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Girlfriend's friend wants to visit and stay in the same room.

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May 3, 2018
11 upvotes

So my girlfriend and I are both in college. Last night she told me that a mutual friend of her and her roommates is planning to come over to our college from his to visit. So far so good. Then she asks me, "Are you okay if he stays in our room?". In my book, not good. I said fuck no that's not okay.

I asked her why he was coming, when, for how long, and what he was coming for. She told me he's here to see her roommate, who's a track athlete, run and hangout with them. The guy and the roommate are both from the same state and that's how they know each other. My girlfriend knows him because they worked together over the summer.

So I created an outline with his reasoning for coming and what I considered to be the facts. His reasoning can be summed up as: 1. Wants to hangout with my girlfriend and her roommate 2. Their good friends and that's just what good friends do 3. He has other mutual friends in the area he wants to visit.

Now here are the facts from what I asked her about him: 1. He's visiting during the week before his graduation (he's a senior at another college) 2. He's staying for 5 days 3. He's flying from one side of the country to the other. East to west. (which costs a lot of money and time). My friend s who study on the east cost never come home for spring break or thanksgiving because the trip is too short for the amount of money spent. 4. Plans to stay in the same room as my girlfriend and her roommate.

I told her that I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing and especially the part about him staying in the room with them for 5 days. I told her the facts don't add up and he has ulterior motives because no guy just flies all the way across the country just to "hang out".

I do trust my girlfriend and that's why today I told her that I'd be fine with him staying with them. Then she told me that she loves me and is willing to let him stay with me or another guy. I told her it's going to have to be another guy because I don't know their mutual friend like that. I don't trust his intentions at all and my gut tells me that something is off about this whole thing. I know that my girlfriends friends mean a lot to her and I don't want to drive a wedge in between. She also finds it important that I engage with and get along with her friends. To be fair, I've never had a problem with any of her guy friends before nor failed to get along with them. But with this guy, I want nothing to do with him at all. I don't want to see him, don't want to talk to him, and I certainly don't want to get to know him.

Just thought I'd rant here and get some outside perspective in case I'm just being unreasonable.

tldr; Girlfriend's friend wants to visit and stay in the same room as her and a roommate. I don't like the situation at all, but don't want to get in the way of her friendships.


Post Information
Title Girlfriend's friend wants to visit and stay in the same room.
Author jauzu
Upvotes 11
Comments 43
Date 03 May 2018 06:01 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204542
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8go7ea/girlfriends_friend_wants_to_visit_and_stay_in_the/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret48 points49 points  (6 children) | Copy

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

A social, confident, yet cautious man would offer to let the friend stay with him. This lets you be friendly and AMOG the situation yet keep an eye on it as well, rather than pouting off in the corner, which is unattractive.

Forbid it, or embrace it. Anything in between is weak.

Who knows, he may be a really cool guy who will become your friend.

[–]resolutions31610 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

this is the correct answer.

[–]ArticulateSavage12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't want to see him, don't want to talk to him, and I certainly don't want to get to know him.

OP doesn't want to. That's sufficient. All OP has to say is: "No girlfriend of mine sleeps in the same room as another man." Then, he must be prepared to enforce this to its maximum logical outcome. Having abundance and not being afraid for your turn to come to an end is the only way to live life as a man in this modern dystopian hellscape.

[–]resolutions3163 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is also true - I hadn’t seen his post.

Worth exploring, though, whether he’s acting out of fear. Not to say he doesn’t get to enforce his boundary and accept the consequences - he does.

But always a good thing to self explore and figure out whether “not wanting to” is covering up an underlying insecurity.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

whether he’s acting out of fear.

Of course he's acting out of fear.

"He can stay with me. No problem. I have a couch."

But let's recape

that's why today I told her that I'd be fine with him staying with them [1]. Then she told me that she loves me and is willing to let him stay with me or another guy [2]. I told her it's going to have to be another guy because I don't know their mutual friend like that [3]. I don't trust his intentions at all and my gut tells me that something is off about this whole thing. [4]

[1] - This is clearly a lie. Weak.

[2] - Girlfriend gave an out. So clearly she doesn't care if guy stays with them or not. Good sign.

[3] - More or less acceptable, but it defers responsibility back to the GF - which will probably default to guy staying in the room with GF because OP didn't figure it out better.

[4] - Might be wrong, might be right - but this level of judgment on some dude that OP's never met because he got butthurt that guy might stay in GF's room is weak.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

this is the correct answer.

This is madness.

FTFY.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Who knows, he may be a really cool guy who will become your friend.

Who knows, he may be a really cool guy who will give your gf the dicking that she wants.

FTFY.

[–]91dudeman12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hey man, I’m a noob so take my advice for what it is, but I’d say this is a hard boundary you need to enforce. Her having another dude stay with her is over the line in my book. That being said, don’t be a dick to the guy, but he’s not staying with her. Also don’t explain it to her with this ulterior motive stuff, just say no.

[–]ArticulateSavage2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the correct answer.

[–]toomanynames1998-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Put a secret camera in the room and buy your gf crotchless panties adn a see thru-bra. Now watch them fuck each other till their brain is dry.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or, just save the money and don't buy the underwear, and watch them fuck each other silly.

[–]resolutions31611 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

college? girlfriend? MRP?

yeah, I wouldn't post this shit in the main RP thread, either

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Maybe I'm old but this seems like much ado about nothing.

What's wrong with your bed? My girl in college stayed in my bed half the nights and I lived in an all male dorm.

I'm going to go against the grain here but you come off as needy and mate guarding. My girl in college had guy roommates. They despised him cause he was beta and slimey as fuck. College kids are poor. They couch surf. I can't tell you how many couches I slept on because we were in a strange town where a friend knew a kid from back home.

The real question is what makes you uneasy about your girl that you would be worried in the first place? She's a college girlfriend. I can tell you with high certainty you will not marry this chick. Sooner or later you'll break up and she'll go back on the cock carousel. My college girlfriend was a nasty skanky girl who did things that would make a truck driver blush, but one thing she wasn't was wife material. Deep down I knew that.

Have fun. Don't mate guard. Focus on your studies not stupid shit.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

What's wrong with your bed?

Not old, just seasoned. I have no idea why I had to scroll all the way down to find this.

She sleeps with him, the track girl sleeps with the friend. Everyone fucking wins.

[–]the_grizzlebee1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm in my early thirties and I have had to come to grips with the fact that one of my life's single biggest unfixable mistakes was staying in a LTR in college.

She's a college girlfriend. I can tell you with high certainty you will not marry this chick.

And if you do - in my experience, you will both change as people drastically as you push to your 30's. If you marry her early she may not be the same person you knew.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I dated her for 2 years. But I learned a few things and was lucky enough to figure it out my junior year. My GPA was probably worse for it, but at 45 it doesn't matter right?

My only regret is I wish I broke up with her sooner and that I fucked her sister when I had the chance instead of being 'honorable'.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your girlfriend was his backup in case track-chick didn't pan out.

Or not. But no need to trust if you don't tempt fate. Alcohol. A rainy night...flexible morals...putting her through the loyalty vs. faithfulness. Sidenote read /u/reddjive 's great "Trust" primer .

You win chance games through luck. Or eliminating negative odds. Become the house. You kick out card counters. You sick a cooler on someone who's hot at a table. Take luck out of the equation.

"No, I don't think it's appropriate ,he's more than welcome to crash on my couch." should have been your first response.

Since you hemmed and hawed about it, AND SHE EVEN PUT IT OUT THERE SUGGESTING IT AS AN OPTION

Then she told me that she loves me and is willing to let him stay with me or another guy.

Ie. she wants a clear conscience and for you to take control/lead in the relationship... this situation. Although how the "she's willing to" fits in...your words or hers?

You punted by having him stay elsewhere, and lost points for it being a suggestion, but what a missed opportunity to get a bead on this guy by having him in house.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bullshit. You about to get played..

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Give this man a cigar!

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need a read of the Laws of Power. Of course Mr former coworker wants to stay with your girlfriend. Of course he has ulterior motives.

“But we’re just friends”, she says. Right.

So is this your hard boundary that you are going to enforce, or will you cave? Also, how’s your abundance and attractiveness? Could you if necessary go out and get a new girlfriend quickly?

I’ll be straight with you. When I was dating my now wife, she didn’t do anything like this at all. She had the hots for me, and there was absolutely no disrespect. So when I see this stuff, it makes me question how much she respects you and your relationship.

You are concerned because some other alpha is making a move here which may or may not include your girl (hint it does), but I say to you, how is your SMV. Are you lifting? Looking hawt? Why aren’t you the alpha here.

Agree with man’s comment. Forbid it or embrace it. Don’t show weakness or butthurt.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

What would you do if this was an overt message instead of her covert one? What if she actually said to you: "You really arent worth me not putting myself in the opportunity to have a threesome."?

[–]drty_prRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Classic "watch what she does and not what she says"

[–]ArticulateSavage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I said fuck no that's not okay.

That's her answer. Done.

He's flying from one side of the country to the other. East to west. (which costs a lot of money and time).

How is this your problem? Are you obligated to cover the financial expenses of others?

I told her that I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing and especially the part about him staying in the room with them for 5 days. I told her the facts don't add up and he has ulterior motives because no guy just flies all the way across the country just to "hang out".

"No girlfriend of mine sleeps in the same room as another man." Say nothing else. Be prepared to enforce this to the max.

I don't trust his intentions at all and my gut tells me that something is off about this whole thing.

Trust your gut, brother. It is an evolutionarily adapted system wherein your subconscious alerts your conscious intelligence to the presence of a potential interloper. Trust your instincts.

Just thought I'd rant here and get some outside perspective in case I'm just being unreasonable.

You're being perfectly reasonable. Trust your instincts; they are sound.

[–]the_grizzlebee1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I might have missed some context, but why can't he sleep on the couch? Is it a dorm room...?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You don't really now. All men have an issue.

We think about things. We are planners and executors. We tend to think and think until we brood and then what we think becomes real.

So what if this dude has ulterior motives. It's not him you have to be worried about. Red Pill already tells us that women have beta orbiters. It's a fact. Now many of younger men that can't think beyond thier dicks thinks its a competition of beating out the betas and that, as an alpha, if you didn't then you really must have been beta in teh first place.

Not true. Betas get fucked. Women willingly choose them for a variety of reasons. Maybe they were an alpha widow, maybe they had an Alpha and didn't know how to deal with him...so they left. The list can go on but the one point here is that women have agency as well.

/u/UEMMcGill simply said don't mate guard. If she want's to cheat on you she is going to. She didn't need a dude to come across the country to do it. If you are the man you think you are then she leaving you or not isn't going to make a difference.

Rather it is your own self respect, core values and terms you live by.

  1. If she flakes, move on.

  2. If she's not responding, doesn't show interest. You've moved on.

  3. If she sleeps with the due...it's over. you've moved on.

So it's not about you looking for bad signs.

It's about you knowing what you want and what boundaries you have and to follow them. That way, no one controls you. You will have greater impact in your life and world when you demonstrate the ability to move on. Many people will expect you collapse. OMG she left you.

Oh well. Bound to happen. Sucks but...you've moved on.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So what if this dude has ulterior motives. It's not him you have to be worried about. Red Pill already tells us that women have beta orbiters. It's a fact.

Yes, but, most women don't let their beta orbiters sleep with them.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

until they do.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd give you a point, but, my page is fucked up.

[–]binrobinro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"no guy just flies all the way across the country just to "hang out."

Uh...yes they do.

[–]Cloudsurf891 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some good advice on here. Monitoring thread out of interest to see how it pans out.

I'd agree with "embrace it or reject it - nothing in between"

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I asked her why he was coming, when, for how long, and what he was coming for

why care? What possible answer will change your mind?

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is a deliberate and calculated shit test. Beware of failing, or passing.

First do you have a pic of this "friend?"

If he is Chad then only one thing is certain, your GF has banged this guy and is trying to set it up so she can bang him again.

If he is Billy Beta then he is probably an orbiter. If you show jealousy then you become Beta by the transitive property.

Second, surely there are other options than a male friend staying in the room with you and the GF?

Is there a couch in your flat? Does this suggested room for her and a "friend" to stay have a lock? Just how much alone time is this happy couple going to have? And will she make you sit in the corner crying while you film the anal, oral, and vaginal destruction of your GF in a porn movie?

My answer would be 'fuck no, he can sleep on the couch.' I would also seriously consider putting a camera in the bedroom so you can jerk off to the festivities that went on while you were gone for a couple hours. Don't let her know. Don't tell her how you found out if the camera shows what I think it will. Don't tell her if the camera reveals nothing.

[–]Senor_Martillo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus. Calling this guy a sniveling faggot is an insult to actual homosexuals. I know this dude Josh who was an officer in the navy, queer as a 3 dollar bill, but was still a fuckin man.

Hey op, did you ever think of having YOUR GIRLFRIEND STAY WITH YOU?!!!

probably not, because that would interrupt the train of leather bears you're gonna be having run on your blown out asshole.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

  1. She planned to have a dude stay with her.

  2. She had the balls to ask you about it. "Oh, btw, is it OK if Big Rod comes and spends the night with me? I'm sure you won't mind, you're such a sweetie! See you next week! Love ya!" To Big Rod: "yeah, baby! harder! harder! What boyfriend??? You're the only one that I want to come on my face..." etc..

Then she told me that she loves me and is willing to let him stay with me or another guy.

Something is wrong with the way she said this. Should have been something more accommodating to your feelings, rather than "I'll fob him off on you", which you normally should reject, since he isn't your homie...something just isn't right. She gave you choices on what you should be happy with. Can't quite define it...

I don't like the situation at all, but don't want to get in the way of her friendships.

...said all Cucks, everywhere.

I do trust my girlfriend and that's why today I told her that I'd be fine with him staying with them.

...said all Cucks, everywhere.

As long as you are setting up a plan for when they fuck, all is good.

Start looking for her replacement. Downgrade her without her knowing, since she's playing the whore. She will soon be dropping you, anyway, so, better to prepare now.

[–]HelloImRIGHT0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Idk bout yall but If I gotta enforce boundaries so my girl doesnt sleep with another dude theres something else going on.

Of course he's got ulterior motives.

The more I work on myself and continue to better myself, the less I care about what she does. The more I care about what she does, the more of a bitch I feel like, and she's not attracted to that. If you gotta enforce boundaries so she doesnt cheat does that mean she cheats if you don't enforce those boundaries?

Idk, I'm not a fan of telling my girl what to do. Im a fan of being confident and letting that do the work. Imagine she says he's coming over and you say cool. There goes her hamster, why doesnt he care if another guy is coming over? Also, by this point she should already know she's losing you if she fucks around.

downvote if you want if you actively try n keep ur girl from other dudes youre a bitch and insecure.

[–]BasketCase5590 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hello you're right

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

so just about every faggot here has recommended mate guarding

wow

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Not sure which faggot you are specifically referring to, but there is a difference between mate guarding and demanding respectful behavior, which might include not cohabiting with other men.

OP is mate-guarding, but not allowing her to have a guy sleep with her isn't necessarily that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

there is a difference between mate guarding and demanding respectful behavior

whatever words you gotta use man

most of it looks like mate guarding to me

you either live in your own frame or you live in hers. everything else is hamstering

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not sure if you are arguing or agreeing...

There is a spectrum of acceptable behavior that she can do with other men, and that is unique to each man, there is no wrong answer. Examples include:

Texting chad
Eating lunch with chad
Eating dinner with chad
Sleeping in the same room with chad
Going out drinking with chad
etc.

Every man can have different boundaries that aren't mate guarding, but are instead demanding respectful behavior from his wife. Having my wife alone on a dinner date with another man is disrespectful to me, not because I'm afraid of branch swinging, but because that doesn't fit within my assessment of what is acceptable for a married wife to do. If she wants to leave that's fine by me, I'll help pack the car.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Every man can have different boundaries that aren't mate guarding,

if you have a boundary then you have to spend mental energy enforcing it. that puts you in her frame. it's mate guarding plain and simple

she should be keeping tabs on you, not the other way around

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What the fuck are you talking about? Are you high? It is your job to lead her in all aspects. She can't observe boundaries if you're an autistic fuck who won't let her know what they are.

I'm done wasting my time, go read the fucking side bar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

testy

guess i hit a nerve



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