707,481 posts

It just got more complicated...and it's not her...

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June 7, 2018
14 upvotes

Gents, As you know I have been going through the motions here. If you need to read look at my past posts.

With everything going on with me for the guys that know, I was just informed that I am about to receive a considerable, and I mean life changing inheritance from my grandparent that just past.

My wife and I knew I was going to have an inheritance and plan for it, but now realize that it is a considerable amount that would make her probably think she could swing...issue is; its not martial asset.

Now how do I go about protecting this in a way that is not overtly protecting it from the always possible separation. I have read about houses being inherited and living in and the guy ends up in the Ghetto apartment while the wife keeps the house due it being comingled.

Does anybody have any experience with getting an inheritance but keeping it separate in cause of separation? This goes into my go/don't go plan and now it throws everything into wack giving what I know now...a year ago I wouldn't be thinking this way.

TLDR; About to inherit good amount of money, how to protect while not looking like I'm protecting it.


Post Information
Title It just got more complicated...and it's not her...
Author broneilbro
Upvotes 14
Comments 49
Date 07 June 2018 12:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204388
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8pa0k7/it_just_got_more_complicatedand_its_not_her/
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Comments

[–]chachaChad14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

Run to a fucking lawyer today! That inheritance isn't part of the martial asset unless you fuck up and make it so. The ONLY people that are going to be able to advise you properly are local lawyers. Get one, now.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

martial

jesus can nobody spell marital today

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd say it's spelled Accurately

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

grandparent that just past

Or "passed"...

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well he is past.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Marshall?

[–]SepeanRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Here's an idea.

Stop giving a fuck about pretending that you're sharing shit with her when you're not. It's your money, end of story.

Then talk to a lawyer, a real one that specializes in divorce, prenups, stuff like that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's only his money until the state decides it's 50% hers.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, you're right, he should keep pretending it is 50% hers so he comes across as a good little beta. It might even be something the court factors in, that he gave her the impression that it was 50% hers.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's going to want it to go into the bank account. That simple.

You pass it off as asset planning. Tell her no details nor amounts. Don't bring it up. Life goes on and it IS NOT life changing. Don't consider it as such.

There are plenty of ways to do it but the key question you should answer is do you still want access to it. Where are you right now?

We all understand that we work for ourselves but is divorce real for you. I believe for the most part women are with the guy they wanted to be with. Sure sure there are exceptions and special circumstances but by and large they are. What they want is for you to stop being a boy beta. yet I do think you know if it's not going to work. You know, but you have to work on yourself. Instincts are instincts. And hell...she can make her own decisions so it could change. You can't predict the future

So if you want to retain full control and not lose anything and still have access years down the road to do shit with. That becomes key to consider with the lawyer.

For her, don't bring it up. No purchases. No anything hell at this stage if she brings it up all you have to do is say it's going to take a while to work due to tax implications.

End story.

She's going to want to upgrade things ASAP so the best you can fog this the better. I add that she may even do her own research. But keep her out of details. This is no different from any other shit test or other project you got going on. Learn to fog. This is where it will be the most powerful.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go to r/legaladvice. Protect yourself with professional help, this is out of the red pill realm.

On a different note, prepare to be tested like never before. She’s gonna see that as her money and nothing you do will convince her otherwise. Hold strong brother.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Talk to a lawyer about a revocable living trust. The money goes into the trust, you name yourself as the trustee who controls how that money is spent, invested, etc. You have full control and ownership while you are alive, just like you would in a regular individually owned bank/investment account. You can name your wife as the beneficiary if you die or your children or both or whoever.

The kicker is you also control the money from beyond the grave. Once you die it becomes an IRREVOCABLE trust, meaning your wife still has to abide by the rules of the trust. If she remarries, she can't pass the funds to her new husband or disinherit any kids or any other beneficiaries that you've named.

There are other strategies with trusts that may be helpful to avoid/diminish any estate taxes, but this is why you should seek the advice of an attorney- specifically an estate attorney. To find one of these specialized attorneys (if you live in the U.S.), I would visit www.actec.org (The American College of Trust and Estate Counsel) and click on the link to find an ACTEC lawyer in your area.

Source: I am a Certified Financial Planner and my wife is a lawyer.

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The kicker is you also control the money from beyond the grave. Once you die it becomes an IRREVOCABLE trust, meaning your wife still has to abide by the rules of the trust. If she remarries, she can't pass the funds to her new husband or disinherit any kids or any other beneficiaries that you've named.

You don't have to name her as the trustee (the administrator of the trust, who distributes the money) after you die. You can name someone else - even an institution - as the trustee, and the kids as the beneficiaries. This is better than creating a situation where she misuses the money (breaks the rules of the trust) and then the kids have to sue her to prove that she did (which will only make lawyers rich and not get the money back).

You can also set it up so that the kids don't gain control of the money until they are at some age you consider "mature" (30? 40?).

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

revocable living trust

This may have worked for the Grandparents to do before they died. Now it is likely to late to avoid the wife being entitled to half.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had a non negilgeable inheritance a few years ago, and it's not a marital asset (and I keep it that way). I told my wife that we didn't need that money and it would be for the kids when they need it. Never touched it and it keep growing because it's for the kids.

Note that I live in France and laws are different.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Go see a lawyer. Alimony states, IDK. But, In Texas inheritance is “Separate property” and protected as long as it is kept separate and not co-mingled with joint assets.

If I were in your shoes, I would buy a brokerage account with that money only. It looks like your being responsible and investing in the future, but in Texas, when it goes to court, it will be separate property because it came from an inheritance.

Pay off the house. Let’s say you pay off 80% of the principal. The house is 80% separate property and 90% yours through inheritance money when it goes to court, it’s yours.

A trust could work, but you have to be the trustee, not her. You can try to talk to the administrator of the estate and convey that you want it in a trust, keep it under the radar.

Or... just keep it in a separate bank account. Even if it has both names on it it’s still your money on divorce as separate property.

If you are in an alimony state, this will not apply.

I am not a lawyer, take my advice at your own peril, this is just what I have learned.

Nothing will beat going to see a lawyer. Also, look into legal consultation through the VA or military. They may be able to help.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pay off the house. Let’s say you pay off 80% of the principal. The house is 80% separate property and 90% yours through inheritance money when it goes to court, it’s yours.

Do NOT pay off the house. A house is too easily called 'joint property', and, IIRC, it doesn't matter what money is used to pay it off.

Talk to a Trust lawyer, whatever they are called. Do not tell your wife shit about the inheritance or how it is being arranged. You do not want it to sound as if you are gifting any of it to her. Wait until your Trust/Estate lawyer tells you when to disclose any of it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Consult a lawyer. Laws differ from place to place. Definitely don't spend it on anything that would be considered a marital asset such as house or car.

[–]CaliEd2562 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. If you want the hard facts, meet with a divorce lawyer. On your lunch break, when she is working late, whatever. To clarify, I’m not saying get divorced. Just hypothesizing that if you want to protect your assets in case of possible divorce, best speak with an expert in divorce law.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I’m in the same position, but my divorce is imminent.

IF YOU DO NOT SEE AN ATTORNEY ASAP YOU DESERVE TO LOSE THE FUCKING MONEY.

Own your shit.

And I’ve read many of your posts.

Your ability to sincerely fix your marriage just dropped.

Good luck with that.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

In what way? The fact that now she thinks she has a fall back?

I'll discuss it with a lawyer to do my due diligence. I'm building my go and stay plans per the guidance and knowledge here.

Appreciate the advice. Thank you

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You are looking for her desire as an AF.

You slipped into betadom and she may see you as a giant ATM machine now.

You need to minimize, AA, and AM the money.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Copy. You are right about that on many fronts. Def a lot to come and lot to go.

Btw what's AM money? I'm assuming amused mastery

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes.

You need to downplay the money.

My father passed.

Then I found out my wife was still cheating on me.

Now I’m getting a fuckton of money and she is doing everything she can to get me to stop the divorce.

Women want AF or BB.

If you’re not both, she’ll settle for the money.

Be very careful of hysterical bonding.

All women are whores.

She will fuck your brains out and drain you dry...

for money.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

And end up pregnant in the process.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OMG Yes!

The ultimate tool to enslave men.

[–]TeachMeTheWaysOfRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spendthrift trust? Spendthrift trust.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Might I also add...this could cause some serious dread if she knows you have the money, but not know what’s going on and IF you survive the shit tests, etc., maintain frame and continue improving.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Seek legal advice, laws vary from state to state. May be as simple as putting it in accounts titled to you individually, may need to set up a trust... either way, a competent lawyer can help. May also want to get a referral to a fee only certified financial planner to advise how best to invest the money.

As for the wife, she doesn't need all the details right away. Tell her it's complicated when it comes to large inheritance and you've been told it's prudent to seek professional advice...if she presses, tell her it's for tax reasons, etc. Though you say its life changing, don't change a thing for a year--maybe take a nice family vacation this year, but don't buy a house, boat, etc, etc until you protect the assets from potential divorce rape and have substantial time for rational thought as to how you'd like to use the money.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

laws vary from state to state.

They also vary from country to country

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Go see a lawyer ASAP.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to call a lawyer today as I'm deployed. I have a trust setup that I had before marriage and when my father passed. I have to go to court because the trustees died and get control back. That also has a considerable amount.

Again a year ago I wouldn't be thinking this way because I was blind as my eyes weren't open.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've dealt with Trusts and I'm a trustee for two trusts that are for other people. I'm versed in the restrictions of it and handling but it's the approach to it.

For a house since I'm transitioning careers, my parents are buying the house and "renting" to us once I get my career I'll buy it from them. I have the money to cash purchase (aside from the surprise today) but not going to deal with that now.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

How much we taking here?

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Low 7 figures...cents not included. I'm going to be working till retire but this opens up opportunities. Grandparents owned cattle and real estate so it's a surprise as to how much.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Managing_a_windfall

So it’s very helpful, but you aren’t financially independent.

I’d stick it in a brokerage account and sit on it for 6 mo. while you plan. Talk to lawyer - probably just an hour at $300/hr. I might also talk to an hourly financial planner - if the inheritance is stocks for example “, you get a free step-up in basis and NO TAXES!

Then you have to decide what your goals are. Invest for retirement? (That’s what I would do) Pay off house (I might do that if my work was unstable)? Start a side business?

In my marriage - I’d tell her about it, but I lead my houses finances...and she is pretty frugal. hopefully people haven’t blabbed and I’d just put it away in a low cost 3 fund index portfolio.

Please don’t go buy a f350 dualie....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t start a side business. You won’t develop the skills to keep a business running if all you can do is throw money at problems that come up. That’s why 99% (high estimate) of lottery winners fail at their business attempts.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Read my recent finances post, Bogleheads section.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Copy, I'll read it. I do have a trust that was setup after my dad pass and I could put the money into that once I get control of the fund.

Things get busier but focused ownership is what makes the obstacle the way.

[–]Greyhawke69690 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It is imperative that you consult with a local attorney about this. The issue is what is known as "comingling." If you fail to keep inherited assets and property "separate," such property can be deemed a marital asset and divided in a divorce.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Copy. This is what I'm tracking. My godfather was twice divorced and I know the issues

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

How do you protect it without looking like you are protecting it?

Fuck it, own it. Let her see you protect it, and when (when, not if) she shit tests you, you make it clear you are protecting it. What she does with the info is up to her.

And condolences with your grandfather, it must suck being on deployment while all this is going on.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for the condolences. It has been interesting deployments. Seems like every time I deploy shit hits the fan and somebody passes.

I'll protect it and own that shit. I have seen what divorces do to people's finances and also what sudden money makes people crazy.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll protect it and own that shit

By owning it he means you shouldn't hide it from her that you're ensuring the money stays yours.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lawyer

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lawyer up ASAP. And at the very least do NOT put any of it into any kind of shared account (bank, stocks, etc) or anywhere that is used for household spending.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want to guage it accurately, text wife you want to talk to your daughter and count the seconds until your phone rings.

And what ever you do, dont let this change your strategy with the wife. Ypu have been through enough from her to let it all fall into place for a beta megabux windfall.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You are probably hosed. Assets acquired during marriage are usually marital property or assets.

TLDR: She probably get's half no matter what you do at this point. See a lawyer etc.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

BPB Copy. I do have a prenup that covered my house that I am in the process of selling and "net worth". Her car and motorcycle are paid for from marital assets so she will take those from the bucket. We will see what happens.



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