Working on me, wife fucks up big

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June 25, 2018
12 upvotes

Hey MRP,

This might be victim pukey, but I need some guidance.

You can read post history, but don't bother. Chronic beta, zero control of life or relationship. Setting my marriage up for misery, not owning my shit until a few months ago. Down 20lbs, broke wrist playing baseball so haven't been lifting. Focusing on being an amazing Dad (coaching ball, playing with kids) and getting my house in order.

My wife hates the slow dynamic switch and is being a pouty child. I increasingly have stopped giving a fuck and the idea of a separation/divorce becomes less and less bad to me. I want our family to stay together for the kids, I think my wife has the ability to add value to our life, but I need to get my shit together first.

Please note, I realize I didn't handle the below well. Fuck me.

Then, Friday before last, wife lies to me and maybe fucked an ex-BF (from like 10 years ago). She says she's meeting friends from work downtown. Completely out of character, everything seemed off -- gut, spidey-sense, etc just confused as fuck. Literally the first time in 7 years I've felt like this.

Look on phone website and see she's texting with a zip from old area code. Throw it in a reverse # and it's the ex-b/f around 1AM when curiosity gets the best of me. I call, no answer, she texts "what's up?", I say answer, no answer, I send her a screenshot of the # + name and say answer now. She says, "I didn't do anything" and proceeds to not answer. A dozen unanswered texts and calls including me telling her I'm going to come pick her up (I did find my iPhone 20 min later and saw she was an apt building). Wind up picking her up outside his apartment complex at 3AM.

She says she left the bar shortly after I confronted her because she was mad at me or some shit. Makes a whole lot of sense. She swears they did nothing.

I think she was fucking him when I called and she wouldn't answer, she wasn't around crowd noise.

I feel guilty. This is my fault for sucking ass as a husband, for not being a leader, for being unattractive. But I also don't know how if I can proceed.

In the past week, she has been a saint. I told her Divorce is my preference but I have to figure shit out. We have a conversation where I tell her this incident clicked some shit and that she's been a petty baby, acting like a child and bringing zero value to my life. She cried and says she knows, etc. Tons of RP truths from her about wanting me to tell her what to do. She loved being corrected. Hysterical bonding been enjoyable but I'm not being fazed by it.

WTF do I do? Do I numb myself and believe that she didn't fuck him and just messed up majorly? Accept that she probably blew the dude with recognition that I drove her there? Do I see if this incident is leverage to build the life I hoped for and pull the cord if it's not? Straight up divorce?

I did speak to a lawyer and am in a very good position to not get raped. So that's good.

Sorry for the vomit.


Post Information
Title Working on me, wife fucks up big
Author reallythatfast
Upvotes 12
Comments 62
Date 25 June 2018 07:04 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204291
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8tt6kn/working_on_me_wife_fucks_up_big/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]creating_my_life87 points88 points  (11 children) | Copy

WTF do I do?

I could never look at myself in a mirror and respect myself again if I accepted my cheating whore of a wife back into my life.

It doesn't matter if she fucked him or not. She was at his apartment. at 3am. Dick or no dick, she's a cheating fucking whore. Oh, BTW, she fucked him.

But you do you.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret29 points30 points  (9 children) | Copy

/thread.

Nothing more needs to be said.

[–]reallythatfast[S] 8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy

Fuck. God damn it.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yah dude, hard boundary.

Divorce immediately.

Then focus on this panzy-ass, cry baby drivel:

zero control of life

What the fuck does that even mean?

Are you locked in a dungeon somewhere being held hostage? Are you trapped under an avalanche? Are you lost in the desert without your phone?

Zero control of life my ass.

Butch up.

[–]marv86kw4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You'll feel better not living in constant wonder if she's fucking around.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret29 points30 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wind up picking her up outside his apartment complex at 3AM.

Fuck dude, did you lick his jizz out of her pussy too?

If you can have this much evidence and still believe her, well, we can't help you.

[–]reallythatfast[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Fuck.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"pick me up at <X> address."

"What is that address?"

"Just pick me up"

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, you show up at the address. It's an apartment complex. She comes out.

"Whose house is this?"

"<That other guy's>"

And then you just drive off. If she wants to fuck him, so be it... He can drive her home.

Then you have her shit packed in suitcases... Or trash bags, or boxes, or a pile on the sidewalk.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lick his jizz out of her pussy too

I wouldn't go that far but the truth is all this could have been avoided if he had taken the time to examine her box.

[–]TA_ForToday_88815 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here are a few truths;

  1. She fucked him.

  2. She will fuck him again.

  3. She would leave you but doesn't want to be the one to blame.

She wants you to end it so she will keep fucking random guys to make you end it. That way she can tell her Mom and Dad that you left her and get all the sympathies.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret12 points13 points  (10 children) | Copy

Op, I’m tired.

Your post fired me up and I was ready to set you on fire.

But, I’ve had a long day.

I went through this exact same shit.

Did she or didn’t she?

Will she or won’t she?

Just an emotional affair?

None of that matters.

She had reasons, but no damned excuse to be a lying, deceitful, cheating, slut, whore cunt.

Divorce her now and save yourself the pain and anguish.

Or stay, reconcile, and waste 2 years of your life like I did.

The choice is yours.

Choose wisely.

If I had to do it all over again, I would have left the cunt the very same day I found the sexting on her phone.

But, you do you.

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

Funny how I woke up this morning and was thinking of asking about whether or not it was worth doing the work while married if you are planning on leaving anyway. Looks like sometimes the world just finds a way of making itself right again...

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

For the record, the answer is an emphatic

YES!

The ‘work’ is what you need to do for yourself.

Doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, divorced, engaged, divorcing....

The ‘work’ is what you need to do to become a man other men want to be, and other women want to fuck.

Waiting is why you’re here.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m going to message you privately.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

wow!

if the stay plan is not the same as the go plan, it's the wrong plan

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Agreed my plan doesn't change - the only thing that would change is how openly I could work on spinning plates.

The only reason I consider just going is its more than likely that she had an affair.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Today, tomorrow, thing to remember is it's yours to destroy.

I think about divorce...

Half my shit, possible step-dad situation, 50% time with kids vs stay and do whatever the fuck I want.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes got some really good advice here yesterday - I had forgotten at the end of the day it was actually my choice now as she already proved she couldn't pull the trigger so she lost the only power she had over me in reality.

I'm going to stay the course for now and follow the prescription and start upping my dread levels - if I get the opportunity to spin plates I'll decide at that point.

There is no point to ruminate on this as long as I am moving forward, furthering my mission and improving. I'll know when the time comes.

[–]bowhunter62 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This right here, OP. Save yourself the misery. You know what needs to be done.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.02 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Man, you really wrote some shit I needed to hear. I am in that boat now and the past three weeks I have been really questioning if its worth it.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, that sucks. I hate it for you.

In my situation, it started as an emotional affair. I caught it early, but it didn’t stop. I caught her again and again and again. She fucked him at some point because he was more important to her than me, our marriage, and her job. She would have lost her job if discovered with this guy.

So in the beginning I forgave her and was ok with it. But she lied, again and again and again. And it hurt, over and over and over.

I take an absolute shit on the noobs that come frolicking in here like I did...nobody should ever have to endure what I did for the crime of being BP in a relationship. Shock therapy is all that works in the face of decades of BP conditioning.

I consider it a public service.

[–]platewrecked12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife made some other guy cum and blamed it on you. What to do? Really?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

I feel guilty

No brother. We were all shitty captains at some time. Being a shitty captain makes it your fault that she gives you a hard time, doesn't want to have sex etc.

Being a shitty captain does not make it ok for her to fuck someone else. Get that notion out of your head, she fucked him and she is a cunt.

Every moment you say you are sorting your thoughts is a victory for her. She has you doubting yourself now.

Best case scenario she didn't bang him, but explain to me this, why would you be married to a woman that hangs out at other guys apartments at 3 am. If you didn't call she wouldn't have come home that night.... I hope you realise this.

[–]reallythatfast[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know what you should do, but it's the harder decision to make and you don't want to do it. So you're here looking for an out; a way that will let you make an easier choice and keep your self respect. There is no such option.

Listen to /u/creating_my_life and have some god damned respect for yourself.

[–]rocknrollchuck7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you forgive her, you will never trust her ever again. This will be in the back of your mind for the rest of your life. You will always wonder, and never have peace.

Divorce is the only option that leaves you with any self-respect.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

A dozen unanswered texts and calls including me telling her I'm going to come pick her up (I did find my iPhone 20 min later and saw she was an apt building). Wind up picking her up outside his apartment complex at 3AM.

I remember charlie. I did this dumb crap with her too. To my credit, I learned fast, and got that crap out of my system, 24 hours later moved on.

In the past week, she has been a saint.

Yeah, I would too if I gave you the keys to my asshole, and hope youre not fucking me with it.

You got two choices, swallow your pride, ignore the obvious, and hope she doesnt think youre a bitch for letting her get away with it, you know... for the kids or some bullshit.

but you already know, you fucking know. this was inevitable from the GNO. the fact you havent booted this cunt into orbit already means a win in her books.

Be smart, stay calm, boot her ass properly.

[–]suprathepeg7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Instant plate status for her.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I personally think this is the answer.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is the answer OP, you should be taking advantage of this "sainthood" to ream her ass out literally while you quietly get your divorce lined up.

[–]lasteem17 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she thinks that you believe she cheated and you stay, then she’ll likely always view you as a BETA. While she said all the right things when you caught her she’ll only be more careful when she does it again.

Even if she didn’t cheat she would have if you hadn’t caught her. Not sure where you live or the fault laws for you concerning divorce so I don’t want to give that advice. If you stay, then stay for the kids. Get your shit together and start gaming outside your marriage. View it as inevitably that your marriage is over and you just do you.

[–]markpf735 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Know your worth and have a backbone. Unless being a cuck is your thing?

[–]Chump_No_More6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

As a man who found the Red Pill as a result my ex cheating with co-workers (yes, plural), I can confirm what others have said. If you do not kick her to the curb, her hamster will go wild and any remorse she's feeling now (been there, done that) will quickly fade to a contempt for a man who displays low value by putting up with this shit.

She will rationalize that you're the one who is broken and responsible for her appalling behavior. She confirm her beliefs by watching you putting in effort and executing your mission, assuming that accepting fault... meanwhile, putting in zero effort to repairing the damage she's done to the family.

My recommendation? The 'Stay Plan' is the same as the 'Go Plan'. Continue working on you, using her as the forge to hon your mettle. Continue being an excellent dad to your kids. All the while, work towards your plan to kick her to the curb. It's not a matter of 'if', it's 'when'... make it on your terms.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I told her Divorce is my preference but I have to figure shit out.

No! STFU until you serve her cheating ass

[–]reallythatfast[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

If I am going to kick her, I'd rather do it now instead of later. I'm not ready for the open market, but I am ready to monk mode.

Why now? Wanna laugh? I'm on FMLA leave helping my Dad through chemo and radiation. I'd rather separate, know where I'm headed and focus on what matters.

Maybe I give it a couple months, but that seems like shit.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I am going to kick her, I'd rather do it now instead of later. I'm not ready for the open market, but I am ready to monk mode.

Do it today! Each day that you stay gives her more ammo for a divorce rape, with you as the victim. Further, it gives her more time to come up with mischiefs to do to you. "PD, yes, I'd like to report an abusive spouse...yes, he hit me...well, you see, he found out that I was with a man that I could actually be happy with...I'm fearful..." That's the best case scenario.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is it really possible to do those kind of mental gymnastics? Of course they fucked.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. And so are you.

[–]reallythatfast[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Truth.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is there a question or are you just admitting how fucked your marriage is?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next.

With all the advice spewing, you will have to own it.

You make the decision, no matter what, livee and or die by it. There is nothing more important than self respect.

3 A. M. Ya. Not. Fucking. Uh, huh.

AWALT. And, yes. It is your fault.

Side bar. Lift.

[–]Bedtimeshine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even if nothing sexual happened (hahahahaha) the fact that she didn’t immediately correct course after you called her out is a slap in the face. Honestly if you were out with your ex and your wife called you out on it, literally in real time, wouldn’t you be like “Oh shit, I should probably get the fuck out of here.” Or would you stay for another 2 hours in the middle of the night and ignore 50 calls and texts from her? Whether you stay together or not isnt something you should worry about right now. What you should do is shut your mouth and act. Consequences before reconciliation... always. Have her served, kicked her out, expose to friends and family (even if it’s under the guise of “we are divorcing, this is the reason, she’ll need your support), and go no/low contact. Everything else will fall into place one way or the other after that.

[–]Bedtimeshine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What are your kids saying about this?

[–]classicthrowaway862 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are a weak piece of shit and you know it.

That is the most disgusting needy behaviour i've ever seen in my life (by you).

Whether she fucked him or not you'll probably never know. But if you try and reconcile this, how can you ever forgive yourself? Do you have any small bit of self respect? If you ever kiss her again will you wonder if you are tasting that guys cock?

She might be on her best behaiviour now but deep down she'll never respect you again for being a needy bitch who chases her around at 1am and takes her back after whoring around. Wife being in another mans house is an obvious hard boundary.

Accept that this marriage is over. You found MRP but in this case you found it a little too late. Be grateful you found it at all. You have a good income, you wont get divorce raped, with hard work you'll be spinning plates in no time.

Next.

[–]mabden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

> she left the bar shortly after I confronted her because she was mad at me

This is obviously a bullshit excuse to justify her fucking this ex.

Story time:

I lived upstairs from some chick with a fiance. I was friendly with her, did not know him very well. One night I could hear them fighting like cats and dogs. Things quiet down, he leaves in a hurry and soon after I get a knock on my door.

It's the chick. She comes in, obviously pissed off, wants a drink, after bitching about her "stupid" boyfriend, starts making out with me. Soon she has me in the chair, on her knees sucking my dick while I watch Monday night football. When finished, I offer to return the favor, but she declines and leaves with a smile on her face.

They were married a month later, she moved, presumably to the house he bought for her.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey, can you give us an update on this in a week or so I’d really like to know what you’re going to do. Good luck buddy.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, she DID fuck him. Understand this.

She said that she didn't fuck him because she didn't want you to kill her lover, or, because she didn't want him to kill you, leaving her to explain to her children why their dad was killed because she was a whore.

The rest of her behavior acting contrite, open to correction, is an act. 'She has been a saint'? Of course she has. For the last week. How about the months before that, you know, when she was on her knees sucking her ex's dick, and taking his dick up her ass? When she blew him right after he pulled his dick out of her ass?

No, she didn't love being corrected. She loved acting as if she loved it, and she loved that you were swallowing her act hook, line, and sinker. She just wants to fuck him, while you support her, and she's exhilarated that you are not thinking of kicking her ass out.

She fucked the dude; you didn't drive her there, she drove herself. Divorce. Get out now; you are in a position to not get raped, but, that may not last, if you have another child or she gets a disease that she passes on to you.

[–]Bedtimeshine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So... what have you done? It’s been 2 days.

[–]dandar46001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kids 6 and 2, how did you go to pick her up? You dragged them with you or left them home alone?

Do I numb myself and believe that she didn't fuck him and just messed up majorly?

If you can live with yourself believing that lie.

Do I see if this incident is leverage

No. That's beta covert contract that will soon expire. It's a leverage for her to eventually tell you the full truth which you can't handle right now.

Frankly I've always been on the dump the bitch bandwagon but each individual story is different. Young kids complicate the matter and remind me of a guy that served his wife papers after she fucked their neighbor. She killed their 7 and 3 year old kids. If you proceed with the divorce be sure your wife is not a psycho.

[–]ParaXilo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a section in MMSL about this. Maybe read it and do some thinking.

Literally the first time in 7 years I've felt like this.

Your gut is usually right and if this is out of character something is up. Had the same occurrence 12 years ago when an ex had cheated on me. Yup beta bucks then trying to finally break that shit.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

A dozen unanswered texts and calls

My initial reaction is a single word: Done

WTF do I do? Do I numb myself and believe that she didn't fuck him and just messed up majorly? Accept that she probably blew the dude with recognition that I drove her there? Do I see if this incident is leverage to build the life I hoped for and pull the cord if it's not? Straight up divorce?

I don't know what you should do but I do know what you should NOT do. DO NOT listen to somebody on the internet who doesn't know you or your life and use them to make the final call on this decision. You can listen and accept input but this is your call and you have to live with yourself either way and once you make the decision it needs to be 100%.

That said, yes you drove her there, whatever happened and yes, you can likely use this as leverage to build the life you wanted- with her or without her. She is not one of the variables in this equation. You are in control of all the variables.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't know what you should do but I do know what you should NOT do. DO NOT listen to somebody on the internet who doesn't know you or your life and use them to make the final call on this decision. You can listen and accept input but this is your call and you have to live with yourself either way and once you make the decision it needs to be 100%.

This is horseshit. It is canned, and it is irrelevant. "OH, it's all your decision!" WTF doesn't know that??? "Do NOT listen to somebody on the internet..." Old bullshit line. This is you being an officious tool. You have a tired meme, and you're trying to act important by spewing out the obvious fact that we don't know him.

We DO know that his wife is a fucking whore. What, if we knew the dude personally, his wife would NOT be a whore? We know 100% where his wife was that night. He told us.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is not canned. I am deliberately countering the "next" advice this guy is getting.

WTF doesn't know that?

Half the guys who post on Ask MRP.

[–]reallythatfast[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I appreciate the insight. A bit more balanced. Probably because I'm a bitch.

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, you are a super bitch. The advice he gave you wasn't a 'bit more balanced'. It was a bit more tepid and irrelevant, but, it gives you support to go back to your whore wife, so you jumped on it like a duck on a June bug, didn't you? WTF did he tell you, that was more 'balanced'?? He restated the obvious, that YOU and you alone will live with the consequences of your decision. BFD, anybody knows that. There's no balance. You see balance because you are beside yourself, looking for justification not to leave "The Woman With Another Man's Semen in Her Anus", i.e., your wife.

You are fooling yourself. He gave you an 'in' so that you can stay with your whore wife when he said "don't listen to somebody on the internet'. When he said that, you probably gave a great sigh of relief, didn't you??

You can relax now, you won't have to grow a spine or a set of balls. Go back to your wife, and enjoy your marriage till your wife leaves you. She will, you know.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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