Took the pill a year ago. Because of a beta bucks sexless marriage.
The pill brought to the surface deep problems in the marriage. Recently divorced after a roller coaster of up and down of emotions and good and bad circumstances.
My family is important to me, so once I stabilize emotionally I plan on going into monk mode. Without doing so, there’s no chance of creating desire from my ex to fix things. I know she loves me and wants our family. I was just so emotionally invested in our family that the separation and divorce wrecked me. Brought me back to zero. And I have become undesireable. She’s got some really biting shit tests and it takes everything in me to just stay silent or hold frame for 30 minutes with her.
My guess is it’ll be a two year endeavor.
Two questions. One short term, one long term.
Short term: I can’t stop crying like a little bitch when I’m around her or the kids, particularly on the day we switch custody(we have 50/50). I hold frame decently. And don’t let my emotions come out and show anger or beta neediness. (Occasionally I’ll stoically say, I want our family back). But it’s like a body reaction that I can’t stop. I don’t blubber or look down dejectedly. I keep my posture and stoic face, but they just flow. Any thoughts or advice?
Long term: I’m not clear on how to jump start monk mode. I have passive income that allows me to not work. I want to work and invest and focus on money because I enjoy it. But when I’m alone I’m a wreck still. I enjoy writing so I’ve been finding some dopamine hits from answering younger guys on ASKTRP. Prob need to master that then find a new hobby to master. Prob need to just think one day at a time. Prob need to fake it til I make it and find positive feedback loops. Any thoughts on things to tell myself or a mindset to have?