make guacamole, and you'll get peace and quiet while you finish up the other things that need to be done.
  3. Since you know she's going to lollygag, and you know you have a deadline, budget extra time and have some fun messing with her about it at the store. Check her T&A for ripeness while she's messing with the avocados, etc...

Regardless, give her a task/expectation, make her feel useful, and give her positive reinforcement when she does a good job.

TL;DR: Work on being a more effective leader and you won't have as much of this shit to deal with.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Christ on a crutch. So.Many.Words.
The issue is you expect her to be something she isn’t. Then when she breaks your little heart that she’s get distracted with an avocado you are extremely butt hurt. You’re no fun at all. Probably have a declining SMV at the same time.
In this while example you should have just gone to the store yourself if you can’t have fun with your girl while she’s acting like All Women.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

why do you always have to be an asshole.

There are various theories but most converge on the line between genetics and learned behavior.

I ignore it.

Not the wrong answer but it is likely to just make her more pissed that she had to carry a heavy item by herself even though her big strong man was standing right there.

I’m not doing this. If you needed help you could have asked.

Oh no! You stood up to your crabby bitching wife. Gee I wonder what will happen later?

blew me

Of course she did! Women blow MEN!!

I am having such a hard time gaming her. I just don’t have that drive in me like I used to. I think about how much i liked her when we first met. And I can’t find that spunk in me anymore

This is your challenge. It is not nearly as great as a lot of these guys. Your feelings are a manifestation of the anger stage. Deal with it. Work with it. Accept that women are women and get past it.

I honestly got thrown off when she asked me if I care about her feelings. Because I know I’m not supposed to

What autistic retard told you that? That is not what MRP preaches. You are supposed to DNGAF about her bitching and moaning and manipulation bullcrap. You are supposed to get rid of oneitis and get to a place where you can enjoy her feelings like frolicking in the surf and let them wash over you without dragging you through the sand. You are supposed to care about her feelings otherwise. This is your wife, right?

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are supposed to care about her feelings otherwise. This is your wife, right?

This exactly. How is it that so many men get the idea that not being subject to her emotional swings in the moment is somehow equivalent to not caring about her emotional well-being at all?

[–]youcantdenythat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alot of good replies here, but I think one thing got missed.

So I’m sure it adds to the constant need of comfort

Don't mistake this stuff for a comfort tests. These are shit tests that you are failing by jumping into her frame.

Bottom line is that it sounds like you are pretty sick of her and she is too. Your "good times with her" is you hamstering. Unless you have some really good reason to stick with this chick, I would move on if it were me.

[–]FeralRed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

1 - Your phone is never more important than the person you're with. Stop that. Leave your fucking phone in your pocket. It's rude, gauche and demeaning. I've walked out on women mid-date who pulled that shit.

2 - You are zero fun. No playfulness, no banter, no happiness, no teasing. Guess what kind of container you're providing for your woman to fill? Would you want to be with someone who brought no joy? Isn't that why you're here?

3 - It's not about "winning". To even acknowledge she's in any small way even a minimally worthy competitor is giving her too much power. She can't win if you refuse to play her games. You idiots are playing tetherball with a landmine.

4 - Game your fucking wife. Show her you care. Give her a big hug when she's spouting nonsense and don't let her go until she giggles or says some silly word you whisper in her ear... i.e."I'm not letting go until you click your heels together three times and say,"Open Sesame Buns."" Pull up her skirt and bite her asscheek in the kitchen. Lick her nose for no reason at all. Pin her against the shower wall and stick your tongue in her ass. SHOW her you desire her.

Be her oak, not her bitchy teenage daughter.

[–]DanG30 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You will “love her” best by becoming ‘the Man other men wish they could be, and whom women wish they could fuck,’ - NOT by the faggot behaviors and dialog you describe in this post. You say you’ve been “reading?” .... Why the fuck is she driving the car?

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You think I’m going to drive everywhere? she can drive when I need her to She has her own car.

[–]DanG31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will drive unless it is a long distance trip (hourS), or unless she is driving you to the ER.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Had you just. Made this a field report I'd have enjoyed the read, but since you ask how you did?

2/10, because if you make. Me the judge I'll shit all over it

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Well that’s what we are here for no? Advice. Make sure we aren’t going too left field with all this?

But i think what you’re saying it doesn’t fucking matter. If I said I did okay. I did okay

Just like these guys saying why is she driving. Because I told her to drive. I’m not going to drive all the time. Fuck that

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't care about driving. I drive as little as possible. She drives Everywhere.

If I coukd pick up chick's in a Nissan Sentra, I sure as fuck can man from. The passengers seat

If you have a goal. And you got closer, then it was good.

I mean, regardless of how this went, you got blown and not divorced right?

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes and that puts it in a better perspective. Makes sense

[–]DanG3-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

My point is to attack the little, easy things ... replace the “broken windows” ... “make your bed.” They add up. Next thing you know, you are fucking chicks in the back of your (restored) AMC Gremlin.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


Absolutely not. We are here to trade notes and throw around ideas. Taking advice from a random dude on the internet is moronic. Take the ideas and apply them to your situation.

like these guys saying why is she driving. Because I told her to drive.

Good example of why these are ideas, not "advice." The man driving tends to set the tone of him as the leader so it is strongly suggested on MRP. However, it is not always necessary. It can be useful especially for the Beta guys when the tone is not already set. If it is, then carry on as you are doing. No need to explain beyond you knowning in your mind that you are the man in charge whether you drive or not.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes and no. People will offer feedback on a field report, thats the purpose. But asking 'how did I do?' shows a frame where you need mommy approval. We aren't here to replace the wife for another 'authority', just some dudes.

At your BBQ, would you ask the guys 'how did I make your steak, did you like it?' or did you make one and serve people, then have a beer?

[–]DanG3-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t have to take the advice you are given here. I, for one, will be happy to fuck your wife for you, faggot.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why is she driving?

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is a legitimate question. Why is she driving?

The only time a woman drives my car is when I'm teaching her how to drive. So I'm still in a position of command.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Talking too much = Validating her feelings

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I feel ask though I didn’t talk hardly at all. That’s what I was going for. Old me would have got Into it with her.

I kept things very short

What might I have done differently if you were me

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

STFU. She is harping on you and you're passive aggressively trying to impose your superiority. If you just STFU out the gate, you wouldnt have had her harping at all.

Also, the only time the women drives is if the man is drinking.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is where I just don’t get it.

How am I supposed to stfu when I’m alone in a car with her and she actively bitching and asking me questions.

I don’t respond I look like a brainless idiot. “Do you not care about my feelings”

I’m supposed to just sit there? This is the problem I constantly run into with her. She will hit me with some statement or question. That if I just don’t say anything. I look retarded. Followed by a bunch of huhs? And why Are you ignoring me? Yadda yadda

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she knows you're not going to talk when you don't want to, she'll stop being ridiculous.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There’s a whole book on how to not STFU and still engage her to make her feel heard without conceding any ground.....

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't have put myself into such a time crunched and stressful situation if I could have helped it. That was the genesis of this entire sad ball sack of a story.

Stress in, stress out.

It's no wonder you two had a poor interaction... YOU steered the ship into a malestrom and then, like the lack of responsibility takin queef that you are, started blaming your first mate for not acting appropriately...so much so that you are thinking about div?!?

Come on dog, you're better than this. You can't even know if she should be dismissed as your first mate if you haven't captained her correctly. Lead and she'll respectfully get in line. It's written into a ho's DNA.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You DEER way too much.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I know man. That’s another thing I struggle with. I don’t know fucking why. This has been my weakest area I think.

It’s almost like I don’t mentally know how to respond to her at times. Idk if it’s years of deering and getting my way from others that caused me to be like this. I have tried to talk less to get my points across so I’m not just sitting there in silence like an idiot. As she begs for me to say something.

Can you give me some examples of what you mean here and a better way to respond?

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Look up the 12 levels of dread work your way through the reading material. MMSLP is a good entry level book, there is a ton of reading to do and your sitting around the beginning of stage #1. WISNIFG is a great tool but you’re not there yet.

[–]DanG35 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

“It’s almost like I don’t mentally know how to respond to her at times . . . As she begs for me to say something.”

She isn’t begging you to say something. She is baiting you to step into her frame - to engage her in what she - a woman - is best at - talking. You will lose EVERY TIME. Stop it - all of it - Just. Stop. It! If it absolutely comes to having to speak, minimize the words you use. Even that locked car door situation: Imagine the REVERSE impact you would have had if you had said nothing - silence. Instead, you spoke - self-deprecated, she smirked, she won, you lost. Then she (literally) drove you home and beat you up some more. STFU! and read until you know what the fuck you are doing - https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/8m8tqv/talking_with_women_always_dare_never_deer/

[–]mrpthrowa-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is not having a "constant need of comfort". You have it completely wrong.

She thinks you're a loser, and she is constantly shit testing you because she resents that you're not a good leader, and she can't believe such a poser loser somehow got side pussy.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Read the fucking sidebar ——-


[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I am and I lift 5-6 days a week. My max bench is 385. DL 414. Squat 405 for 4. I’m 6’0. 215lb. 8% bf.

Lifting is one of my strongest points

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Rereading your post, you are lacking in several areas of ownership of you

Mindset of the “Extreme ownership of learning to live as you are single, and she is just there for the ride” generally cures this quickly along with killing your oneitis.

A lot of the shit she says should not be taken seriously and perhaps reading some the recent posts can give you some insight.

In the sidebar, there is a book called the Way of the Superior Male. The author goes to great pains explaining that women want men that can take shit and not be affected by it. It’s called frame

Your mission comes first and your operational behaviors center around supporting your mission, and that’s called living in your frame

If you look clearly, you completely failed the party planning, so there are other things in your life you are failing, but refuse to look at. The whole shopping bullshit incident is a conglomerate of just poor planning, execution and her testing your frame non stop.

As long as your frame sucks, testing ensues.

If you would have owned your cheating in the past, trust would not be an issue. Moving forward, your mindset needs to project her inability to satisfy your cock and therefore you went off the reservation. Once you truly emit your belief of it, she will accept it, and by the time you live this attitude, you may not give s fuck if she buys into it.

From beta pussy whipped to alphafux is actually pretty easy. But, you need to do the readings and que off the main principles and move forward.

One of the biggest killers of success in this sub is viewing of porn and spanking to it. Killing the vibes of sexual appetite not satisfied. Time after time I read of guys posting about how the wife won’t buy in. Don’t be that

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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