709,179 posts

[FR] Taking what you want in the bedroom.

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May 22, 2018
50 upvotes

Some background for you. Married both in our 40's, well over 20 years. Almost to the "empty nest" phase. Been on the RP path for 1.5 years. Went Rambo early on, but self corrected. Once I realized this was the long game, I settled in and just tried to make progress every day.

6'4 220 BP 265, DL 300, OHP 135 (had shoulder surgery) visible abs. I've been lifting on and off for years. But 6 days a week now since the RP train has left the station. I can count on one hand the days I've missed. The Iron Temple is now part of my DNA.

One of the primary reasons I'm here is to create my slut.

My wife is beautiful, engaging, fun to be around, and a great mom. And yes, I'm familiar with wife googles. But she turns heads wherever she goes.

It took me a year and a half, but I'm now probably a point above her in SMV. This took work, and I was shit tested like crazy for the first six months. As my body changed, wardrobe changed, hair changed...for example: She never wanted me to grow a beard, "It's scratchy, I don't like 'em. If you want to kiss me you won't have a beard" etc, etc. About 4 months ago, I decided I looked good in a beard, wanted one, and now have one. But I digress..

I'm hoping that someone will read this in the future as they are trying to decide whether or not they can change their sexual situation in their marriage.

Yes. Yes you can. (well, you can change YOU)

The sidebar reading has been extremely helpful. And their is truth in all of it. However, I'm of the opinion that there were a few things that have helped me on my journey. Going to share a couple, then get on with the field report.

  • Her emotions are her problem.

For some reason, when I heard this, it totally resonated with me. What a blue pill pussy faggot I was... "honey why are you mad?" "are you ok?" "what can I do?" I can almost hear her drying up now when I repeat those lines in my head.

-AA This has been a HUGE success for me. I've always been good at verbal jousting, so I was set up for this one. Once I didn't care whether or not I "made her mad" it was game on. Again, her emotions are HER problem. Tons of fun, and has really helped lighten things up in our relationship, and have her see me as the cocky fun guy.

OYS - In every regard. This is my mantra. Clothes on the floor?, pick them up. Trash full? Empty it. All the shit that she WOULD have done if I left it long enough. And trust me gentlemen. You need not do any PR on this. She will notice, and frankly if she doesn't.. I really don't care. If I was single, I would empty the garbage before it was overflowing. Why is being married any different? This has been my hardest challenge. In the areas where I slacked, my wife filled the vacuum. So pulling some of these tasks back provoked a lot of questions. But I did it because it needed to be done, and I finally realized as a Man, my job is to take care of Shit.

Paying attention to what she does and not what she says-

"I hate guys that have big arms." Then two months later in bed, running her hands up and down your arms.. wow.. nice arms.. rock hard. (stupid me, I was listening to what she SAID for 20+ years)

At any rate, I wanted to bring her out of her sexual shell. Religious, conservative and boring in bed. And to be honest, the blue pill me was just lucky to get laid. So I didn't want to upset the apple cart. Frequency was good. 3 + times a week. But, it was a checklist item for her. Needed to be done so I wasn't butt hurt.

Several times we had "the talk" me saying "It's not the quantity, it's the quality, you just aren't into it"

Yup. Nothing like negotiating desire. Worked great.. sex was awesome after that (rolls eyes)

My wife has sighed and protested in the past when I've asked for different positions. "That hurts" " I don't like that one" "can't we just do it this way" on and on.

About 3-4 months ago, I was far enough in my journey and looking good enough naked that I thought it was time to start taking what I wanted, and just honestly not caring if she liked it or not.

Fast forward to the last month or so. Basically, there is no asking anything in bed anymore. It's ripping clothes off, going at it, moving her around (kind of roughly) placing her hands and legs where I want them. No asking. Doing.

I. CAN'T. FUCKING. BELIEVE. IT.

Each time I went further and further, I thought the comments would come, the loud sighs, the protests, the shit tests that I was going to have to push through... Nope. Just heavy breathing, nails digging in my back and enthusiastic participation, and a big smile when we were done.

Fellas. I have a long way to go here. But for me this was a benchmark. Taking charge in bed, and eliminating those past beta traits, and just doing it the way you want to do it. That's what they want, and more than that.. it's what they NEED. I haven't seen my wife this fulfilled sexually our entire marriage. If this will work with her, I PROMISE you it will work with you, no matter how repressed your wife is. (caveat being as long as your marriage is just in a lull, or sexually repressed, if you are on the verge of divorce.. probably not)

Am I getting unsolicited BJ's? Nope. Wife has a hangup with oral. Work to do. But the path is clear, progress is being made, I didn't think it was fair or good karma, to take from the knowledge I've received here and not give back a little. I hope though, that my small successes in this area might be helpful to a future MRP'er.


Post Information
Title [FR] Taking what you want in the bedroom.
Author throwaway5892145
Upvotes 50
Comments 33
Date 22 May 2018 09:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204458
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8ldljh/fr_taking_what_you_want_in_the_bedroom/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet17 points18 points  (9 children) | Copy

"Once I didn't care whether or not I "made her mad" it was game on."

Women use their emotions to try to control men, and they don't respect men they can control. This part is so fucking important it should be branded on new guys foreheads.

Good post.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

My wife used to beta shame me to death about “ always wanting sex” and “ it’s all you ever think about bla bla bla” and i would DEER... for years...

Pathetic.

They shame and beat betas down to ensure the beta husband can never attract another woman - because the life was beaten out of them and gave up- and also lock in their provider -resources- for the long haul.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Same thing here. It's so freeing when you accept that no one gives a fuck about you, so you just own yourself and don't apologize for anything. This song is a pretty good reflection of my current state of mind about how much I want to fuck. The more you care about them the less they care about you.

https://youtu.be/AlzgDVLtU6g

[–]Tebulus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is a crunchy tune.

[–]Batman_Or_BruceWayne0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

OP - this is gold. Long time lurker, but this is just want I needed to hear. Stay in the fight - it takes time.

Mr Chad Thundercock - I really struggle with the "you always want sex" and "normal people don't want sex as much as you do", etc. I've given up trying to DEER, and generally just respond like "Yes, I do! Hard not to with you walking around with that ass", or "good thing neither of us is normal then, eh?". But I feel it's not really working.

Advise from your experience in the best way to tackle those sorts of comments?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Those are good responses. Just AA them out the park. Also “what part of husband don’t you understand bitch -while pulling your dick out and swirling it around. Don’t stick around, keep moving. Don’t get into a debate whether or not the amount of sex is normal. It’s a beta trap. Of course it’s normal, you’re a man. Probably not high enough.

How far along are you? Once your SMV gets higher then hers, and you are killing it on all fronts, work, kids, house, and leading, have some nice passive dread kicking in, those comments will fade away. She’ll start rewarding you with sex- because she realizes that she needs to work to keep you- so you don’t fuck that hot younger woman at work. Also, dread will make her horny for you if she knows (hopefully sees) that other women are attracted to you.

Right now, she still doesn’t see you as high enough value to fuck you that much. You have a long history of being a faggot probably- like I was. It will take time.

Remember, those AA comments are for you! Not her. It’s not designed “to work” on her. Get out that mindset. It’s for you dude- so you don’t fall into DEERing and justifying your manhood and it’s also a FOG technique.

My wife was the queen of shaming me for sex, I’m telling you- increase your SMV , show her you can flirt with other women and talk to everyone , get a new clothes that fit, those comments will go away. I was in a dead bedroom for 10 years. Total transformation.

Are you Gaming her through the day? Accusing, teasing, cocky , funny? Kino? Read the sidebar,

How are you initiations? Weak , timid? Or do you pick her up and carry her to the room for pound town? Did you read mmslp? Sex needs to be the default. Not the other way around.

[–]Batman_Or_BruceWayne0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice and context man.

Remember, those AA comments are for you! Not her. It’s not designed “to work” on her. Get out that mindset. It’s for you dude- so you don’t fall into DEERing and justifying your manhood and it’s also a FOG technique.

This is something I'd missed previously. Thinking about it, I guess I've been expecting that I'll make some smart-ass comment and her attitude will change instantly and she'll giggle and think I'm suddenly awesome and irresistible. I need to change my mindset about this completely. Thanks.

As for how far along - I guess I'd say 6 months or so. Lost the password to my previous account, hence this one being 2 days old. So still learning and getting my mindset right. Trying to avoid the rambo and ease the ship around. Definitely fit the profile of most of the other guys that have ended up here - long history of faggotry. Progress so far:

  • Reading - finished NMMNG, MMSLP, Not Giving A Fuck. Started on Pook and MAP, half way through Bigger Leaner Stronger. Have gone through a lot of the old canon articles and learning as much as possible.
  • Lifting basic and light at home but making progress. After my last OYS, I was challenged to rethink my workout split and routine. No proud to say that I basically stopped working out till i could figure out "the best routine". I'm an idiot like that. Back on the horse now.
  • Martial arts twice a week. Grading again in a couple of weeks hopefully. Solid progress in that space.
  • Financially, I'm running my own business and going well. Heaps of potential for improvement here, and I'm working the plan to get there.
  • Building friendships with guys and doing stuff with them apart from my family.
  • Everything is pretty standard - nothing outstanding.
  • I think the fitness is where gains will make the biggest impact - I've always been skinny, so trying to build muscle for the first time in my life.

SMV is a funny thing. I have no idea how to rank it. I've always been tall and skinny, but I'm decently strong and low BF%. Certainly not beer belly and unable to do a pullup. Can't press my own weight though, which is sorta the entry level. Dress well, good clothes that fit, reliable haircut and beard trimming, etc. But I wouldn't rate myself highly. I see all these dudes rating themselves an 8, for instance, and all I can think is "man, we've got a lot of Ryan Reynolds in here". If pushed, I'd probably give myself a 5.

No doubt about it though, my SMV outstrips my wife's. But she's got the better attitude about it. I suspect that it's a smokescreen though. She's overweight, knows it, suffers from various health issues due to the weight, etc. Hates how she looks, hates that nothing fits properly, hates that she's constantly tired and can't sleep properly, hates going out because she's afraid that people will judge her, etc. But at the same time, can't put down the chocolate or icecream on the couch at the end of the day. I don't think this is just laziness or ignorance, I believe she feels trapped - she hates the way she is, but believes that she's powerless to change it. I'm trying to walk a fine line with building my own fitness whilst holding my hand out for her to join me if and when she chooses. But I might just be hamstering.

Not gaming her enough, honestly. Not enough kino. Got to remember - txt is for logistics only. Not enough attention of an evening, tbh. Content to let her sit on the couch while I do some more work or read. Need to pick that up. Need to start being fun.

Initiations are weak AF. Sick of getting constantly shot down, or best case duty sex, so got myself into a "don't bother" attitude. Need to start initiating regularly and asking for things other than sex. Have started more with the "just do, not ask" during sex, but getting started is still a problem.

Need to lift more. Need to keep reading. Need to get back into posting OYS.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

“I've always been tall and skinny,”

Do strong lifts and gonad. Put on some pounds and gain strength. It fucking works.

Is she dtf during the week?

[–]Batman_Or_BruceWayne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do need to get stronger. Case in point last night, working some BJJ sweeps. I struggled against the bigger opponents, where the smaller-but-stronger guys could get the force on they needed.

re: dtf - yes and no. No to two days in a row - "too sore", "too tired". When pressured, will usually go through with it and I believe she enjoys it when it's happening, just no motivation to get there. Not enthusiastic, but not unengaged/starfish either. That stopped after I stopped accepting it - amazing what that will do.

Will focus on the lifting as a priority.

[–]DeplorableRay3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I could have wrote this. 100% accurate.

[–]DJiamuzak0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Me too.

[–]mywifeisunicorn2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dominating them females is what they've always wanted. I "asked" my wife for anal tonight and she said no. After I made her cum twice vaginally I turned her over and pounded the shit outta her asshole. She squeezed her asscheeks together and said ima make you cum with my ass daddy. It helps if she's immersed and turned on before you just do things though. Shows that their logical thinking vs in the moment thinking are 2 different things.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome post.

[–]oneredguy0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Awesome. I can think of stupid shit to nitpick from my armchair quarterback but omfg. Move into the house next to me bro. Cause you've got this.

Out of curiosity what woke you up?

Now keep going. Until she's finally on her knees, mouth open, and happy. Funny that. We not only make our lives amazing, but we make women happy. Finally. By ignoring everything they say lololol

[–]throwaway5892145[S] 7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy

What woke me up?

I woke up one morning about a year and a half ago and thought... “is this as good as it gets? Mediocre sex a couple times a week. No passion?

Started googling around ended up on mrp, and started reading till my eyes bled.

The thought that was niggling at me and wouldn’t go away was “she'll be that slut for someone” I wanted it to be me.

But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about what she would or wouldn’t do for me, or frankly if she would change at all. It became irrelevant. I was determined to be the most kick ass version of myself possible.

The very minute I stopped caring what she or anyone else thought, is the minute the tide turned, and progress began.

I think that’s why I’ve been so passionate about lifting. It’s progress I can take with me to tomorrow. I can build on it. Plus, it’s for me......

Long answer to a short question.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm only 6 months into the long journey and it's story's like this that keep me motivated. Thanks for sharing and well done on turning it around.

[–]Cam_Winston210 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I think that’s why I’ve been so passionate about lifting.

Love your FR, but be wary of the 6/week pace. You're going Rambo in the weight room, my friend. I get it, but unless you're on gear, that's extremely aggressive.

Keep improving, but my more than 20 yrs experience is saying "keep an eye out for any hints." Trust me, you don't want to wake up with a strain/tendonitis and be shelved for weeks.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

6 days a week is fine as long as they aren't all ball-busting weight sessions. If they are, that's begging for an ACL, slipped disk, etc. at mid-40s.

Make 3-4 of them ball-busting weight sessions and then deload every 4-5 weeks for a week straight. On the other 2-3 sessions a week, focus on cardio, flexibility, stretching, foam rolling, core, etc. Don't avoid the gym just because you need to take a light day. Keep it a part of the routine.

[–]Cam_Winston210 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OP said:

I've been lifting on and off for years. But 6 days a week now since the RP train has left the station. I can count on one hand the days I've missed. The Iron Temple is now part of my DNA.

So I'm assuming they're lifting days, thus my note of caution.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If he's on gear and HGH, it's probably fine. If not, he's begging for a massive setback.

[–]throwaway5892145[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I worked up to this, and it works for me. It's a full body split, twice a week. But I change it up. So on one of the chest days, it's a "heavy" day. The other chest day is flys, and lighter weights and higher reps on the presses. The same for the other muscle groups. I've learned what I can and can't do.

Trust me, injury is the LAST thing I want. But for my personality, missing a day is an invitation to miss two days.

[–]CaptainJackSorrow0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I bet the increase in testosterone made the biggest difference in your relationship. I know it did in mine. I don't get unsolicited blow jobs either. I went the first four years of my relationship getting exactly 4 blowjobs. I've easily had 100 in the last year. I grab her hair, push her head down, whatever it takes and she LOVES it. For some women, I think they feel a shame if it's their idea, but they enjoy doing it off it's your idea.

[–]throwaway5892145[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

how/when did this change? This has been and will continue to be a hurdle for me in our relationship. I get maybe 1-2 a year. Special occasion, half assed blowjobs.

She has verbally said "I think oral is disgusting, etc etc" And her physical cues indicate that she doesn't like it.

That's on my hit list for Q3 and Q4 of 2018. Now that sex is where I want it (for the most part) it's time to tackle this blowjob situation head on (pun intended).

Suggestions?

[–]CaptainJackSorrow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She would tell anyone and everyone "I don't suck dick. " As my testosterone/confidence/SMV all peaked, it all changed as part of me taking what I want and not asking permission. She never swallowed before, but she does every time now. She likes it rough too, thrusting into her mouth and bouncing her head off the wall is her favorite. When she's shit testing me, I tell her she needs some "medicine," and she's on her knees. I would advise as you start to get more "caveman" in your sex, that pushing her head down or pulling her by the hair down will give you surprising results. As with all this RP stuff, you'll probably find that everything society has told is just flat out wrong.

[–]throwaway5892145[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Rather important.. and I forgot to mention. I DID run a 14 week cycle of test C. 500mg. First time ever. That helped. But, my cycle ended about 6 weeks ago. Lifts have settled back down a little. For sure don't feel as aggressive with the weights.

Key is just paying attention to your body and how you are feeling. Should feels funny? Back off, skip a week with it, or lower the weights/reps.

Not rocket science.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OUTfuckingSTANDING!

You should be this months poster boy for MRP, and I’d personally nominate you for MRP man of the quarter.

If you want to test your OI, mental point of origin, and where you truly stand on on covert contracts, just ask. You can PM me if you like.

But all in all, it sounds like it’s working for you, mostly because YOU are working IT.

Congratulations.

[–]Steve_rebooting0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's cringe worthy when you look back at your old ways. I am much earlier in my path than you but I've had similar results

Sex went from 'negotiating' positions and asking for things I wanted (and never getting them) to now just taking what I want. I tell her, or move her, how i want and she is CLEARLY loving it. I can also confirm the benefits of some muscular arms during sex.

I think the hardest part is the time required for the changes to take place. You read the sidebar, open your eyes, start to implement, but the results are slow to actualize. Similar to building muscle, it just takes time to see the results regardless of how hard you work at it.

[–]throwaway5892145[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Once you realize that it's a building process it helps. Just make sure that each day is better than the last one, no matter how small the improvement. It builds.

I'm sure everyone has heard this old saying. "If you want something you've never had, you are going to have to do things you've never done" I have it on the wall in my home gym. I love it. I live it. Not only lifting, but in my life.

Yeah, sometimes I want to go in the theater room and plug in the xbox. It's hard taking care of stuff around the house. It's hard being "on" around the wife all the time and making sure the cracks don't show. But for me, it's worth it. I'm proud of my self control. It ALL takes time. Lifting, diet, changing how I interact with my wife.

Trust me, if this were easy, everyone would be doing it, and "how do I get my wife to want to have sex with me" wouldn't auto populate on your google search bar.

The good news is.. the majority of men are lazy faggots. So it doesn't take long to become the "cream of the crap"

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She never wanted me to grow a beard, "It's scratchy, I don't like 'em. If you want to kiss me you won't have a beard" etc, etc. About 4 months ago, I decided I looked good in a beard, wanted one, and now have one. But I digress...

You mean you didn't write at least 3 posts about this event and the followup shit tests on askMRP ?

Son I am disappoint... :)

Honestly, great FR. Similarities with my situation, but you've clearly been at it about a year more than I have. Encouraging to someone who found MRP at 40 and went Rambo early like me.

good post.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Remember to think of sex as a sign of progress vs. a source of validation (looks like you are doing it right). ABP - always be progressing.

I have been married almost 18yrs. Marriage is still rocky for a lot of reasons, but MRP is making me a better man.

The wife has commented on my abs (just peeking out), my ass (thanks DL's) and one night said that my shoulders looked like those from a Roman statue (WTF?). Prior to MRP BJ's had pretty much come to a stop or were only for the shitty b-day bj ( and that was fucking rare, can count those on one hand). Well, for the first time the wife blew me to completion a couple of weeks ago - because she fucking wanted to. I was totally shocked. Either she will or she won't. But she will for the right feelz.

Keep up.the good work.

[–]tmh88mrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This made me really happy. Well done.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I toast you with this fine whisky in my Norlan glass.

Excellent progress and report!

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And for the record, if I’m going to savor a smooth, expensive whisky, part of the experience is having a glass to sip it in.



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