It all started in 2012,
(yes, I said 2012 you sorry faggots, keep reading).
--I got a very athletic dog, and I couldn’t keep up with him, even after a 5 mile walk he would be bored/still have energy, and my ass was wiped out. So I got a bike to wear him out. I forgotten how much I liked mountain biking, and my trainer said it would be a good way to lose some weight.
So off I rode, both without the dog and on the street, I put 1000 miles on that bike in 9 months, enjoyed the hell out of it, got me out of the house, and ‘active’. Now here’s the funny thing, in that nine months I lost a grand total of -1 lbs, yep that’s right cleaned up my diet and rode 1000 miles and gain 1 lb of weight,249 lbs, at 5’10”. But my trainer said, “don’t worry about it, you just in your late 30’s its ok, your body is 23 anymore”.
--So for the next 3 years I rode my bike 2 to 3 times a week (even got a custom bike) and rode the hell out of it enjoying my time and turning a wrench when things broke, but the stress of life kept creeping in. I kept having terrible stomach pains, at first thinking it was diverticulitis, I’d just kept working through the pain like my trainer said too. Well turns out it was kidney stones and gallstones. Ah don’t worry about it, pain is just means you’re getting stronger right, I mean my trainer said you can work this out with diet and exercise.
--Finally in 2015, stress caught up with me and I had to have my gallbladder pulled. The pain went away and I could eat again, which my trainer said was great, so keep eating, so I did. My trainer said don’t worry about the weight, you are just ‘big boned’, I bet if you got a DEXA scan it will show that you’re a mutant with huge bones.
Well, he was right, I had big, dense bones (z score of 2.5!) and my weight finally maxed out in December 2015, 262 lbs, 42% body fat…and I'm 5'10".
Yes, I was carrying around 110 lbs of fat on my body…Shit.
--About this time I discovered the red pill, and well, that’s another story for another day. So I got the free weights out of the attic and starting lift in February 2016 on the back porch using the Starting Strength app.
I hadn’t lifted free weights with purpose since 1997… Shit, that iron was heavy, I couldn’t walk or scratch my ass after the first day.
• Squats = 115 lbs,
• OHP = 65lbs,
• Bench = 95lbs,
• DL = 95 lbs.
--After about 2 weeks I went to the GP, had some blood work done, Total T, 223, free T 0.2…Ah that’s alright my trainer said, you’ve applied at NASA you don’t want to add any meds to your life, you can get these numbers up naturally, and my GP agreed with my trainer. So I hit it hard for 1 month, 3 days a week religiously on the back porch.
--New T levels checked after a month, Total T 270, free T of 1.2. Hell yeah, said my trainer, you can do this.
Weights are coming up, had a free membership at a Globo gym from the insurance company so I took it. Continued on Starting Strength linear progression, knee’s, back and triceps hurting constantly. Trainer said keep it up don’t be a wuss you can do it, just work through the pain, so that’s what I did. Right up until the point where I almost fell with #315lbs on a squat set…
--I ignored the advice of my trainer to watch more videos on youtube, and decided to go see a powerlifting coach in May 2016 at the same time I move to a gym that has real iron in it, powerlifters, and strongmen to boot! I weighed 255 lbs,
• SQ 240lbs 240 3x5
• OHP 115 3x5
• BP 185 3x5
• DL 225 set of 5
Form got cleaned up on all 4 lifts and I started pushing myself, having my trainer crack the whip on me 3 days a week, T levels checked Total 289, free T, 2.5, see says, my trainer, it’s coming up naturally.
--October 2016 rolls around and I’m starting to stall on my linear progression, body weight is now down to 223 lbs (25% Body fat from Navy Calculator), and I’m falling asleep at my desk almost daily.
Lifts are good, but not where I want them.
• SQ 270lbs 3,4,3
• OHP 152.5lbs 4,3,3
• BP 232.5lbs 5,5,5
• DL 335 lbs set of 4
(partial weights coming from micro plates that I bought on amazon)
--I start with Garage Gym Warrior from Andy Baker, starting a new program testing my 1 RPM.
• SQ 300lbs
• OHP 177 lbs
• BP 252lbs
• DL 375 lbs
--After I fall asleep for 2.5 hrs at my desk mid-November 2016, wife makes serious suggestion to go see hormone doctor.
I had a full blood panel done. Well lookie there, my T levels are at 299 with a free T of 2.5, and a with a wrecked endocrine system/adrenal fatigue from caloric restriction and training with low T.
But my trainer said not to stop lifting so I didn’t, I kept at it, lowering the volume so I wouldn’t fall asleep at work, but that didn’t work, stilled crashed, daily.
It takes 4 months to get on HCG (dealing with a careful hormone doc and endocrinologist) in March 2017.
But now my brain starts working, fog is lifting, I’m only checking in with my trainer maybe once or twice a week now.
--I’m cooking with gas in May 2017, T-cyp, E2 blocker, and HCG. I’m finally tired of hearing my trainer saying “suck it up” when my right nut aches, all day, I go see a urologist. He tells me I have a twisted nut that keeps trying to cut the circulation off. My trainer says, skip the surgery, you’ll missing 6 weeks of training. I blow him off and go for surgery on my nut sack this summer.
--September 2017 I am finally finishing the 12 week program (after 9 months) of Garage Gym Warrior I test my maxes.
• SQ 380lbs 1 RPM
• OHP 205 lbs 1 RPM
• BP 315lbs 1 RPM
• DL 405 lbs 1 RPM - I was off this day, I listened to my trainer and he said to test this lift even with 3.5hrs of sleep - One of those all night shit tests, no frame...
I weigh 252 lbs, my body fat is back up to 27% by navy calculator, yes I’m a fat fuck, but I added 32 lbs of muscle in 19 months. But I don’t care right now, my MAP has me getting really fucking strong and that’s what I’m doing, fuck my trainer. I have a 18.5” neck now and a 49” chest. I know what it takes to get the weight off, and that’s what I’m doing at the end of this 12 week cycle.
So after almost 5 years, I finally fired my personal trainer.
Why did it take me so damn long? Because he’s a fucking idiot, and he’s my ego. And it takes a long time to quit listening to the bastard, the sooner you do the faster you will get where you actually need to be. So what is the fat captain doing this week (after a nasty head cold last week)?
This morning October 2017:
I weighed in at 264 lbs, (eating 4K calories a day and taking in Creatine, has added a lot of water weight)
• Squats: 4x5 @ 305lbs - A 190lb increase plus another set
• OHP 3x5 @ 155 lbs - A 90lb increase
• DL 3x5 @325 lbs - A 230 lb increase, with multiple sets
• Bench 4x5 @252 lbs will be my Wednesday's load. - A 157 lb increase, and another set
I went from being a weak ass bitch to the 1000lb club in 19 months, and most of that time with low T!
I added an extra rep on the end of the each of the last sets, just because I could.
What are my goals?
I want to Squat 405 lbs, deadlift 500lbs, do sets at 315lb on the bench and 225lbs on OHP.
It might take a while but I will get there.
So don’t make fucking excuses, I lifted with hardly any fucking T (that of a 85+ yr old man), and only the burning desire to get stronger and that’s what I did.
- Get your T checked,
- if your form sucks, get help,
- and for GOD SAKE don’t listen to your ego, he’s a fool!
Do You Even Lift? I do.
Two days after I wrote this, I was on the bench doing 4x5 @ 252lbs, standard workout, with good warm up mind you. Last rep, of the last set, something ‘popped’, dropped the weight from about 4 inches off my chest. I yelped and one of the guys got it off my chest. Wow, that shit hurt. Wonder what happened? Still had range of motion but it hurt like a mother.
So what happened? Best I can tell, I listened to my fucking ego, again. Our gym is pretty hard core, we are in the south and the gym is non-A/C’ed, so that morning I was slipping on the bench and my feet were slipping on the floor (think humidity/condensation), so instead of stopping to reset my form, I ‘pushed’ through the pain and TORE MY PECK TENDON RIGHT OFF THE BONE!
Off course thinking it was a ‘just’ a muscle belly tear I tried to work back up, but no dice, waited too long (about a month) to get it looked at and it took the Doc an extra hour in the OR to pull the muscle back into position. Now here I sit with a screwed up arm and a SLOW recovery, itching to get back to the gym, all because I listened to my fucking EGO, again.
Do you Even Lift? Shit, I can’t, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, and know when to fire your personal trainer/ego.