707,481 posts

Wife likes the idea of me but hates me in practice.

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June 24, 2018
10 upvotes

My wife and I have been together for 5 years and married for 3 and we have no children. Recently I’m starting to understand that she loves the idea of me but actually hates me in practice.

When we first met it was awesome, we’d go out all the time, have great adventures, be spontaneous, have great sex, get drunk and just have a good time all around. Then we decided to move in together and thats when things started to change a bit. It started with small things, like her not enjoying my music anymore or complaining about me wanting to go out. I’ll admit though I was a beta I didn’t see the signs then when I should have.

Fast forward our lives a bit we ended up moving to a different part of the US to get away from our hometown for a bit. I took a better job where I could work from home and she decided she would find something when we got out to our destination. Also we were engaged at this point.

When we settle into our new location and home I pick up all the bills for a whole summer since she cant find a job, cool, no problem, I’m a man and I can do that. She ends up getting a job and paying for some things, I still held a majority of the bills though. This is where the change really started happening.

Turn out she doesn’t like the way I dress, the music I listen to, the way I handle my stress, that I get to loud when I am happy or too quiet when I am tired. This is the big one here, I even for a time was convinced I was an alcoholic because she started not liking me when I drink ( I would maybe have 4 beers a week while I played battlefield on the couch to relax). I even started attending AA until I had some realizations about my “problem”.

She’s asked me to change so much and I have done it all but she’s still treats me and makes me feel like I’m a crazy person.

Fast Forward one more time, we are moving back to our home state because I got an amazing job paying way more and treating me way better. She just straight up does not want to work anymore, and she does not want kids, she wants to be what she calls “the angel of the house”. I’m stressed out right now trying to prove myself in my first few months of my new job and helping with the move back, and I am expected in the office the first day back in state.

I’ve confronted her many times trying to have some conversation about tit, I’ve admitted many times my faults and am more than willing to change them and work with her but all she wants to do is point fingers and not compromise on anything. Everything is always my fault and I’m fucking sick of it. These women in 1st world countries are so god damned entitled. I’m ready for the Red Pill but I don’t know what to do.


Post Information
Title Wife likes the idea of me but hates me in practice.
Author BuffaloFartFace
Upvotes 10
Comments 34
Date 24 June 2018 11:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204297
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8tluyd/wife_likes_the_idea_of_me_but_hates_me_in_practice/
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Comments

[–]InChargeManRed Beret29 points30 points  (4 children) | Copy

The bad news, you are deep blue. Covert contracts galore, probably low SMV, low value behaviors, etc.

The good news, you have no kids and you found MRP.

Read the sidebar, don't post too much on here (just on OYS), just work on yourself, realize that it takes time, and get to unfucking your life.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

don't post too much on here, just work on yourself

Post on the OYS thread OP

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, edited, was thinking this but didn't get that in there. The point is that he isn't special, so he doesn't need to come on every day with his daily struggle.

[–]nomba2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on. Hopefully you are still relatively young - there’s a wide world out there, work on yourself and at a certain point you can decide whether you like the idea of her and like her in practice. If you don’t, she’s out.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

/u/inchargeman nailed it here.

You are beta bux to her. She even told you that right to your face when she said she wanted to stop working and be the angel of the house. Holy hell.

This isn’t about her or “women in first world countries.” This is about you. You are currently low value, blue pill.

1) do you lift? (What is your weight /height/lifts ) ?

2) Have you read any of the sidebar?

3) Get going on one and two.

4). Draw a hard boundary on her working and contributing more, but you need to do a lot more of 1&2 first.

[–]paniconomics12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

She just straight up does not want to work anymore, and she does not want kids, she wants to be what she calls “the angel of the house”.

Ugh.

[–]ParaXilo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh you thought that too.

[–]Skiffbug2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Angel of the house is almost genius.

Her interpretation of Angel is to relentlessly bitch and whine.

Well done...

[–]rebbit_reddit5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Divorce before the pay rise

[–]TheBlueStare4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This x100! He has no kids. She gaslights him. AND she just wants to be a stay at home wife. This isn't worth saving.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Everything is always my fault and I’m fucking sick of it.“

Exactly what brought me here.

You gave up all your power, cashed in your chips too early. She’s beating you down -and winning- in order to keep you her beta provider ($) and resource care taker at the same time making sure you are so fucking unattractive no woman would ever want to fuck you. Don’t have kids until you can turn this around.

==>

Edit: for fucks sake “ I’ve admitted many times my faults and am more than willing to change them and work with her”

Stop apologizing.

Also, “but all she wants to do is point fingers and not compromise on anything.

No shit, why would she compromise? she’s getting everything she wants and needs - resources, $, your time & commitment, your love and support. According to her, you signed up to be her everything and you’re not meeting her expectations.

The constant complaining is because she’s not attracted to you and resents you for making her lead the relationship. You gave her full control of wearing the pants and she fucking hates it. Women need a alpha man to lead and boss them around and fuck them good. Only then, can she relax and start being a sweetheart.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Reading this made me very depressed because I didn't realize someone could allow another person to own their self worth.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well you can get clinically depressed now because that’s what most of society does I think.

[–]johneyapocalypse2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If it's any consolation I like neither.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dump the bitch if she adds no value.

However, your shit needs to be repaired to avoid rinse and repeat

Beta bux, mo fo, fo sure

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

gaslighting.

I'd bail, now, for this alone. It's not just some shit I say in here either.

A woman who is willing you to gaslight you so much that she convinces you that you are an alcoholic that needs AA for 4 beers a weeks is only one bad argument or one night of you leaving the house to avoid arguing for her to say, "he beat me and left the house."

Gaslighting is like the first sign of a BPD woman.

I also have to wonder how often she goes GNO, too.

You also need to give us stats: height, weight, BF%, etc. Are you at the gym? are you pulling IOIs from other women.

[–]suprathepeg2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Probably best to just move on. I know I think about it every day. At least mine kinda works, but fuck do I also tire of the entitled BS.

If you let her stay and you start MRP, I highly suggest you never fuck her raw dog. Once she starts seeing things slip away from her don’t be surprised is she suddenly gets pregnant to suck you back into her frame.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Turn out she doesn’t like the way I dress, the music I listen to, the way I handle my stress, that I get to loud when I am happy or too quiet when I am tired.

kill the puppy

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

let your feet do the talking for you, she cares about your mouth less than she cares about your dick

[–]Cloudsurf894 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, you're very BP now but that is all set to change. Get cracking reading the side bar and start working out ASAP. Clean diet, cardio and lift heavy. It's all in the sidebar but I'll put a few pointers below to get you started.

The things she doesn't like about you: research shit tests. In a nutshell she pushes with shitty comments/behaviours/attitude to see if you will cave. Get a firm understanding of these and start beating them.

The money thing: you're an adult, she's an adult - you don't owe her shit. Laugh at it - tell her she needs a job because you want to be Lord of the House! You don't get stressed with an 8yr old when they tell you they demand more pocket money - you smile and shake your head at their silliness then distract them with something shiny.

Recognising and passing shit tests, raise your sex appeal (work out as of now), stop being so needy and easily swayed - you're the boss, research Dread Levels.

This is a journey, one step at a time. You will fuck up, get back on your feet again.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read this OP

Also, do NOT knock her up until you figure out how to unfuck yourself and your life. Your post has lots of beginner mistakes which means you havent read the sidebar. You can still get away from this pretty cheaply if needed, unless you agree with her "angel of the house" shit (LOL) and you will owe her some huge alimony.

and she does not want kids

Do YOU want kids or not? Or let me guess, you dont know?

You do realize that marriage is completely rigged against men? You do realize that when she turns into your "angel of the house" and decides she doesnt want to fuck you anymore for whatever bullshit reason she calls, if you want to leave you´ll lose half your shit and will have to pay her alimony for god knows how long? The only upside of marriage is to be able to construct your family, which means her popping the mini-yous. If thats not the case, the sooner you leave, the better. Figure out what YOU want, nobody can do that for you.

[–]BlackFire683 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’ve defined most marriages quite well. We covet the form and hate the substance. Having a thing is not the same as wanting a thing.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is not logical, but it is often true.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She treats you this way because she believes you can't do any better than her.

Can you?

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Turn out she doesn’t like the way I dress, the music I listen to, the way I handle my stress, that I get to loud when I am happy or too quiet when I am tired. This is the big one here, I even for a time was convinced I was an alcoholic because she started not liking me when I drink

All of these are related to her loss of attraction and you compounded it by failing her test (by getting butthurt).

I’ve confronted her many times trying to have some conversation about tit, I’ve admitted many times my faults and am more than willing to change them

Dude, maybe you should start with your T levels? And the sidebar.

To me this reads like: "Mommy, mommy, I will be good. Watch me, I will be good."

paying way more and treating me way better.

Well that makes your woman a wifestitute.

She just straight up does not want to work anymore, and she does not want kids

Confirmed. It is time for you to do some whore math my brother.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

These women in 1st world countries are so god damned entitled.

oh jesus fuck. don't ever fucking say that in public again

[–]Steve_rebooting0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its not even worth the effort to repair this relationship. Your not even married and you dont have kids. You already learnt that she doesnt want to work so goodluck getting something out of her. For her sake, i hope she gives mind blowing blowjobs and keeps the house clean with 3 meals provided a day... but i bet she does none of those anymore too

[–]tmh88mrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

These women in 1st world countries are so god damned entitled

Believe me the rest are catching up if not already there in some cases.

[–]mabden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

>she wants to be what she calls “the angel of the house”.

Does this mean she is willing to suck and fuck you on command?

[–]iamuser50000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are plenty of comments in here you need to read and follow... All I can add is Jesus, this relationship sounds awful, but you're so lucky you're not in it neck deep yet. You can get out.

So I would ask the question. Do you really want this? I mean, REALLY, because she's a complete bitch to you? She would need to be a goddamn 10/10 and really worth it to bother your ass turning this around. I'd sit long on hard on that question while reading the side bar. (FYI, you still need to read that sidebar else you're just going to go and fuck up your next relationship too)

[–]mty_green_go0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well the good thing is , you are not yet married and have no children. There are several familiarities with my wife's and ex's behavior.

First and foremost it sounds like your fiancee doesn't respect you. Secondly, it's easier to get out now while you don't have kids. I would have already ended things with current situation now but I have to put my kid's interests first for now.

Before my current wife, I was also engaged to my ex.. she would never change any of her behaviors. Very disrespectful, she tried to emasculate me all the time, all the while I was picking up the tab for her sloppy work performance (continuously fired and had to find new jobs). Covering her terrible spending habits. Paid 100% of the rent and food for 5 years. Fuck that shit. I took a new job and used it as an excuse for us to "spend some time apart and figure out what we want, because neither of us are obviously happy".

She slightly tried to reconcile, which I had no interest in, and finally stopped contacting me. And maaaan.... life was so much better. I could do whatever I want. I ended relationships with shitty dates I met all the time. Until I became a tard and got oneitis again (and married).

that I get to loud when I am happy or too quiet when I am tired. This is the big one here, I even for a time was convinced I was an alcoholic because she started not liking me when I drink ( I would maybe have 4 beers a week

This is a giant red flag. Trying to control your behavior and make you her subservient man. I know you don't want to hear this but you can walk away before it's too late and make yourself the best person you can be, then you will eventually find someone better who makes you happy and doesn't try to control you. Ball's in your court really, sounds like you already have the upper hand and know that things aren't where you want to be, you just have to make some tough choices.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, read the sidebar.



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