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I guess you guys might give me some insight here

Reddit View
May 23, 2018
7 upvotes

Instead of hitting the "it's only your turn" button.

I'm in a fairly new LTR, 7 months, not living together. Yesterday, for the first time, she was deliberately a pain in the ass. Things went a bit like this.

First, on a talk on the phone, she was pissed as fuck with traffic and accusing all people in my state to suck at driving. At first I gave ears, then I mocked her, at last I pushed a change of subjects. The last bit went well.

At night over the phone we talked for some time, and she said "we're not on the same page today". We talked a bit further, said goodnight, I said "I love you", she replied with "good night" again. I challenged it, she said "I won't say it because we are not on the same page".

I had like three minutes to think about how the plan was to soft next and if it failed, break up before a trip we'll make and in which she's much more interested than me, if I have any interest at all (it goes both ways but it's a first time we'll do together something that in unappealing for one of us). Then she called and apologized for being an ass to me. She didn't say "I love you", I said, and she replied.

This morning I mentioned it and she got defensive, "you're starting already?". I stopped pressing, made some jokes to ease it, not sure about how effective but she didn't sound pissed.

I'm asking here because it's impossible to get guys at askTRP to consider that I might want NOT to hard next because of something that isn't enough, yet, to mark a pattern.

I can clarify this if needed. I went with the general idea since I'd get lost on which details I should bring up or not. Am I missing something or is there some bad flaw in how I acted?


Post Information
Title I guess you guys might give me some insight here
Author quicklogaccount
Upvotes 7
Comments 53
Date 23 May 2018 01:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204454
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8ljbic/i_guess_you_guys_might_give_me_some_insight_here/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipsoft nextinghard nexting
Comments

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

OP, why do you care? Seriously, why do you care? So she didn't say "I love you..."? That's enough to push you off balance? That's enough to rock your world enough that you consider breaking up with her and then coming to strangers on the internet to beg for advice?

Dude. Where. Are. Your. Balls?

Listen man. Life is tough. Life is going to throw a lot of shit at you. Sucky bosses. Kids with terminal diseases. Getting laid off at the worst possible time. Breaking your leg. Et cetera.

Does your woman want to deal with all that? No. Of course not. She wants a man who can face all that shit head on and protect her from it, much like a sturdy wall blocks the wind.

So, what does she do? She tests you to see if you are strong enough, fit enough, steady enough to withstand those types of events. Because she knows that she isn't very strong. She intuitively grasps that on a primal level. She needs protection. She also knows that if someone as weak as her can push you off balance, fuck with your emotions, and make you falter, then you probably aren't strong enough for her.

The best part of all of this? It isn't even really conscious on her part. It's an inbuilt test & response system that is generated from her most basic nature designed to keep her safe. She probably doesn't even know she is doing it. She certainly isn't thinking (most of the time) "I'm gonna be a bitch to him to see if he is strong enough to keep me safe." She just feels like doing it and acts impulsively.

So what is the answer? What's the plan? What's the goal?

Become a man who can stand up against these types of attacks. I don't mean the type of man who can outlast her or out-argue her. I mean the type of man who is confident, stalwart, and strong enough that he doesn't even really notice them. Picture that you are an NFL linebacker and she is an 8 year old girl who shoots you with a Nerf gun. The Nerf bullet flies over and bounces off your chest. Does it matter? Nope. And the only response she gets is the one that you choose to give her. That's frame.

Now, don't read all of the above assume that if you lift, STFU, and develop frame (which is mainly what I focused on above) that you will have an excellent relationship with this one chick. You may. You may not. She may be a real bitch who doesn't respond well regardless of your actions.

This isn't about her. This is about you becoming the best version of you. And that version of you can have a successful LTR with a woman. It just might not be this woman. With that certainty in mind, I'll go back to my original question.

Why do you care?

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great answer! You should make this into a post.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I also assumed it was a shit test, the shittiest one I got from her so far. I care because it implies that once more I fucked up my game.

Long story, it seems more likely to me that folks here are right. Not a shit test, but a fair warning that she's losing her interest. Maybe more fair than I can reasonably expect to get.
Given this, the process to fix seems to be different and harder. I'll start with game, because bad game isn't something I can afford to have. I hope it is enough, I don't consider myself quite ready nor at all able to go hard mode.

[–]FoxShitNasty837 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Grabbing popcorn

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pass it over. Dont hog it all.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Help yourself, update is the OP is getting ripped a new one. He may even be a bigger faggot than me.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I guess you guys might give me some insight here
Instead of hitting the "it's only your turn" button.

Guys, give me, and don't tell my anything I don't want to hear. I asked TRP and they said what I didn't need to hear, and I assume you guys aren't really red pill so you will tell me something different? And can't even commit to that, with that flaccid 'I guess'. If this is how he speaks, I can only imagine what he date does to him. I am surprised anyone reads this, it's got all the hallmarks of a child looking for mommy

  • no passion, it's saddled with passiveness
  • no direction, asking without any indication what his goal is, other than to stop the mean girl from being men
  • self importance. It's a button on the internet that tells you what you want to hear, and make the bad girl stop. Fucking selfish

I'm sure it's [deleted] soon enough.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This morning I mentioned it and she got defensive, "you're starting already?". I stopped pressing, made some jokes to ease it, not sure about how effective but she didn't sound pissed.

You are a whiny bitch.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He sounds like my 3 year old, milk and an episode of paw patrol will calm him for a bit

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're more into her than she is into you. You communicated this verbally, so did she. You're ticked because you wish she were more into you, but she's not. What exactly do you need insight on? This is pretty darn straight forward. If you want her more into you, improve your SMV. If your SMV were high enough she'd be begging you to say ILY to her, not withholding the phrase from you. And trying to force her to say it ... really? You're just showing her that you're a beta wuss by doing that.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're ticked because you wish she were more into you, but she's not.

Now I'm also ticked by being stupid enough to let this crap elude me. Thanks.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

7 months is an LTR?

No. You don’t have an LTR.

You are more invested than she is. It’s her job to maintain the relationship and she isn’t.

Let me address the lack of vision outlook on “she isn’t yours”

For the young man looking to get fucked it has a clear meaning but to older men it means more. It simply means she has agency and can make her own decisions. We don’t own people. The saying is meant to kick you on the gut. Sex is important to men and it is painful to think your snow flake will immediately go fuck someone else. She may not want it she may do it out of revenge but she is able to do it.

It really means nothing more than your white knight attitudes. Your beta platitudes and your fucked up mentality will not sway her.

Your snowflake has made her decision. No amount of you proclaiming your love is going to change her mind.

The path is clear. Women are the result of your hard work not the goal of it.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn. It is clear.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have been posting in TRP for 2 years. You are LARPing. Here is how I know.

A.) You think 7 months is an LTR .

2.) You do not know how to STFU.

D.) You have ZERO frame, and no OI.

obligatory:

LIFT

STFU

Sidebar----->

[–]johneyapocalypse4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm in a fairly new LTR, 7 months, not living together.

Move in together immediately.

Yesterday, for the first time, she was deliberately a pain...

Damn.

First, on a talk on the phone...

Always follow-up a talk on the phone with texts telling her how much you love her.

she was pissed as fuck with traffic

The horror.

At night over the phone we talked for some time...

How many times did you say I love you? Usually at the start of a conversation, at the end of a conversation, and then of course followed-up in a few texts. I like to say I love you at least 9 times for every 1 time she says she likes me.

I had like three minutes...

Perfect amount of time to do some chores for her.

She didn't say "I love you", I said, and she replied.

Awesome! Important to point out the times she does not say I love you.

I'm asking here because it's impossible to get guys at askTRP to consider that I might want NOT to hard next because of something that isn't enough, yet, to mark a pattern.

Agreed. Those guys are silly. You've got a strong, beautiful, loving woman on your hands, you cannot lose her.

Am I missing something...

No, you're good.

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

You should marry her. Then she will know your true devotion to her and reciprocate.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Second this, OP. Definitely she's the one for you.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Is this a standard wake the fuck up answer, or am I just too far off to reach?

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Your girl is giving you signals and you're missing them. The signals are saying: man the fuck up, let me breath, give me a something to chase.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

give me a something to chase.

You are remarkably right but this stands out as shit.
I wonder if I have feasible time to quit the trip for starters.

[–]2ndalRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You don't have to escape to keep her on the chase. You can do it in much more subtle, everyday ways.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's somehow clear that I went further than I was meant to. I'll keep it in mind. There's a certain fuck up I've been doing daily and I never observed it.

[–]TheIronHeel0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Where are you going on this trip you already committed to and now you want to flip flop like a bitch on?

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

4 hours drive, sleep, see her competing, 4 hours back.
She'll by busy as shit and if she has free time, she'll spend it with her teammates. I signed in because she asked for help on the drives and added that she always cherishes the companionship and I thought its important to see it. Other than that I really don't care about the modality or amateur competitions altogether.

It seems those didn't change and I shouldn't quit, but I'll watch lots of other stuff and habits I've been creating.

[–]TheIronHeel1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

FFS dude. You've already made up your mind that this trip is going to suck so go ahead and bail and show her you're an unreliable man ( or boy) and nuke the relationship and go suck your thumb. OR.... quit being a bitch, smack up some fkn road tunes, pack a hip flask and get a plan together to get laid on this overnighter. Be fun. Have fun. Build some positive fkn energy and roll it into the trip. OR go on the trip and be a miserable loser. OR stay home and be a miserable loser. Wash the sand out of your vagina and get real.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wash the sand out of your vagina and get real.

Although I miss the mandatory "or just leave", you're right. There's not a single merit in doing shit I know will worsen things because I enjoy the idea that they should make them better. And I thought I had been over it for a while...
That's my kind reminder. Either red or single.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Both.

You are drowning.

We are throwing you a life ring.

You actually have to grab that motherfucker.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Faggot.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit dude stop saying "I love you" so much Jesus Christ you sound like a needy pussy pull your head out of her ass and your balls out of her purse and go do something manly.

[–]mabden0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

>This morning I mentioned it and she got defensive, "you're starting already?"

WTF dude, she's right, STFU and move on to bigger and better ways to spend your time.

> she said "I won't say it because we are not on the same page".

Textbook, conditional "love" from the female species.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's clear now that I erred too much to the bad side. I do enjoy some couple-ish stuff which include giving her attention, and since she reacted and reacts well to that I might have overdone the attention bit.
It's pretty clear to me that I've been giving her attention at times I'd rather do something else, so I'll start here. If it doesn't get fixed doing this I'll see where it's going and make new considerations. I have a professional habit of striving to and uncurling most or all ifs. It doesn't seem it'll help me to think ahead here though.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I challenged it...This morning I mentioned it

STFU. Put it into practice.

As for the rest: lift and sidebar just like the rest of us.

NMMNG and WISNIFG are going to help you the most here.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hard next yourself because you're a needy bitch. Seriously? so thirsty for "i love you?" are you a 14 year old girl?

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Funny how that was meant to sound to be offensive and yet is the only solution I'm willing to adopt.

I have no intention of entering a RP hard mode relationship with her, nor with anyone for now at least. I reckon I played bad game and game is not something I can afford to lack, so that is what I will fix.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

There's a lot of insecurity hiding under there.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Since I fucked up my last LTR by going down the path "be nicer so she'll fuck me more", even if I reckon I didn't have a lot of reasons NOT to fuck it up now, I kind of need to reassure my ability to leave if preposterous shit happen. Every now and then I catch myself rehearsing it.
I see the insecurity in it but it's kind of hard not to worry about it. I'm not sure if my workaround is thoroughly bad or brings some harm, it didn't prevent me from bonding properly, or at least as well as I've bonded to my ex out of sheer scarcity.

Is that what you refer to? Bad strategy because (...)? Or there's more?

[–]ellifino0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy yet? You really should. It will change your life.

[–]quicklogaccount[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll take a look at it with better eyes.

[–]DoctorNini0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You cannot challenge someone over not saying I love you. Even women know that. You can't negotiate desire and you sure as hell can't negotiate love. Demanding she says it or being butthurt when she doesn't, makes you look like a whiny, insecure girl.

[–]Steve_rebooting3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even the old blue pill version of me would NOT say "i love you" so much and then demand a response... or bring it up the next day.

Why the hell do you need a "i love you" response back? Why are you even saying that 7 months in? You know she could say "i love you" while sucking another guy off? What value do those words hold for you?

Judge by actions, not words... you are really hanging on to her words unfortunately



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