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Take the Wife Back?

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April 3, 2018
17 upvotes

Experienced guys, have you taken your wife back after you’ve turned yourself around and she’s realized what she’s missing?

 

BACKGROUND

Forty years old, married fifteen years to a forty-four year old, separated and living in a new house for one year. Three kids, age 8, 9, and 12. 50/50 custody, minimal child support payments from me to her, and no spousal support. Amicable separation, with the exception of her losing her mind because I was able to move on so easily.

Issues that led to the breakdown: I didn’t do enough for her - converse, text, renovate, share emotions, take care of the house, I was controlling with the finances, etc. She said that her "needs" weren’t being met so she didn’t want to have sex with me, although she forced herself to in a few instances of transactional sex. She thought that all her other good qualities should compensate for the lack of sex. For me, the only issue was sex. She’s a great mom and a great wife otherwise - or so I was supposed to think. It was the standard, “Everything was great except the sex”.

That was the supposed narrative that explains why our marriage broke down, but we all know the real reason - me. I would say that I most closely resembled the Captain and the Constantly Complaining Passenger in Jack10’s post here

I’ve lurked here for a couple of years and read most of the sidebar including Rollo, Glover, Greene, TFA, and Deida. The most significant exclusion would be WISNIFG, but that was and is the least needed. I’m still very much a work in progress but I’m doing what needs to be done.

I began swallowing the pill and turning myself around during the final two years of our marriage but it was too late. She told me she was done working on our issues and to move on. So my choices were:

1.Stay and continue working on myself for the sake of the kids and our finances, with no reasonable expectation of a positive change on her part.

2.Find someone on the side and have the best of both worlds. This option is generally not for me.

3.Leave and rebuild my life.

So I told myself to stop being a pussy and to leave. A call to arms if you will. I did that and haven’t looked back until now.

 

PHYSICAL

Lifting and BJJ have been staples for years, so it’s a non-issue. The new girlfriend said I look like Thor the first time we fucked.

 

FINANCES

Secure job with a steady salary of just over $100k/year. No debt other than a mortgage.

 

SOCIAL

Introverted with a small group of close friends. Socially competent, funny but not witty, able to hold an intelligent conversation, but not the life of the party. I’m always trying to improve here but generally I’m confident and comfortable with this part of me. I really don’t give a fuck if someone in my life happens to think I’m too reserved or not outgoing enough.

I’m open to feedback here though, as my sociability has been the second-most area of improvement needed - next to frame. In the experience of the experienced guys here, at what point does improvement in this area cross over into trying too hard to be someone you’re not? Especially as a forty year old guy who mostly has his shit together and mostly doesn’t GAF.

 

FRAME

This will lead into the issue at hand and the question I have. During the dying gasps of my marriage I learned about frame on an intellectual level. I understood the concept but never actually operated in my own frame, try as I might. The same could be said for almost all of the RP concepts that I knew of and tried to apply. Really I was just a pussy but that doesn’t matter now.

I chose not to get with another girl while I was still technically with my wife. That’s just me though, I get why guys do. But during the time that we were drawing up our separation agreement I met a girl and said fuck it, let’s give this RP thing a shot on a blank slate. Fake it till you make it. I didn’t even know how to fuck anymore, but the Sex God Method seemed like a good approach.

From day one with her I pretended that I was alpha AF even though I wasn’t. Passed her shit tests with flying colours and revelled in her textbook emotions. It was and is glorious to see every single RP concept proven firsthand, even though it’s a sample size of one. She says I’m the best sex she’s ever had. I say this without ego - at first this was a huge ego boost because of what I’d been through, but now I see the reality that it simply comes down to attraction in an RP sense.

I’d like to think that the changes in myself over the past year was all me and my inner strength. But realistically that first period had a lot to do with her and her willingness to let me lead - almost as though she’s RP aware. I say that as fact. She is not on a pedestal and I don’t think she ever was. And that’s the thing, because of that experience of faking it till I made it, I’m not faking it anymore (obligatory disclaimer: at least mostly - obviously I still have a ways to go). Now I know I can be single if I choose, I know how to get my shit together and keep it together, and I know that I don’t need to depend on anyone except myself. I give her credit where it’s due, but now it’s all me. It’s been an interesting transformation.

Although not necessary, here’s a bit about her for context. If some of these points seem pedestally, oh well. It’s part of my evaluation of who and what brings value to my life. For the sake of what will ultimately be my question, let’s assume that I don’t have oneitis.

•She’s thirty-two years old with a nine year old daughter. Yep, I have no illusions about where she sits within the feminine imperative. And yep, as the ex-wife says, there’s the obvious suggestion that she’s looking for a dad for her kid. I’m aware.

•Salary is slightly higher than mine.

•For the first few months I told her that I’m in no place for a relationship. She said that’s fine, she’s happy doing what we’re doing. A year later and we’re still together. The boys bust my balls about it, but I’ve been living the past year with the mindset of doing whatever the fuck I want, and here I am.

•She seems to implicitly understand RP concepts, almost as if she’s read everything on MRP. For example, when I DEER she tells me that I don’t need to explain myself to her. She says that today’s society has emasculated men and that although she’s self-sufficient, she likes the idea of being led by a real man.

 

THE PROBLEM

Here’s the issue. Now that I’m making myself who I need to be, my ex-wife has taken notice and regrets her decision to end it. She wants me back. She sees what I’ve done for myself and says that I was right all along when I said that if the sex fell into place then so would everything else.

To be clear, I now understand that it wasn’t necessarily her or the sex, it was me. Regardless, she says she now appreciates and values me in ways she didn’t before, and she wants me more than she ever did. All of this would have been a non-issue for me, except for one fly in the ointment. Because of her newfound attraction to me and my own curiosity, we’ve fucked twice since Christmas, and both times she lost control like she never has before. Essentially she was the slut that I always wanted her to be.

Now, I’m not hung up on the sex itself because I know now that generally, sex can be readily available if I want it. In fact, now that I’m typing this I realize that I probably didn’t need to get into the girlfriend narrative at all. Whatever happens with her happens and I’ll be fine either way. But I’m gonna leave it in as a stream of consciousness exercise.

The issue here is that my wife wants me back and she wants to fuck me too. I’ve learned that I truly don’t need her, nor do I need any woman. But my dilemma is whether I owe it to her and the kids to give it another shot. They didn’t get the best of me when we were together, so now that I’m getting my shit together part of me thinks that I owe it to my family to try again. The kids are happier now and I'm a better father than I've ever been, but part of everyone's misery before was my drunkenness at the helm. That’s what I wrestle with. Obviously no one can answer that except me, and I’m certainly not asking anyone here for the answer, but I am asking whether anyone has had a similar experience and how you resolved it. I like to evaluate things with information from multiple sources, and my old man and my buddies don’t have the particular perspective found here.

That was a lot longer than I expected but if nothing else, it was an enjoyable exercise in self-reflection.

 

EDIT:

Alright, every response here has validated my feelings, so thanks.

 

In all seriousness though, this is probably close to the truth. As much as I like to think that I'm an RP guy now, it's a good reminder that I'm not there. Otherwise I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Back to fakin' it.


Post Information
Title Take the Wife Back?
Author mosteverythingisgrey
Upvotes 17
Comments 63
Date 03 April 2018 10:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204659
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/89jdhr/take_the_wife_back/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
WISNIFGRolloDEERalphaframeshit testliftpedestalfeminine imperativeclose
Comments

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret26 points27 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'll admit that I read your post. Then regretted it.

Do some real work.

Here's your answer.

Rooting Through The Garbage

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Ha. And this is exactly why I came here - good response. As I said, still work to do.

[–]SeamusAwl8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You no longer excited her. She gave up on waiting for you to excite her and wanted to find someone who could. Either she couldnt find one or the reality of her affair partner hit her, toss in the improvements you have made and she thinks she can just come back.

I repeat. She gave up on you to with or find someone better. Do you really want someone that so easily and negatively impacted your children because she gave up on your marriage and family?

[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Rooting through the garbage is sidebar 101

Don’t do it

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yep, I’ve read that and I’ve read all about the feminine imperative. Yet here I am still asking the question. I think bacon_deadlifts nailed it when he said I’m operating in the FI without even realizing it. This is a good kick in the ass.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s common for guys to root through the garbage even with the knowledge of the hazards. Just remember, you both closed the door on it, and opening it back up is opening up a can of worms . It may take a while, but it’s always the same outcome.

Don’t eat yesterday’s dinner. It will make you sick.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The OP's risk adverse. Clear scarcity mindset giveaway.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret26 points27 points  (16 children) | Copy

Let me bullet point this for you; this is what I would do were I in your situation:

  1. don't take the wife back. She's a plate at best, now.
  2. don't wife up the girlfriend
  3. don't move in with the girlfriend
  4. don't move the girlfriend in with you
  5. don't get to emotionally-attached to the kid.
  6. When the current girlfriend ends up not panning out, your goals are as follows if you want a girlfriend:
  • not post wall: 23-27 range
  • no kids
  • nearby to you
  • has no red flags (good luck)
  • does not pressure you for a "lock down" or a move-in

Red flags include (but are not limited to):

  • party/club/bar on the reg: demonstrates a constant look out for new dick.
  • party/club/bar in the middle of the week: demonstrates a deep thirst for new dick
  • excessive drinking/substance use: demonstrates a lack of self-control
  • has "guy friends". Especially if she has more than girlfriends. More especially if she has fucked them already.: means she doesn't get along with other girls which usually means she's the "bitch" instead of all of the other ones. Also means she likes to keep guys in reserve for validation, orbiting, and stand-by dick.
  • Has a poor relationship with her father: means she likely lacks boundaries and doesn't understand the male-female/dominant-submissive role; she won't see you as a leader. She may also have seen mom have a rotating door of guys so she will model her life on that.
  • likes to travel a lot: code for "I like to have foreign dick."
  • Claims "I don't do <insert sexual act> anymore": the classic whore who fucks like a prude
  • Mentions she was raped: will result in mental instability if she really was, or that she likes to claim victim-hood if she wasn't.
  • mentions she was sexually assaulted but didn't contact the police: again... victimhood complex.

Do not move in with any woman unless you plan on having kids with her or plan on getting married. If you plan on getting married, don't involve the state. There is a reason we don't move in with women:

When we have a committed relationship with a woman, she feels security. When you move in, she feels more security. When you marry her, there is even more security. The problem with too much security is that more security = less dread. When she can see, hear, touch, talk to you at all times of the day, she has nothing to worry about with you. No worry means no jealousy. No jealousy means no emotional highs and lows. No emotional roller coaster means no 'gina tingles and thus, boredom. Boredom means shit tests and wandering eyes. Wandering eyes means unscratched itches. Suddenly her vagina follows her eyes to the next branch.

Because you are married and living together, this process takes years to come to a head... meanwhile both of you are so committed to "making it work" you convince yourselves that sometimes relationships are hard. eventually you breakup with all this bullshit and assets to worry about (but you know this already.)

However, if you aren't living together, the scenario goes as such: You have been spending nights at hers and she has been spending nights at yours. One night she says:

HER: Maybe we should move in together.

YOU: I don't live with women I'm not married to.

HER: Well when is that going to happen?

YOU: When I feel I'm ready.

At this point, she either accepts it and is content or she doesn't like it and decides she better find a guy who is ready before she hits the wall. Being as she's 23-27 years old, she has some time, so if she wants to leave, she does so without feeling under pressure and she leaves somewhat happy. If she's post wall, she feels panicked and now you are dealing with a crazy woman who blames you for wasting her time. You will not understand or believe (or maybe you do) how many women feel they are entitled to marriage simply for being a woman who is 30 years old.

So, to summarize:

  • Do not take the wife back
  • Do not move in with the GF
  • Do not marry the GF

[–]pridebrah1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Mentions she was raped, mentions she was sexually assaulted but didn't contact the police

Man that is hard to find a chick without these. Every chick has a rape story.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women have a top 20% too

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Great advice. Of all those red flags, the only two two that apply to the present girlfriend are that she’s post wall with a kid. Although those weren’t technically in the red flag list. I’ve told her that I won’t marry again and even after a year of dating I’m still telling her that I won’t be ready to move past what we have now for a long time, if ever. She says she’s fine with that and is just enjoying every minute she gets to spend with me. Says she’s never dated a “real man” until now. Which leads me to another point.

I’m seeing all these great qualities in her that add value (fucks me like an Olympian, makes me sandwiches, lets me cry on her shoulder, etc.). But when I read this sub, I see that guys who talk about how awesome their girl is can be called out for oneitis. And that’s great, it’s the purpose of the sub to keep each other in check, but it also raises a question - when a girl is exhibiting great RP type qualities that truly add value, what do guys need to watch out for to make sure it doesn’t transition into oneitis? Is it just a matter of keeping an abundance mentality and doing whatever I want? In my case I’m not interested in multiple plates at the moment. I’m having fun with the current girl and if I ended it with her then I’d keep focusing on kids, work, etc. until I decided otherwise.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

lets me cry on her shoulder

it's a trap. this completely invalidates:

She says she’s fine with that (no marriage/live in/resources)

this is not a knock on her at all, she's doing what she needs to do. just don't fall for it.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lets me cry on her shoulder

Looks like I should have put a /s beside this one.
But yeah, I’ve no doubt that she’s doing these things to snag me in the end. Thats why I keep repeating to her that I won’t be doing anything more than we’re doing at the moment. But I agree with mrpthrowa that if managed properly, a high value live-in woman could be a benefit rather than a drain.

[–]weakandsensitive-4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy

she’s post wall with a kid

Stopped reading.

You're a cuck. A gigantic beta one at that.

You write like a little bitch too.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think goddammit think. Do I use AA here or AM? Shit too late, failed.

Edit: How ‘bout a kiss on the forehead instead?

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I do not understand the not moving together until marrying part.

Is this because of some legal reason? is it to artificially put a blocker on moving in?

I will never marry. full stop. I may want a woman to live by my side given enough vetting, I think that's ok

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

not saying i don't agree with

I may want a woman to live by my side given enough vetting

unless, you live in a common law state in which case it's akin to putting a gun to your head

but, from Rollo Shacking Up

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

unless, you live in a common law state

fortunately i don't

edit - ok i reread Rollo's article.

I think you can live with a woman and continue to dread.

I will be spending > 30% of my time away on travels anyway. I have multiple friends who i stay evenings and overnights with now, that'll never stop.

yes she'll test this once, and I'll tell her to kindly piss off and to find the door if she doesn't like me spending time away.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think one of the missed points in Rollos article is when you cohabitate with a woman your mission becomes diluted or changed. Especially if you share financial burdens.

It's an interesting thought exercise. I suppose you could allow a woman to essentially share your space but always have an out. One I'd keep the space as 100% mine. Nope, don't want money for bills. Nope, don't start redecorating. Yeah you should keep your place (this is the hard one to pull off).

I too travel a lot and if I was a single dad it would be a little easier to pull off. A few years ago my wife had a health scare where death was a real possible outcome. We talked about the kids and how I'd raise them and this was pretty much my plan. I have positive female role models for my kids and a good family network so I could have easily pulled that part off. I had no intentions of finding a replacement mom (my mom was more than willing to fill in).

I think you could easily set it up where your LTR spent most of her time with you when you were home but didn't have the trump card of "where am I supposed to go if we break up?"

To me that would be the best of both worlds.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

cool, i too don't 100% agree with not shacking up.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No matter what, there is an element of lost freedom when you share a house/apt. There is give and take that is not necessary if you have your own place. If a man's frame has ANY holes, they will leak. Most men here have some holes in their frame. I am 99% agreement.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think you can live with a woman and continue to dread.

But you are (probably needlessly) making it much harder.

What are the advantages to you of shacking up? Why do you want this?

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She cooks, cleans, does laundry, takes care of the home, does all the feminine stuff around (decoration, sewing shit, massaging, etc...). Whenever she visited my place she spends a day or two sorting the place out to some next level shit.. yeah all of these are pluses. I'm an extremely busy man and she adds value.

Is it possible she'll stop doing this? absolutely! but she knows full well that's what she brings up to the table.

She asked once...

Her: "What if I didn't know how to cook?"

Me: "I'd get someone else who does". with a smirk

Her: "... not sure I'll be able to share like that".

[–]zulficar31311 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

"And yep, as the ex-wife says, there’s the obvious suggestion that she’s looking for a dad for her kid."

You're still being led by your ex and have one-itis at the same time. Plate the ex and the new one too. Focus on the kids and yourself.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

The most significant exclusion would be WISNIFG, but that was and is the least needed.

And yet here you are, feeling guilty at the thought of saying no to your ex-wife. Despite the obvious feedback from the universe:

kids are happier now and I'm a better father than I've ever been

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well Christ. Yeah you got me on that one.

[–]RedPillAtNight5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

A year after I got divorced my ex came crying to me saying she had ruined our perfect family and would I consider getting back together? I didn’t even consider it. I wasn’t about to give her a chance to nuke my life from orbit again.

After doing my work and getting to where I want to be I’m dating a size zero MD who can’t wait for me to fuck her to sleep every night. I can get women that are of such higher caliber that there is no way I’d ever go back to the ex.

If you got out with minimal CS and the kids are doing well, move along. It just gets better, especially with the age difference in the gals (ex to girlfriend ages).

Good luck.

[–]ArticulateSavage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Words of hope for me.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Owe? She didn't get the best of you so now you owe? But she never gave the best of her...and now you get it only because it's benefitting her.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many, many moons ago my wife and I got in a nasty argument and I slept at the Marriott that night.

The next day, I went home hate fucked her and told her if she ever pisses me off to the point I sleep somewhere else again, I will not come home the following morning.

Two lessons learned since then.

I will never leave again, she will and I will never root thru the trash again.

How you could even consider rooting thru the trash again, after a year of separation (amicable at that) is beyond me.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Your real problem is not unplugging. Everything you described is a result of BP conditioning. If you really unplugged and you really wanted to get back with your wife, you would and wouldn't be asking.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

If I read you right, then one of the implications here and in a couple of other posts is that I haven’t yet fully unplugged and that I’m still following the female narrative due to my BP conditioning. I admit that this is where it gets fuzzy for me. RP thinking tells us to work on ourselves, that the responsibility for everything rests on our shoulders, and that’s okay. We’re not victims, it’s simply how things are.

Cool, so I have no one to blame but myself if things fuck up. I like that accountability and I don’t at all feel victimized by it. But with that comes the necessity to take a hard look at myself and the mistakes of my BP past. That’s why I’m asking these questions now - in order to take responsibility and re-examine everything through a red pill lens. This is part of working on myself rather than a manifestation of continued BP behaviour.

On the other hand, the suggestion is that all this self-doubt means that I’m still operating in the female narrative. If I had truly unplugged then I wouldn’t be asking these questions in the first place. I realize this isn’t exactly what you said above, but I’m springboarding off your comment here.

So which is it? Was I considering rooting through the garbage as part of a valid process of taking responsibility for myself and my family? Or am I kidding myself and I still have oneitis, operating in the female narrative. In my case I believe it’s the former, because I don’t have any NEED to be with her or anyone. But I think it’s a valid question. Make sense?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'll take a stab at answering this. It's not that self-doubt implies you're operating within the feminine imperative. Self doubt can occur around any situation, even, say, an automotive mechanical problem for example, and that's clearly not a BP or FI issue. It's that the reason for the self doubt, the opposing arguments to your chosen course (you ought to go back to her because marriage is special, you owe it to the poor woman because victim, you owe it to the kids because matriarchal family hierarchy) are coming from the FI. It's the fact that you're examining your behaviour by trying to justify it within your head to satisfy the judgment of the FI, without even realizing that's what you're doing, that reveals the patina of blue on the thought process. Extrapolating a bit, an "RP" or "unplugged" man would look only at the objective facts and his own feelings about them when contrasting the two courses of action, and would not be swayed by the automatic assumptions of the FI.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

without even realizing that's what you're doing

You nailed it right there, light bulb moment. I’ve read this in Rollo’s stuff about the FI and I already knew everything you wrote there. But not really right? As far as I’ve come, you’re right because here the fuck I am admittedly feeling guilty about not “giving them my best self.” Completely within the FI without realizing it. The same decision still needs to be made, but it needs to be made through a red pill lens. As seen in the comments here, the decision making process is:

  • what do you want to do?
  • do whatever the fuck you want to do.

EDIT For those like me who think it’s more nuanced than just “do what you want”, I would add that this doesn’t mean be a wrecking ball in your life causing havoc. We all have wants and desires, and we all have certain values - whatever they may be. So for those still unplugging like me, I would modify that process to say:

Do what you want, reconcile that with your values, and do all of that with a red pill mindset.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

my dilemma is whether I owe it to her and the kids to give it another shot

This is all that matters in the whole post. You don't owe anyone shit. If you truly believe that you want to give this family another shot, then you do it because you know it's the right thing for you.

One of the most important parts of the pill to swallow is knowing that you and you alone are the complete master of your destiny. It's a big element of operating within your own frame. What drty_pr or RP4life think about your individual and subjective situation is a non-factor in the decision that you choose to make.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's how I've lived over the past year and reaped the rewards first hand. Interesting that I've slipped from my own frame back to my ex's frame. Ah well, at least I know now.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve lurked here for a couple of years

whenever i read this; i know the man's ego is still standing in his way. thinks he knows enough to not calibrate with other men or is too scared of the feedback.

The most significant exclusion would be WISNIFG, but that was and is the least needed.

everybody want to skip calculus because it's HARD. yeah, i never felt guilty neither . . . like i can count on one hand the number of times i have felt guilty about anything in my life. however, this book is the single most directly applicable (in the "how to" sense) book on the sidebar. it's literally a cook book for handling any, and especially, difficult interactions in your life. READ IT

I really don’t give a fuck if someone in my life happens to think I’m too reserved or not outgoing enough.

don't know enough to answer this question, but boring is never attractive. "can't i just be myself" is a bluepill trap.

The boys bust my balls about it

are you referring to your friends or your kids?

plate your wife, that's all until you unfuck your mindset

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

whenever i read this; i know the man's ego is still standing in his way. thinks he knows enough to not calibrate with other men or is too scared of the feedback.

I’ve read guys here being told to stop posting, go read the sidebar, and get to work in the real world. Sounded reasonable to me, so which is it?

But your point about WISNIFG is well-taken.

It’s my friends who bust my balls, but in any serious conversation they say that I’ve kicked ass over the past year. Thanks.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sounded reasonable to me, so which is it?

LO fucking L; using the extreme strawman in ego defense?

the only guys being told to stop posting are mostly in ASKmrp with weekly questions on how to handle their sloots most recent rejection/tantrum/strange dick as opposed to in weekly OYS with questions on how they can handle THEIR shit. HUGE difference.

no N00B was ever told to not post after a one off introductory post with some question; in particular if the questions were focused on him. he was probably called a faggot and very likely deserved it.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Okay cool, thanks for the clarification.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

"The kids are happier now and I'm a better father than I've ever been"

So what do you want ?

do you really owe anyone ? and, did you not give her a chance ? as in for years ?

Were you a drunk mother fucker and then cleaned your act up ?

Are you actually divorced now ?

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah I cleaned up my act, but she was non-responsive during that process. Now we're both seeing that for the most part I did in fact get my shit together and that perhaps she needed to do her own work. And now she regrets it.

No, I don't owe anyone other than my kids. And what I owe them is a proper father. They get that by dad doing what he wants. The proof is in the pudding because now everyone is happier except the ex.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So you are going to be guilted into letting a good thing slide, then she will be “anti- you” again ..... and for what ?

She had her chance..... don’t you think ?

BTW. Iron Rule #7.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, in the end I won’t be guilted into it, but I was curious about any other perspectives. I thought there might be one or two guys who would say, “Yeah brother I was in a similar situation as you and got back with my wife. This was my reasoning and this is how it worked out.....”

Well, a quick look at this page shows that that’s not the case. A few good reminders here too.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why don't you decide what you want to do, then do it?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have two great opportunities:

  1. Move in with your current girlfriend

  2. Move back in with your ex.

In the spirit of joint custody, do both. Then you would be literally and figuratively double fucked.

But, if you were so bold as to over come the guilt you feel for leaving a shitty wife, you could become single fucked.

If you add to that, getting a full grip on yourself and doing the real work on you, you could become completely un-fucked.

I don't give any fucks what you do. ;)

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men these days are so conditioned to operate in the female narrative they can't comprehend that it's even a possibility not to. It just doesn't register.

So plugged in. So fascinating.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

But my dilemma is whether I owe it to her and the kids to give it another shot

yeah bullshit, you're just dependent on her and this post is one giant hamster puke.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I agree that the post was giant, really can’t argue with that can I? Probably a hamster puke too, but definitely not a victim puke. I’m not dependent on her at all anymore, as she and I have both learned over the past year. But I think it’s a valid question for a guy in my situation to ask himself. If he can get properly fucked and live a happy life with the family together again, then it’s not an unreasonable thing to at least consider. Now, the responses here are all consistent with what I already thought and the path I’m on, but if I had all the answers then I wouldn’t have asked for MRP’s perspective.

Anyway, thanks for holding my hair back while I puked.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't beat yourself up. These things cross people's minds from time to time. Better to ask and get feedback than have it fester or worse yet make a bad decision.

I, for one, get something out of someone like you asking a question like this. This is how we learn. If we all had our own answers, there would be no posts on /askMRP. I'm sure there are 10 other guys out there that were or are in your shoes and had a similar question.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If he can get properly fucked and live a happy life with the family together again

"And they lived happily ever after..............." This is the Disney dream. Blue Pill. If it was going to happen, it would have been that way instead of any of this happening.

When you bring the past into the present, it poisons the future.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No.

[–]Bishop_Pickerling1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

0% chance anyone on TRP will advocate getting remarried. The question is what do YOU want? If getting back w your wife and putting your family back together will give you the best life in the long run, then DO THAT. If you think spending the rest of your life banging hot 25 year olds will make you happy, then do that. Either way, take some time before making such a life altering decision, and do what’s best for you and your kids.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Plate the wife.

Make her earn it. If she truly sees the changes in you, and wants you back, she needs to submit.

You control attention, affection and commitment.

That's if you can stand the smell and embarrassment of going through your garbage.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Rooting through garbage.

Are you a rat or a skunk ?

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

She’s thirty-two years old with a nine year old daughter. Yep, I have no illusions about where she sits within the feminine imperative. And yep, as the ex-wife says, there’s the obvious suggestion that she’s looking for a dad for her kid.

Where is this kid's actual dad (i.e., this woman's ex-husband)? Is he in the picture? If she moves in with you, will her ex-husband be picking up and dropping of this kid at your place? (Awkward...)

[–]ImSteveMcQueen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Who cares if the drop off and pick up is awkward. It isn't major enough to hinder the decision. Deal with it.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He’s a few thousand miles away with a new family. She left him years ago. Communication with the kid over FaceTime, yearly visits, and regular gifts, but that’s about it. I’ll never marry again and we won’t move in in the near future, but yeah these things are all considerations.

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best plan on her doing that to you as well should the opportunity arise. And don't forget the trickle truth over the next few years about her responsibility in it all.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"The issue here is that my wife wants me back and she wants to fuck me too."

She didn't want to be on your pedestal before and now she is begging to be put back on it. What you need to do is just to blow-up the damn pedestal, as it's getting in the way of your life. Women are desiring you now and now you are ejaculating in your pants like a 13 year old with a hard on.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is only one question that matters.

What do you want?



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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