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Loss of momentum and provoking shit tests

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May 29, 2018

UK, M30 with LTR HB7 for 6-7yrs. So I'm a couple of months into my full awakening - I've been fairly RP for the last several years but have only had the RP focus to channel my self improvement through since mid March.

Basically, been devouring, internalising and implementing the side bar and reading list for last 2 months. Been trying to analyse my performance over the last several years but it's difficult to peel back the ego and see myself accurately. The sex had declined in recent months in both quantity and quality - I think it's a case of drunk captain and resentful first mate.

Have basically upped my game with working out more, eating better to lower bf%, keeping the house tidier, being on top of stuff - basically owning my shit much more. Have started recognising shit tests (and even some comfort tests) and passing these with increasing ease. Have tried to STFU more and acta non verba. Basically been working on my SMV and slowly gaining some increased dread without going Rambo.

Results were mixed at first but following LTR spotting some IOIs from various sources and some 'we need to talk' style frame testing which I passed, it seems to be building in momentum. I'm much more OI and self focused and I don't pout when I get knocked back which I was very much guilty of before.

Anyway, basically trying to get across that I'm very much a work in progress but I'm enjoying my journey and now have focus.

Here's the problem: I got ill about a week ago (bit of a cold, nothing major) which was on top of a tendon injury from working out the week before. This has meant a small timeout from the gym (8-9 days). I've played it down to avoid any invitation to be 'mothered' and have tried to keep up with 'owning my shit' but haven't been able to as much. It's been frustrating to see a massive loss in momentum and almost a step backward. (I think part of the problem is that I've been home much more too) E.g. no sex since injury and illness (been runny nose / sore throat free for 6 days now) when she was literally jumping on me last weekend, shit tests seem to have dried up too.

  1. Have any of you hit minor set backs that have then meant your SO has seemingly lost interest? How did you deal with this?

  2. Realistically, can my 'lost ground' be quickly regained? (Or do I need to just STFU and walk the walk?)

  3. Have you ever intentionally provoked shit tests to come your way in order to pass them?

Yes I know I should just STFU, get back to lifting and be patient - I'm just wanting to know how others have responded / their thought processes in similar situations. I'm in an LTR because I want to start to raise - this is my choice and I'm not interested in whether you support this or not - stick to the questions posted.

Thanks in advance

Post Information
Title Loss of momentum and provoking shit tests
Author Cloudsurf89
Upvotes 8
Comments 33
Date 29 May 2018 01:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gameframelong term relationshipsexual market valueshit testcomfort testliftgame

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret14 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy

I am going to take a softer approach, but first.

I've been fairly RP for the last several years but have only had the RP focus to channel my self improvement through since mid March.

This is a lie you tell yourself. A lie you tell us so we go softer on you. A lie that you say to rationalize how you don't have to do certain things or that it will be easier. I argue no man is red pill. Ever. he has to learn it. Our fathers failed us or we failed them. either way you aren't you just recognize what is going on and maybe accept some of the truths.

that said....

Every day you reset. A man's life is Hero to zero in .02 seconds.

yet every day you get up and do it again.

Ever failing ever learning.

It's that exact OYS you DGAF approach that women want and look for. Yes. You are going to fuck up and fuck up royal isn't the end. I have seen and faced true female cruelty. Seen it first hand, and after this weekend I am officially separated (post soon) and saw solipsism at it's finest.

I lost my temper. I admit in the privacy of my dojo I wept, not for the marriage lost but for the blue pill me that was purging, at seeing the worst despite knowing it, and having found myself in a position I never thought I would be. you can plan but the reality is altogether different.

Still. I got up and went back at the world. I followed my routine of lifting, training, and going about my daily tasks. I am still here. I am still alive.

the trouble with blue pill thinking and as a result being needy is that you think the sun will rise every day. That if you do X then yes the sun will rise. When in fact you have no idea if tomorrow will come. Do you know for fact the sun will rise?

You know it will because it has your whole life...until it doesn't.

if it rises then you were right. If it doesn't....then it's not your problem.

Still you get up and do what needs to be done. Every minute every day.

Life isn't pass or fail. It's pass or learn.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Something to be said about seeing it first hand. You weep for a hope that died in theory, but now dies in practice. I would imagine it's like seeing your first shit test in real time, seeing a woman get turned on when you act like you're not interested, or seeing a woman cuddle up to you when you push her away, and push you away when you try and get close. It's like seeing an 18wheeler overturn on a car. Like a video of a skydiver whose chute doesn't open. One of those European parkour idiots who jump and roll off the edge of a 10 story building. Yeah, in theory, you knew all that could happen. But God damn if seeing it doesn't affect you still.

You could get angry. But that's not going to DO anything. I think a very far reaching but very difficult lesson to learn in life, for good things and bad, is to have the ability to go "yeah, that happened" and move on. A quote from a speech I listen to paraphrased: "Cowards die many times, but the valiant only taste of death but once. What's that mean that the valiant are never afraid? No, no. It means that they feel that fear...and they move forward."

Rare is the time in life where other people are going to revel or dispair with you, in that moment. I'm a defender when I play soccer. I don't have as much passing or shooting coordination. So when the stars align and I'm playing midfield because the team needs someone with aggression and stamina there, and I actually score a goal off a beautiful cross, an event that's only happened a handful of times in my LIFE, I'll get a nice job and high five from teammates, but inside I'm going BALLISTIC. "You don't understand, this is a big thing for me, I'm ecstatic." I think. But it's one goal in a social co-ed league. No one else really 'cares'. Same if you grab a number, or K close, or lose your virginity, or bench a PR, or get shot down, or made fun of, or ghosted, or you fail a job, or shit bang your head on the corner of a cabinet. "Yeah that happened." Move on.


There's also something to be said, however, of finding time to express that happiness or sadness. The stigma associated with showing emotion really isnt about the fact that you show it, its that you dont have enough self control to take it unto yourself, accept that it happened, put it aside, and handle the problem at hand first. It''s as if you don't have the capability to handle life. It's as if by showing it, you are asking the world to acknowledge your emotions as something they should notice. You're demanding empathy. We've all read NMMNG, and seen where that gets us.

I battle this problem with my daughters, who oscillate between showing negative emotion because life hurts them, and showing negative emotion because showing it gets them attention. As a father, this is one of the thinnest lines I have to walk. Because I'll be damned if my kids are going to be emotional leeches, but I also want to foster an open, emotional connection.

That cry had to happen. Because to you, those emotions are real. And you arent expecting anything from anyone because of it, because youve crushed that neediness long ago. But it's foolish to think that as a being evolutionarily designed to survive based on its instinct and emotion, that not allowing that emotion to happen is a way to go about life. Ideally, sure you wouldn't feel emotion. But that's not the way life is. The same way, ideally, women would behave logically. But thats not how life is either. You play the hand you're dealt. And the hand you were dealt is to live in a logical mind that has emotion chemically forced onto it. The bad emotion makes the good that much sweeter. The good makes the lessons we learn from the bad that much more impactful. We know that we are simply Pavlovian dogs responding to it.

It's why meditation is practiced. Why I take time after workouts to stare in the mirror and feel good about what I've done. Why you need to go for a walk every now and then. Otherwise what''s the point. If you yourself cant allow yourself to appreciate emotionally your own life, whats the point.

Even appreciation of success, and what you define as success, is constantly under attack. The advent of communication through the Internet has gifted us with the ability to get together and swap our notes on success. But the price is that much less often will you see someone come on and talk about what happens between success. The emotions, the failure, the down-time. We see 1000 men kicking ass and so when we feel overwhelmed, we compare ourselves as one man to the successes of 1000 men pieced together as some superman and I ask you how does that set you up for anything but "failure". And I'm not talking failure at a task in the life of one man, I'm talking when the bar of success has been raised so that failure is the inability of one man to perform to the level of ALL men combined. Michael Phelps is not an ace PUA posting on youtube. PUAs aren't corporate businessmen buying and selling companies. Corporate businessmen may not have unplugged yet and thus face emotional manipulation based on a faulty worldview. We aspire to be so much and we's what keeps us driven. But it also makes it hard to find the off switch sometimes.

The point is, you're allowed to fail. You're allowed to have emotion. You're allowed to have downtime. You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to be your own judge for success and failure of goals, relationships, and your life. You're allowed to live that life based on a goal YOU derive that means something to YOU.

If your wife vanished tomorrow, if MRP vanished tomorrow, if every person in the world vanished tomorrow, what would you still be doing?


This wasn't really directed AT you RJ, just some thoughts.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good thoughts.

Though after a workout I sit on the gym floor and curse my coach.

mother fucker is going to kill me.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Life isn't pass or fail. It's pass or learn.

This is gold, but hard to see for ones self

[–]Cloudsurf89-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah it's hard to see the wood for the trees - I get that the ego (is it the ego I'm talking about?) can be useful but it seems to really get in the way of personal growth

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you have to have ego. So the idea of killing it isn't accurate. more like reprogram it. ego in all it's forms basically refers to these ideas:

  • The way you view yourself
  • The value you place on yourself
  • The way you wish you were

people with out of control ego have a disconnect between reality and these concepts. It creates both cognitive dissonance and cognitive distortions. both are blue pill thought processes.

[–]oneredguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The sun will rise brother.

While you weep in the dark and wish it wouldn't.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are my spirit animal.

[–]Cloudsurf890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, thank you for taking time and effort to engage with me - I recognise that I'm a lifelong learner and I really am here to sift out the BS in my own mind and to challenge my perspectives and thoughtful comments like yours really do help.

To an extent, I think you're probably right about the telling a lie to myself - the ego (as far as I understand it) is there to cushion blows and 'help' rationalise things so that we don't feel so bad with our current situations. For the most part I was trying to give context by adding background info to pre-empt unhelpful, short / blunt answers and trying to keep it focused on what I was asking. Fair point about not being RP though - was I trying to soften the responses? Possibly. It's a rough ride when you open yourself up like this on these forums but it's a bitter pill that I'll gladly swallow.

Thanks again for challenging perceptions

[–]johneyapocalypse4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

1) Have any of you hit minor set backs that have then meant your SO has seemingly lost interest? How did you deal with this?

Are you seriously asking this question?

Well, since you might be, the answer is no. Every single person here has never missed a single day, ever, so our wives remain blissfully interested in our fascinating and majestic personalities.

2) Realistically, can my 'lost ground' be quickly regained? (Or do I need to just STFU and walk the walk?)

No. Unfortunately you have to go to your local coroner's office for the next step, which is not largely known, but extremely unpleasant.

3) Have you ever intentionally provoked shit tests to come your way in order to pass them?

Yes. Shortly after provoking a shit test over a glass of orange juice my wife sliced off my left testicle. While bloody, it proved a valuable lesson.

Are you really this retarded?

Get back to work pussy.

[–]Cloudsurf890 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Ha! Cheers man - nice stock answer that's really added value to the discussion. Yeah, getting back to work but I just wanted to open a discussion around this. For 1 and 2, yeah good point - STFU and get on with it. For 3 though, I'm genuinely curious - what do you guys do to 'caffeinate the hamster'? Any examples of things that you've said / done that have helped get the ball rolling?

[–]johneyapocalypse2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Lift.
  2. Lift.
  3. Leave the house.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

>what do you guys do to 'caffeinate the hamster

I have been married 25 years so I know things about my wife that will set her off. I also know things that will make her clench her jaw and count slowly to 10.

Sometimes I help her count.

I don't know your wife so have no idea what sets her off. I am sorry to have to state this out loud but usually it is best to avoid the really sensitive areas like miscarriages, dead babies, dead parents, and long lost beloved pets- but the rest is fair game. I even tease her about her belly. Of course my wife is the Iron Lady so YMMV.

Again, you have the answer to this question. Ponder it when your hamster is not running in circles.

[–]mtdog2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Here's a crazy thought: maybe it isn't about you.

Sometimes people, even WOMEN, have shit they are going through or don't feel sexy or horny. Sometimes those things have nothing to do with their partners.

Weird, huh?

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes they are literally falling apart in front of you but you don't see it and still think it's all you. You,you,you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be careful reading too much into her actions. If you’re feeling shitty, she sees that and doesn’t want to get sick. If the shit test have declined while you’ve been sick then she just recognizes that you’re working on getting healthy. Women might be grown children but even my 9 yo knows not to test me when I’m feeling sick. Give her the benefit of the doubt if she’s been on good behavior up to this point. Don’t go straight to shitty thoughts. That’s on you, not her. That’s your frame bending. Don’t get down on yourself. Have a tendon injury and can’t lift? Work on a hobby or take the time to read some fiction. The iron temple is fine but there are other ways to improve yourself.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This happens all the time. Your frame is the "you" at your best. Therefore, when you are sick or injured this is when your frame is weakest- and often when she tests the hardest.

Your "lost ground" can be regained much more easily the second time than the first time.

intentionally provoked shit tests

Of course! It can be great fun so long as it stays fun (for you).

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

No one wants to fuck a sick person...Reset and regain your momentum.

[–]Cloudsurf89-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah I fully get that bit - does that also somewhat apply to a sports injury?

I think being around too much at home has made also me seem too available

[–]mywifeisunicorn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah if your balls got stomped on by cleats.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

does that also somewhat apply to a sports injury?

It all depends on how YOU handle it. If you are actively recovering then no; however if you are limping around making it noticeable then yes, but because YOU are not owning it.

Also, which tendon did you injure? I personally would go a bit stir crazy if I was out of the gym for a week and a half. Whatever you hurt, just don't train that, but keep lifting.

[–]DoctorNini0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You said something about her 'mothering', what did she do?

While I may not have sex with my husband when he's really sick (maybe a BJ, but honestly, him sneezing up the place does not give me the tingles), I do other things to take care of him (make soup, get him drinks, rub his back, sanitize the house, etc etc). Basically, I pamper him back to health, because he is the man I love and respect so much and he normally takes care of me.

If your LTR does those kinds of things, even though she might not have sex with you now, I think you shouldn't be too afraid about having taken a step back.

[–]Cloudsurf890 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah just generally trying to look after me - in the ways you've outlined - does this not come across as weak and kill attraction even after getting better?

INB4 covert contract, be more OI etc

[–]DoctorNini0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I am not sure what the MRP stance is, but RPW are encouraged to do this, as it is a way of showing appreciation. I will pamper my husband even if he has the slightest cold, which he thinks is ridiculous, but I am quite sure he secretly enjoys a lot.

As for appearing weak: I think that depends on how you, as a man, handle being sick. My husband would never ask me to take care of him, and will only stay in bed if I force him too. However, I know women who's men will whine and moan and act like they are on the brink of death because of the flu. In the first case, it is fun to take care of your husband, who might be in a weak state, but is still the person you normally turn to for strength (and will therefore return to that position as soon as the reason for appearing weak is gone). In the second case, the women feel like they have to take care of a whiny man-child, which can leave a permanent mark on the relationship.

Does that help you in any way? :)

[–]Cloudsurf890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It does, thanks. Perhaps it would be a different case say a year down the line rather than after just a couple of months of me stepping up more to own my shit - then there would be a precedent of me being more reliable in this way and also bouncing straight back after being ill.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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