666,886 posts

Just saw the hamster fly out of the wheel

by GrahamBaby | June 08, 2018 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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Last night we were looking for an old FB message and as she scrolled through we saw one from 5 yrs ago she had sent to a guy. Basically he’d added her & she’d messaged him to say what’s up etc, told him she was married with kids etc - nothing outwardly untoward but...

The guy was part of a group of guys/girls she’d lived with for 3 yrs at university. She’d years before admitted attraction to him but nothing had happened (and I believe that).

She also ended her message with 2 kisses, funny because she told me the other day she didn’t like putting even one kiss on texts to guys.

She also followed up his reply with a long response and a suggestion that they ‘all’ meet up soon.

It never happened and this was 5 years ago. I was full blue pill beta 5 yrs ago, for the record.

I teased her about the 2 kisses but showed no Butt hurt because frankly I’m not butthurt about this - this is not the point of this post.

I write because of what happened tonight.

I mention some flippant comment about how I used to tease an old coworker, and she from NOWHERE says “that’s way worse than me messaging that guy”.

Hang on a minute I said, where’s this come from?

“Because you were SO JEALOUS of me messaging that guy when it was nothing, and what you’ve just told me is way worse - not even COMPARABLE”

I honestly at this point could not believe what was happening. I started to wonder if this was my first look at the hamster through the eyes of Neo.

I mainly STFU at this point, but when pressed and pressed again I said that I thought it was mildly inappropriate of her to be private messaging some guy she’d admitted attraction to in the past, and suggesting that they all meet up.

The reason I did this is because I know if the tables were turned and she’d discovered a message from me to a girl she would have completely LOST HER SHIT.

Anyway at this point she lost it, and I mean lost it. Tears, shouting, almost screaming, jumping up and down, slamming doors “how could you think that of me” “you don’t know me at all” “your JEALOUSY is RIDICULOUS”.

If there’s one thing that annoys me like no other it’s a girl accusing me of jealousy when it doesn’t exist. I had no problem, it was 5 years ago but I did let her know it was inappropriate.

The way she lost her shit suggested to me that her hamster has been running madly all day, she feels guilty and this is her way of trying to pin that guilt on me or something????

It was really weird - can anyone explain what just happened and how to react to anything else she says on the topic?


Post Information
Title Just saw the hamster fly out of the wheel
Author GrahamBaby
Upvotes 15
Comments 49
Date 08 June 2018 11:33 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204376
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8ponym/just_saw_the_hamster_fly_out_of_the_wheel/
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Comments

[–]MuhTriggersGuise23 points24 points  (10 children) | Copy

If her level of emotional outburst far exceeds the situation you've been told, you can bet her behavior is more in line with the real situation she's hiding. You just found the conversation that led to her going and fucking that guy 5 years ago. She's freaking out because she feels like it's surfacing, and is in mega defensive mode. Just be aware, that conversation is just the tip of the iceberg.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Read the post accurately if you’re going to comment. OP is confident that she didn’t fuck him. We can debate on the reality of his statement, but it’s OP viewpoint.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well aren't you just the bossy one.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The fuck is your problem?

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The fuck is YOUR problem?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP is confident that she didn’t fuck him.

thus proving OP is being willfully ignorant which is the worst kind of ignorance. https://www.reddit.com/user/MuhTriggersGuise reading comprehension is an order of magnitude higher than yours because he spotted one of the two obvious answer's to OP's question. WAS points out the other one.

between the two, my guess is she fucked the FB guy. not that it matters.

[–]GrahamBaby[S] -3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy

She didn’t fuck him pal. They used to live with each other in a group, yes, but that was 15 years ago.

What I think is that she at the time was repulsed by my beta behaviour and was looking for some excitement. This guy added her so she thought she’d make some subtle attempt to show him she would be potentially interested in hooking up. It hasn’t happened as the logistics weren’t there - one of our kids was a baby at the time and she never left her side.

I think she’s reacting like this because she’s guilty about her intentions (not her actions).

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

"pal"... kinda DEER'ing now? Emotional affair much?

[–]MuhTriggersGuise10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol wow, spin that hamster wheel, "pal". Why are you so desparete to explain her behavior to me? We both know I don't care... it's almost like you're trying to convince yourself.

[–]shinolas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lolll pal. This dude is thinking the same thing but won’t admit it to himself

[–]jshtx211711 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Her level of defensivness correlates with her level of guilt.

[–]GrahamBaby[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Exactly. I think she’s guilty about how she felt about this guy, but I’m certain nothing happened due to logistics.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m not trying to trigger you but the reality is you don’t know. You can not account for all of her time. So while not probable, it’s still possible.

My point is stop assuming either way or you will jade your own perception. Right now what you know is she acting out some internal conflict that does not properly reflect the situation.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

IMO, this a tough situation to navigate for someone who doesn't have frame or a "Noob" if you'd rather. He will fuck this up and never find anything out. In fact, he'll probably push her towards that cock with his antics.

OPs has is to accept he probably won't find out if she did see this guy. From there he either accepts that it could have happened and move to a position of not letting it happen again, or assume she did it and deal with it from that position. Only he can know what he should do.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

Either she is fucking him, wants to fuck him, or is thinking about fucking him.

Either way, time to work on frame, attraction and abundance.

always watch what she does, ignore what she says

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]GrahamBaby[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

She hasn’t been in contact with him for 5 yrs, I think it’s the last 2 options you gave.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're really defending the fact she didn't fuck him. How can you possibly know? I'll bet half the users in this sub have been cheated on by their wives, just like half the users have cheated on their wives. Your actions don't match your words with your responses. Your hamster is the one falling off it's wheel bro.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He didn’t defend it. He said he thinks it. Defending it is what he does in a later post.

[–]Drivinga148610 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

If a woman tells you she is attracted to someone and nothing happened...something happened. If nothing truly happened, she would fill you with with all the meaningless details, like how he dated her roommate or was a man whore etc. But that's not why she's freaking out. She hooked up with him 5 yesrs ago and you just found evidence that she thought she had buried. She is trying to redirect attention off of her and onto you, which is fair since it is all of your former blue pill self's fault anyway.

[–]GrahamBaby[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t think she hooked up with him 5 yrs ago. Maybe when they lived together 15 years ago something happened that she hasn’t told me about, but I’m not that bothered as by that point we weren’t together/just getting together and still teenagers.

I just don’t know whether to maintain that the message was inappropriate behaviour or just brush it off as she wants me to?

[–]Glennus6261 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've already set a precedent, and indirectly set a boundary line for her on what is acceptable behavior in your eyes. To back down completely would mean you're in her frame.

I'd tease her about it if it comes up again, but not totally back down on the principle. Maybe she did fuck this guy 5 years ago, maybe she didn't. I believe she's upset because you gave her a boundary she never had to worry about before, and she probably wants the option to message any guy she pleases in the future.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

It was 5 years ago.

AM this. Slam dunk

You deered a little

[–]GrahamBaby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Do I maintain a boundary by saying this message (despite being 5 yrs ago) WAS inappropriate, or just use AM to laugh it off?

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

AM, laugh it off

The fact that you had to ask me tells me you *are , in fact butthurt about it. If you weren’t BH, you wouldn’t care if it was inappropriate “. Have you done anything a little inappropriate in the last 5 years?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

You are a hard motherfucker to place.... Forget this posts content , your posting is all over the shop...you're lost, lack mission, or something.

Tell us whats going on gbaby, there is something in there your dancing around. Time to own your shit. What are you here for bro?

[–]GrahamBaby[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You’re right, I am lost and lack mission. That’s why I’m here. Trying to figure things out. Probably like most of us here.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Good. And the marriage? Long timers and the x year itch? Or is it worse?

[–]GrahamBaby[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think I know what my problem is.

We got together way too young, she was a 9/10 girl at 18 when I met her, not just looks but intelligence and very wealthy parents too.

I was very beta and didn’t think I could do better. When we were out every guy in the place stared at her and that gave me a level of validation that I’d never felt before.

Soon she wanted marriage and kids so I obliged. Again, still ridiculously beta at this point despite earning lots of money online (from home).

Mid 30s and kids later obviously she doesn’t look like she did at 22 but she still turns heads.

Problem is she still views me as beta I think. But since finding this place I’ve changed.

I want to be more alpha, so I Rambo a bit but when it doesn’t work on her (which I’m not surprised about given how beta I was for so many years) I look for this elsewhere.

Walking through the city the other day and a 21 yr old Canadian girl eyes me up. I stop her and make her introduce herself, she goes fucking weak at the knees and tells me “you look REALLY good”.

Validation seeking from me? Absolutely, but it makes me feel like the alpha I should have been through my 20s and it feels fucking great - like I’m finally using my powers. That girl doesn’t have any idea who I am but because I look good and I stopped her in that way she thinks I’m an alpha & it excites me that she probably went home and fucked herself over that encounter with me.

I finally feel alive.

In my 20s my wife had far higher SMV.

Now due to age mainly, I’ve caught up to her and so I’m risking more, going on insta-dates with hot girls etc.

I’ve got to the point where I don’t really give a fuck - I mean I know it’s wrong but I don’t feel guilty, because I think this is what I missed out on in my 20s.

The cold reality of losing my family sometimes hits me fucking hard, but it doesn’t happen often enough for me to stop walking down this dangerous path.

Wow, that got deep quickly (that’s what she said)

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nice. Being beta got her so you bought right in. The shine is wearing off and you are becoming the man you want to be including the attention.

You are in a enviable position compared to most. All I can say is don't blow it up over a new found drive / ability / ego / whatever.

Sounds like you are going to have an ongoing period of adjustment as the new order settles in.

[–]GrahamBaby[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks.

I cringe so badly when I think of some of the beta things I used to do. The surprising thing is that she stuck with me through all that and I love her for that.

Maybe now this is my chance to pay that back to her and stick with her now the tables have turned, just being a better man for her and my family.

I’m trying not to blow this up, but in 10 yrs time 21 yr old Canadian stunners ain’t gonna be telling me I look really good in the street very often, so it’s now or never if I want to experience what I’ve missed out on in my 20s.

I don’t think I’m in an enviable position at all but understand the point you’re making.

What’s your situation? We’re all on this board for some reason or other

[–]johneyapocalypse8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

She sucked his cock and feels a little regret.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She sucked his cock and feels a little regret

[–]amalgamator1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oldest teenager in the house I guess

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, is FB the ONLY platform at her disposal?

Her hamster may have fallen off the wheel, or maybe it was pushed by DEER and PROJECTION.

[–]oneredguy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you think that the game stopped because in desperation you landed a piece of shit and now you have to pretend to be happy for your piece of shit whore wife?

I mean no offense to your whore hole wife awalt mine as well. That's what they are.

But did you really think that you were somehow so special stuck such a special love that I no longer matter? To her? Even after all our special times together lol tell her to close her eyes incoming close your eyes whore

Or wait did you land one of the magical ones I missed?

Lolololololol ask your wife how my cock feels up her ass and if she feels like screaming, "I love it", and just because I told her to do it.

Or close your eyes and curl up in a ball. Squeeze tight

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I would be using amused mastery to the point of laughing at her. You mad bro? Totally openly trolling her anger.

[–]GrahamBaby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I sat there in disbelief as she worked herself up to epic anger proportions about my ridiculous jealousy and about how me teasing her about putting 2 kisses was insinuating that she was trying to fuck this guy.

[–]onewayroute0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Had this situation. Turns out she did think about him sexually and feels ashamed. And also related to another user post, u drew a boundary and because she thinks u are never goin to ler her talk to other guys she feels the need to rebel, hence her out of control emotions. Just back off and she'll come to terms u dont mean that

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The reason I did this is because I know if the tables were turned and she’d discovered a message from me to a girl she would have completely LOST HER SHIT.

You're right. Logically. Completely. She would have lost her shit had the shoe been on the other foot. There. Does your ego feel better?

See there's something to be said about pointing out hypergamy to a woman in an effort to tease her. It works because it comes from a guy who gets it, and is secure in his position regardless of how hypergamy is making her act.

But that's not why you did it. You did it because you felt insecure about the fact that things would be different if the roles were reversed. So you had to point out that injustice to your woman.

So again yes, you're right, her hamster was running. And so is yours.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are not that special.

She is not that special.

When you come to more understanding of this, you will know you have asked and answered all your own questions here. Sadly, you are not listening to, or, accepting what you said.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Assuming she didn’t fuck him in the last five years, then I would say it was a shit test, and you passed it, so she went mini-nuclear.

She’s trying to get Beta You to break frame and a sniveling whiner, and it sounds like you didn’t.

There’s probably some attraction there, but I believe she’s getting dragged by the 1000 foot rope, and she doesn’t like it.

If she DID cheat on you when you were Beta, then so be it. Stay Plan = Go Plan

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you were SO JEALOUS of me messaging

fact.

you're really weak.

this has nothing to do with the message and everything to do with your response. seeing your panties wad up over something that happened that long ago is pathetic. hence - ensuing shit tests.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reading this post and your replies, it's your hamster that's more powerful.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. The reality of OP’s statement is in question. But not OP’s perception (inaccurate though it may be). My guess is SHE didn’t fuck him 5 years ago, but saving man, not the marriage.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or she didn’t fuck the guy. Therefore not willfully ignorant.

Good article though, duly noted.



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