Some background for you. Married both in our 40's, well over 20 years. Almost to the "empty nest" phase. Been on the RP path for 1.5 years. Went Rambo early on, but self corrected. Once I realized this was the long game, I settled in and just tried to make progress every day.
6'4 220 BP 265, DL 300, OHP 135 (had shoulder surgery) visible abs. I've been lifting on and off for years. But 6 days a week now since the RP train has left the station. I can count on one hand the days I've missed. The Iron Temple is now part of my DNA.
One of the primary reasons I'm here is to create my slut.
My wife is beautiful, engaging, fun to be around, and a great mom. And yes, I'm familiar with wife googles. But she turns heads wherever she goes.
It took me a year and a half, but I'm now probably a point above her in SMV. This took work, and I was shit tested like crazy for the first six months. As my body changed, wardrobe changed, hair changed...for example: She never wanted me to grow a beard, "It's scratchy, I don't like 'em. If you want to kiss me you won't have a beard" etc, etc. About 4 months ago, I decided I looked good in a beard, wanted one, and now have one. But I digress..
I'm hoping that someone will read this in the future as they are trying to decide whether or not they can change their sexual situation in their marriage.
Yes. Yes you can. (well, you can change YOU)
The sidebar reading has been extremely helpful. And their is truth in all of it. However, I'm of the opinion that there were a few things that have helped me on my journey. Going to share a couple, then get on with the field report.
- Her emotions are her problem.
For some reason, when I heard this, it totally resonated with me. What a blue pill pussy faggot I was... "honey why are you mad?" "are you ok?" "what can I do?" I can almost hear her drying up now when I repeat those lines in my head.
-AA This has been a HUGE success for me. I've always been good at verbal jousting, so I was set up for this one. Once I didn't care whether or not I "made her mad" it was game on. Again, her emotions are HER problem. Tons of fun, and has really helped lighten things up in our relationship, and have her see me as the cocky fun guy.
OYS - In every regard. This is my mantra. Clothes on the floor?, pick them up. Trash full? Empty it. All the shit that she WOULD have done if I left it long enough. And trust me gentlemen. You need not do any PR on this. She will notice, and frankly if she doesn't.. I really don't care. If I was single, I would empty the garbage before it was overflowing. Why is being married any different? This has been my hardest challenge. In the areas where I slacked, my wife filled the vacuum. So pulling some of these tasks back provoked a lot of questions. But I did it because it needed to be done, and I finally realized as a Man, my job is to take care of Shit.
Paying attention to what she does and not what she says-
"I hate guys that have big arms." Then two months later in bed, running her hands up and down your arms.. wow.. nice arms.. rock hard. (stupid me, I was listening to what she SAID for 20+ years)
At any rate, I wanted to bring her out of her sexual shell. Religious, conservative and boring in bed. And to be honest, the blue pill me was just lucky to get laid. So I didn't want to upset the apple cart. Frequency was good. 3 + times a week. But, it was a checklist item for her. Needed to be done so I wasn't butt hurt.
Several times we had "the talk" me saying "It's not the quantity, it's the quality, you just aren't into it"
Yup. Nothing like negotiating desire. Worked great.. sex was awesome after that (rolls eyes)
My wife has sighed and protested in the past when I've asked for different positions. "That hurts" " I don't like that one" "can't we just do it this way" on and on.
About 3-4 months ago, I was far enough in my journey and looking good enough naked that I thought it was time to start taking what I wanted, and just honestly not caring if she liked it or not.
Fast forward to the last month or so. Basically, there is no asking anything in bed anymore. It's ripping clothes off, going at it, moving her around (kind of roughly) placing her hands and legs where I want them. No asking. Doing.
I. CAN'T. FUCKING. BELIEVE. IT.
Each time I went further and further, I thought the comments would come, the loud sighs, the protests, the shit tests that I was going to have to push through... Nope. Just heavy breathing, nails digging in my back and enthusiastic participation, and a big smile when we were done.
Fellas. I have a long way to go here. But for me this was a benchmark. Taking charge in bed, and eliminating those past beta traits, and just doing it the way you want to do it. That's what they want, and more than that.. it's what they NEED. I haven't seen my wife this fulfilled sexually our entire marriage. If this will work with her, I PROMISE you it will work with you, no matter how repressed your wife is. (caveat being as long as your marriage is just in a lull, or sexually repressed, if you are on the verge of divorce.. probably not)
Am I getting unsolicited BJ's? Nope. Wife has a hangup with oral. Work to do. But the path is clear, progress is being made, I didn't think it was fair or good karma, to take from the knowledge I've received here and not give back a little. I hope though, that my small successes in this area might be helpful to a future MRP'er.