I'm looking for a strategy check, I've previously posted on the nature of my wife and it's absolutely fundamental crunch time so I wanted to get some man up advice on the plan I've been running.
She's been out of work for 2 years, since the birth of our daughter. In that time she has not stepped up to the SAHM plate, doesn't really do anything (See previous post if you need to).
As a result, last year I went into white-knight mode before finding this (MRP) place. I know, I know I'm disgusted with myself too, working on it now.
I took 4 months off of work and started doing everything, childcare, cooking / cleaning. It was pathetic. All our savings went, and she was a harpy, lazy cunt, largely still is.
I eventually put our daughter into full time childcare last October as I just didn't trust my wife to be nurturing my child in any way of value e.g. not ever taking her out to playgroups, mingling with other tots and mums, being fun / stimulating etc.
Fast forward Jan this year. The childcare is extortionate, my wife has to go back to work, and that was the expectation, as set from last October. She's also been claiming to have mental illness issues that I then spent even more money on shrinks and quacks and blah blah.
Plan: Slowly turn thumbscrews to drive wife back to work
- February, I frog marched her up to my bank that I had given her access to before she gave birth and had her removed from it.
- I gave her an allowance for herself and to cover shopping.
- She neglected the shopping so I dropped the amount and assumed this duty.
- I started hitting MRP/lifting/reading/resetting/winning/loosing/winning etc here.
- May 1st Informed her on an evening where she told me I was not pulling my weight, that we would need to sell the house if she wasn't back in work soon.
- She claims to be job hunting tirelessly, yet will not let me see her CV and is not getting any interviews
- I drop my daughters childcare back from 5 days to 3 to save cash I don't have and to increase the pressure on my wife who does not want to be a full time mum. I tell her if she goes back to work she can increase the days with her own money.
- Several months have gone by with her claiming to be job hunting, but hiding her efforts from me and her still behaving like an entitled bitch.
It's not even about the money, when we got together, it was always to be that we would both contribute fairly to the household, and since she cannot handle/refuses to be a SAHM, she must go back to work.
My next tactic was going to be, get the estate agents around to value the house and potentially put it on the market. I offered her three choices a little over a month ago where I said:
- We cancel child care and you look after daughter full time
- You go back to work, even if that means in a shop just to cover the child care costs
- We sell the house
Outside of this, i'm developing myself, working through all the things I need to. I'm clawing back time to re-invest back in myself professionally, intellectually, physically. I do pretty well at work, the frustration is that I had been trying to get a side project off the ground with a business partner.
We've been planning since last fall and it could be so big, all the time my business partner has known that I absolutely need to get my costs down to a certain level for me to be able to take the risk. I've virtually got the finances down to mortgage + childcare and this is too high for me to take this next step in my journey.
It seems like selling my house would be the most rational next step to get me into a position to take this business opportunity, take the heat off me to start saving better and reduce the overheads. None of the tactics i've deployed have really worked yet. It does feel like if I take it to the next level and actually sell the house, is that the end of the relationship also.
Plan, tactics, i'm ready for the bitch slaps gentlemen.