707,472 posts

[FR] Long text from wife 30 days into RP

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June 24, 2018
8 upvotes

I started working out, didn’t say why.

I started eating healthy, didn’t say why.

I started wearing ties, tie clips, wool vests, and jacket to work and going out, didn’t say why.

Told wife I was going to a music festival, she looked at me saying “Who are you going with???”, I said “By myself, I might meet other cool people there”, didn’t say anything else.

I told my wife every other Wednesday and Saturday I am going out with friends because I need more social time. She asked if she could come, I said “No, it’s me time”.

What this means is that in the past 6 weeks, I have spent almost no time with my wife other than our weekly meetings to organize the week ahead, and time with kids.

And so two days ago, I get a long text about how she is proud of me for looking better, for working out, looking after my health, and then she emotionally vomits how she is not happy about the way she looks, and that she really does want things to work out with us.

This type of text is par for the course with our past “disagreements”. And by “disagreements” I mean, I would get butthurt about something she said, sulk like a little fucking child, avoid her in the house, and she would send a text to make up. I would answer the text, we would make up and hug, and then back to the way things were in under a month.

This is new territory for me. I am not butthurt, I am not sulking, I don’t avoid her (well, other than to get the gym and lift).

What I need to do is thank my first office for complimenting me and press forward.

I just don’t know what to say in regards to her emotional vomit about not being happy with the way she looks. Is this one of these mythical “comfort tests” I have heard about??


Post Information
Title [FR] Long text from wife 30 days into RP
Author RedPillBluegrass
Upvotes 8
Comments 10
Date 24 June 2018 06:45 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204301
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8tg47l/fr_long_text_from_wife_30_days_into_rp/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtcomfort testlift
Comments

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m all for building your building your own life, but 4 weeks is an awful long time to spend without any meaningful interaction with your wife.

What is your intent here? How exactly are you gaming her? Where’s the fun?

My “me time” is 100% mine and I enjoy it. However, I also enjoy making my wife giggle like she did when we first met or sometimes just fucking with her for shits and giggles.

Where are your shits and giggles?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop avoiding her. Everything else you're doing sounds good. Do you game her? How is your sex life - guessing non- existent if you're avoiding her.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look up shit test. Look up comfort test.

Don't be a dick. No where in the sidebar does it say to avoid your wife.

We are not here to blow shit up. We are here to fix ourselves and keep improving Don’t be a divorce stat and blame it on us, because no where on this sub does it state to blow your shit up.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I told my wife every other Wednesday and Saturday I am going out with friends because I need more social time. She asked if she could come, I said “No, it’s me time”.

If she has been good for you, you could have used this as an opportunity to be spontaneous: A few hours before you go out on Saturday, you tell her to get ready (in whatever way you want her to) and tell her that you both are leaving and going to (whatever place you planned to take her along to.)

This is her reward for being good: time with you. If she objects to the last minute decisions, repeat the time you need her ready. If she is still not ready by then, you leave and go do what you were going to do. If she is ready on time, you go where you were going to take her.

This doesn't need to be anything big, just go out and have fun with her. Her reward is time with you... not the date itself.

In this way, "me time" gets replaced with her and you time. Don't say you changed plans for her, or that you decided because she asked... Your frame is that you decided because you want to.

Don't make it regular, either. And when she's bad, make sure you default back to normal behavior which is being out without her.

When your behavior after she is "bad" changes wherein you do something different then normal after she's bad, she will see it as angry. When you just do normal when she's bad and do "extra" when she's good, then your behavior becomes a reward and not a punishment.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Tbh it sounds like you are starting from a good place. She follows you, even if you Captain badly.

So it begs the question, why are you here?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think he wants validation from “the guys.”

[–]rocknrollchuck3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

And so two days ago, I get a long text about how she is proud of me for looking better, for working out, looking after my health, and then she emotionally vomits how she is not happy about the way she looks, and that she really does want things to work out with us.

Reward good behavior, Captain. Give her a little comfort and lead her to a better place. Start with sharing your vision for an improved diet for your family, and how she can fulfill her role in that. Sharing your vision is key, because the FO wants to know where the ship is headed.

Then, since obviously you don't want to work out with your wife, offer to take her to the gym and get her started on an exercise program, and maybe even hire her a (female) trainer if necessary.

Also, I agree with the others: stop avoiding your wife, and spend some time with her.

[–]buckeyeboy19773 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds to me like your moving a bit too fast. Slow it down there Rambo.

[–]SepeanRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, sounds like a comfort test.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She drew first blood.

SHE DREW FIRST BLOOD!!!



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