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I suck at AA and AM and a couple other things.

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hopinghobby
June 16, 2018
7 upvotes
askMRP

So me and the wife got Into it again. She wanted me to go cook out in the grill at our apt complex I didn’t feel like walking there plus we had other shit in the oven.

She goes off.

“Wow you take the fun out of everything.”

“You’re no fun” this and that.

I scramble my mind to think of an AA. Nothing. AM. Still nothing so I just shut the fuck up.

She continues on. I start to feel myself getting frustrated. Now she’s making demands to do this and so that. I think to myself. I hate being around this girl when I start using RP Tactics. Always happens. She’s always up my ass. Making demands. Giving me shit. Looking over my shoulder. We’re at the pool and even as I write this she’s saying things like “why don’t you go in the pool” “you need to get a pedicure” “do this do that” asking me the same 5 questions over and over.

I go “just let me do what I’m doing. Thank you”

When I get away from TRP. We fight less. We still have sex and I’m much happier to a point. But then I think why do I always come back to TRP? Because I want to become a better man. Because I want to feel more in control. So I come back. And then I hate her. We fight. She’s hard to deal with. Etc.

So I don’t know if I just need to leave her. Or if this is normal at first. Or what it is. Anyway.

Then I start to think. I was told I give too much of a fuck. So I stopped. I stopped giving a fuck. Enough to not enter her frame. But then I keep thinking. Am I just being a bad partner now? I mean I have to literally give no fucks because she’s up my ass 24/7. When I think I got her she hits me out of left field with something else. I try to Continue to have fun. Or leave. But I’d be gone most of the day if left every time she annoyed me.

Jackten wrote a post on this. That make me think. Not giving a fuck could actually be a bad thing? You should be giving one fuck he said. The post was hard to understand. I need to go back and reread it. But it seem to say that not giving a fuck isn’t good.

So I’m realizing. Idk how the fuck to become good at AA/AM without sounding like an idiot.

I gave too many fucks. Now I feel like not giving enough is worst. I’m at a weird/confused stage with all this. Idk if I’m making progress or digressing


Post Information
Title I suck at AA and AM and a couple other things.
Author hopinghobby
Upvotes 7
Comments 23
Date 16 June 2018 06:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204331
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8rlgoi/i_suck_at_aa_and_am_and_a_couple_other_things/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

But I’d be gone most of the day if left every time she annoyed me.

Why do you come back then?

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

BecauSe when shit is good it’s fucking a great time together. She adds tons of value otherwise but her damn attitude and needs to control and be motherlike drives me nuts

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So in the infinite pool of women out there, some which will have a better attitude and some worse, is it worth it to stick around??? That's assuming you've become the type of man where she knows her attitude will not stand...and she's willingly keeping her attitude in defiance of your awesomeness. That is the case right?

[–]HarbourView3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get this. I’ve being implementing MRP for 6 months and prior to this my wife had been constantly telling me to do things. In my first couple of months I was Rambo (with quite a bit of internal anger) which changed the dynamic. She would ask me to do things I would ignore her. I was busy organising and doing my own things around the house. Going to the gym. Walking to work (takes 90 minutes) got me out of the house more. Taking control of my shit around the house. Organising social activities - hosting poker nights etc. reconnecting with old friends. We have 3 kids and our youngest (12) needs a lot of help because of Attention Deficit Disorder. And my wife has her own health issues. So I have to shoulder more of a burden than most. Things are improving in the relationship. But it’s slow. We have been together 27years,married 20. At one month a year, we have almost 2 years to go. Anyway my advise is to just keep at it. Work through the readings, go to the gym. Learn from others posts. Get better with frame. My weakest link is game and dread. I need to work on those the most. I think it’s all inter-related. My wife has started to adjust. I hope my story encourages you. Keep working at it.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is completely normal. She will shit test you less, and the tests will get easier as you get better.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds like you probably genuinely aren't any fun and she's legit aggravated with you for being a drag but still wanting to use her girl hole.

That said, I was never much for the witty comebacks either. I kind of turned a corner after listening to one of bluepill professor's pods where he kind of explains the difference between PUA game and married game. Long story short, the main thing is not to get sucked into her frame. If the best you can do is STFU...then you STFU.

When I was in extrication phase, I didn't find myself getting any quicker on the snappy comebacks, but with constant daily practice I became nonreactive. Faking it at first, transparently, then something weird happened: I wasn't getting butthurt and annoyed as much. Then hardly ever. Then I found myself enjoying her little bitch moods because I had learned to steer into the skid.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, the comebacks aren't some kind of magic wand. If you're not a funny guy normally, they will just be awkward.

Youve got the point, amused Mastery doesn't have to be amusing. Agree amplylify doesn't have to be witty.

You aren't a monkey who dances for quarters. When I run my mouth, it's largely self entertainment. I like saying shit, just to see what I can get away with. I'm genuinely entertained when I get my woman to dance in a circle and stomp her feet.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

steer into the skid

Great analogy. Eventually you hit the brakes on purpose, just to startle her. Sort of like u/rian_stone intentionally provoking her in order to create the feelz.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's ok to suck, we all suck. Practice, practice and more practice. This is hard shit because she knows your weak points.

Before you AA etc just try to get good at stfu. She asks you to do something you don't want to do or can easily do herself just say no and smile walk away or leave the house. She'll lose her shit and may even start spouting bollocks but get used to this it gets funny after a while. Don't be scared of her, once you are used to it then you can AA as a natural progression to her hampster vomiting.

Her trying to mother me gets my back up too.. but this is in response to our childish behaviour.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Practice. Start small and build.

Just like anything else you want to get good at

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

you need to get a pedicure

Cut and clean your nails you omega.

DYEL bro? Height, weight, lifts.

[–]hopinghobby[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m jacked. I run gear. I got that down pat. Always have

And yea fuck a pedicure.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I just read your two previous posts.

Yes, you are being next level shit tested and controlled because of your previous behavior.

She is attempting to bring you down a few notches, tame you, knock you off your high horse, whatever.

She WANTS the alpha that you are, to fuck her right. She ALSO wants you to be beta and commit and give her the comfort and security feeelz. But being a woman, she doesn’t understand that Alpha and Beta are nearly mutually exclusive in a man. And I’d venture to guess you are nowhere close to a state of AB yourself.

I’d refer you to Triadis3, but he has left us. Search his posts and see if anything remains. He had great insights into one-sided open relationships, which would fix your situation.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you I will check it out. And I’d like to add I guess I’m doing something right.

I went out on the bike with my friends after a cuddle nap with her. She sent me nudes and called me to tell me she is horny. She hasn’t done that type of shit in a while. I’m not sure if she’s trying to use sex to get me to ditch my friends but it won’t happen

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She could be ovulating and just horny.

Hopefully you’re playing ovulation Game and tracking her cycle.... right? Are you?

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How old are you, why are you living in an apartment? I would focus on kicking ass at work/financial success. Home ownership is a big psychological step towards being independent. Go work a night job bartending or serving tables, instead of being home arguing with her.

You will be MORE financially successful, meet MORE attractive women, and be MORE ready to leave if it comes to that. Plus you don’t really like being around her anyhow. 👍🏻

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The vast majority of your complaints go back to caring what she does, which is the same as giving too many fucks.

[–]mrp_awakening0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

New account. Been a long time lurker, never a contributor... want to change that.

What AA/AM is effectively doing is to show that you don't take her seriously (no fucks given). Ignoring can be the same effect, but is a little less pronounced. If AA/AM doesn't work for you, don't think of it in terms of AA or AM, but think what can I say that may be funny which shows I'm not taking her seriously. You'll probably end up doing one or the other but you may be able to react quicker with that mental frame.

Example: "You need to get a pedicure"

--"You need to get a brazillian wax/bleach your butthole/something else ridiculous" (pressure flip)

--"Great Idea!... I'll do that right after I go dress shopping" "Yeah, I'll need that for my new pair of open toed heels" (classic AA)

--Change subject

--Ignore

For the first two, make sure you look directly at her and smirk/chuckle. Whatever you do, don't give off a pissed/angry/butthurt vibe... chicks can sense that like a shark senses chum in the water. The first reply might be a bit tougher to maintain a comical vibe, so don't do that if you have a slight inkling of anger. Basically what you say doesn't matter. What matters is that you communicate indirectly that her demands aren't being taken seriously, and you're emotionally unphased. You'll piss her off, she'll push harder, and then she'll give up and accept your stronger frame.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You made that seem so easy I don’t know why I find it so hard in the heat of the moment.

She said something like

“You’re so boring you take the fun out of everything”

because I didn’t. Do what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it.

And even after the fact I couldn’t think of a good response

[–]mrp_awakening0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's always harder in the heat of the moment. Also, even if you cant think of shit at the time, try to think of something after as a mental excercise. It'll get you quicker eventually. For that, id either ignore and change subject or AA with something like "youre right they don't call me perscription strength sleep aid for nothing". Wouldnt AA though if she thinks you're legitimately boring... could come off as insulting yourself rather than amplifying to absurdity. AA has to be so ridiculous that it's blatantly false. If shes busting your balls/shit testing AA should work.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s knows I’m not boring. And that response is perfect. I’ll just have to keep practicing

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know why I find it so hard in the heat of the moment.

Because you get "flooded" and the fight or flight reflex prevents you from thinking clearly. If you can remain calm and control your physiological and emotional responses you can begin thinking rationally in the moment.

This is what Heartiste means when they teach us that "when you have control over yourself you will have control over her." This is what we mean by STFU and DNGAF and Agree and Amplify, and a lot of the rest.

Read the stoics. Practice meditation. Be aware of your increasing pulse and blood pressure. Learn to control it. Then be aware of your wife's increasing blood pressure- and learn to control that as well. No problem!

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We see it all the time.

This is a woman fighting to maintain control over her Beta.

You forgot to tell us about her lists.

not giving a fuck isn’t good

The idea of NGAF is to NGAF about your wife's bad and manipulative behaviors. Yes, you actually are supposed to GAF about your wife and the relationship. Otherwise WTF is the point? Just get divorced and spin plates.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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