So me and the wife got Into it again. She wanted me to go cook out in the grill at our apt complex I didn’t feel like walking there plus we had other shit in the oven.
She goes off.
“Wow you take the fun out of everything.”
“You’re no fun” this and that.
I scramble my mind to think of an AA. Nothing. AM. Still nothing so I just shut the fuck up.
She continues on. I start to feel myself getting frustrated. Now she’s making demands to do this and so that. I think to myself. I hate being around this girl when I start using RP Tactics. Always happens. She’s always up my ass. Making demands. Giving me shit. Looking over my shoulder. We’re at the pool and even as I write this she’s saying things like “why don’t you go in the pool” “you need to get a pedicure” “do this do that” asking me the same 5 questions over and over.
I go “just let me do what I’m doing. Thank you”
When I get away from TRP. We fight less. We still have sex and I’m much happier to a point. But then I think why do I always come back to TRP? Because I want to become a better man. Because I want to feel more in control. So I come back. And then I hate her. We fight. She’s hard to deal with. Etc.
So I don’t know if I just need to leave her. Or if this is normal at first. Or what it is. Anyway.
Then I start to think. I was told I give too much of a fuck. So I stopped. I stopped giving a fuck. Enough to not enter her frame. But then I keep thinking. Am I just being a bad partner now? I mean I have to literally give no fucks because she’s up my ass 24/7. When I think I got her she hits me out of left field with something else. I try to Continue to have fun. Or leave. But I’d be gone most of the day if left every time she annoyed me.
Jackten wrote a post on this. That make me think. Not giving a fuck could actually be a bad thing? You should be giving one fuck he said. The post was hard to understand. I need to go back and reread it. But it seem to say that not giving a fuck isn’t good.
So I’m realizing. Idk how the fuck to become good at AA/AM without sounding like an idiot.
I gave too many fucks. Now I feel like not giving enough is worst. I’m at a weird/confused stage with all this. Idk if I’m making progress or digressing