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How to Out-Alpha an Alpha Wife?

Reddit View
May 30, 2018
6 upvotes

I'm pretty new to the MAP outlined in MMSLP and it focuses a lot on the Captain/First Officer dynamic. Taking a hard look at my marriage, it very much seems like my wife is the Captain and I am the FO. Any decision I make that contradicts her preconceived plans or thoughts is outright shot down. Example: Her: I want x to eat tonight (and you will be paying for it and picking it up and bringing it home to me). Me: I don't want to do that. I would rather cook y instead. Her: -Guilt trip, reasons why she deserves the food, bad mood if she doesn't get it.

I either acquiesce and she is happy and thankful, or I refuse still and she is passive aggressive, gives me the silent treatment, and brings up the fact that I denied her that food she wanted for weeks to come.

It's this way for basically all decisions. I have my input and she factors that into her decision but her decisions are final. She won't guilt/pressure me to do things like go shopping with her but other things she knows I dislike, like me driving us multiple hours to an amusement park with her family and wasting a bunch of money then me driving us the same distance back, she will force the issue and say that's happening and that's final.

How do I break out of this dynamic? It says in MMSLP that most women have a submissive streak, but if my wife has one, I have yet to see it. Because of this, my confidence in fighting her on these issues is near nonexistent. If she truly does not have any Submissiveness in her then all fighting her on this will do is weaken the relationship. Also, pressure to "be a good husband and make her happy" makes me wonder if it's even right to fight her on things like that. I know the MAP is all about balance but I am not experience enough in Alpha traits to know when to assert my wants and needs and when to pick my battles and let her have that decision. Any thoughts/help on this would be greatly greatly appreciated. Thanks!


Post Information
Title How to Out-Alpha an Alpha Wife?
Author newtomap
Upvotes 6
Comments 70
Date 30 May 2018 04:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204425
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8n9spz/how_to_outalpha_an_alpha_wife/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPalpha
Comments

[–]johneyapocalypse15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

No.

Say it.

Start there.

p.s. Your last paragraph is wrong. MRP is most certainly not about how to "be a good husband and make her happy." Instead, it is about - amongst other things - you no longer behaving like a child, which forces her to then treat you like one, and as a result requires her to make all the decisions herself.

You should know that her behavior does not equate to "not (having) any submissiveness in her" but instead, experiencing far too much submissiveness in her husband, aka you.

p.p.s.

I am not experience enough in Alpha traits to know when to assert my wants and needs and when to pick my battles and let her have that decision.

When = today, when you get home.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

But when I say no I just feel so guilty

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the answer, OP. It's clear from your post that you haven't read WISNIFG. You are your own judge. Start there.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha.

You do realize that its one large or multiple shit tests right?

Your wife is no different. She is shit testing you and you are failing. that's it. So fix that.

Becasue you are failing so badly I am not even going to analyze anything else because it's all bullshit. Really? over what you are going to eat?! Oh wait

over what YOU are going to cook?

pussy.

turn in your man card on the way out the door.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

LOL, she isn’t “Alpha”, you’re just that much of a pussy. Figure out how to have a boundary and how not to DEER.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

Doesn't matter what you were, or what she thinks you are... YOU allowed her to leash you and cut off your balls somewhere along the way. What are YOU going to do about it?

You have to put yourself first. Regardless of whether you're done and just can't deal at all anymore, or whether you'll calm the fuck down enough to realize that you caused all of this. You. This is your fucking mess, your victim puke. Everything you did got you to the very place you are right now. If you don't like the place, you must change it.

Stop treating her like an equal. She's a 4 year old calling you a poopyhead. Why would your response to that be anything other than laughter?

Every time you get butthurt, start arguing, even entertain her silly notions, you lose another corner of your man card.

"Nobody can hurt me without my permission." - Mahatma Gandhi

You need frame.

She needs Dread (see below)

You don't deserve respect, you earn it.

Get it in your head that you have a lot of work to do on yourself. Months worth. Whether the marriage survives is a moot point. Fix yourself. That's why people say the stay plan is the go plan.

Even without the wife you'd be a lost little beta boy out all alone in the big bad world. You need TIME to change yourself into the guy women want to fuck. When you've achieved that, you really won't care if your wife is part of that group. Take a long look at yourself. Would you fuck you? Are you attractive in any way?

Step 1 - Drop the ego. Sit down, shut up, read. Start putting things together. Stop making everything about "I'm right". Nothing is right in your life right now. You're on the Titanic, rearranging the deck chairs to maximize the feng in your shui. Look big picture. Your ego got you here. Kill it. There are many wise men here who have gone through exactly what you are, but came out the other side as men, therefore the lessons are seen as harsh by beginners. If you prove yourself unworthy of help because your big ego gets in the way, the help goes away. Faggot.

Step 2 - STFU. Shut the fuck up. This does not mean stop talking to your wife. It means don't talk about your problems, don't talk about what you're going to do, don't talk about her feelings, don't be bullied into verbal intercourse. Be happy, intitiate, have fun, but don't pull her into your shit and don't allow her to pull you into her babbling. Cut the chatter. Loose lips sink ships. Women are master verbal manipulators, trained from birth. You'll lose every argument everytime. So don't play. Yet. And for fuck sake don't talk about Fight Club.

Step 3 - Find out what kind of Captain you are, and read the whole page.

Step 4 - Virtually every guy goes zero to hero at hyperspeed when they first get here. Slow your pace. If you change things too much too quick you undo all the progress you've made up to that point. It take a long time for others to see and believe changes in you, almost like they were on a 1000 foot rope.

Step 5 - Read about Dread. This is your roadmap and speed limit.

Step 6 - Lift. You're probably a fat fuck or a skinny fuck. Or a skinnyfat fuck. This does three things - makes you look and feel better (clean your unshaven unshowered ass up too BTW), gives you a goal, and gets you the fuck out of the house. Actually, way more than three things.

Step 7 - Stop posting about your wife. Nobody gives a shit about her. And it shows clearly that you're still operating inside her frame, not your own. Post about you. A lot of men have good accountability and visible progress over in marriedredpill's weekly OWN YOUR SHIT posts. Start contributing. As you write we'll see issues you don't, as you read, you'll see issues both in others' journeys and then in your own.

Step 8 - Get your shit in order. Proceed as if divorce day is tomorrow. Seriously do the work, get the paperwork. If you do not do this you are either stupid because this is a big deal, or bluffing. Nothing says you have to serve or move forward, but start getting your ducks in a row. Financials in order? Bank accounts separated? Child care agreements drawn up? She thinks you're a bag of shit. Shit has no teeth. You prove this to her if your threats are off the cuff and empty. Acta non verba.

Step 9 - Read. Everything you can. Sidebar, posts, OYS, especially the books. Here is an awesome beginners guide/synopsis of the sidebar. Think about this shit. Reading is easy, internalizing the concepts is the hard part. The redpill is a time release capsule, don't try to crush it up and snort it.

Step 10 - (fuck, 10 already?) You are a man. The world will try to twist you to accomplish their goals instead of your own. Recognize this, do the things that YOU want to do.

Welcome. There's so much more, but the above will keep you busy for a while. Get to work.

[–]ellifino4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP someone just took the time to sort thru your shit, clean it up, and give you REAL actionable advice. Not everyone that victim pukes on this site is that lucky. If you’re like 95+% of the guys that post on here then leave, you probably won’t do any of it, and find yourself in a same or worse situation in a year.

OP didn’t apparently appreciate it, but nice response, Roger.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What if she is like a plane hijacker type of captain? Doesn't matter who is in charge she just hijacks it and does what she wants to do.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she is the Captain it is time for her to be demoted to First Officer.

She is free to steer her boat in any direction but YOU NEED TO BE THE ONE STEERING YOUR BOAT. Right now she is running her boat and yours and she is probably tired of it.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret19 points20 points  (9 children) | Copy

There is no such thing as an "alpha female". There are only beta men who are total bitches.

Stop talking about your wife like she is the problem. You are the problem.

[–]chachaChad6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her: -Guilt trip, reasons why she deserves the food, bad mood if she doesn't get it.

Is any of that your problem? Go read "No More Mr Nice Guy" (NMMNG) then "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" WISNIFG.

My wife does not have a submissive streak like many of the guys here describe in their wives. She certainly doesn't want to be dominated in bed. I pulled her hair once and it triggered her so badly, it took a year for her to get over. What she will do, however, is relax when she sees that I have things (myself, the world) under control and that I am in charge. It took me a long time to understand that be in charge of shit doesn't not mean that I'm asshole alpha walking around shouting at people to do shit.

Because of this, my confidence in fighting her on these issues is near nonexistent.

I would guess this is fundamental to your issue. You'd rather please Mommy then stand up for yourself and get your needs met like an adult. Guess what? I used to be in the same boat but it's entirely possible to change... if you're strong enough.

Also, you're whole attitude about fighting your wife on things is just wrong. I used to be like that but now, everything I do with the wife is about collaborative problem solving... even sex!

You've got a lot of work to do. Start reading the sidebar. Get to the gym. Read the 12 levels of dread. Stop being a fat, lazy man baby.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Her: I want x to eat tonight (and you will be paying for it and picking it up and bringing it home to me).

Me: I don't want to do that. I would rather cook y instead.

Her: -Guilt trip, reasons why she deserves the food, bad mood if she doesn't get it.

You: I don't want x, so I'm going to cook Y. Should I make enough for both of us, or are you going to pick up x? If you are going out, can you also stop by (store) and pick up z for me?

[–]newtomap[S] -3 points-2 points  (5 children) | Copy

All the responses I've gotten so far have ranged from mildly to very helpful but this one wins so far, mostly because it gives a clear example. I have difficulty grasping abstract or nebulous concepts such as "man up" or "quit being a pussy", so having a concrete example is extremely helpful.

Advice like "stop being beta" is about as helpful as if I were asking how to win at a game and someone responding with "Get good".

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This mindset won't work. Fishing for one off examples of what to say in response to your wife's tantrums is pointless, because what you've described is a systemic problem that defines the entire dynamic between you and her. This goes way beyond that one specific argument.

So sure, now you've got something to say if that one specific dinner issue comes up again in that exact same circumstance, but that's it. What about the countless other times that you cow down to her demands on basically every other issue? Are you going to come here again and again, over and over looking for a script to use for each time your wife shatters your frame and turns you into her little bitch? That's not how it works.

You seem like the target audience for NMMNG. Start with that and it might be your first step towards fixing that shit show you described.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you prepared for the shit storm that will ensue after you say no? Because it most definitely will come and without the right tools you will either cave like a bitch or you will come off looking like a toddler screaming that he doesn't want macaroni for dinner.

Also, make sure you don't focus on the little stuff. Yes, she owns the decisions including dinner. If that is the battleground you choose to fight on more power to you. Just make sure you are picking the correct battles. She is not the enemy. You were a pussy and relinquished control years ago. She is just filling in the vacuum you have created.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

if you havent put in the effort to do your homework, why should we put effort into giving you advice?

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Until you internalize ALL the reading and it really clicks in your head... it doesn't matter if you have examples of responses... Tests come fast and furious... it'll be fine ... then BOOM SHIT TEST... You can memorize pages of example responses but your mind will go blank in that moment. That's why the suggestion is to learn to STFU when you're being tested in the beginning as you are learning and reading.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Learn to get comfortable with the abstract; your problem is your mindset and your ability to change it. The fact you're here means you're clearly unhappy with your situation and want to change it...that's nice, but the hard, uncomfortable work lies ahead of you.

Get good at self awareness and self introspection, both are key to meaningful mindset and habit change.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your problem is that you're a total pussy, but I'll give you some helpful advice to take back control of your life. In all honesty, if you try to make a big grand stand, she will probably crush you and destroy your frame with her emotional manipulation. So start off small, do what you want and show her that you don't care what she thinks. Decide you want burgers if she wants pizza, and go get burgers and enjoy them. I know, right? A grown ass man doing what he wants even though his wife is telling him not to, that's outrageous! But I know you can do it. Start small and work your way up until you stop giving a shit about how she feels about you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop being such a pussy would be a good start.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

sidebar prerequisites: NMMNG (do the exercises) ,WISNIFG x2

----------->

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is not a captain, she is constantly complaining passenger and that is because YOU are a terrible captain because you let a passenger at the helm.

What you need to do is take back control of your ship. The passenger will complain even more. But you will not let her at the helm until you teach her how to become a first officer.

You know what you need to do. MAP, lift and read When I say no I feel guilty because you'll have to say no a lot. Also, STFU and stop DEERing to her.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alpha females only exist within the context of the female social matrix - a queen bee or a ring-leader type of female. That social structure doesn't mean anything to men, as you shouldn't be in her frame or social circles.

[–]31Olives2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am very much a newb, but it seems to me that you have missed the very core message of MRP. I think that the only way to actually "be a good husband and make her happy" is to fully adopt the tenants of MRP and become the man / leader you were meant to be.

She can only be truly happy when she is paired up with a RP man. It is just that she does not know it. This was a hard concept for me to understand because it is like being told to go left when you want to move right. That only by focusing on yourself can you become what she needs in a man. Then you decide if she is what you need in a woman.

Go slow and change one tiny thing each day, every day. Over the course of months you will be transformed.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I either acquiesce and she is happy and thankful, or I refuse still and she is passive aggressive, gives me the silent treatment, and brings up the fact that I denied her that food she wanted for weeks to come.

Yes they do that. The important issue is how you respond to it.

I am not experience enough in Alpha traits to know when to assert my wants and needs and when to pick my battles

You have identified the key issue. You don't know your wants and needs so you don't know when to fight and when not to fight. I would start there and not at 'trying to make my wife submissive to my will.'

be a good husband and make her happy" makes me wonder if it's even right to fight her on things like that.

No, you can work on being a "good husband" (whatever that means) after you figure out what you want.

Sun Tzu said:

Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.

The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.

He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.

To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill

ne mark of a great general is that he fights on his own terms or fights not at all.

[–]markpf731 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

We have two female dogs from the same litter.

Brought one bitch home and then two weeks later brought home the sister bitch. They fought like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It would’ve even entertained Michael Vick. The pretty little red headed one was victorious.

3 years later I occasionally see the little red headed one humping her sister (even though they’re fixed). Alpha bitch won the battle early and occasionally shows all of us her dominance over her sister bitch.

Quit being such a little bottom bitch and learn to be comfortable standing up for what you want.

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It would’ve even entertained Michael Vick.

Saw him last weekend at the airport. Much smaller than I had expected.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

don't tug on his cape

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

All wives are alpha in the face of a beta husband. You're situation is no different than any other man here.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

if he came across a truly powerful woman she'd eat him a live and leave the bones.

[–]BirdManBrrrr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because of this, my confidence in fighting her on these issues is near nonexistent.

You're scared of her. It's that simple; you're so wrapped up in caring about how she feels you'll make yourself miserable catering to her every whim even though you know its wrong to do so. She's treating you like her child, not her husband and lover; she doesn't respect you nor does she desire you. Call it what you will: martyr, doormat, slave...its all the same.

I've been there, as have many of us here responding. Luckily for you, you're in the right place and the prescription is simple: lift, sidebar--->

Start with NMMNG and WISNIFG (book and audio) and start practicing the skills when she starts manipulating you. Keep in mind you allow her to manipulate you; you are in control of your outcomes here regardless of what she does. Start reading about frame and posting in OYS.

You didn't mention age, weight, lifts, sex frequency, etc...if we had to guess you're not remarkable in any of those and the bedroom is underwhelming. The solution is the same---->

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

My wife is alpha and cunty too so glad you asked this question. I also have a control freak on my hands not just with our family unit but everything has to be controlled and organised to within an inch of its life. Keep going, lift read and leave the house more. Shit tests are your friend, my wife stonewalled me for a week on the first one... It gets easier. Your in the right place don't give up

[–]newtomap[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Keep going, lift read and leave the house more.

Thanks, I seem to struggle a lot with that last one. Leaving the house is not something I do often for pleasure. I'm introverted so most of my enjoyment is derived from quiet time at home usually involving media of some kind, tv, games, movies, etc. I just don't seem to enjoy myself when I go out anywhere. Any thoughts on how to fix that one? lol

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Any thoughts on how to fix that one?

Get out of your comfort zone. Try new things. Stop wasting time consuming, replace that time producing—something, anything.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try and find a hobby preferably one you like, mine are:

Golf (driving range or just field to smash a small ball about)

Lift weights / gym

Photography

Beers with mates

Local meet-up

[–]Monsieur-Incroyable0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go hiking or running, it's fantastic time to spend alone.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Leaving the house is not something I do often for pleasure.

Then it is time to start! Join a club. Take up a martial art. Learn how to parasail. Do something that you have always dreamed of doing and stop relying on your one true love to supply all of your needs. It doesn't work. You have to first be a complete individual.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude she sounds like she’s your mom.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I guarantee that is how she feels.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. And that is what I was getting at. OYS and show her that she isn't your mom, and, more importantly I think, doesn't have to be. I think when that realization hits for the woman it improves her attitude. Of course, only after she fights you for dominance.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"be a good husband and make her happy"

Where in the holy hell did you read that?

I know the MAP is all about balance

Not balancing between being a pussy and a not a pussy.

She wants you to be her leader, but you can't sprinkle that on, you need to establish frame and a track record for good leadership.

You don't have to follow her lead every time, that doesn't make her happy.

Would you rather a Ferarri that get's squirrelly every once in a while or a shitty old Toyota that always does whatever you tell it to do? Every time she has to be your mom she dies a little inside.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women want to submit to a man who they think is worthy. They won't submit to you just because you occupy the position of husband.

get started with the r/marriedredpill sidebar.

Example: Her: I want x to eat tonight (and you will be paying for it and picking it up and bringing it home to me). Me: I don't want to do that. I would rather cook y instead.

What you do here is called DEERing, and it sets you in a reactive frame. How to knock that shit off is in one of the first books you will read.

Your problem isn't one where the solution is a tweak to your approach. You need to build yourself into a man who is worthy of inspiring deference. It's a long road.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I don't want to do that”. Change to: “ I’m not doing that”.

Your SMV isn’t high enough yet.

Get to work faggot.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you are living in her frame

side bar lift

you are unattractive and weak

fags and rags never do well together

tell her no more often what's she going to do ? divorce ? cut the pussy ?

Mine goes fucking nuts as of recent because I just shrugged my shoulders when she asked if I wanted to take advantage of her..... I could give 10 fucks I have her number what's she gonna do ? cut the pussy ? divorce ?

I am attractive and I tell her no often enough, she lives in my frame and I give no fucks what her blanket feelz are for the moment

[–]plein_old1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Make arrangements for a way you can spend time away from your wife on a regular basis - a man cave, a new hobby you can do out of the house, some friends you can spend time with, a cabin you can go to, another room you can sleep in occasionally, etc.

When your wife tries to punish you for not obeying her every whim, it just happens to be time for you to leave. Go do something enjoyable.

When she's trying to control everything you do, what she's really saying, some might say, is that she's trying to tell you that she takes you for granted and therefore she can't possibly respect you. You have spoiled her.

People should cherish their wife or husband. Not punish them 24/7.

By the way your wife isn't "alpha". Alpha, at least originally, referred to an animal who was a good leader. I think your wife is just very unhappy because she takes her husband for granted and sees him too much, and no one is helping her break out of this situation.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do I break out of this dynamic?

say no once. don't explain why. then don't do it

[–]mtdog1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm going to give you some actionable advice: Beat her to the punch.

Don't give her the opportunity to request dinner. Make it, take her out, or bring it home before she has a chance to ask.

Better yet, call her during lunch and TELL HER what you want for dinner.

Do this for everything. Have a plan before she does and communicate it to her before she fills the void with her own plans.

She'll get on board.

[–]newtomap[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is good advice! She gets a craving and tells me immediately so if I beat her to the punch then she will not have had time to formulate a dinner plan so it won't be a FIGHT so much as "I have no other ideas so I will follow your lead". A low-conflict alpha move. I like it a lot, thanks!

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This won't work. The problem is infinite. Not absolute. If she is part narcissistic which I am guessing, she will just look for the next thing.

Her: oh no its raining

You: oh don't worry, I have your umbrella

Her: why did you bring the black one it doesn't match my clothes

You: they are all black

Her: well you should know I always wanted a white one.

You can't (always) win the game. Stop trying.

don't play.

[–]mtdog0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't want OP to misunderstand. I am talking about making simple leadership moves, not trying to anticipate her needs. Dinner is a really easy place to start.

What you are describing is being the butler. I am not suggesting that. OP, whatever you do, don't be the butler.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her: -Guilt trip, reasons why she deserves the food, bad mood if she doesn't get it.

Your problem is you care to much about her feelings and what she thinks about you. Detach the emotional hose and move past that.

"Oh, cool if you want that for dinner that's cool." and do what you want anyway.

She says the shit she does because she wants you to be responsible for her feelings. Internalize this, "I am the only person who can judge my actions. I am not responsible for others feelings".

If she's in a bad mood because she didn't get her way, tell her "That's cool babe. You can be in a bad mood. Its alright, they are your feelings and you can have them." and then move on.

Don't fight her on these issues. Instead hold frame.

"I want xyz from sloppy joes"

"Oh thanks babe, but I have a different plan tonight. Enjoy yourself though."

"Oh, but can you stop and get it?"

"No, I have other plans."

She may throw a tantrum but you hold your ground, "Yeah that's cool, but I'll be home in a few."

She needs to learn that you have boundaries. My wife tries that shit. I'll be coming home from a 8 hour flight and she'll be like "Can you stop and get milk.?"

"No, I've been on a plane for 8 hours, if you can't do it, now you can wait until I get home and go"

After a few times she knows now that it's not worth asking, it's a clear boundary.

[–]grissleditch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What the hell? Just do what you want. Not meaning shrug her off, but seriously her wants should not dictate your actions 24/7. She can take care of herself. Eat two separate dinners and ignore her bullcrap if she gets upset. Don't fucking tip toe around her selfish attitudes, that's not how it works, you know that, sounds like she needs a reminder.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This simple phrase freed me from what you describe:

"The person who needs the other the least in the relationship has all the power"

She's only the Alpha bitch because you allow it. Because you are afraid of losing her if you don't meet her demands. Because you are afraid you can't replace her if she does leave. Because you have no other options. Fear is what is keeping you in chains.

You've got her so high on the pedestal that it's only natural for her to feel entitled to her man servant doing as she commands.

[–]robertwservice19740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ask yourself these questions: Would she act this way with George Clooney? If not, why not?

Your solution is simple but challenging: You must become your own version of George Clooney. In other words, you have to increase your SMV such that she "discovers" there is a significant, discernible gap between her lower SMV and your higher SMV and acts accordingly.

Read the comment by jacktenofhearts titled "The Captain and Her Husband" which is in his post titled "The Three Dysfunctional Captains and first Officers of Married TRP." My version of George Clooney is in the early stages of construction and it is going to be a long-term project.

In the meantime, WISNIFG will help you combat verbal manipulation by teaching you broken record, fogging, negative assertion, and negative inquiry. Those skills will help level the playing field while you work on building your George Clooney.

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are her free man servant. Congrats.

She's not trying to be an Alpha, you're just a giant pussy that does everything she says for fear of pouting of all things.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do I break out of this dynamic?

You start here. You should have found that on the MRP Wiki. There are other related posts there; you should read those too.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Pretty much the same title as my first post. And they are all right, you're fine advisor's here.

I have one thing to add. What's her work?

They get so 'alpha manager' at work, competing with men, that beta you at home is just dessert. Literally. Follow mrp but also play the game of 'wannabe alpha' female .

How? Pick your times and battles. Dominate in the important ways. Not over fucking dinner.

Im one year ahead on this game.

[–]newtomap[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I work a basic 40 hour work week that's relatively laid back but she works probably a 50 hour work week and she's go go go all the time. A career woman.

Pick your times and battles. Dominate in the important ways. Not over fucking dinner.

Those are the most common occurrences. Little things. Tiny shit tests. Running to the store when it takes 5 minutes because I get off at 5 and she might not be off until 7. Throwing her laundry in when it takes 1 minute after she gathers it all up.

Because of how busy her work keeps her I end up taking the role of house husband. I plan the meals and do the shopping and take care of little things for her because she's always wiped out when she gets home. Usually I'm done with anything I need to do before she even walks in the door and get to relax for a while. I am not sure if that's caretaking or a "nice guy" thing to do. Definitely beta behavior but not necessarily negative beta behavior.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is exactly my situation except mine does all this management and negotiation training, which has a high cross over with Rp behaviour. HIGH.

Ultimately I separate out her modes (home Mrs simba and work Mrs simba). I Rp the home version (which she likes), and avoid the other except the obvious.

Our problems arise with her devaluing sex when she is extra busy and the work mode cuts out sex due to exhaustion.

Otherwise we are good. Its quite Jekyll and Hyde. Pm me if you want to chat more

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

WISNIFG

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Did you marry your Mother?

It is your responsibility to keep your diet and exercise plans in check. Cook for yourself and let her starve! Let her drive herself, Do your own laundry. You should be so sufficient in life where she looks at you and knows she has nothing on you! Her main supporting role is intimacy and if she weaponizes that "let's face it, she probably already is" you go elsewhere.

Stop walking on eggshells, you're acting like a child! Women do not want to fuck their children! Stop being her child!



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