SO flipped out because I talked to these two girls while she was talking to another dude

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June 14, 2018

I’ll start by saying I been lifting 5 days a week. For a while now. I’m pretty ripped. Been focusing on my shit and still spending time with her. I’m working on shutting up and not participating in verbal intercourses. But this happened just now.

I was at the pool waiting for my buddies to show up. A guy walks by with a dog ( we have the same dog). She ran out to go pet the dog. In the meantime I struck up a convo with these two women by the pool. Nothing serious just small talk. She comes back and sees this. I even try to add her in the conversation so they know she’s with me. I then tell them have a good day.

My friends show up then. I can tell she’s acting all pissed. I ignore it and try to flirt with her. She’s being cold so I tell my boys let’s go get food.

We go get food and she text me this.

“Did you get her number lol” I don’t even have time to answer. Then it’s followed by

“Don’t ever do that shit again, talk to bitches right in from of me. Next time we’re out somewhere I’ll walk up to a group of guys while you’re with me and start talking to them. “

“I didn’t see Z and his boys go up to them an start talking. Be respectful towards me especially if I’m here”

I haven’t responded yet. And I know when they leave she’s going to bring it up again. How do I handle this.

I want to be like “who cares you were talking to another dude I just was having a harmless convo. What I can’t have a convo??” But I know that’s the wrong way to handle it.

Post Information
Title SO flipped out because I talked to these two girls while she was talking to another dude
Author hopinghobby
Upvotes 10
Comments 76
Date 14 June 2018 10:15 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]simbarlionRed Beret19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

she is insecure because of cheating past.

RP - let her deal with it, you are who you are

BP - give her security feelz

Walk your own line.

You sound young and not married

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't care about the cheating, although personally I fucking hate sloppy OpSec.

My question to you is why to you invite all this drama into your life? Do you like it?

If my girl said half the shit this bitch said she'd be gone. I don't care if I got caught fucking Mary mother of Jesus herself, if my wife said that shit I'd be like, "yeah either your in or out but quit fucking prosecuting me for crimes of the past."

This isn't a shit test, it's her behaving badly. Tell her to knock it the fuck off.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly I agree.

She tried to tell me “she asked her friends” and they all said it was disrespectful what I did. Well no shit. I told her go find a guy who isn’t disrespectful. I honestly used AM all night. She wouldn’t shut up.

I left and went on the motorcycle when I came back she was still going at it. I just kept say. Shit like “aw poor baby. You got it so bad. Your mean husband is so rude. How do you do it?”

I even was talking to the dog out loud about it when she was right there.

“Nala we cant talk to anyone anymore! Don’t even look at them!” All while laughing. It pissed her off but I didn’t care. She pissed me off

I had fun with it for once. I stopped caring it was honestly retarded

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (25 children) | Copy

Dude, don’t even mention that she was talking to another guy. She’ll take your action as butthurt “retaliation.” Just say “I like making new friends.” And then STFU

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (24 children) | Copy

Alright. I got another text now saying. I owe her an apology. She has some nerve in my mind to even ask for that

[–]plein_old3 points4 points  (14 children) | Copy

If you try to control her behavior, or even judge her behavior, you are completely lost inside her world, which is currently swimming in a bad mood.

If you keep a sense of humor and joyfulness, you can help draw her out of her mood, as a side benefit of your own awesome mood.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you keep a sense of humor and joyfulness, you can help draw her out of her mood, as a side benefit of your own awesome mood.

so tired of this shit advice

OP, if your woman acts like a bitch, punish her with separation. even if she's your wife. pretty fucking simple.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

This is where I get driven nuts man. She left Bc she said she didn’t feel good. Took the keys to the apt with her. She calls me to tell me the cats need food. I said okay. She says are you just going to ignore me I said I’m not. She said so then what do you have to say. I said I like meeting new people. Big deal.

She said I told you not to do that shit in front of me. I said okay. She said so disrespectful I said I’m out with my friends. I’ll talk to you when I get home.

She hangs up and sends me this.

“You can be single then if you like meeting new girls”

“You can reactivate your IG account and do whatever you want”

“This shit makes me sick to my stomach and I want no fucking part of it. Especially if you think what you did was not disrespectful towards me. I don’t need to be with a boy that stills wonders around. I wanna be with a man who knows what he fuxkin wants in the relationship and treats me like I should be. Not like shit, hurting my feelings and crossing boundaries.”

I’m at the gym now so I didn’t respond yet. But this is the shit that causes me to flip out. Literally I just want to hit her with logic. I was being friend. You were talking to a fucking dude. Who fucking cares.

This shit is annoying. I feel like there’s no winning

[–]plein_old6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Logic won't win.

Once you realize this, you can see more clearly what options remain to you.

There might be a way to "win" but... with women I think there will always be a level of "testing", especially when they sense how upset you are. If you were just happy and smooth, she might not test you as much.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

"she said"..."She calls me to tell me"..."She says"..."She said"..."She said"..."She said"..."She hangs up and sends"

Why are you paying any mind to her words right now? Everything that follows one of those statements (with the exception of the cat food) should be ignored, at least until you get home. Texting is for logistics.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

And once I get home then how do I go about it. Without losing my shit.

[–]drty_prRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because it's trivail bullshit. Two scenarios are possible:

  • she forgets about it and life goes on
  • she doesn't and leaves you, in which case good riddance, cause you don't want to waste your time with cray-cray

Without losing my shit

When a man loses his shit, it should carry weight. A man should only lose his shit when absolutely necessary. Is your GF being a fuckin child really worth losing your shit?

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No it’s not. But this shit makes me want to shake her. It’s literally so stupid. She was talking to a guy. I make random small talk very briefly. And invite her in on it. And I’m the devil.

[–]TheIronHeel2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Send her a selfie of you and a waitress. Smiling.

[–]hopinghobby[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

How would that help anything

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hey! Aren't you supposed to be lifting right now? Move some heavy iron around. It will remind you that she is just a little girl.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I just got back from the gym. I said that in there I think

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Literally I just want to hit her with logic.

you need to hit her with "i didn't know you were this insecure, jealous, and crazy. i don't think we should see each other anymore" and leave it at that. all the guys here are too pussy-whipped and scared of their wives to give you good advice on this. nut up and drop the hammer. and do it without emotion. she'll get back into line.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]alphasixfour11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy

Thats DEERing and of course your first instinct. Defend away. Save your fragile castle and lose the princess.

You are in her frame. Her frame allows her to puppy flirt and still be a bitch to you. It's not about the girls you talked to, it as about her control over you. You are her bitch.

You've done well to ignore her texts. Remember she is a child having a tantrum. This is outside your frame so should be amusing at best.

I wouldn't even acknowledge this basic shit test. Just raise my eyebrow with a smirk and walk away until she gets over it.

If she asked if I got her number I would say "Yeah, we're going out Friday night, wanna come?"

Threatening to talk to other guys would be met with a laugh and a "You do you babe" because she obviously does.

Summary: you are a faggot living in her frame and just because you are ripped doesn't mean you have any of the other critical components in place. Do you even AM and AA bro?

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy

If she asked if I got her number I would say "Yeah, we're going out Friday night, wanna come?"

so fucking gay. agree and amplify needs to die. that shit is for beta fucktards. a real man sees no need to be funny at a time like that. he just says goodbye

[–]alphasixfour4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Agree it can be overdone. Disagree that it needs to die.

But fun sometimes. Depends on the relationship and the mood. My wife would likely see that she was being ridiculous and back down. Then again my wife hasn’t ever caught me cheating like the op and has a sense of humor. Yours might be a humorless harpy.

If she had her bitch shields up harder I agree best is not to entertain at all.

For my situation the idea ratio seems to be 70% STFU and 30% humor.


[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

humor works fine when her shit tests are clearly in good fun. when they're not, there's no need to amplify

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can go with that... though sometimes it’s fun when she is being a bitch. I guess that’s more AM teasing in reality rather than true AA

[–]shinolas1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sound fun

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yes i do

[–]sars4454 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

What a great wasted opportunity for AA

[–]gameoflibidos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

yea.. too late now. He has to ignore.. do not engage and pretend her entire reaction doesn't exist.

[–]RedPillNewb881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When she asked if she got the number right?

I'm married and my wife literally asked me that after I bumped into some strange woman at Wal-Mart with my cart. The woman and I laughed, exchanged "excuse me"s, and were just chatting for literally 20 seconds when my wife came out of the aisle, me standing there in the main aisle.

I said with a smirk, "Yeah baby. But she's more interested in you than me" She chuckled, we carried on. She made killer chicken that night. All went well.

[–]classicthrowaway864 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're a weak piece of shit. "She", "She did this", "she said this".. Why do you give a fuck? Once you learn to not give a fuck about anything she says or does, i guarantee you, you will be happier and have a better relationship. You can not argue logically or rationally with a woman who is driven by emotions, it'll never work. The reason you AA, AM, STFU etc is because what she has to say is emotional dribble and you know it, dont give any credit it to it by responding rationally, you will just drive this on longer and waste energy. She subsonciously thinks you're a weak piece of shit by DEERing. If she threatens to leave, who gives a fuck, let her, if you stop acting like a bitch and get on with your day regardless of her emotions then she wont. Don't respond to her texts unless its for logistics, stay busy, you dont have time for this crap.

I could have just read the title and responded: Why do you give a fuck? Let her flip out, that's her problem, get on with your day.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

She acts like i don’t respect her at all. And I don’t want her to feel that way. I know I shouldn’t. Give a fuck about her feelings but I do care about her. I told her just leave if I she’s going to act crazy about me having a Conversation with people.

She’s like “I’ll do this and that to you. See how you like it”

“Go ahead”

[–]classicthrowaway865 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She acts like i don’t respect her at all

Once again, why do you give a fuck.

And I don’t want her to feel that way

Her problem, not yours.

I know I shouldn’t Give a fuck about her feelings but I do care about her.

Her feelings are her problem, work on yourself.

I told her just leave if I she’s going to act crazy about me having a Conversation with people.

Deering, just get on with your day.

She’s like “I’ll do this and that to you. See how you like it”

Again, why do you give a fuck, perfect time for AA.

You are a DEERing little bitch, and her subconscious sees it in you. You want her respect, fucking earn it. If she's acting like a 10 year old child, then act as if she were one, ie, get on with your day and do not give a fuck.

If a ten year old kid said to you: "Ill do this to you and see how you like it"... You'd laugh and get on with your day.

It's going to take a while for you to get your head around this. you need to do way more reading on understanding Frame, Outcome Independence, and just Not Giving a Fuck..

I've been where you've been, you can change your ways but itll take hard work and study and practice. You say you're ripped now that's a start, your frame is fucking weak

[–]MrTippy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"You feel disrespected?"


" That sucks"

"But I feel disrespected because of you!"


"If you know i feel disrespected, then why do you do it?"

"Because I like pissing you off! :) *ass slap*

As was said to Neo, "There is no spoon"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not a very experienced dude so take what I have to say with a grain of salt but there is one thing that stuck to me from your post. She said:

Not like shit, hurting my feelings and crossing boundaries

Hurting her feelz? First of all, she's not entitled to never have her feelings hurt. Second, it's not your job to deal with her feelz.

Do not hit her with logic: logic doesn't work on women. I would just let the storm pass, aren't you her rock after all? Just be attentive to the comfort test that will surely come soon and pass it.

Most importantly be prepared to walk away. Maybe this whole over-reaction is her gaslighting you because SHE is cheating/thinking about cheating.

[–]plein_old4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You could wait a few hours then reply back "Yes, the young lady was very nice, thanks for asking."

[–]bourbonhipster2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Judging by your reaction to her texts and follow up drama which you've outlined not only in your posts but in replies to other comments here, she is clearly getting under your skin and you have mentally lost all composure despite you not losing it on her yet.

If you can't find peace in your mind that you literally do not fucking care about the shit she says because she's not you nor does she rule you nor does your happiness depend on hers, you are bound to lose it on her eventually. You are losing this battle. Find a way to remind yourself her drama isn't yours even when she is hell bent on making it so.

This is why DNGAF is so easy to say, but in reality it's quite hard to live. You need more outcome independence to handle this.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It happens. My highschool reunion, I was working a table, and one of the guys wives was hanging on my every word. I love running my mouth, so it's win win.

At some point, the ol lady takes my phone out of my jacket and slams it on the table in front of me, full of "wtf" texts.

She got, she got over it, I got laid.

I figure, until I'm sticking my finger, tongue, or dick Into a girl, none of this really Matters

It doesn't.

[–]UnbreakableFrame2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Simple. You are in her frame. The give away was when you mentioned you had shutdown your instagram. Instagram is a photo sharing website. I literally use it to develop my business and network with clients (art related). It's not Tinder or a dating site.

This woman has created the world in which you live. You can do all the RP techniques in the world to respond to her texts and accusations, but you will still go to bed tonight in her frame. Until that changes you are never going to get anywhere.

For me, the first step of developing my frame in your particular situation would be a stern sit down with her where I set some boundaries for how she talks to me. She's allowed to be mad -- no woman can stop that from happening -- but she's not allowed to be an insufferable bitch to you. It's up to you what the consequences for crossing a boundary are. For most RP men in non-serious relationships, it's a next.

[–]Heisendrrd1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its pointless to make her understand even if you do you don't. Just be you and if she trusts you she will tag along.

[–]jacksarmy1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I take it IG is for Instagram?? Has she made you shut down that account already?????

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Un-fucking believable!!! where am I supposed to go to get my daily pics!

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No I got rid of it because we talk about it on here it’s a waste of time

[–]gameoflibidos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not engage.. completely ignore her BS... it doesn't even exist. Return in a good mood and do whatever you want... i.e. eat/watch movie... ask her to join if she wants.

Completely ignore all BS. Her BS feelz will last less than 8 hours and be gone

you're giving way too many fucks to this. shes yanking you back into her ridiculous feelz frame. stay out of it. do not engage.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same playbook applies here as always. Amused mastery and agree and amplify are great tools. Don't DEER. However, you mentioned in a past post that she has caught you cheating three times. So, you are going to have to lay some comfort on her that you are going to keep her around despite your occasional shenanigans.

I doubt she likes the fact that you have cheated, but I think she is more concerned that she will be completely replaced by someone else than she is concerned your cock is in another girl's snatch. In other words, if you fuck a few chicks on the side but she remains your "bottom bitch" she may be cool with that.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don't DEER.

“Did you get her number lol”

"Aw, you're so cute when you're jealous. Don't worry, I told her to wait until this weekend to call me (wink)."

“Don’t ever do that shit again, talk to bitches right in from of me.

"Got trust issues, do ya?"

Next time we’re out somewhere I’ll walk up to a group of guys while you’re with me and start talking to them. “

"Aw, does wittle girls feelings hurt cause I'm a big meany-weanie?" and tousle her hair like a little kid.

“I didn’t see Z and his boys go up to them an start talking. Be respectful towards me especially if I’m here”

"I didn't start talking to them. THEY started talking to ME."

After all that: "Got an active imagination, have we?" followed by a genuine laugh because she's a silly little girl.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Got trust issues, do ya?"

LOL, if we have the time to stroll, casually through this large and ponderous thread, we will find that OP has graciously, after 50 or 100 posts, deigned to tell us that he had cheated on her some few times before, and been busted. We've been played for suckers!

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I saw that too, unfortunately.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I said I like meeting new people. Big deal.

you should have said "nothing. i did nothing wrong. i think you sound like a crazy person right now and we should break up"

[–]DanG30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“I wasn’t talking to them. I was screening them.” Then blow off all her other noise. Stop saying, “Okay.”

There IS no winning if you respond to her/them in a meaningful way - getting drawn into her frame.

Read and learn:

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So when you watch what she does vs says

What do you get ?

[–]hopinghobby[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of attitude. But sex and she stays around

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Something about 'door' 'ass' and 'way out' comes to my mind...

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think the cut the shit thread should include a coubt the times you say "she said", if it's more than 3 times it's dialog comming from a place of weakness. A couple of these threads read like a man telling on his wife to a tribunal of dudes.

She said "the frame is mine". You said "ok pumpkin, can we put the frame around a picture of my balls?"

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is nothing more than a Machiavellian frame grab and a naked power play.

You bitch is a bully. Control her and dngaf or suffer or dump that bitch. Those are your only options.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Where is the point of NGAF and being a good husband come into play here. I don’t know where to dry the line

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is that line is different for every person and every relationship. All we can do is teach you that the line must be drawn somewhere. Where it is drawn is up to you.

The idea is to NGAF about her hurtful, girlish antics. You still DO Give a Shit about her and the relationship. Otherwise you would be planning the final exit strategy.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

It's the current year, guys and girls can be friends, get over it

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I’ve cheated on her more than once and she found out. And . She already know I believe that guys and girls can’t be friends

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Then I can't help you man. You showed too much of your hand. I would have played that shit off as me just being social, no girl will ever hate on that.

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s what it was tho. Me just being social. That’s why I feel the need to DEER

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, you misunderstand what DEERing is. You felt the need to DEER because you think she has the right to judge you and you don't have enough self confidence to disregard/be amused by someone else's contradictory judgement of your actions. DEERing isn't the inevitable result of you thinking she doesn't have a logical ground to make a solid case from, its the inevitable result of you acting like a frightened child when mommy scolds you.

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve cheated on her more than once and she found out.

Somehow, I sense that if you had written this in the OP, as if it were relevant or something, this thread would have been much shorter, and more helpful. Did you not think it relevant to the current thread? Even a little? Just askin.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Asking for a friend? 😂

[–]hopinghobby[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Consequences of your actions. Playbook stays the same, but you’ve got a shit test AND a comfort test now. Red Pill is amoral, but her hamster is losing its mind right now.

[–]onewayroute0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This right here. Either continue to fall in her frame or leave. As it stands u might as well let her fuck someone and be a cuck so u can feel "its even now"

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give less fucks.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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