Ok, I’m losing my shit over this. Months of reading the sidebar, owning my shit and practicing OI and I’m kicking my self in the balls for feeling this way. Im pissed, angry and resentful. Fuuuuck!
Here what happened last night: Wife on day 3 of shark week, no sex for 5 days now. I’ve been horny all day so after the kids go to bed and we’re alone, ambience is good, I tell her flirtingly “so, wanna tell you some thing” Her body language shifts to an “uh-oh, shit!” pose and gets the deer in the headlights look
“What is it?” She says “I want you to suck my dick” I reply. Mind you, I had to muster courage to get to saying this. As a recovering nice guy, I never said anything like this before. I always asked, always nicely vomit
She smile and hesitates for a bit and say “no, not tonight” in a sweet tone. I take it as a soft no, so I keep pushing. “I’ll be waiting for you later upstairs.” I assume the close. She comes up, gets to the washroom I lock. The door, etc etc. She comes to bed and says “don’t you want to sleep?” which I reply no, I told you what I want. She says no again, can we do another night, blah blah. Im there thinking “fuck this, there’s no reason why not tonight” but didn’t want to push hard. So I start to tease her and we have a few good laughs, giggles, tickling etc. Softened the mood nicely. After all that she pauses with a smile and says “not tonight hon”. At which point I get up from under the cover, put my clothes on and kiss her goodnight. I ended up sleeping in the guest room, my hamster wouldn’t stop. Not even sure how to deal with her today, i want to remove my attention altogether today and ignore her. I’m butt hurt and pissed... mostly at myself as I’m unable to hold frame. I hate the power she has over me, fuck! Help! How do I untuck this? More importantly how do I get to a point where I don’t give two fucks when shit like this happens??