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Told my fiance to kiss me like my wife not my grandma

Reddit View
June 29, 2018

Have I fucked up? This AM she was going out to work she said bye and wanted me to kiss her - i said you kiss me if you want it. She gave me a peck on the lips I said kiss good or not at all. She then did a normal kiss.

This evening she was heading away for the weekend. She asked for a kiss good bye i said only if you kiss me like my wife not my grandma, she did an ok kiss and i said 'better' she said 'what is a good kiss?' I said 'youve kissed me before you should know' - she asked if i liked her kisses and i said no... She then left crying and drove away?

Have I made a fuck up of setting this boundary?

How should I deal with the fallout?

Am I just being mean rather than assertive?

How could have i done it better?

Have i gone into armagedon mode as i just finished NMMNG yesterday?

I know I will get loads of shit here for asking this but your advice will get me on track

Post Information
Title Told my fiance to kiss me like my wife not my grandma
Author HBoss86
Upvotes 7
Comments 63
Date 29 June 2018 06:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"43 points44 points  (3 children) | Copy

"Blow me like my grandma" matches your style better.

[–]bowhunter67 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bastard, you made me spit coffee all over my desk!

[–]MuhTriggersGuise8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spitting? That's not like grandma at all.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That was great.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you are having this type of issue with your FIANCEE, then do not promote her to WIFE.


[–]HBoss863 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wont

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet26 points27 points  (25 children) | Copy

"Hey wife, even though you don't find me attractive, kiss me like you do anyway"

That's all you're saying to her. You're asking her to put more effort into pretending she is attracted to you.

Spend less time worrying about her, and more time improving yourself.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

honestly, I would have probably said it like you did... put that out in the open.

Not sure why, but it just seems like a good play. I wish I could articulate why.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Kiss me like my wife, not my grandma" is actually a decent one-off line, im just worried about the impending discussion OP might have with his girl about the quality of her kisses.

Jesus, I feel like a bitch just saying that last part in my head.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

the fact it's a 'discussion' is all you had to say.

I'm poking about here with 'i would...' but I hope OP doesn't open his fat mouth

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The first time was good, as a good one liner and changing, if briefly, the power dynamics. The second one was butthurt.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Does the same apply when calling out bad sex?

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Most women know how to kiss, and know how to fuck like porn stars. If she's done it with you before, then you know she can, and if she's not, it's because you're not worth it.

I don't call out shit that is my fault, I'll just remove myself and focus on something more worth my time than starfish sex. Act, don't talk.

Unless your girl is just inexperienced and needs to be taught and led, but that's different. I know my gf can fuck, so if she gives me starfish tonight, it's because I didn't create the desire within her to give me anything better. Talking about it and telling her won't change any of that.

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks yes that's right! She does know. I think maybe I was a bitch and was frustrated at her not doing all the pornstar shit for a while. So you are saying not to overly say these things but focus on yourself and making your life the one you want. How would you deal with this fallout now? She will be really upset.

[–]MrEMasster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m assuming you’re not hitting any of the DEVI points! Op, go read Sex God Method again and try that route. Also lift, and reevaluate where you’re at on dread. She should want to kiss you, now obviously there needs to be some grasp on the situation and what is reasonable and what you are asking for.

As far as the responses go, I think you should have clarified better on the last one. “I do like your kisses when you kiss me like my fiancé, I’m not a fan of these weak maintenance kisses though. When you kiss me like that it feels as passionate as the kisses I would get from my grandma at family reunions”

That’s just a preference in Managment style and how I would correct an employee that has done a good job before but has been lacking lately. Leadership leads them to improve, in a marriage or a company leadership skills are crucial.

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

Should I call and apologise then cos that sounds beta too

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

apologize for what, honesty and unreasonable demands?

Actually, maybe.

Hey, sorry I suggested that, I know you don't see me that way (as a matter of fact, not butthurt of passive aggressive). Kind of puts it out there, she doesn't lust for you, and you're aware of it, plus you're at peace with it.

Add to it you going off and building your abundance, and it should end up pretty well for you, with her or whomeever replaces her

[–]HBoss86-1 points0 points  (12 children) | Copy

That's actually a good idea!!! Thank you

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

I don't think you can pull it off, you can't fake this subtext, you have to mean it.

you clearly don't.

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

As she is away over the weekend I will wait for her to call or text me? Fuck me im struggling to get this shit. Felt like it all clicked till putting into practice

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Felt like it all clicked till putting into practice

How would you know how it feels? medium is the message, she doesn't see you as a lover, you're providor. Take the hint and go build some shit, until women start seeing you as the lover.

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Awesome advice! I guess the test will be seeing how the kisses improve in the future!

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you make her or her actions the barometer of success, she will sabotage it on purpose to fail them.

I'm telling you now, so you don't waste two years 'doing it for her'. ignore her, insofar as your MAP is concerned

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, just learn to STFU for now.

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thankyou I will

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You’re over your head right now.

STFU and lift and improve. Your only goals atm

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So your saying as I've just started focus on improving myself and lifting? I am struggling with boundary setting like this which I fucked up and making demands - I can't understand if NMMNG encourages you to make demands as you need to be selfish or not make demands on your partner?

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

NMMNG is about uncovering the covert contracts you have in your life - the hidden, unstated reasons we do the things we do. It's not about making demands, it's about not being afraid to state what you really want. For example, instead of saying "Would you like a foot rub?" when your goal is to escalate to sex, instead just escalate to sex directly. NMMNG is about discovering why we tend to do the former instead of the latter.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t make demands. You declare what you will and won’t do. At this stage at least.

You shouldn’t worry about this yet. Give it 3 months of lifting and eating right. Contemplate after you’re done reading and just start by trying to be aware of your behavior, emotions, and impulses.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, his only goals ass to mouth

[–]MuhTriggersGuise-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. Only apologize for real and significant mistakes (which you shouldn't be committing anyway). The real problem isn't that you made a cringey demand. It's that she doesn't have enough security and trust in you to let something like that roll off her shoulders, and instead burst into tears.

[–]UnbreakableFrame16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am gonna give you a real answer, since I feel some honest sympathy for you.

  1. You JUST finished NMMNG, aka the first book on the side bar. You are deep in the anger phase by now. During this part of your journey, more than any other part, you should be shutting the fuck up, not asserting yourself.

  2. Let's look at something you said that was a bit of a poor move and we can analyze why you most likely did it:

    This evening she was heading away for the weekend. She asked for a kiss good bye i said only if you kiss me like my wife not my grandma, she did an ok kiss and i said 'better' she said 'what is a good kiss?' I said 'youve kissed me before you should know' - she asked if i liked her kisses and i said no... She then left crying and drove away?

Here's what I'm picking up on here. You feel angry. You feel that even her kisses are displaying that she's not entirely into you the way you want. You just read a book, and likely many posts on here, stating that YOU are the prize. You want to start feeling like the prize right now. Too bad.

Here's the thing though, you haven't actually started lifting seriously yet (based on your post history) and you posted 4 days ago on r/marriedredpill stating that you were new. 4 days ago. I want that to sink in. You are literally trying to change your entire relationship now, based on reading one book (of the huge number of books suggested here) and reading 3 days worth of Reddit posts. Slow down. This is a marathon not a sprint.

3. You were mean to her. Sorry, it's just true. Being a butthurt faggot at the expense of your fiance's feelings is not alpha, it's being a butthurt faggot.

Again for emphasis:

she asked if i liked her kisses and i said no... She then left crying and drove away?

Textbook Ramboing. The key to not Ramboing is simple. The first step is ensuring that you shut the fuck up until you know what you are talking about. I would say 3-4 months of sidebar, owning your shit, and reading field reports from more experienced members is probably a good time frame. Step 2 is shut the fuck up until you actually have some idea of what you are talking about. If you had read WISNIFG instead of unleashing your beta bullshit on her, this wouldn't have happened. You would also possibly have learned some tools for how to deal with the exact situation you are trying to deal with.

4. Lift. Based on your post history you are more interested in learning how to make your own beer than to stop looking like someone who makes their own beer. Be an imposing man. Look like if suddenly the clock turned back 30,000 years, you could just grab a sharp stick and go kill dinner. Lift until other men start to drop their heads and look at their feet when you walk by. Lift until women, unannounced and uninvited, start touching your arms, back, and chest in public. Lift until you understand that everything I just said is real shit that actually happens, not a hyperbolic fairytale. Lift.

TLDR: Shut the fuckup. Read the sidebar. Lift.

[–]helaughsinhidden6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great comment, text book Rambo indeed. Stay playful my friend. Tease her dont crush her.

I might be alone here, but my wife responds better when I compare her to herself when she was being the way I want her to be. IE; "kiss me like you did last week before dinner". It is YOUR job to train her and this will help by reminding her of previous good behaviour and rewarding it with the compliment oriented request. She asked you how you liked it and you made her feel dumb and unsexy when you could have reinforced the aggressive slut she that is hidden inside every woman.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can I see an image of this body that has girls touching it unexpectedly. Don't need a face. Just for target/baseline idea

[–]UnbreakableFrame4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can give you the stats for when it started happening to me. I'm 6'0 and around the time I was 165lbs with my naturally low body fat (about 12% at the time) women started noticing. My biceps were probably around 16" at time, so actually not really that huge at all (think Brad Pitt in Troy).

The situations where this occurs vary quite a bit, but it does happen. It first started happening to me in bars, where some desperate heavy girl would grab my bicep and make some comment about how fit I am. Now that I'm bigger than I was then, it even happens in settings where you would least expect it (because women can do anything without any risk involved). Last time it happened really seriously was at a national business meeting with a hot coworker that I had never met before.

Interestingly, that was the moment that I finally fully swallowed the pill. This girl was attractive, married, and in a professional setting. I had been reading RP and lurking for about 3 months at the time and still wasn't entirely sure about whether I believe in it all. She grabbed my arm subtly as I was standing next to her and made some comment about my fitness level. After only talking to her for about 20 more minutes, she asked me to come up to her hotel room and fuck her. Bam, pill no longer stuck in my throat. Red pilled instantly in a harsh manner. She had been married for only 1 year and still had her wedding picture as her Facebook profile picture. AWALT.

[–]TheIronHeel6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wanted a kiss and instead of capitalizing on the opportunity for a good 10 second ass grabber, you played head games, blew it, and gaslighted. Then you repeated it before sending her off for the weekend for a hotel hook up so she can feel good about herself. Nice work captain.

[–]alpha-zach4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s painful reading this. You’re so uncalibrated it’s disgusting. There’s plenty of hope. I was probably worse.

Either drop this girl, go spin plates, test out this bullshit on random women, and learn how women really work or slow the fuck down.

Stop with the words for now. STFU.

Lift. Increase your natural testosterone, so that you naturally act alpha.

Learn to pass shit tests around real men.

Become someone she wants to kiss like a whore, not a wife. Then you can say lines like this and get away with it.

The analogy here is that you are the male equivalent of a 300 lbs land whale.

If your finance gained 200 lbs, didn’t shower for weeks, had hairy legs, woke up with bed hair and morning breath and said, “fuck me like a real man.” Would you cringe or want to fuck her brains out? That’s how she feels.

Grow some fucking balls.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't have a problem with what OP said. He's overtly communicating his expectations. She WILL either step up and do what he's asking (because she values him) or she will keep doing what she's doing (she doesn't see him as high value). I see it no differently than telling her to blow you or "I like when you do that thing with your tongue." LTRs are prone to laziness and complacency, OP is reminding her she can do better.

EDIT: I do have a problem with his response to her "you don't like my kisses?" qiestion... perfect opportunity to escalate or at least be fun. His "mean" response of "no" has probably led her to swallowing Chad's cock.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’d consider a simple text that puts it all out there and reestablishes a little comfort:

“Sorry for earlier. I guess I just miss the passion we used to have and it got to me. But that’s my problem, not yours.”

But on second thought, maybe just let it go. Talking more usually ends up digging a deeper hole.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

When in doubt, STFU

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

weak & needy.

Anger phase showing through. The bull doesn’t complain that the cow doesn’t tongue.

Lift, increase SMV, dread, fix your passive agressive personality, then you’ll get good-bye tongue.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And she did.

What is now will be your future.

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be fun/cocky, not whiney. Her: "What's a good kiss?" You: "Like this." (put one arm arround her waist, squeeze her butt with the other, tip her over, and give her a passionate french kiss). Walk away smiling. You demonstrate, instruct, and encourage. You leave, wife has a huge smile, and thinks, "What a guy!"

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I said kiss good or not at all.

Then I grabbed her hair by the back of her head, pulled her close to me, and slowly but firmly, ran my other hand from her thigh to her tits, then kissed her. When finished, I let her go, slapped her ass, and firmly guided her out the door. Then I turned around and walked away with purpose.

FIFY, you faggot.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

1) Stop being a bitch. No need for an apology here. But you did fuck.

2) How did you fuck up? You made a negative association with yourself and sex/intimacy by shitting on her kissing skills (why does this sound like a highschool girl conversation?).

It's not really the kiss that you want, it's the need to feel desired which is demonstrated by a good deep kiss with soft lips and maybe some tongue (vs. the hard lip peck).

Why can't you initiate the 10 sec kiss? At the end of the day you fiance is a reflection of you - just like your life. Do you treat her like a gf or like you have been married for 10yrs? Do you dress and keep yourself fit like a single man or are you Al Bundy (or something in the middle). Like other have said, STFU and lead by example, not words.

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She going over to Chad's for the weekend?

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I said 'youve kissed me before you should know' - she asked if i liked her kisses and i said no... She then left crying and drove away?

According to manosphere lore, any time a woman cries (unless she is alone) it is for the sole purpose of manipulating somebody.

How could have i done it better?

Be a leader and kiss her. Show her what you want next time without the words. Hold her tight and kiss her good.

I would tell her that you want to practice your kissing. Tell her that you read this cool idea that makes couples closer and improves the relationship. She will be curious so tell her that all it takes is 10 seconds a day. She will be even more curious. Then tell her we have to kiss for 10 seconds every day. Like this. Then show her.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She been a better kisser since?

[–]HBoss860 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes it worked!

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting, I took a chance and called my wife out on the exact same thing. And true enough it also worked... No more granny Peck's.... For now

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Have I made a fuck up of setting this boundary?

Yes, you have.

[–]HBoss86-2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

Should I call her to fix it then?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

what will talking accomplish?

not rhetorical, walk me through your perspective here. It needs correction, but no idea where...

have you done any research on our materials before posting?

[–]FeralRed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i'm unattractive but i WANT YOU to treat me like a hottie.

Flip that shit.

There's a 400lb landwhale that got dragged back into your apartment because you were drunk off your ass.

Now she's nekkit and lubed up with all the bacongrease she could find in your fridge.

"Kiss me like your lover, not your next PETA ad" She rumbles and farts simultaneously.

Attractive, right? You are aching to vocalize and put your huge member into her for longer than the recorded average of one minute.

Buddy, you're not even married and she doesn't want to fuck you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fix what? What's done is done. Next time, don't ask her to kiss you a certain way. Show her. Lead with your actions, not your words.

[–]HBoss861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks I really appreciate this. I read the nmmng and fucked up on day 1. I will wait for her to call me.

[–]JameisBong-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude... are you nuts, why exactly are you getting married when everyone else on here is bailing out on our shitty marriages?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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