This might be victim pukey, but I need some guidance.
You can read post history, but don't bother. Chronic beta, zero control of life or relationship. Setting my marriage up for misery, not owning my shit until a few months ago. Down 20lbs, broke wrist playing baseball so haven't been lifting. Focusing on being an amazing Dad (coaching ball, playing with kids) and getting my house in order.
My wife hates the slow dynamic switch and is being a pouty child. I increasingly have stopped giving a fuck and the idea of a separation/divorce becomes less and less bad to me. I want our family to stay together for the kids, I think my wife has the ability to add value to our life, but I need to get my shit together first.
Please note, I realize I didn't handle the below well. Fuck me.
Then, Friday before last, wife lies to me and maybe fucked an ex-BF (from like 10 years ago). She says she's meeting friends from work downtown. Completely out of character, everything seemed off -- gut, spidey-sense, etc just confused as fuck. Literally the first time in 7 years I've felt like this.
Look on phone website and see she's texting with a zip from old area code. Throw it in a reverse # and it's the ex-b/f around 1AM when curiosity gets the best of me. I call, no answer, she texts "what's up?", I say answer, no answer, I send her a screenshot of the # + name and say answer now. She says, "I didn't do anything" and proceeds to not answer. A dozen unanswered texts and calls including me telling her I'm going to come pick her up (I did find my iPhone 20 min later and saw she was an apt building). Wind up picking her up outside his apartment complex at 3AM.
She says she left the bar shortly after I confronted her because she was mad at me or some shit. Makes a whole lot of sense. She swears they did nothing.
I think she was fucking him when I called and she wouldn't answer, she wasn't around crowd noise.
I feel guilty. This is my fault for sucking ass as a husband, for not being a leader, for being unattractive. But I also don't know how if I can proceed.
In the past week, she has been a saint. I told her Divorce is my preference but I have to figure shit out. We have a conversation where I tell her this incident clicked some shit and that she's been a petty baby, acting like a child and bringing zero value to my life. She cried and says she knows, etc. Tons of RP truths from her about wanting me to tell her what to do. She loved being corrected. Hysterical bonding been enjoyable but I'm not being fazed by it.
WTF do I do? Do I numb myself and believe that she didn't fuck him and just messed up majorly? Accept that she probably blew the dude with recognition that I drove her there? Do I see if this incident is leverage to build the life I hoped for and pull the cord if it's not? Straight up divorce?
I did speak to a lawyer and am in a very good position to not get raped. So that's good.
Sorry for the vomit.