FR posted last week following camping trip - we had amazing enthusiastic sex 4 times in 3 days Thurs, Fri, Sat...then once again Monday. I really thought a corner had been turned (I know, I’m still fat & shouldn’t be using her behavior or sexual frequency as my measure of success in my journey).
On Tuesday, when I got home from work, I was in a good mood, she was cooking dinner, so I walked up behind her, hugged her & turned her around for a kiss...she tried to keep doing what she was doing instead of kissing me. She blurted out “I’ve had kids hanging on me all day, I don’t need another needy kid grabbing at me.” I STFU, continued having fun with my kids until dinner time. After dinner, I completely withdrew my attention - put kids to bed, then lifted heavily, channeling my inner rage over the incident, then ran 50 yard sprints until I was exhausted. Showered, went to bed, don’t recall if I even said goodnight - recognized that I failed her shit test miserably.
Wednesday, same thing when I got home, I played w/ kids, attempted to hug/kiss wife, cunty again, I again completely withdrew - put kids to bed, then without saying so, went out shopping for new T-shirts, came home, lifted & ran, showered & initiated at bed time, hard no, no reason given, she proceeded to finger-fuck her phone instead.
Thursday, I worked late (not absolutely necessary, partially didn’t want to be around her, partially wanted to create some dread), when I got home, she was watching TV, finger fucking her phone & basically not engaging in any conversation attempts I made. Put kids to bed. I went to bed to read without saying I was doing so...no interest in sitting in silence watching TV shows that I have no interest in, with a cunty woman I’m quickly becoming indifferent about being around.
Friday, we took our 3 kids & niece to the beach in the evening (my plan - told her to have them ready when I get home from work - they were), overall fun outing. While playing in the sand with the 2 older kids, without saying anything, wife packed up our little ones, took them to the boardwalk to clean up, etc. When I noticed she had left, asked son & niece if she told them where she was going - no responses. Oh well, I kept playing in the sand with them. When I was ready, I started the process of cleaning up with the older kids, pack up & take our stuff to the boardwalk - I said “that was shitty to just leave without saying anything” wife: “It was getting cold, I told niece where we were going” me: “she’s 6, a shitty communicator, I was maybe 15 feet away. I expect you to tell me where you’re going with my children.” That night, I decided to end the bullshit - “what’s been the problem all week?” Her: “I’ve been wondering the same, you’ve been mean to me all week.” Me: “Why do you think that is?” Her: Holy fucking hamster - that motherfucker ran hard, and was obviously exhausted from running all week. She spewed all kinds of shit about all I want is sex, don’t care about her as a person, seem more interested in other women than in her, the kids see me as the fun one & her as the angry bitch even though she does everything for them, on and on it went. We ended up getting into issues related to her SAHM shortcomings - and specifically our kids’ nutritional needs, which I feel are not being adequately met. Lots of junk food/snack foods, very little clean protein, fresh veggies, etc. It’s basically convenience foods that she can give them quickly & avoid doing work - “I can’t get them to eat good food, I end up cooking separate meals for us, then meals for them” Me: “yes, that’s because they know that if they resist broccoli, they will instead get snacks because you won’t let them feel even slightly hungry - just cut out the junk, they will eat good food when they’re hungry.” She agreed, said it was hard to hear, but I was right, she hadn’t realized that by giving in on snacks instead of insisting they eat good food she was starting a bad cycle, was failing to give them good, nutritional meals, etc. It was late, I went to bed, she came to bed, but later got up & slept on the couch. The main issues were still unresolved.
Saturday, she got up first, a bacon, egg & fruit breakfast nearly ready when I got up. She insisted that son eat it - he did with a little additional “encouragement” from me. The littles ate it as well. I ate, mowed the yard. After I finished, she went to the store to get snacks for son’s baseball team (she had gone to the grocery store 3 days prior and we’ve been scheduled to bring snacks on this day for nearly 2 months). When we were getting stuff together, she very shittily said “can you at least put the snacks together” I just ignored her, and she did it -- I later explained why I didn’t do it - she said it like a bitch & I will not be ordered around. Also, she had ample opportunity to have already had that shit ready to go days ago. Son & I are off to baseball game (we go early for warm-ups, wife brings our littles at game time). Before and during the game, I talked to all the parents I could (dread & fuck it, it’s fun to talk to the moms) - there’s one in particular that has always given lots of IOIs (SMV about same as my wife’s, the strange factor may push her higher in my eyes). I helped her set up her shade canopy, I talked to her out of earshot of wife for about 20 minutes--she laughed constantly, twirled her hair, touched her neck constantly while talking to me, we didn’t actually talk about much other than our kids & summer plans (she mentioned how she has to make all their plans, husband just goes along), but her body language was obvious. She talked to me through her son’s first at-bat, she didn’t even realize he had gotten a nice hit (because she was looking at me) until I told her. I could feel my wife boiling from 20 feet away that another woman was so interested in her man. The other mom is married, obvious beta bux situation, I think I could fuck her within a month if I wanted to go there (I don’t intend to cheat). My wife has never even spoken to the other mom, I was talking to her at the 1st game of the season when my wife arrived. I introduced them, don’t think wife even said “hi” to her. That night, I didn’t really talk to my wife other than logistics -- she was finger-fucking her phone & watching TV again. I lifted, showered, hugged her, kissed her on the forehead & went off to bed. From my bed, I could hear her crying, but I didn’t check on her, her emotions are hers to deal with, right? She came into the bedroom at one point after I was asleep, got her sleeping clothes, etc. Went to sleep on the couch again. I got up to piss shortly after, she had left a note in the master bathroom sink. Basically more of her hamster spinning - she doesn’t feel appreciated and feels she’s not meeting my expectations as a SAHM, she doesn’t want to have sex every day, feels pressured that I initiate frequently, said something about butthurt when she denies me (this is actually not true - she’s likely remembering this, since I did it for so long though...fuck, maybe it is still there, IDK), that after dealing with needy kids all day, having no privacy, no personal space me hugging/kissing her when I got home from work comes across as needy, etc….and, maybe we need marriage counseling to work through our issues.
Now, I should have thrown her note in the trash, never to be mentioned or seen again -- other than her seeing it in the trash in the bathroom...but I’m a Rambo noob with a hot hand as of late. I sent her a fucking email in the middle of the night like a god damn autistic 6 year old--FUCK! As far as a RP email response to a shit test via note goes, it was well worded, direct, broken record of what I’ve previously said. Main points were: 1) I will not remain in a marriage with someone whose idea of a healthy relationship is avoidance, watching TV & finger fucking her phone in silence, then sleeping on the couch. If that’s what you want, I’ll just find other things to do outside the house on my own. 2) Our marriage is seriously fucked if you're seeing me hugging you when I come home from work as needy - I don’t “need” anything from you. 3) I realize being a SAHM can be stressful, but this is an area where I have chosen to allow you to lead the family & make it work. If it’s too much, the next logical step is for you to go back to work & put the little ones in preschool. Communicate with me if I can help in some way. I ended it by saying that I hope she’ll put aside pride & anger about what she’s just read & choose to work together on our issues. No mention of marriage counseling, that’s an absolute no-go in my book.
Sunday, I got up early, our house is a fucking wreck, so acta non verba, I got to work cleaning & organizing the kids’ playroom (the most neglected) first, then other rooms -- just because I want a clean house. Wife came out, had the little ones dressed, etc. I hugged the kids, patted wife on the ass, smirked without a word & got back to cleaning. She quickly came into the playroom, melted into my arms & hugged & kissed me, on the verge of tears, obviously having read my email. I finished cleaning, made breakfast, packed healthy snacks & told her I’m taking the kids to the zoo - do you want to come with us? (first time I’ve attempted this tactic, as it’s a fucking chore to take all 3 kids ANYWHERE)...thankfully she wanted to come. It was fun, I gamed her some, some kino. I made a healthy dinner, the whole family ate it. Kids were off to bed. I simply said “there are several things I’d like to talk about, but it’s fucking exhausting to argue with you about things I think we both know are best for us and for our family.” She asked for clarification, so I obliged, basically broken-record about her stepping up her shit as a SAHM, taking my displays of affection as needy & that I won’t stay in a marriage with someone who avoids dealing with our issues and chooses to watch TV & play on her phone when we have work to do. The hamster ran some, she told me that it was hurtful that my email threatened that I would get my sexual needs met elsewhere. I never said that. I showed her the email, that it simply said that “if she’s going to sit on the couch & watch TV & play on her phone, I will find other things to do outside the home” I gave examples of things I was actually referring to - fishing, gym, drinks with buddies, concerts, etc (things I have started doing anyway)...but I did reiterate that I wouldn’t remain married to someone who avoided dealing with our problems. She DEER’d some, but conceded that she knows I’m right on all fronts. Sobbing, she said “I just need guidance sometimes.” I hugged her & kissed her on the head like the good little girl that she is. While I was in the kitchen drinking a glass of water before bed, she said “our couch is uncomfortable” I said - “you’ll get used to it” with a smirk and grabbed her ass, pulled her in for a hug, she melted, hugged me back & made a comment about how far her arms could reach around me (I’ve lost 30 lbs). She kissed me enthusiastically, it was late, I could have told her to suck my dick & she’d have enthusiastically dropped to her knees on the spot...but I went to bed, she followed, rubbing my arms, shoulders & chest until I fell asleep. We’ll fuck tonight.
Did this whole thing stem from failing the shit test on Tuesday when she called me a needy child? Should I have set a boundary there, on the spot...or later that evening? STFU and act like it never happened? I think I had gotten complacent due to everything going so well and her obviously coming along for the ride with her captain that I simply wasn’t ready for that shit test. I STFU to the best of my ability, but that didn’t seem to work. I hit the reset button on Wednesday I obviously showed too much butt hurt over that comment - slipped into her frame & it took me all fucking week to rebuild my busted ass frame & pull her back in. Was her response Sunday morning negotiated desire, or dread? Felt like dread from me being clear that I’m OI about our marriage, the baseball mom & her realizing she’s fucking up...but thinking more about it, my being butt hurt about the “needy” comment may have been negotiating for her affection? It felt good to work my way out of a bombed shit test and see just how fragile my captaincy is this early in the process. I needed to be vigilant at ALL times. All of this is proof that no matter how well it's going, it's always a work in progress.