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New Captain In Uncharted Waters - Analysis Needed

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June 11, 2018
9 upvotes

FR posted last week following camping trip - we had amazing enthusiastic sex 4 times in 3 days Thurs, Fri, Sat...then once again Monday. I really thought a corner had been turned (I know, I’m still fat & shouldn’t be using her behavior or sexual frequency as my measure of success in my journey).

On Tuesday, when I got home from work, I was in a good mood, she was cooking dinner, so I walked up behind her, hugged her & turned her around for a kiss...she tried to keep doing what she was doing instead of kissing me. She blurted out “I’ve had kids hanging on me all day, I don’t need another needy kid grabbing at me.” I STFU, continued having fun with my kids until dinner time. After dinner, I completely withdrew my attention - put kids to bed, then lifted heavily, channeling my inner rage over the incident, then ran 50 yard sprints until I was exhausted. Showered, went to bed, don’t recall if I even said goodnight - recognized that I failed her shit test miserably.

Wednesday, same thing when I got home, I played w/ kids, attempted to hug/kiss wife, cunty again, I again completely withdrew - put kids to bed, then without saying so, went out shopping for new T-shirts, came home, lifted & ran, showered & initiated at bed time, hard no, no reason given, she proceeded to finger-fuck her phone instead.

Thursday, I worked late (not absolutely necessary, partially didn’t want to be around her, partially wanted to create some dread), when I got home, she was watching TV, finger fucking her phone & basically not engaging in any conversation attempts I made. Put kids to bed. I went to bed to read without saying I was doing so...no interest in sitting in silence watching TV shows that I have no interest in, with a cunty woman I’m quickly becoming indifferent about being around.

Friday, we took our 3 kids & niece to the beach in the evening (my plan - told her to have them ready when I get home from work - they were), overall fun outing. While playing in the sand with the 2 older kids, without saying anything, wife packed up our little ones, took them to the boardwalk to clean up, etc. When I noticed she had left, asked son & niece if she told them where she was going - no responses. Oh well, I kept playing in the sand with them. When I was ready, I started the process of cleaning up with the older kids, pack up & take our stuff to the boardwalk - I said “that was shitty to just leave without saying anything” wife: “It was getting cold, I told niece where we were going” me: “she’s 6, a shitty communicator, I was maybe 15 feet away. I expect you to tell me where you’re going with my children.” That night, I decided to end the bullshit - “what’s been the problem all week?” Her: “I’ve been wondering the same, you’ve been mean to me all week.” Me: “Why do you think that is?” Her: Holy fucking hamster - that motherfucker ran hard, and was obviously exhausted from running all week. She spewed all kinds of shit about all I want is sex, don’t care about her as a person, seem more interested in other women than in her, the kids see me as the fun one & her as the angry bitch even though she does everything for them, on and on it went. We ended up getting into issues related to her SAHM shortcomings - and specifically our kids’ nutritional needs, which I feel are not being adequately met. Lots of junk food/snack foods, very little clean protein, fresh veggies, etc. It’s basically convenience foods that she can give them quickly & avoid doing work - “I can’t get them to eat good food, I end up cooking separate meals for us, then meals for them” Me: “yes, that’s because they know that if they resist broccoli, they will instead get snacks because you won’t let them feel even slightly hungry - just cut out the junk, they will eat good food when they’re hungry.” She agreed, said it was hard to hear, but I was right, she hadn’t realized that by giving in on snacks instead of insisting they eat good food she was starting a bad cycle, was failing to give them good, nutritional meals, etc. It was late, I went to bed, she came to bed, but later got up & slept on the couch. The main issues were still unresolved.

Saturday, she got up first, a bacon, egg & fruit breakfast nearly ready when I got up. She insisted that son eat it - he did with a little additional “encouragement” from me. The littles ate it as well. I ate, mowed the yard. After I finished, she went to the store to get snacks for son’s baseball team (she had gone to the grocery store 3 days prior and we’ve been scheduled to bring snacks on this day for nearly 2 months). When we were getting stuff together, she very shittily said “can you at least put the snacks together” I just ignored her, and she did it -- I later explained why I didn’t do it - she said it like a bitch & I will not be ordered around. Also, she had ample opportunity to have already had that shit ready to go days ago. Son & I are off to baseball game (we go early for warm-ups, wife brings our littles at game time). Before and during the game, I talked to all the parents I could (dread & fuck it, it’s fun to talk to the moms) - there’s one in particular that has always given lots of IOIs (SMV about same as my wife’s, the strange factor may push her higher in my eyes). I helped her set up her shade canopy, I talked to her out of earshot of wife for about 20 minutes--she laughed constantly, twirled her hair, touched her neck constantly while talking to me, we didn’t actually talk about much other than our kids & summer plans (she mentioned how she has to make all their plans, husband just goes along), but her body language was obvious. She talked to me through her son’s first at-bat, she didn’t even realize he had gotten a nice hit (because she was looking at me) until I told her. I could feel my wife boiling from 20 feet away that another woman was so interested in her man. The other mom is married, obvious beta bux situation, I think I could fuck her within a month if I wanted to go there (I don’t intend to cheat). My wife has never even spoken to the other mom, I was talking to her at the 1st game of the season when my wife arrived. I introduced them, don’t think wife even said “hi” to her. That night, I didn’t really talk to my wife other than logistics -- she was finger-fucking her phone & watching TV again. I lifted, showered, hugged her, kissed her on the forehead & went off to bed. From my bed, I could hear her crying, but I didn’t check on her, her emotions are hers to deal with, right? She came into the bedroom at one point after I was asleep, got her sleeping clothes, etc. Went to sleep on the couch again. I got up to piss shortly after, she had left a note in the master bathroom sink. Basically more of her hamster spinning - she doesn’t feel appreciated and feels she’s not meeting my expectations as a SAHM, she doesn’t want to have sex every day, feels pressured that I initiate frequently, said something about butthurt when she denies me (this is actually not true - she’s likely remembering this, since I did it for so long though...fuck, maybe it is still there, IDK), that after dealing with needy kids all day, having no privacy, no personal space me hugging/kissing her when I got home from work comes across as needy, etc….and, maybe we need marriage counseling to work through our issues.

Now, I should have thrown her note in the trash, never to be mentioned or seen again -- other than her seeing it in the trash in the bathroom...but I’m a Rambo noob with a hot hand as of late. I sent her a fucking email in the middle of the night like a god damn autistic 6 year old--FUCK! As far as a RP email response to a shit test via note goes, it was well worded, direct, broken record of what I’ve previously said. Main points were: 1) I will not remain in a marriage with someone whose idea of a healthy relationship is avoidance, watching TV & finger fucking her phone in silence, then sleeping on the couch. If that’s what you want, I’ll just find other things to do outside the house on my own. 2) Our marriage is seriously fucked if you're seeing me hugging you when I come home from work as needy - I don’t “need” anything from you. 3) I realize being a SAHM can be stressful, but this is an area where I have chosen to allow you to lead the family & make it work. If it’s too much, the next logical step is for you to go back to work & put the little ones in preschool. Communicate with me if I can help in some way. I ended it by saying that I hope she’ll put aside pride & anger about what she’s just read & choose to work together on our issues. No mention of marriage counseling, that’s an absolute no-go in my book.

Sunday, I got up early, our house is a fucking wreck, so acta non verba, I got to work cleaning & organizing the kids’ playroom (the most neglected) first, then other rooms -- just because I want a clean house. Wife came out, had the little ones dressed, etc. I hugged the kids, patted wife on the ass, smirked without a word & got back to cleaning. She quickly came into the playroom, melted into my arms & hugged & kissed me, on the verge of tears, obviously having read my email. I finished cleaning, made breakfast, packed healthy snacks & told her I’m taking the kids to the zoo - do you want to come with us? (first time I’ve attempted this tactic, as it’s a fucking chore to take all 3 kids ANYWHERE)...thankfully she wanted to come. It was fun, I gamed her some, some kino. I made a healthy dinner, the whole family ate it. Kids were off to bed. I simply said “there are several things I’d like to talk about, but it’s fucking exhausting to argue with you about things I think we both know are best for us and for our family.” She asked for clarification, so I obliged, basically broken-record about her stepping up her shit as a SAHM, taking my displays of affection as needy & that I won’t stay in a marriage with someone who avoids dealing with our issues and chooses to watch TV & play on her phone when we have work to do. The hamster ran some, she told me that it was hurtful that my email threatened that I would get my sexual needs met elsewhere. I never said that. I showed her the email, that it simply said that “if she’s going to sit on the couch & watch TV & play on her phone, I will find other things to do outside the home” I gave examples of things I was actually referring to - fishing, gym, drinks with buddies, concerts, etc (things I have started doing anyway)...but I did reiterate that I wouldn’t remain married to someone who avoided dealing with our problems. She DEER’d some, but conceded that she knows I’m right on all fronts. Sobbing, she said “I just need guidance sometimes.” I hugged her & kissed her on the head like the good little girl that she is. While I was in the kitchen drinking a glass of water before bed, she said “our couch is uncomfortable” I said - “you’ll get used to it” with a smirk and grabbed her ass, pulled her in for a hug, she melted, hugged me back & made a comment about how far her arms could reach around me (I’ve lost 30 lbs). She kissed me enthusiastically, it was late, I could have told her to suck my dick & she’d have enthusiastically dropped to her knees on the spot...but I went to bed, she followed, rubbing my arms, shoulders & chest until I fell asleep. We’ll fuck tonight.

Did this whole thing stem from failing the shit test on Tuesday when she called me a needy child? Should I have set a boundary there, on the spot...or later that evening? STFU and act like it never happened? I think I had gotten complacent due to everything going so well and her obviously coming along for the ride with her captain that I simply wasn’t ready for that shit test. I STFU to the best of my ability, but that didn’t seem to work. I hit the reset button on Wednesday I obviously showed too much butt hurt over that comment - slipped into her frame & it took me all fucking week to rebuild my busted ass frame & pull her back in. Was her response Sunday morning negotiated desire, or dread? Felt like dread from me being clear that I’m OI about our marriage, the baseball mom & her realizing she’s fucking up...but thinking more about it, my being butt hurt about the “needy” comment may have been negotiating for her affection? It felt good to work my way out of a bombed shit test and see just how fragile my captaincy is this early in the process. I needed to be vigilant at ALL times. All of this is proof that no matter how well it's going, it's always a work in progress.


Post Information
Title New Captain In Uncharted Waters - Analysis Needed
Author ChokingDownRP
Upvotes 9
Comments 64
Date 11 June 2018 05:08 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204358
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8qb2fz/new_captain_in_uncharted_waters_analysis_needed/
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Comments

[–]mabden9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

> she said “our couch is uncomfortable” I said - “you’ll get used to it” with a smirk and grabbed her ass,

best line in this post

[–]CaliEd2567 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like the outcome was overall positive. I like the implied threat (find other things to do outside the house), good plausible deniability.

I would have destroyed her in the bedroom that night though. You missed a HUGE opportunity there. She got cunty, you withdrew. She cries in your arms and admits you’re right, smash until she doesn’t know her name. Then the pleasure of sex is associated with the positive behaviors of her realizing she needs guidance/realizing her husband is getting more alpha/not being cunty/etc

[–]Tebulus4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your biggest issue is that you are still learning, just keep going. Overall I would suggest less chess playing, less talking overall, and more leading. Pointing out flaws and not offering a solution including a plan from a to b is not leading. You had some good responses to her crap. The note thing was weak on her part, but even weaker on yours to respond via email. For you to be unable to contain your thoughts until the morning screams of you needing to heard specifically by her which makes me think you crave her validation or needed to satisfy your ego about how fucking RP you are.

Sobbing, she said “I just need guidance sometimes.”.

Dial back the fuck this and fuck you, and dial up the comfort and leadership. This whole post was just a giant comfort test that you extended the duration of unnecessarily. Not to say some of your lines were not clever, or the end result was not positive, but the entire week long ordeal could have been settled the first day without anybody crying on the couch and you could have still had the same quality/amount of sex. Treat her like a subordinate that needs help getting with the new game plan, not an obstacle in your path to beat down with ultimatums. AKA lead the hamster out of the maze and to the behavior you desire.

I don’t need another needy kid grabbing at me

Does she regularly say or imply this in other ways or was she looking for something sharp in the moment?

Wednesday/Thursday, we mostly avoided each other.

If you were avoiding her on purpose then you suck. Reset every day and do not fear her emotions or interactions with her.

Friday night, I decided to end the bullshit - “what’s been the problem all week?

Translated: "Hey I know I am pretending to be hard, but you acting differently is actually really affecting me. Can you fight with me so I can get some validation?"

You're saying the right lines, but the substance isn't there for her. I am willing to bet she was getting ready to crack and submit under all the fucks you were pretending not to give, and then you folded first.

which I feel are not being adequately met.

A captain says: "I am setting the kids up with X type of lunches/snacks, I want their lunches/snacks to contain X and Y every single day and those items will always be in the refrigerator if needed and if you would like to suggest something I have not thought of then feel free. Snacks are X and Y and are to be made/given at these times" Then make their lunches/snacks for a week or two and transition your wife into doing it your way. There are good ways to handle this that do not include telling her everything she is doing is wrong and not offering a solution. It sounds like you should do something like this instead of just getting them to eat some broccoli. Tell her how it is going to be and give her the tools to empower herself and your kids to comply.

her emotions are hers to deal with, right?

Depends on a lot of things. I think the best answer is as it pertains to your mission. If you want her to get with the gameplan and do what you want your way, then it would be beneficial to you not to let her baste in a hate sauce for days.

Did this whole thing stem from failing the shit test on Tuesday when she called me a needy child? Should I have set a boundary there, on the spot...or later that evening? STFU and act like it never happened? I STFU to the best of my ability, but that didn’t seem to work. I obviously showed too much butt hurt over that comment - slipped into her frame & it took me all fucking week to rebuild my busted ass frame & pull her back in. It felt good to work my way out of a bombed shit test and see just how fragile my captaincy is this early in the process.

Probably not stemming from this one thing. When you alter the dynamic of the relationship in big ways throughout you unplugging, she starts panicking. She doesn't understand your motivation, doesn't understand why all of a sudden everything she has been doing for years is not ok with you, and worst of all she doesn't understand why her previously reliable grasp over you has no power. It fires her hamster up because all of a sudden she has to break out of comfortable old habits and put some effort into a relationship she was content to keep luke warm until she died. Its a combination of all of that and more.

Overall don't be too hard on yourself, or her.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn good reply, I think you hit the nail on the head in many ways. I don't think she actually thinks of me like a child at all, definitely a shit test. She wants to please me, she defers to me on most every decision, sex has been frequent (about 3x/wk on average, up from about 2x/mo) pre MRP.

You're right about my piss poor attempt at leadership - I was definitely operating from a place of anger and trying to "win" and push her into obedience instead of leading by example and pushing through the shit test. She even said during our argument about nutrition that she needed my plan...I, of course just put it on her to figure out, after all, it's her "job." Man, what a douche I am!

This definitely evolved into a comfort test that I think I passed in the end. She texted me a lot today with things she accomplished, which I've praised and will reward with great sex tonight. She again told me today that she needs guidance and suggested I come up with 1 chore that needs to be done (in addition to what gets done regularly) per day. I joked that they might all be sexual, which got a laugh.

I think I'm in a good place for now, but this could have gone much worse and could have been a major setback. She's a good FO, I need to lead much better.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Damn, dude. Can we get a TL;DR next time? Fuck.

Here's my analysis:

Tues- you failed her "I don't need another kid hanging on me" shit test. You should have AA'd it by tugging at her dress and pretending to whine "But mommy, I haven't seen you all day and need attention!" and then continued to kiss her, fuck with her, etc. Something to that affect. She took your silence as butthurtness. STFU doesn't mean "be quiet".

Wednes: You Rambo-ing.

Thurs: More Rambo-ing. You aren't gaming your wife or being fun with her, not lending a hand to your FO who is clearly stressed. The boat is rocking and your crew is exhausted meanwhile you're nice and cozy in your own little la-la-land.

Fri: Your wife could have used some postive encouragement/recognition here. You would be surprised how a little recognition can greese the wheels of a disgruntled "employee". A simple "You're doing great with the kids' nutrition. I know it's difficult changing habits, but I'm proud of you." Or whatever. And then when she asked for a little help you ignored the request because you "didn't like the tone". You showed her!

Sat: Comfort fail. She was crying and you were all "Lol. Enjoy your feelz." The fuq is wrong with you? That would have been the perfect time to comfort and then escalate. "When their eyes are wet, so is their pussy."

Sun: She DEER'd? Sounded like you did. "No honey, I didn't mean I would cheat. I mean I would DEER DEER DEER. Look! Reread the email I sent. See!" You know you were implying you'd get your sexual needs met elsewhere and so did she. When she called you out on it, you ran and hid like a bitch. Was that owning your shit? Not so much.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I would've left that nugget sitting out like a piece of dog shit in the sun.

"did I say that? Explain where I implied it."

"hmm I'm kind of surprised you'd think that, and a little hurt"

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When their eyes are wet, so is their pussy.

gold. can confirm, always escalate from wet eyes.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When I wrote my email, I was not implying getting my sexual needs met elsewhere. I can see where it comes across that way, but I have been VERY careful to not negotiate desire. I would not cheat on her, though I also would not tell her that as it would take that aspect off dread off the table. She is a quality woman, a caring mother and based on the recent trajectory of our sex life, I'll have no reason to have my needs met elsewhere. I appreciate the rest of your reply, good points.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's good to read a detailed FR from a guy in the middle of the process with a good attitude.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, the new captain with a good attitude feels like he fucked up months of progress here though. Onward and upward though!

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

as https://www.reddit.com/user/DanG3 points out in a great reply below

Women are especially suited to healing and adapting, especially if the Man is worth it.

you didn't "fucked up months of progress". your underestimating how fluid her feelz and viewpoint is. be the man NOW, that is what she feelz.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for that. I can already see that she's over it and stepping up her game in the areas we discussed.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus fuck, man. Too much. You could have summed that up with the following:

  • Following the program, wife reacting to power dynamic, shit tests me on it
  • I fail to understand what's up and fail multiple shit tests. I get all 'spergy and wonder why she's mad.
  • Wat do?

You may be in uncharted waters for you, but we've seen this all before. She's acting like a child, treat her like one. You did well on the meal thing, but less talking, more setting expectations and leading by doing.

Imma let the other guys get into the weeds with you. I try to stay at 30,000 feet.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Jesus christ. You talk too much.

Well.....here are your responses to her after your little beta bullshit.

She spewed all kinds of shit about all I want is sex, don’t care about her as a person, seem more interested in other women than in her, the kids see me as the fun one & her as the angry bitch even though she does everything for them, on and on it went.

  • You want me cook and then fuck me, too... you really like to take advantage, don't you?" (with obvious mockery)

  • No, I care about getting some sleep afterwards, too, so we're going to have to limit ourselves to only half a dozen orgasms each.

  • I don't have a one track mind. Wait, did you say 'sex'? Sounds like fun. I'm down whenever you're ready.

  • No, I don't care just about sex. I'm all about foreplay, too. For example, I can start by kissing your neck, and then...

  • Look I love you. I also love tacos. Some days I love you more than tacos. Now give me some sugar before I replace you with tacos.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I am very good with A&A, I'm pretty ballsy with comments to her related to sex...but, a lot of this seemed to me to border on comfort testing (mostly new to me).

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

comfort testing

The crying and sobbing might have been a clue to those my friend. Why can I read your wife over the internet from a second hand half baked story better than you can in person?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've been a beta bitch, I haven't gotten many comfort tests... I'll recognize better next time.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I can’t even finish reading this.

I get it though. You got your feelings hurt. It sucks. You were mad.

Now learn to AA.

“I don’t need another child ...”

“Damn - you’re a pedophile ??” ( grab a kid and mock run away “mommy’s been bad “

And laugh the whole time.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So you think it's as simple as failing the one shit test? Fucked me up for a whole week?

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

no. but you have been only unpluggin for 6 months. I did not read the rest of your post because it doesnt matter.

your attitude toward that one spiteful comment likely is also seen in many other day to day things you do and say every hour of every day and do not recognize it.

She didnt shit test you btw. She flat out vented her feelz that her husband is a CHILD. Think about. It doesnt matter if its true. thats her frame for you.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ouch, but thank you. There's work to do, for sure.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

been there myself.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

As far as a RP email response to a shit test via note goes, it was well worded, direct, broken record of what I’ve previously said.

There is no RP response via note or text. The whole fucking point of frame, subtextual communication, and body language, is that you can project and read the intentions of others beyond what is said. By engaging feelings in print, you conceded frame immediately, and took a widdle girl's ramblings seriously.

Ever have a woman tell you she hates you and fuck her enthusiastically minutes later? That doesn't happen if you're behaving like pen pals.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, knew when I was writing it that it was autistic beta behavior.

[–]DanG31 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I stopped reading after: “I decided to end the bullshit - “what’s been the problem all week?”

This is called ‘poking the hamster.’ Don’t do it! You are not Superman. The hamster will kick your ass EVERYTIME. Don’t do it again, dumb ass!

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can you expand on this? I know that my wife avoids conflict like nobody I've ever known, if I didn't ask to talk about it, she would still be clammed up and angry at me?

[–]DanG32 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Words, dialogue, debate, discussion, “communication” is to a woman as mud is to a pig. It is her domain. You will lose if you attempt to mud-wrestle a pig - as you experienced. “The surest sign of doom's arrival is the scornful tongue lashing from a toothed vagina. Once a woman in your presence argues with you, or tests you - the horsemen are coming to your doorstep.”

“When you feel the tremoring gallop of these riders approaching, you'd best close the white gates of your mouth, and seal them with your lips. If they've already arrived, the conversation, as you know it, is over. The mighty tides of white colored pussy cream, dried in an instant - rendered into friction filled dunes of dry-crusted sand. The tingles, are gone. From there, the arousing conflict transforms into a contest of how much power you will surrender to your adversary, the fair-faced, bearded clam. The sin of entering arguments, or DEERing with women, will happen in 4 ways - each unique in both appearance and punishment. Learn them well, and avoid them.” https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/8m8tqv/talking_with_women_always_dare_never_deer/

If you were The Prize as you should be, and had not done anything especially egregious (which you didn’t), you should have simply let her be. Women are especially suited to healing and adapting, especially if the Man is worth it.

Further, you shouldn’t need her acceptance as validation of your effect on her happiness. Don’t set yourself up as her White Knight, the deliverer of happiness, having to qualify to her every wince or smile. That’s a Jesters job. Rather, be her Black Knight, serving only to distract and protect her, and escort her through her Secret Garden.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Holy shit.

Stay on course of body fat loss. Lift Eat clean.

Cut off your own hamster Tell her to keep her ass in your bed.

Most of all STFU.

Make friends is where you dump. But only after some reflection You come off as a needy bitch

Tip. Get the kids off the shit food snd yes. It’s your fucking job.

Concentrate on you and the dynamics of leadership for what you want. Ya, no shit she is looking for some direction

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Can you expand on tell her to keep her ass in your bed? Should I tell her that I expect her to sleep in our bed, even if she gets angry? I thought the MRP line of thinking was to stay in your own bed... I've not given much thought to her leaving for a night or 2.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

you are a needy bitch and you know it

you have been making gains and she has shown some enthusiasm fucking you repeatedly

Show some leadership and get the kids enrolled in some daycare and give her a daily list to get done, adding value to your lives, giving her a break

What you need to realize is not much changes even thought the sex goes up a little, you are still fucking up, or you wouldn't be @ this juncture

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No doubt, this has revealed to me that I'm definitely still seeking validation from her...mainly in the form of sex (fucked laat night and tonight FWIW). I still get douche chills thinking about sending the email in the middle of the night...DEERing, validation seeking, cowardly to not look her in the face and discuss what needed to be discussed. I am fully aware that I have a lout of work to do - I'd say I've been fucking up for 15 years, I'm 5 months in, so at least 10 more months. I'm improving myself, for myself, but I won't lie and say that her fucking me often and saying submissive things like "I need guidance" doesn't give me a sense of validation... though I realize it shouldn't. Work to be done...

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why would you assume it’s a cheap ass daycare? It wasn’t, but it’s irrelevant to the point of your zero facts assumptions.

Daycare abuse happens regardless of the cost. It’s your choice, but I would never voluntarily choose to place the safety of my children in a random person’s care. But the risk is mitigated if you feel confident in the quality.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Oh God, the midnight notes... an unpleasant flashback to my first marriage,

Did Tuesday fuck you up for the week? No, but it clearly revealed your mindset and how that mindset then fucked up the rest of your week. Look, she said just two sentences. Just a few words. And from that, you were filled with so much rage that you needed to vent it in the gym, cut her off for what, three, four days, spiraled into late-night email/text/post it note arguments (Nooooo... don't hit SEND) , and not-so-veiled threats of ending the marriage. I get it, you're still learning and even though at the end of the day, net-net, you seem to have sorted this out, you still put yourself through a lot of unneeded suffering.

The basic thing I see is you being so enraged by her little triggering comment. You can call it loss of frame, or fragile ego, or covert contract that she isn't recognizing your new captain status, or triggering some other Freudian shit. But you let her get under your skin with that. Note that I didn't say, "she got under your skin" or "she provoked you", but you LET her get under your skin. Funny story: I was at the hospital a few weeks back and this loser guy and his fat fiancee started talking to me in the waiting room. He had a broken finger from punching a wall and he explained it as the INEVITABLE reaction to his mother's constant harangue. The corpulent wife-to-be was nodding enthusiastically while he recited "well, it was one of those situations where it was either, you know, punch HER or punch the WALL, so what was I gonna do?". You see where I'm going with this... the obvious choice is not to make such a poor decision to begin with.

This leads into two related points: the reset, and the "right now". I'm sure you've heard of both around here, but just in case... The "reset" means that every day you have goldfish memory. It's a new day, you're not holding grudges, you're not going to punish her with silent treatment for how she acted at Dairy Queen Friday last week, it's blank slate. You're happy this morning. Live in the now. "Right now" means that you suffix every thing she says with the phrase "right now". "I hate you" --> "I hate you right now". "I hate you" --> "I hate you right now". But there's no absolute judgement in these statements for you to have to react with DEER and late night email bullet points. They're just expressions of emotion. Expect them to change tomorrow, in an hour, after you make an A&A comeback, whatever. Big difference between taking a balanced look at the last year of marriage, examining both your role and hers, and deciding that you want to end it versus taking two sentences that she probably won't even remember saying a day later and then threatening to nuke it.

All that being said, you had some good comebacks and it looks like you managed to say some shit about the family dynamics that needed to be said (nutrition, hugging etc even if it came across a little over the top). The fact that she was on your dick all last week, and was begging you for input and guidance and comfort suggests to me that there's a lot of room for developing a decent relationship here, as long as you can start to rid the butthurt and anger and live in the moment and go withe the flow, A&A or AM'ing a little more, rather than spiraling into your way into a sperg-uesque email exchange of retaliatory drama. When she writes you notes, just think "this is just like in high school, notes behind the teacher's back, so funny" rather than "OMG, she's dissing me! must retaliate NOW"

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I definitely let the "needy" comment throw me waaaay off my game. I obviously can't allow things like that to get to me. I need to brush it off as if one of the kids caked me poopie head. A few weeks ago, she said she hated me (over something relatively trivial), I just laughed at her, went out to handle a few things, came home to a tearful apology, blowjob and monkey sex that night. I should have learned from that experience and handled this one much differently.

The email had made me cringe daily. At the time, given our 3 kids and hectic house, it seemed my only opportunity to communicate with her until the following night. Showed way too much GAF and my hamster was running too hard. As for threats about nuking our marriage, we have a long history of avoiding problems, letting silent resentment build to epic proportions. I have previously stated that if avoidance is her plan, I will not continue that relationship. I now see that I need to stop criticizing and start planning solutions and owning our shit instead of coming down on her for not skiing something.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll give you some advice. My wife was up until a year ago a SAHM, 3 kids 11, and 7. She does not lead with intent, she only executes for the moment.

She will let something easy turn into an absolute shit show because she's just going from thing to thing. Then she's asking me after I've been on a 6 hour flight to stop and get milk because she didn't have time.

As captain build a framework for her to operate in. Mine was simple, kids fed, food shopping, house clean, work clothes. I told her "if you have to ask yourself what should I do, use this priority. I am not stopping for milk because of your poor planning."

It was a fight. She'd claim she had no time and when I asked I'd find out "I went shopping because my mom needed help..." Except her mom is retired.

"babe your job is running our house. If you take off to go help other people do stupid shit, you are failing." I made it clear that our house priorities came first. I put a stop to her shopping when I got home. She got on a regular schedule for her week. She started meal planning and if she started failing I'd give her a plan or better tools.

Once she started to get into a rhythm, she could hang out with her mom or do things so long as they didn't mess with the schedule.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’m still fat

So. That can be fixed.

shouldn’t be using her behavior or sexual frequency as my measure of success in my journey

Right, and now you now why.

I’ve had kids hanging on me all day, I don’t need another needy kid grabbing at me.

I can feel the butthurt but she has a point. Do you?

After dinner, I completely withdrew my attention

Why? What kind of sick games are you playing? Is this a troll? What is the point of "withdrawing attention" after you fail a shit test? I don't get it. I don't think I want to get it.

I could hear her crying, but I didn’t check on her, her emotions are hers to deal with, right

Oh for the love of our Lord Christ.

hamster spinning - she doesn’t feel appreciated and feels she’s not meeting my expectations as a SAHM, she doesn’t want to have sex every day, feels pressured that I initiate frequently, said something about butthurt when she denies me

Yes there was a hamster spinning but not her. Can you guess whose hamster is spinning? Look in the mirror.

I won’t stay in a marriage with someone who avoids dealing with our issues and chooses to watch TV & play on her phone when we have work to do....If that’s what you want, I’ll just find other things to do outside the house on my own. 2) Our marriage is seriously fucked if you're seeing me hugging you when I come home from work as needy - I don’t “need” anything from you. 3) I realize being a SAHM can be stressful, but this is an area where I have chosen to allow you to lead the family & make it work. If it’s too much, the next logical step is for you to go back to work & put the little ones in preschool.

I like it. The best damn thing you have done so far. You lost the butthurt. Now if only you don't replace it with anger all should be fine.

Did this whole thing stem from failing the shit test on Tuesday when she called me a needy child?

That and the autism spectrum disorder.

on the spot

Ideally- but definitely 100% not while you are butthurt (aka "flooded") because that would be bad. So in your situation 100% you should not have handled it on the spot.

TLDR: Don't get butthurt.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you for the great reply, I clearly have work to do and intend to keep at it. I showed way too much butthurt over a simple shit test comment. I let my hamster spin, threw her hamster into overdrive and we both wanted the same thing... for me to be a man and lead. Once I did, I've been treated like I want to be treated, ficked like I want to be fucked and my house is running like a well oiled machine (for only 2 days so far).

The worst part of validation seeking is that when she said something negative, despite all my gains (in my mind), after everything going so well, for her to neg me really got under my skin. I should have judged myself (no validation seeking), not reacted to the one overly shitty comment she's made in weeks.

Learning on the job, got some great advice on this thread, now in a better position to lead better.

I find it interesting that you quoted my email as "the best damn thing I've done so far". Had I delivered that content face to face, I would agree... But the fact that I delivered it via email is cringe-worthy.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You are right about the email being somewhat cringeworthy. I read it that you said all this to her. I don't think it is completely cringeworthy, however. You set a line in the sand and all depends on you defending that line in the future. How you conveyed it is not as important as maintaining.

I do want to comment on another thing the wife said to you. "I don't want to have sex every day." A lot of guys interpret this to mean she would screw Brad Pitt every day but not you so all you need to do is become more attractive. This is undoubtedly true for guys on the once a week plan or even worse. I don't think it is always true for guys basically getting sex on demand several times a week.

Even the guy who wrote Sex God Method says some girls can't have sex every day! A sore pussy or a bleeding pussy doesn't always want to be pounded and that is fine. I would suggest you openly put a number on it that is less than every day. I suggest every other day. This will take the pressure off her and make the sex better. On her days off, continue to tease and keep that slot lubricated but I suggest you take off some of the pressure. Just a suggestion. You do you, etc.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, funny thing is I'm not trying (initiating) every day, maybe every other day. She said she thinks once a week is a good number, and I just responded that I wasn't trying to negotiate a number, but that if she's not feeling it when I am, I'm fine with that and told her that I want sex to be pleasurable for both of us, not something she dreads doing or that feels like a chore. I went on to remind her that she seems to have really been enjoying herself lately, and she just blushed and played with her hair. I don't think sexual frequency is a "problem" to her...i honestly just think I miserably failed her shit test and her hamster started running and questioning why she would be fucking such a loser so often.

After the 4 times in 3 days I described in the OP, she said "my pussy is sore from all of this sex"...I STFU...She then said, "I guess I'll have to get used to it" talk about feeling validation (I know i shouldn't care)...then to shit the bed on that shit test the way I did.

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

(I know, I’m still fat & shouldn’t be using her behavior or sexual frequency as my measure of success in my journey)

I didn't read the rest of this post. I'm going to guess her little Beta is acting up, and she needs to reel him in with a little more maintenance sex. She knows that will put you in your place for another year.

You need to read up on Dread. If another woman won't fuck you for lust, your wife doesn't need to either.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

TLDR is understandable. He does go on to say a soccer mom would fuck him within 30 days, but it’s not congruent with “I’m still fat, etc etc”

[–]creating_my_life1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

he still doesn't get that women simply use sex to control their betas.

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

he still doesn't get that women simply use sex to control their betas.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. I don’t think he can yet.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I'm 6'4" 254lbs, yes fat, nowhere near my goals, but my height hides it ok. I'm (now) confident and witty, far more attractive than her beta bux husband. She'd fuck me, and there are other women in our circle of friends, business contacts, etc who would as well. Wife is aware of this, and not from me telling her.

[–]creating_my_life2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

but my height hides it ok.

no it doesn't.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If the stomach is bigger than his chest height doesn't matter but once you get there, height does make an aesthetic difference.

[–]creating_my_life1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm 6'4"

You've been given the genetic gift of being very tall. And you're throwing it all away by being a fat fuck. You don't even know how much advantage your height has given you because you've never experienced anything else.

Do you have any idea how much better your life would be at 6'4" and 12% bodyfat while doing a 155lb OHP?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I do get it, and working aggressively to improve the situation. Solid early gainz, but much more work to do.

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm giving you a hard time and pushing you because you're still a little tiny bit in denial. You're circling around the concepts, trying to do the actions, but still glossing over the BITTER parts of the red pill. And it's bitter.

I do sincerely wish you the best.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't lay my shit out here like this if i didn't want the harsh truth! The pill has not been at all easy to swallow - it has hurt going down. I do realize I'm still a fat fuck, but committed to changing that long term. Thanks for the encouragement.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Best response so far. You slapped him in the face with the truth, and then told him why it hurt.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Understandable comment. I wasn't entirely fucked coming into MRP - started relationship as alpha, slipped quickly. She always respected me, defers to me on all decisions, I handle finances, etc. Sex was lacking... that has mostly changed in short order with my improvements and a little dread. Not quite as simple as resistance to her good little beta getting out of line.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

“I’ve had kids hanging on me all day, I don’t need another needy kid grabbing at me.”

and yet so many dumb fucks still think stay at home mothering is a good fucking idea

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

It’s best for the kids. Not so good for the couple.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

really? my kid goes to a daycare and plays with 15 other kids his age (and intermittently with older kids, which is good too) under the supervision of two paid adults at all times. he gets fed healthy meals and snacks, has zero screen time, plays outdoors, plays games, does crafts, sings songs, reads books, takes naps, etc and when he gets home he's psyched to see and play with mom and dad who are psyched to see and play with him too

there's not a SAHM in my neighborhood who can compete with that. bitches just sit out at the park across the street from my house in their shades and activewear instagramming all day, and then take the kids inside to watch tv the rest of the damn time

there's literally no upside to that model in the modern era. it's fucking retarded in every single way

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

You’re taking the ideal daycare experience, and comparing it to a horrible SAHM experience. Which could absolutely be accurate. I had an awful daycare experience when my kids were young, and my ex wife (at the time) was a great SAHM.

Might be difficult to quantitatively measure these, but why are you home all day watching the SAHM’s?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

but why are you home all day watching the SAHM’s?

i work from home

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So do I

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

no shit

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I had an awful daycare experience when my kids were young

Don't send your kids to cheap ass schools...

My kid's preschool costs as much as a freaking college, but that place is amazing. No way in hell a SAHM will match that, both for experiences and social interactions. After-school, weekends, holidays, there is still lots of time to bond with the kids.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Daycare abuse happens regardless of the cost of the school. If you choose to entrust the safety of your children to strangers, then it’s on you for any ramifications.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Life is all about probabilities.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This 100%



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