Feeling Strange: Not Givig A Fuck

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June 1, 2018

So I swallowed the pill about 3 months ago. 36, 2 little kids. Married 13 years. I’ve naturally had some alpha behaviors most of my life, and others beta. More alpha than beta until the last 3 years ago. Been lost. Depression and anxiety owned me. Wife was supportive, but I can only imagine the insecurity she felt through it all.

I’m far from being “there” with regards to TRP, but I’m progressing aggressively. I’ve always worked out. More seriously now and hitting new PR’s such as 265x5 BP at only 170lbs bodyweight. I’ve improved my wardrobe some but need to work on it more. New job is stable and provides plenty.

I’m internalizing some things such as frame. It’s beginning to come naturally. More consistently. I get it. Talking less seems to be progressing as well, although slower.

My sex life is basic and inconsistent as well. Not what I’m wanting. I’m guessing it’s the last thing to improve. I haven’t applied dread yet.

Here’s where it gets weird for me. I don’t know what I want. I also am starting to genuine not care what my wife thinks about just about anything except matters regarding raising the kids. That’s a weird one for me. I don’t want to say I’ve lost respect.

I’m beginning the shed the last bit of depression that’s been hanging over me, and man are things looking different. It’s quite confusing.

Can anyone else relate to this? Normal?

Post Information
Title Feeling Strange: Not Givig A Fuck
Author Acerp321
Upvotes 6
Comments 16
Date 01 June 2018 12:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204420
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8nnjq8/feeling_strange_not_givig_a_fuck/
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[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

I can feel the honestly in your post.

“I’m guessing it’s the last thing to improve.”

Yes. Completely normal.

“I haven applied dread yet”

Dread can be “something” you do once you are experienced and start running serious Game, it’s also something that happens in the background (passively) as you improve. As your SMV increases, social skills increase, and your wife starts seeing that other women flirt with you, she starts feelzing the dread. Don’t worry about doing dread right now. It happens naturally.

“I’m starting to not think what my wife thinks”

Great! You will lose respect for your wife, I think it’s normal. She’s not what you thought she was... and now you are seeing the truth.

But it’s nothing to be bitter about, by using your new found Game skills and awareness of her true nature, have fun with her! Enjoy her feminine nature, her smell, her soft body, her laughter, her motherly nature towards your kids. As the polarity intensifies (your new masculine energy in the house), you should start seeing her fun, childish side come out now. She should get playful and be in a better overall mood. She should be dtf. Respect that aspect of her, not awalt. She can’t control that.

Treat her like a child at times, act like a father figure to her too sometimes they need that.

I suffered depression too and it is confusing. You are seeing the world in a different light now. When I came out of my depression , I had these big life questions also, start reading about “awakenings”, that’s what you are experiencing. You’ve been sleeping, and now waking up. Read the Power of Now also, about living in the present moment. The point of power is always in the Present.

Be carful not to get stuck in your head with all this confusion though, keep taking action. Keep up with your awesome lifts!

Good work. Continue to Increase your SMV and Game the fuck out of your wife - this will get you where you want to be.

Edit: Your title is accurate. Did you read the subtle art of not giving a fuck book yet? - there’s only so many fucks you can give.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Always give a single fuck.

I would link the post. But im mobile.

[–]Acerp321[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ok, I thought this might be part of the process. It’s just an odd feeling. My sidebar reading is weak for sure. Read no more mr nice guy, and a couple others at the beginning. Some things seemed a little repetitive to me, and once my eyes were opened not much seemed like new material. Internalizing it though... I’m learning about CBT, and this is also eye opening and I think helping me understand my depression better.

SteelSharpensSteel, fight club. Got it. Man did that movie have a different meaning at 36 with TRP awareness. The chemical burn scene resonates strong with me.

I’m definitely lacking a mission. I just don’t know what I want, and I feel like I shouldn’t lock in to something until I’m done processing all of this. I can’t truly see myself cheating on my wife. I want to from a physical standpoint, but morally I don’t think I could digest it, and regardless of present situation I’d hate for her to be hurt by it.

I’ve got this “great job” after getting shitcanned from a previous high paying job I hated. I make 6 figures plus a bonus, and it’s fucking easy. Bored out of my ghord, but most of all I hate the rat race. I care less about money anymore, and I’m either going into sales or starting a business next. No game plan yet though.

Man_in_the_world, you are spot on. It’s a weird feeling it feels right at the same time. Part of depression is losing your self confidence and self esteem, which was crazy for me. Fucked my world. I’m surpassing where I was previously in that regard, even where I was as a naive knowitall teenager.

I could elaborate on the depression, anxiety, pain, etc I went through and how I got to here if people would like. It’s been life circumstances, drugs, TRT, jobs changed, etc. long road.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Here's a link to many of the best MRP posts. I doubt you will find it repetitive.

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What’s with the softer side of chad? Not a single faggot in the post.

Really though this is one of the best things I’ve seen posted lately. I’ve had a lot of anger lately and this shows what it looks like when you get past the anger and truly enjoy and appreciate women for what they are. It’s funny when I look at this compared to the stigma of RP.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Usually call people faggots when they show any sign of weakness, but depression is no joke. Sometimes you can’t snap out of it and need real help.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why do my eyes hurt?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because you've never used them before.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don’t know what I want. I also am starting to genuine not care what my wife thinks about just about anything except matters regarding raising the kids. That’s a weird one for me.

... It’s quite confusing.

Previously, your motivations and actions were all built around trying to get validation from others, and in particular from your wife. This drops away as you begin to develop your own frame of reference and self-validate, but before you have fully discovered your own missions and frame, it leaves a motivational, goals, and sense-of-purpose vacuum. So yes, it is a normal stage in the process, which the majority of transforming men here report, and which you are now experiencing.

Many report a temporary decline in sexual interest as they stop needing validation through sex; most are unsure of their mission.

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck I was wondering if I should get my T levels checked again. The last like 3 weeks I’ve just had no desire to fuck - I’ve still initiated but got a bunch of hard nos. I’m guessing it’s because my interest just isn’t there. At first I thought it was because of some anger I’ve had towards her or me slipping into needing her validation but don’t think it was either.

Been trying to figure out what this was - I’ve gotten some fulfillment from my hobbies and coaching my kids baseball teams but something does feel to be missing.

How long does this last? I’m like 3 months in right now to MRP.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How long does this last?

Until you find your frame and your mission. I have no personal experience with this, but I gather from reading others' stories here that it can last months for career betas, and can sometimes recur at later stages of unplugging.

Maybe others can share their personal experiences?

[–]simbarlion0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re on the right track, but it’s good that you realize you have a long way to go. This shit doesn’t get done in 3 months, but there should be definite progress in three months. It really takes a year or two to start seeing some real frame, attitude, and huge overall gains.

Where are you with sidebar readings?

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can anyone else relate to this? Normal?

This is a sign of progress. Now that you realize that you aren't enslaved to her rules, desires, and whims, you see you have a lot of time and agency to do whatever you might want to do. But it's been so long since you thought for yourself that you've forgotten what to do. Your "ordinary self-interest" muscle is atrophied. You just need to start exercising it and it will come back.

The right path is to begin to "own" that you are the captain, and have to lead your wife and family. This will naturally cause you to consider what is best for them all, wife included--but as opposed to acting based on what your wife says she wants. You can and should take into consideration what your first mate says but ultimately it's your call, and often--especially with regard to emotional and relationship issues--women say one thing but believe another. That's why folks say watch what she does more so than listening to what she says.

My beta downfall started with depression, that I ultimately traced to undiagnosed injuries from two auto accidents. I feel you. Anyway, welcome back!

[–]2235520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are going through a process of change, you are internalizing new things, and letting go of some. It is normal to go through a flat patch, as you subconscious tries to re-calibrate. The progress is never linear, some go through cycles of anger, apathy, excitement, frustrations etc.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The idea is to not give a fuck about your wife's bad behaviors. The idea isn't that you don't give a fjuck about her. That's great for mgtow but not great for marriage.

Right now you are mad because you have learned that your wife is not your mommy. Learn to appreciate her for what she actually brings rather than what you thought she was.

And welcome to the real world.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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