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Married 19 yrs (40m). Lost frame and respect. Can i get it back?

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March 23, 2018

I've been,married round 19 years and have usually held frame and maintained,my marriage extremely well before reading about the red pill. A few months ago my mother died and I started to lose frame and over share everything with my wife. I started being more present in her world instead of allowing her into mine. So i feel like I'm in quicksand right now and keep being more needy and insecure about my marriage, job, and really my whole life. Recently, shes starting to go out with her friends more and overheard some conversations that paint me in a disrespectful light. She's planning weekends away with her girls and a couple of them were her make put buddies in bars on a couple occasions. (I authorized it because i assumed it was heading towards a threesome) I've lost all of the control that I used to have.

My question is how can i get that control amd respect back that has been lost? Is it even possible?

Post Information
Title Married 19 yrs (40m). Lost frame and respect. Can i get it back?
Author AwayThrowing419
Upvotes 7
Comments 33
Date 23 March 2018 04:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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[–]ReddJiveRed Beret10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

We are deconstructing this.

usually held frame and maintained,my marriage extremely well

No. YOu never did. I know because your wife has been out with lesbians and who knows what else.

I assumed it was heading towards a threesome

You assumed. Nuff said.

If we are to go by what you say and that you have been OYS for the 19 years and had pretty good frame then the only reasonable conclusion to draw is that your wife was always a mega bitch.

Your mom died. Sorry. Lost my dada and mom too, so it’s understandable that you are going to be weaker, but you should have left or sought out a friend. Still you were at a low point in your life and your wife decided instead of supporting you she was going to do something else.

Now we have reports in the history here of men on their death bed. Stage 4 cancer and shit. Their wives were immediately shacking up with tennis pros and shit. In one case the guy made it. Immediately divorced her and cut her off. Weeks later she was back because she couldn’t live the lifestyle she wanted with the tennis pro. Old boy didn’t take her back but plated her. She didn’t live with him any more. Lived her own life as he lived his.

Can you get respect back? wrong question.

Why would want her respect? Go get your own for yourself. Respect yourself.

Stay plan is the same as the go plan.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stay plan is the same as the go plan.

only thing you needed to say

[–]BobbyPeru4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start with the sidebar- read it all, and implement it.

Lift - get in the best shape of your life.

Learn STFU, and get a social life.

[–]johneyapocalypse3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Lost frame and respect. Can I get it back?"


[–]The_LitzRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's planning weekends away with her girls and a couple of them were her make put buddies in bars on a couple occasions

To me, making out with her buddies is tantamount to cheating. She wasn't doing it for you, she was doing it for herself. If it was for your benefit you would have had the threesome ages ago.

Now you are left holding your dick while the chicks are tribbing in Vegas.

Your slide has been going on for far longer than you realise, your mother's death was just the straw to break the camels back. It made you face the reality of your life and how you are going to spend it.

You have a long journey ahead of you. It starts with the sidebar, lifting, reading MRP posts, lifting, reading, getting in shape, lifting and going to gym.

In the near term, start leading and putting a stop to her GNO and girl trips. Often chicks plan a trip , but without a man to actually make it happen and pay for it, it stays in the planning stages and makes for good pipedreams. Given her history nothing good can come from it.

You realise that you have slided and can recover from it before shit gets totally out of hand.

Now put in the work.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

“A few months ago my mother died”

She’s with you in spirit man. You must move on, that’s what she would want for you anyway. Move on.

Lift & Sidebar==>

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Dank_Meems1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Your wife lost respect for you because your mother died and you got a little emotional. Your wife is a fucking cunt and is trying to control you. fuck her.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Your wife lost respect for you because your mother died and you got a little emotional. Your wife is a fucking cunt and is trying to control you. fuck her woman.

That's better.

[–]Dank_Meems2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'm sorry the truth hurts you guys. If you're cool with women only paying attention to you because of how much you go to the gym, what car you drive, or how much you "hold frame" then you're a fucking idiot who deserves everything bad that happens to them. Stop giving women a pass for being shitty just because they're women...

[–]RedPillCoach-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

You can't give them a pass because every woman is like this. The truth does indeed hurt. If you lose frame and "get a little emotional" over a period of months or even weeks the woman will lose sexual interest in you.

One of Bluepillprofessors Titanium Rules is that "You can be her lover or her child. Pick one." This is because a woman cannot simultaneously emotionally stabilize a man showing weakness or take care of a disabled man and be sexually attracted to him at the same time.

She might be able to 'do her duty' (sex) and there is the Florence Nightingale Syndrome that happens not infrequently (with a helpless man the woman has all the power and power is the ultimate aphrodisiac).

However, in the vast majority of cases, perhaps all of them if it goes on long enough, a wife will lose sexual attraction for a helpless and emotionally wheepy husband. She must. It was necessary for the continuation of the species. According to Rollo, women who remained attached to their old husbands after the new conquerors butchered them in front of her did not leave children behind.

[–]Dank_Meems2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

So instead of being men about it and kicking her worthless ass to the curb, you try to change yourself to appease her, just to get some fucking pussy. You guys are faggots and it's fucking pathetic. The lengths you go to just to fuck some mediocre pussy it fucking astounding. You're just a different form of a thirst beta guy. Keep going to the gym and holding frame for every other reason than to better yourself, though. It's all about fucking hawt chicks and telling your bros about it. Get rid of that highschool mentality, bro. It's fucking sad.

[–]RedPillCoach-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

you try to change yourself to appease her, just to get some fucking pussy be a masculine man who is attractive so he does indeed get more fucking pussy.

This is known as "Male sexual strategy in a world increasingly dominated by feminism."

[–]Dank_Meems1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're dancing around the fact that you're changing yourself for a woman, so much it's not even funny. If that's how you wanna live your life, go ahead. The rest of us are going to do things for ourselves though, not some dumb broad. Also, the more thirsty ass dudes like you keep changing the way they live your life just to fuck girls, the more girls are going to act like whiney little children. Stop pandering and encouraging their shitty ways.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're dancing around the fact that you're changing yourself for a woman

Not sure if this guy is trolling or not but there's some truth to this.

There's a fine line here and typically two groups of people:

Group 1 is the group of guys that are driven to change purely because their wives don't want to fuck them anymore and they're a sack of shit so they're willing to do anything so their woman will wanna bang them again. This is about as beta as it gets because of the external validation and the fact that this is the exact antithesis of the example Rollo gave of alpha. These men are basically slaving away to make themselves the ideal male just in hopes of being wanted by their wife who doesn't have to do shit herself in the meantime. Lame as fuck. Not even remotely alpha or desirable, and if you're one of those guys rationalizing that it is, you're only kidding yourself.

Group 2 are the guys that basically get a wake up call that they've slacked off too much in one way or another. Wife is losing attraction because the man is genuinely headed in a direction that isn't good and they come to realize this and want to change because that's not the kind of man they want to be, wife or no wife. This is the critical difference between them and group 1 -- they would be willing to change with or without their wife in the picture, or while knowing the relationship isn't savable and this is purely about them improving as a man. This is where the "stay plan is the go plan" and "always be in your frame" applies. The guys that are truly outcome independent and are driven by an inward focus to become the best version of themselves that they can be, and they are content being alone if it comes down to it. This is where alpha is ultimately cultivated, or at least a less-beta version of a man's self. There are no alphas in group 1 and there never will be.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i feel like I'm in quicksand right now and keep being more needy and insecure about my marriage

You are not in quicksand. That is you continuing to dig a hole. First you need to stop digging!

how can i get that control amd respect back that has been lost

Respect is not given. It is earned. What are you doing to regain your own self-respect?

You should know this is quite common. A man cannot hold frame for his entire life. Sometimes the storms come and the pain is too much to hold back. In these times you can only go with it and wait until the pain subsides. Lots of physical exercise, lifting weights, rediscovering your spirituality, and sports competition is the best short term medicine for grieving until you are back on your feet.

After that, just fake it until you make it. You did it once already so doing it again is relatively easy in comparison.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

well, considering you created this mess, only reasonable that you can do something about it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes. But first you have to stop trying to get it back.

Sidebar, work on you.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry to hear, my mom (sole surviving parent) passed about the time I was 40 as well.

It does some weird things to you in ways you don't realize but seriously...friends. Talk to, get some, hang around them. She's not it nor should she be, because it puts her in the role of consoling mother to the person supposedly running the ship. That's got to be uncomfortable.

And just in that company you wont want to really have a pity party either (plus it's a good way to run off people)...just latch on to some rising emotional tides to lift your boat. So... go do guy shit with guys. Or be the lone woodsman and scream in the isolated part of the forest.

So really, you know what you did to gain the current treatment. Stop it and go the other way. You can't defend her from bears and sabre tooth cats if you're grieving lasts long enough to be a distraction.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Give up now and go jerk to porn

I got better shit to do

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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