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Had a Tinder date and now I realize what I'm missing in my life

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July 3, 2018
17 upvotes

So I suppose this will be labeled as victim puke. I've been trying to improve things with my 15-year long LTR but now I'm having second thoughts about my future.

First up, I've always been very beta. Shy in groups (oddly enough, not when I was dating girls) and introverted. Often afraid, unwilling to take risks, basically super beta. I'm 31 years old and met my same-age wife 15 years ago. I was her first boyfriend ever, and she was the first girl I fucked. We're not married, have no kids, but do own a house that I'm very fond of (partly because of the location, and that I did a lot of work on it myself).

I have been reading Red Pill stuff for some months now, but still need to finish reading the full side bar. I feel like I have made some improvements here and there, but still far from where I need to be. I don't lift (yet?) but I have been running for 2 years now. Together with a clean up of my diet this has had a major impact on my weight and outlook on life. I'm 5.75ft and currently weigh 143lbs, down from a peak of around 198lbs. My appearance has improved significantly but I probably need to STFU and finally go lifting. My butt looks awful, and despite abs when I flex my muscles, there's still some stubborn belly fat, it's not tight enough. I think I haven't looked this good since I was 16, my LTR really made my complacent.

In terms of work, I'm a failure. Doing just enough to get by, but I miss the drive to really achieve things. Maybe I'm deluding myself but I think my sex life plays a major role in this.

So now the reason I'm writing this post.

I always thought I couldn't get any better but since I lost weight and put up a Tinder profile I've noticed there's a whole world out there to explore. My wife is basically frigid. She has no sex drive for me. She likes kissing and cuddling but flinches when I want to touch her tits or pussy. There is rarely any desire. She thinks oral (giving and receiving) is gross and doesn't even like fingering as "it always hurts". Lately we've had sex once a week (sometimes twice), which isn't enough for me. It's better than before (there's been a period with a lot less sex), but it's mostly duty sex and it's scheduled. She's not sexual, doesn't want to wear sexy lingerie, doesn't want to shave her pussy bald, etc. When I make overt or cover threats about leaving there's some improvement, but generally the sex still sucks. It's bothering me more and more that she doesn't act very feminine. The good news is that she isn't fat. She's attractive but could be more attractive if she put in more work.

Another major issue is that my wife isn't keen on having kids. She wants to do it for me, but would rather remain childfree. I've reached the point in my life that I want my first kid.

I've been on Tinder for some time now, thinking some plates on the side could keep me happy. Recently I finally met up with a girl from Tinder that wanted to fuck a taken man. It made my realize what I'm missing out on in my life. She arrived at the room, entered the door and we were immediately all over each other. Nice face, hot body, much bigger tits than my wife, bald pussy. Completely my type. She was all over me, I finger fucked her hard with three fingers with her clothes still on and ordered her to suck my dick. All within minutes of meeting each other IRL. We did all sorts of stuff my wife doesn't want and it was an eye opener. Even the way she moaned in my ear, giggled when I manhandled her, all the things she did to me. This was my first experience with how sex is supposed to be. My wife has never been like this...

I don't hate my wife but the Tinder experience really makes me question if I want to continue this relationship. I love her but I'm not sure if I can achieve my full potential with her. She's a great friend and the life we have together is more like a brother-sister relationship with an occasional duty fuck. Up until the Tinder experience I think I deluded myself into believing I could change my wife, now I think that's a fantasy. She's never going to become my slut, I no longer think it's possible to change her into what I really want. I don't look forward to leaving here, but why am I wasting the best years of my life with someone who does't like touching me sexually, and who's disgusted by something as mundane as precum on her fingers? I always thought I would grow old with her, but do I really want to give up having a great sex life?

Today it feels like the only thing keeping me in this relationship is the 15-years long sunk cost fallacy, my fear of this huge change in my life, and the home that will need to be sold if we separate.

TL;DR: Beta who needs to lift and leave his wife.


Post Information
Title Had a Tinder date and now I realize what I'm missing in my life
Author RunningMan86
Upvotes 17
Comments 52
Date 03 July 2018 11:18 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204251
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8vre70/had_a_tinder_date_and_now_i_realize_what_im/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]The_LitzRed Beret46 points47 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let me sum up

- You are not married

- No kids

- She cheated on you

- She doesn't care to fuck you

- On the surface other chicks are down to fuck you

Your TL:DR is as amazingly accurate

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret33 points34 points  (3 children) | Copy

For clarity, I’m all for burning this shit to the ground. She doesn’t want kids: red flag. She cheated on you: solar flare. The mother of all deal breakers: LEAVE.

BUT;

“Had a Tinder date and now I realize what I’m missing in my life.”

NO, you don’t.

You had a tinder date and realized you look good enough to get fucked once, maybe twice, by the same woman. This is a sexual strategy sub. From that standpoint, CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS!! Fucking fresh randoms off a hookup site IS a sexual strategy, and it’s working for you. Head on over to TRP and you will do well.

MRP is a sexual strategy sub for LTR/Marriage. Granted, you are leaving yours, but if you ever plan to get into one again, you might want to hang around, pay attention, and actually DO some of the fucking WORK.

You are a failure in terms of work, “doing just enough to get by,” does not ADD to your status or desirability. Red flag.

The (most likely) reason you “miss the drive to really achieve things,” is because your testosterone is low from lack of muscle and doing all the running. Google pics of marathoners and sprinters. Notice any difference? The reason the FIRST building block of MRP is LIFT, is because it (most of the time) naturally increases your testosterone while dramatically increasing your presentation in every way, not just sexually. You’re not lifting. Red flag.

Yes, you are deluding yourself if you think your sex life plays a major role in this. Have you read yet that sex/women are a lagging indicator of success? No? Keep reading.

If you build it (your life), they (women) will cum (pun intended).

There will never be a point in your life where you can’t get any better. That decision point is when you begin to die. There is always one more rep to perform, one more pound to lift, one more thing to learn.

Your description of your wife’s revulsion of you, the person you ARE, the man she KNOWS, is prophetic.

Did you get that? Are you paying attention? Without real change, the relationshit you have now is the relationshit you WILL HAVE with someone else, until you FIX you.

Do not have children with your current LTR, ever. If you do, every time she gets tired and frustrated, which will be often, she will remind you she didn’t want kids in the first place.

And then, on the nights she goes out with her girls for a ‘break,’ she will crawl through the hole she made awhile back in her fence of fidelity, find someone who doesn’t repulse her sexually, and suck the pre-cum out of his dick like life through a straw.

And, of course, the obligatory reminder, knowing ALL of this, if you get her pregnant YOU WILL DESERVE EVERY FUCKED UP THING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 19 YEARS.

Final caution on pregnancy, if your LTR thinks you might be leaving her (natural dread from Tinder date), and she DOESN’T WANT you to leave, she might actually (gasp!) LIE about taking her pills or where she is at on her cycle to get pregnant.

ABCBC

Always Be in Charge of the Birth Control.

Yes, you can spin plates. That sounds like a lot of work to stay with a woman who has already cheated on you, doesn’t want your children, and is repulsed by you sexually.

There are red flags all over your post, and you own most of them.

-no career, ambition, or status.

-been on MRP for months: no lifting, no dread, no application of its principles.

-pedestalization of sex. Your life is about to become a giant covert contract.

What is your mission? Sex?

What is your purpose? Sex?

What is your mental point of origin? Pussy?

TL/DR:

You need to leave this woman.

You need to fix your shit.

If you don’t fix your shit,

You’ll just end up in shit 2.0.

If you need help with all this shit, let me know.

But FFS, stop whining and bitching about the problems YOU made, and coming here looking for validation to run away from them.

So GET TO FUCKING WORK.

Or

GTFO

[–]RunningMan86[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the elaborate comment with all the warning points.

The (most likely) reason you “miss the drive to really achieve things,” is because your testosterone is low from lack of muscle and doing all the running.

I have no hard data but I think my testosterone is higher now than it was before I started running. My sex drive is higher with most of the belly fat gone. But yeah, it can probably use improvement from lifting.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Know the facts.

Get a blood test.

[–]mrp_awakening2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Losing weight will reduce estrogen, causing shbc to drop and test (free and total to rise). So yes, less belly fat usually means more muscle. Still, lifting will only augment this further.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

We're not married

Just pulling the important piece out. Go fuck, have fun .

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yet he refers to her as his wife. WTF?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It could be cultural. Where I live people sometimes refer to non-married partners as husbands/wives and married partners as boyfriends/girlfriends indiscriminately.

[–]redsprinklersystem11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Not married and no kids? You gave your own metaphor for your life, being your house. You've put a lot of work into it over a long period, so you're reluctant to let it go.

Now you know there are houses in a better location with low property taxes and huge potential. Sell the house and go find your new mansion. Probably best to rent a few places first to decide what you really like and whether you want to commit to buying again. Don't forget to keep working on your DIY skills.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Based on OP, maybe he should fuck a few dudes just to be sure that not what he wants.

In all seriousness OP, you are so much better off than the rest of us here...not married, no kids, you could walk without much consequence. A house is just a commodity, you could find another. Would you be in a position to buy her half of the house (assuming that's the arrangement)? Sounds like it's time for a fuck me or fuck you ultimatum.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I respectfully disagree.

Skipping to DL 10, doing none of the work, no other conscious application of dread, and only being exposed to MRP for two months would be tantamount to relationshit suicide.

He doesn’t need to do this.

He doesn’t want the relationshit to continue.

She cheated on him.

She doesn’t want his children.

She is repulsed by him sexually.

FMOFY at this point would result in some sex at best, but probably bad sex and more bad time in an LTR that should have ended 8 years ago.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with you, he SHOULD just walk...just based on her having cheated on him, and sexual disinterest. Not married, no kids, seemingly no value added. But I'm assuming he wants to stay since he's posting here, hence my FMOFY advice... he has little to lose either way. Hitting some strange likely has OP on his way out the door anyway.

[–]redsprinklersystem2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She had to fuck another dude just to confirm that she's a prudish bitch. How long until she decides that she may be a pegging dominatrix and makes OP bend over and bite the pillow - just to try it.....

[–]Helrade7 points8 points  (15 children) | Copy

Is the girl from tinder only the 2nd woman you’ve had sex with? And your LTR has been with only you? Sounds like you’ve made up your mind already. Once the bell has been rung it cannot be un rung. You know what you are capable of now and what is out there. That can’t be forgotten. You want kids she doesn’t that is a deal breaker. It’s a no brainer. Move on now while you are both young. You seem to know what your weaknesses are and how to improve. Continue to improve and move on.

[–]RunningMan86[S] 3 points4 points  (14 children) | Copy

Is the girl from tinder only the 2nd woman you’ve had sex with?

I never had full sex with anyone but my wife.

And your LTR has been with only you?

She cheated once (eight years ago) because she was curious but she didn't like it.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret24 points25 points  (11 children) | Copy

She cheated once (eight years ago) because she was curious but she didn't like it.

No. Get out of this. No kids, technically not married.... some guys here would kill for that. Consider this a message from your future self doing you a favor

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

The thing that makes it harder for married/kids guys to leave isn't the logistics. OP has the same barrier every guy has when leaving. Loss aversion and cost sunk fallacies abound

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is generally true. Personally, if my wife cheated on me AND wasn’t giving me the sex I want, that sunk cost would start to look pretty small.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The thing that makes it harder for married/kids guys to leave isn't the logistics.

The harder thing is that breaking up a family affects kids who don't deserve it. I love my daughter way more than my wife (nothing against my wife) - and that'd play a part. If it were me and my wife, fuck sunk costs.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're a special case. Most people have not detached from their short term instincts in this way

[–]RunningMan86[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You explain it better than I could. It's the 15 years and all the history that makes it hard for me, the legal status doesn't matter in my case.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2x07ox/beware_the_sunk_cost_fallacy/

You do realize that she did all sorts of stuff with the guy she cheated on you with right? At least the one you know about.

Not married, no kids, she cheated, you cheated, she is not attracted to you. What else you need to walk? Also, you want kids and she doesnt, so you two are not compatible for LTR/marriage.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best value here is to watch read and learn from guys fuck up's and not do the same.

[–]Helrade8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

IMO you sealed your fate 8 years ago when you tolerated the infidelity.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit!!! Because she was curious!???? What if she gets curious about a gang bang? Curious???! She cheated because she was curious. Balls, she has.

[–]quentinthequibbler6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sell the house, break up, and go have some fun. Find a good slut who wants to me a good mom.

[–]rasgaroht6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why the hell would you stay with a woman that doesn't want sex but yet cheats on you ?

A woman that doesn't want kids but will do to please you ? What kind of mother will she be?

[–]SepeanRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

The funny thing is that when you decide you’re ready to leave her over it, she’ll change.

[–]weakandsensitive5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

It made my realize what I'm missing out on in my life. She arrived at the room, entered the door and we were immediately all over each other. Nice face, hot body, much bigger tits than my wife, bald pussy. Completely my type. She was all over me, I finger fucked her hard with three fingers with her clothes still on and ordered her to suck my dick. All within minutes of meeting each other IRL.

This is a parched man's first drink.

Also - ditch your wife. Jesus.

Just remember though - the woman who knows how to suck dick like a pro wasn't born that way.

[–]BigLebowskiBot3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You said it, man.

[–]JimboNumberz5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you seriously not even put a mention of cheating in your post and only the comments?

(I might’ve missed it; skimmed it twice though)

If you dont want to leave then dont. Enjoy your shitty life and dont waste our time.

But this bitch cucks you and you stop at a blowjob during a hook up?? Rofl man i didnt know it got this beta

I get a whole new life can be scary. But imagine how scary a life unlived will be when youre facing down the reaper...

Become a man, the man you were meant to be

Chances are, if you do really want to have this woman back, you can scoop her up again at 55 after finding your career, if not your calling, while having fucked 100-1000 chicks along the way—depending on your looks, game, and motivation.

Never have kids with someone who doesnt want them, unless you’re ok with being the breadwinner and caretaker both

[–]Majormikeoz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Run... do not walk in the opposite direction...

Kids are a deal breaker. If you want kids and she doesn't her life will go to shit in her eyes when she's spending 16 hours a day looking after a kid for the first year of it's life. That's what it takes. You have to really really really want it for it to not totally fucked with your head and even then the system shock is extreme.

Ditch her. Find a girl who wants to fuck you all the time and have a baby.

Times running out mate.. You only get one shot at this life. The longer you stay with her the less time you have to find a women who wants to milk you cock to it's last drop..over and over again and then say thank you afterwards.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Im not sure if there is a red pill post about children and the ingrained idea that you need them.... but people really need to sit-down and analyze if they really want kids or if its just their years of "follow this path" indoctrination that happens when we are younger.

Kids are the most enjoyable thing you can do, and also the most difficult and time consuming thing you can do. You can never sign out for the day and every morning they wake up full of energy and needing food

Plus, if she is scared of your cum now she will be terrified of it after children

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who would want to fuck some little beta boy with stick arms? This reminds me of the movie wanted.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

A friend of mine in a 10 year ltr got married, no kids, one year later he broke it up....

Now he is having time of his life. Heaps of chicks, he not even great looking. 30-40 is best time to date.

Abandon ship captain.

[–]FFDGTDS2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

All the stuff you did with Tinder Girl, your GF did with the guy she cheated on you with!

Food for thought!

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Savage, but almost certainly true.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

jesus fuck i read all that and you didn't even ask a question

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If only there was like a 12 Level Plan that you could follow that optimizes the chance that your wife will catch up to you.

If you are really ready to leave your wife after a passionate Tinder fuck maybe you really are?

why am I wasting the best years of my life with someone who does't like touching me sexually, and who's disgusted by something as mundane as precum on her fingers

You shouldn't. The plan stay/go plan lasts a year, not "years." Your description is a typical woman who is not attracted. Right now she doesn't get that her husband is a hawt, attractive man. You could take some time and show her or you could bang around but either way, it is not a good idea to base a decision on "sunken cost." There is a reason it is called a fallacy.

[–]RunningMan86[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If only there was like a 12 Level Plan that you could follow that optimizes the chance that your wife will catch up to you.

I really want to believe that but I no longer see that as a possibility. She was never a hot, sexual person, not even in the beginning of the relationship.

Anyway, this is one of the hardest choices in my life, thanks for all the comments so far.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Wait, you're not married but you have a wife and you're posting on askMRP... this is some pandoras box shit man.

I know the feeling of wanting to fuck other women and be treated like a god, having your balls properly drained.

But make damn certain you're honest with your wife up front. Want your balls drained like a God? Tell her and if she can't provide that service you need to make the decision to leave her or live with her and non drained balls.

Honestly, given your sexual history its a no brainer. You need to be single asap. Find a way to become so amicably, then get out there and go get your balls drained by some sexually active younger women.

[–]RunningMan86[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Wait, you're not married but you have a wife and you're posting on askMRP... this is some pandoras box shit man.

I don't live in the US, where I live there isn't a whole lot of social difference between marriage and legal cohabitation.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

But what about the legal difference? Is she going to get half your house and life savings? Not that it matters that much... spending another few decades trapped by your own decision in a frigid unsatisfying life is worth spending pretty much anything to avoid.

[–]RunningMan86[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The house is split 50/50. Our financials assets are separate.

I refer to her as "wife" in this post as I felt that term is more accurate than "girlfriend" after all the history we have. Plus I think the difference between marriage and my current state are smaller than in the US.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know that for a fact or are you just spouting bullshit you've heard?

Talk to a lawyer. It's just money.

[–]CalvinRichland0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she is worthless. I stick to a standard. Never trust a woman that doesnt like kids or a man that doesnt like guns. Never failed me. 100 percent predictor of shit.



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