Getting divorced, don't feel like sex

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June 19, 2018
10 upvotes

I posted on here a while ago, but a quick recap:

About 3 months ago I found out my wife of 10 years (together 15 years) has been having an affair. She left me for the other dude. She finally moved out a few weeks ago, currently still have to see her as we have joint custody of my 3 year old son. Divorce settled, but still has to go through the legal channels (I made well, got the house and let off the hook for most alimony, got to love the country I live in....)

Been seeing someone for the past 6 weeks. Solid 6, wants sex all the time, is very caring and constantly wants to do stuff for me. I've been trying to work on myself in the meantime (sidebar, rational male, lots of RSD vids), but between a peak at work and taking care of the kid and everything, its hard to find energy. Have still been working out 3 x a week (1x bjj, 2x lifting), and am trying to quite smoking again (started when I found out about the affair). Probably not sleeping enough either, but eating healthy and am at about 12% bf.

Here is the problem. My sex drive seems to have bottomed out...Even though I have access whenever I want, I just don't feel like it a lot of the time. This is very strange for me (always had a high sex drive). Wanted to go and get t-levels tested in the next couple of weeks to see if that is the problem. Apart from that, I really am at a loss. Any ideas?


Post Information
Title Getting divorced, don't feel like sex
Author Marriedman85
Upvotes 10
Comments 25
Date 19 June 2018 10:43 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204318
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8s7v60/getting_divorced_dont_feel_like_sex/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (3 children) | Copy

Solid 6

Maybe...just maybeeeee...you’re not that attracted to her.

There’s also the tiny little detail about YOUR WIFE HAVING AN AFFAIR. That’ll fuck with almost anyone’s mojo.

Relax.

And date someone hotter.

[–]broneilbro7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Flip that 6 to a 9 and have fun...

[–]quentinthequibbler3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. He’s not attracted to her. It’s OK. Move on.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

trying to quite smoking again

Fuck everything else work on this. Take the word trying and stick it up your fucking ass.

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. No excuse, this is really weak on my part. This is at the top of my list, as in its happening this weekend. No excuses

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thinking "what's wrong with me?" creates a feedback loop for anxiety, which is a factor in loss of sex drive.

Treat it as a temporary state, get more sleep, and lay off the booze

[–]simbarlionRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Even though I have access whenever I want, I just don't feel like it a lot of the time."<

You know the movies where the man a woman swap bodies...?

You're in that movie. The universe is giving your life lesson understanding the reason for holding back sexually.

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had never thought of it that way...interesting perspective

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid 6

You'd probably feel different if she were a 9.

[–]Trtntrenbrah2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Same situation as you were in.

Except she wasn’t a 6.

Took me a year to level out of the mind fuck.

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How did you get out of it in the end? was it just giving it time?

[–]Trtntrenbrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just time, unless you’re a complete sociopath.

Had the diet in check, sleep in check, working out consistently, hormones were good.

My sex drive was just hit or miss after.

Don’t discount the mental aspect.

It’s a massive blow for anyone.

Keep working.

[–]wadearave2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get your testosterone checked as well. You’re not doing yourself any favors by spreading yourself so thin. There’s a good chance your hormones are outta wack. That will make a big difference with everything.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cognitive Distortion.

Learn to identify when you are falling into distorted thinking and a self-defeating attitude.

Eeyore, the old grey Donkey, stood by the side of the stream and looked at himself in the water. “Pathetic,” he said. “That's what it is. Pathetic.” He turned and walked slowly down the stream for twenty yards, splashed across it, and walked slowly back on the other side. Then he looked at himself in the water again. “As I thought,” he said. “No better from this side."

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

got to love the country I live in

what's that

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The Netherlands

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

When you have arrive you will be content to fuck whenever you feel like it and SHE will be the one worried about the frequency.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This^

I get it whenever I want, and my wife is still in a state of dread about whether I’m satisfied- she’s always DTF. Sometimes, I fuck her when I don’t even feel like it just because she’s offering it up. But, only part of it is dread- the other part is I have become much more attractive due to MRP, and DEVI keeps her coming back for more ... literally. Not Bragging... it’s just how it is. It wasn’t always that way.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Fucked my wife on level 11 a couple of nights ago, could have put on a clinic for kinky shit to do. Then in the morning it was a quickie on 4-5 hours sleep, then she had an extremely tough day at work, came home, asked if she could suck me off as a midnight snack, got 5-6 hours sleep then fucked again before work. Then the i love you texts come while she is at work.

She is completely focused on my satisfaction, literally all she wants to hear is that she's my good girl.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is a not uncommon side effect of taking the Red Pill. Take the women off the pedestal. Stop worshiping vagina. Stop craving vagina so much. Hey wait! What happened to my sex drive?

It will last as long as you let it last. What do you need to do to improve your sex drive? More importantly, do you want to? Is that still important to you?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Smoking messes with your arteries and their ability to deliver oxygen. But the big crapper is you lose the ability to remove CO2. WHen your dick tries to work you need 3 major, basic things. Veins in your dick to work right, oxygen in your blood and CO2 removed from your blood. That's assuming that you have no other physical or mental or emotional problems.

1 Quit smoking fucktard.

2 Use some meditation, relaxation techniques to deal with your divorce and getting cheated on.

3 Get you another (in addition too) girlfriend and see if she makes your dick hard.

If that doesn't work, get a third girlfriend.

Takes about 2-3 weeks for your system to expel most of the toxins and give your weenie a boost. Emphysema is a bitch, don't be a bitch. The most attractive girls won't date a smoker. Quit.

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you watch porn and wack it on the regs, this might be the culprit.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LTR/MARRIAGE of 15 years.

About 3 months ago you found out about her affair.

About 3 weeks ago she moved out.

Divorce is settled, but not final. There IS a difference. When you get a copy of the final decree, signed by a judge, you will feel better, and relieved.

You’re 6 weeks into the rebound girl and what should be the very best part of the relationship, well, it’s, not so much.

You’re very busy at work.

You started smoking again.

You’re not sleeping enough.

“My sex drive seems to have bottomed out...any ideas?”

Um, yeah, how about..

ALL OF THE ABOVE!!

And next, when you unfuck yourself, you will wake up to this: “Solid 6, wants sex all the time, is very caring and constantly wants to do stuff for me.”

Please tell me you DID NOT move her in.

Be VERY AWARE that she is investing in you, and she will be expecting a RETURN ON HER INVESTMENT.

My advice is to slowly weed her out, spin plates if you want, and own your shit.

TL/DR: Stop smoking. Get some rest. Be careful on the rebound. Get your shit together.

[–]annalucrezia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You found out 3 months ago but have been seeing someone new for 6 weeks? I think maybe it was too soon to get into something and you're giving yourself unrealistic expectations. A 10 year relationship (especially one that yielded a child!) is going to take some getting over, even if you feel like you guys did the right thing ending it. It really isn't surprising that you're not feeling your sex drive right now - divorce is hugely stressful and stress can significantly affect libido, arousal, even the ability to orgasm.

Be kind to yourself - focus on yourself and your kid. I would stay away from anything resembling a relationship at this stage. All the best!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid 6

wtf. there's nothing solid about a 6. 6's are fat



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