706,399 posts

How to not give a fuck?

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May 24, 2018
19 upvotes

Ok, I’m losing my shit over this. Months of reading the sidebar, owning my shit and practicing OI and I’m kicking my self in the balls for feeling this way. Im pissed, angry and resentful. Fuuuuck!

Here what happened last night: Wife on day 3 of shark week, no sex for 5 days now. I’ve been horny all day so after the kids go to bed and we’re alone, ambience is good, I tell her flirtingly “so, wanna tell you some thing” Her body language shifts to an “uh-oh, shit!” pose and gets the deer in the headlights look

“What is it?” She says “I want you to suck my dick” I reply. Mind you, I had to muster courage to get to saying this. As a recovering nice guy, I never said anything like this before. I always asked, always nicely vomit

She smile and hesitates for a bit and say “no, not tonight” in a sweet tone. I take it as a soft no, so I keep pushing. “I’ll be waiting for you later upstairs.” I assume the close. She comes up, gets to the washroom I lock. The door, etc etc. She comes to bed and says “don’t you want to sleep?” which I reply no, I told you what I want. She says no again, can we do another night, blah blah. Im there thinking “fuck this, there’s no reason why not tonight” but didn’t want to push hard. So I start to tease her and we have a few good laughs, giggles, tickling etc. Softened the mood nicely. After all that she pauses with a smile and says “not tonight hon”. At which point I get up from under the cover, put my clothes on and kiss her goodnight. I ended up sleeping in the guest room, my hamster wouldn’t stop. Not even sure how to deal with her today, i want to remove my attention altogether today and ignore her. I’m butt hurt and pissed... mostly at myself as I’m unable to hold frame. I hate the power she has over me, fuck! Help! How do I untuck this? More importantly how do I get to a point where I don’t give two fucks when shit like this happens??


Post Information
Title How to not give a fuck?
Author taway01803
Upvotes 19
Comments 54
Date 24 May 2018 01:58 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204444
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8lsu78/how_to_not_give_a_fuck/
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Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret30 points31 points  (7 children) | Copy

Slow your roll. Your wife still does not find you attractive so "I want you to suck my dick" coming from you is like a homeless dude is asking her for money. At best she feels sorry for you and at worst she's disgusted and thinks you're fucking pathetic.

It sucks when it feels like you're making progress and your wife is right there to tell you nope, you're not, you're still stuck in my frame and controlled by my sexual availability, right?

Here's how you unfuck this. You stop being a needy bitch who needs his wife's love and sexual attraction as validation. You start having real things in your life that mean something to you, things that aren't whether she let's you cum or not. You stop being a fucking pussy and start getting your head straight. You are so far up your wife's butthole that you can't think straight. The only way you can be happy is by getting your dick wet, and she can smell that from a mile away.

We say "read the fucking sidebar" ad nauseum because it is literally the answer to your questions. You victum puking your specific situation and looking for specific answers is rarely helpful. What is helpful is a wholesale refactor of your life and way of being, which is what can be found in the sidebar. And it takes time and effort. Not overnight, not in a few weeks, not in a few months. You take a couple steps forward, a couple steps back, and then at some point if you stick with it you finally just get it... until you don't again. And then you focus and read some more. Go read it and practice it and stop looking at sex as validation.

[–]hack3ge19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

+1 on this its fucking exactly what you need to internalize

She can feel the butthurt in you and its not attractive - I'm pretty much there with you except its not the rejection that bothers me anymore so at least I don't get butt hurt. The part that will really start to chap your ass is when you get IOIs or other randos initiating with you that are 10 years younger and hotter than your wife and you wonder what the fuck is taking your wife so long.

If you haven't already read about the 1000 ft rope and take it slow. You need to build a narrative for your wife and this takes time so try not to rambo.

You want the narrative in your wifes head to go something like this - "Oh look hes starting to look good (lift), hes really working to improve his life and be happy (frame), hes pretty busy and doesn't have as much time for me (hobbies), hmm, wait I can't manipulate him any more (pass shit tests/set boundaries), other women are showing interest and hes way more social (learn game), <hamster hamster hamster> there's only one fucking thing I can think of to keep this man (pun intended)."

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great narrative :)

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, he did it for me. But I argue that this concept is lost on you simply because it's core material that you should have learned in all those months of reading.

[–]resolutions31611 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

I know the feeling - you WANT to not need the validation, you feel like you’re not SUPPOSED to need the validation - but you still need it and are hurt when she withholds it. Then you beat yourself up for it.

Lots of good advice in here, so I won’t repeat it. Instead, I’ll say:

  • OF COURSE you want validation from the woman you’re married to. Very natural.

  • Yes, you fucked it up.

  • yes, that’s normal too. If you weren’t fucking it up you wouldn’t be here.

  • fuck up all you want. Half of MRP is just dudes fucking everything up. But work first on beating yourself up over your failures. Failure is helpful; it’s a teacher. Negative self talk just wrecks your frame and turns you into a sad sack.

Have compassion for yourself. Be as hard as you want, and never lower your standards....but have compassion. You’ll improve more quickly and you’ll enjoy the process much more.

I still get the ever loving shit kicked out of me at BJJ every week. I’m still terrible and I’m almost two years in. You have to learn to love the process or you’ll never stick around.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good stuff.

OP...accentuate the positive. You are making progress...you managed to directly state your needs...something very difficult for certain bashful NiceGuys.

(That said, what kind of kinky pervert are you??? Wanting your wife to actually suck on your penis and swallow your cocksnot?? You should be ashamed of yourself for wanting to degrade women like that!)

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wait... negotiating sex doesn't work?

Somebody should put that on the sidebar.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

They say the best negotiator is the one who is willing to walk away. OP walked away right to the guest room. So, I guess he wins?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wait....leaving your own fucking sleep room is a pussy move?

Somebody should put that on the sidebar.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

He left that room and slept on the couch LIKE A BOSS!!!

[–]The_LitzRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Today is a new day. Reset every day. If she was a cunt last night and you lost frame, forget about it and start todaynon a new page.

Don't let your butthurt simmer overnight.

[–]RickTickTickyshaw4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for posting this. Shows that there are common issues while implementing MRP.

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think you're being sarcastic here are you? Of course there are common issues while implementing MRP. Just look at this entire subreddit: it's filled with ding dongs who just don't get it and run into common issues while trying to be less of a cunt. I know, because I used to be one of them too.

[–]RickTickTickyshaw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No sarcasm, just thought it talked toy own situation well. Great sub here.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, stop being butthurt. Reading your post, I imagined a little puppy running, in and out, and around his mother’s legs, begging for affection. It’s not gonna happen that way.

[–]rocknrollchuck6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

id not seen these before. They are brilliant.

I suggest they get put in the sidebar as the clearly outline how a stoic mind is built and used in the face of female hypergamy.

I also suggest this one which is referenced in one of those posts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36k50h/stoicism_a_primer_for_how_to_be/

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, they really are brilliant. Sidebar worthy posts, as well as the other one you referenced. I already have them on the sidebar on r/RPChristians, under "rocknrollchuck's link to the MRP posts that I've found to be most helpful". There are many other links in that list that I would consider to be sidebar-worthy as well.

[–]RightNeedsMight2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A wise mod once told me that if your mind isn't 100% immersed in KNOWING that if you are reading this sub, the relationship is barely 50/50 dead/live, and there is nothing you can do to save it, then your frame is shit. So, frame yourself around doing everything to save the most important part of the relationship: you. Your butt hurt will go away when you rely only on yourself for validation. She may as well not exist in this crucial phase of your life. Once you stop NEEDING her to fuck you, you'll notice she's more apt to want to. If you want approval, stop wanting it and just learn to be proud of the man you are (this pride only comes thru hard, constant work). This will generate approval from others, because it won't be a weak-ass mask.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want to remove my attention altogether today and ignore her.

This will only work if you are OI and you are not. Because.....

I’m butt hurt and pissed... mostly at myself as I’m unable to hold frame. I hate the power she has over me

Read this again and again. She only has the power over you that you give her. It is not being denied that is the problem. It is the feeling of being rejected. Guess what? You have total control over your feelings. In fact that is all you control.

How do I unfuck this? More importantly how do I get to a point where I don’t give two fucks when shit like this happens??

You know the answer. If you had 3 other women you could call when your one true love rejects you then you would not be butthurt or angry. You don't have to cheat and that is not what is recommended. However, to regain the power you have to be able to cheat.

Men with options who act like they have options are attractive. Men who are desperate for a scrap of affection from their wives are no attractive.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Covert contract...the whole thing.

[–]mywifeisunicorn1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the kryptonite for me. The amount of times I've got butthurt and lashed out at her she doesnt believe me when I try not to and shit tests me after the rejection. That shit test is the double whammy to my frame I cant ever pass.

Edit, shit test following hard no rejection a form of soft no post hard no uncertainty?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I call this "phantom butthurt". You have conditioned her to expect butthurt, so even when there isn't she is anticipating it. Then she will accuse you of it, and you will DEER like a bitch, explaining through words that you are not butthurt, which sounds exactly like butthurt.

You need to AA the shit out of it. Like nuke it from outer space. To the point where you are effectively mocking her. You need to covertly remind her that she isn't the only pussy in town.

Here is a comment I made about this recently that might be helpful.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Good points by /u/rocknrollchuck.

Some anaylsis that is stopping you.

“so, wanna tell you some thing” Her body language shifts to an “uh-oh, shit!” pose and gets the deer in the headlights look “What is it?” She says “I want you to suck my dick” I reply with a grin.

Mind you, I had to muster courage to say this. BP me would have rather died than bluntly state this want. As a recovering nice guy, I never said anything like this before. I always asked, always nicely vomit

but you did ask. You did try to negotiate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you sound just like me a couple months ago. I did the same exact shit and had the entire MRP Chew my ass out for that kind of behavior.

Number one - your self-worth, attractiveness, and validation comes from only one person (it’s supposed to be you) and that person doesn’t want to suck your dick. At least not today. You need to know other chicks are attracted to you so you don’t feel like a worthless shit when she rejects you.

Number two - entitlement mentality AKA Covert Contacts. You think she owes you a blow job. Even if you had done all the housework, took her out for a night on the town and bought her a Cadillac, you can’t think that she owes you pussy or head at the end of the day.

Number Three - she needs to know you don’t need her pussy. You don’t need HER to be happy. She needs to be the one getting validation from you, not the other way around.

Why do you need her validation? Review NMMNG. It will help you find the answer.

[–]Michelin_Starman0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Lifebrotip: if Mrs is on the rag, tell her to wash extra carefully, then go down. Nothing helps period cramp more than orgasm. She'll happily suck you off when she's cramp-free and pumped with oxytocin. Just make sure you have a towel near the bed in case PIV happens.

Of course, this assumes you still have an OK relationship.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I want you to suck my dick

Wrong. Correct is “I have plans for you when the kids go to bed.” This should be preceded with plenty of kino and innuendo

Never say what you “want”

Tell her you are in control. Dominance. You’re not there yet.

I’m butt hurt and pissed.

Yes, you’re still her little beta boy.

Keep lifting, reading, and work on kino. You should know whether or not it’s a go before you get to bed. That way you eliminate hard no’s.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your title doesn't match your problem, but it is still worth your while to read mark Manson's book, ' the subtle art of not giving a fuck'.

It's pretty light but helps get you out of your head.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ha! You’ve got a long way to go if you think she’s using shark week as a reason for not having sex with you.
She currently has very little attraction to you, so now is absolutely not the time to tell her you want a blowjob because she’s just thinking “this fat fuck wants a BJ?!”

[–]mattizie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Find a mission to distract you. Do something else but spend time with her. Go for a drive/ride just for the hell of it, just get out of the house.

The best strategy is probably getting a plate, but I'll admit I haven't done so. My reasons being that I don't trust myself not to "fall in love" or become addicted to plate sex to the extent that I'll fuck them instead of my wife.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe talk to a therapist and quit seeing your wife as property.



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