I'm pretty new to the MAP outlined in MMSLP and it focuses a lot on the Captain/First Officer dynamic. Taking a hard look at my marriage, it very much seems like my wife is the Captain and I am the FO. Any decision I make that contradicts her preconceived plans or thoughts is outright shot down. Example: Her: I want x to eat tonight (and you will be paying for it and picking it up and bringing it home to me). Me: I don't want to do that. I would rather cook y instead. Her: -Guilt trip, reasons why she deserves the food, bad mood if she doesn't get it.
I either acquiesce and she is happy and thankful, or I refuse still and she is passive aggressive, gives me the silent treatment, and brings up the fact that I denied her that food she wanted for weeks to come.
It's this way for basically all decisions. I have my input and she factors that into her decision but her decisions are final. She won't guilt/pressure me to do things like go shopping with her but other things she knows I dislike, like me driving us multiple hours to an amusement park with her family and wasting a bunch of money then me driving us the same distance back, she will force the issue and say that's happening and that's final.
How do I break out of this dynamic? It says in MMSLP that most women have a submissive streak, but if my wife has one, I have yet to see it. Because of this, my confidence in fighting her on these issues is near nonexistent. If she truly does not have any Submissiveness in her then all fighting her on this will do is weaken the relationship. Also, pressure to "be a good husband and make her happy" makes me wonder if it's even right to fight her on things like that. I know the MAP is all about balance but I am not experience enough in Alpha traits to know when to assert my wants and needs and when to pick my battles and let her have that decision. Any thoughts/help on this would be greatly greatly appreciated. Thanks!