So I suppose this will be labeled as victim puke. I've been trying to improve things with my 15-year long LTR but now I'm having second thoughts about my future.
First up, I've always been very beta. Shy in groups (oddly enough, not when I was dating girls) and introverted. Often afraid, unwilling to take risks, basically super beta. I'm 31 years old and met my same-age wife 15 years ago. I was her first boyfriend ever, and she was the first girl I fucked. We're not married, have no kids, but do own a house that I'm very fond of (partly because of the location, and that I did a lot of work on it myself).
I have been reading Red Pill stuff for some months now, but still need to finish reading the full side bar. I feel like I have made some improvements here and there, but still far from where I need to be. I don't lift (yet?) but I have been running for 2 years now. Together with a clean up of my diet this has had a major impact on my weight and outlook on life. I'm 5.75ft and currently weigh 143lbs, down from a peak of around 198lbs. My appearance has improved significantly but I probably need to STFU and finally go lifting. My butt looks awful, and despite abs when I flex my muscles, there's still some stubborn belly fat, it's not tight enough. I think I haven't looked this good since I was 16, my LTR really made my complacent.
In terms of work, I'm a failure. Doing just enough to get by, but I miss the drive to really achieve things. Maybe I'm deluding myself but I think my sex life plays a major role in this.
So now the reason I'm writing this post.
I always thought I couldn't get any better but since I lost weight and put up a Tinder profile I've noticed there's a whole world out there to explore. My wife is basically frigid. She has no sex drive for me. She likes kissing and cuddling but flinches when I want to touch her tits or pussy. There is rarely any desire. She thinks oral (giving and receiving) is gross and doesn't even like fingering as "it always hurts". Lately we've had sex once a week (sometimes twice), which isn't enough for me. It's better than before (there's been a period with a lot less sex), but it's mostly duty sex and it's scheduled. She's not sexual, doesn't want to wear sexy lingerie, doesn't want to shave her pussy bald, etc. When I make overt or cover threats about leaving there's some improvement, but generally the sex still sucks. It's bothering me more and more that she doesn't act very feminine. The good news is that she isn't fat. She's attractive but could be more attractive if she put in more work.
Another major issue is that my wife isn't keen on having kids. She wants to do it for me, but would rather remain childfree. I've reached the point in my life that I want my first kid.
I've been on Tinder for some time now, thinking some plates on the side could keep me happy. Recently I finally met up with a girl from Tinder that wanted to fuck a taken man. It made my realize what I'm missing out on in my life. She arrived at the room, entered the door and we were immediately all over each other. Nice face, hot body, much bigger tits than my wife, bald pussy. Completely my type. She was all over me, I finger fucked her hard with three fingers with her clothes still on and ordered her to suck my dick. All within minutes of meeting each other IRL. We did all sorts of stuff my wife doesn't want and it was an eye opener. Even the way she moaned in my ear, giggled when I manhandled her, all the things she did to me. This was my first experience with how sex is supposed to be. My wife has never been like this...
I don't hate my wife but the Tinder experience really makes me question if I want to continue this relationship. I love her but I'm not sure if I can achieve my full potential with her. She's a great friend and the life we have together is more like a brother-sister relationship with an occasional duty fuck. Up until the Tinder experience I think I deluded myself into believing I could change my wife, now I think that's a fantasy. She's never going to become my slut, I no longer think it's possible to change her into what I really want. I don't look forward to leaving here, but why am I wasting the best years of my life with someone who does't like touching me sexually, and who's disgusted by something as mundane as precum on her fingers? I always thought I would grow old with her, but do I really want to give up having a great sex life?
Today it feels like the only thing keeping me in this relationship is the 15-years long sunk cost fallacy, my fear of this huge change in my life, and the home that will need to be sold if we separate.
TL;DR: Beta who needs to lift and leave his wife.