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mother in law just shit tested me. How should I handle this?

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February 13, 2018
10 upvotes

Just found the RP a couple of days ago and trying to get through all the posts and ordering some of these books.

What just happened probably 30 minutes ago.

So I get home after hitting the gym for about for an hour and I'm down in the basement working. I own a business and all of my employees are remote.

I head up around 11:30am and I decide to make an early lunch because I'm hungry as shit after working out. Wife is going to be headed out with our youngest daughter and her mom to go get some lunch. Cool no big deal. I'll hit a quick lunch and then get back to it for a bit.

I'm sitting there and while I'm eating my wife and I are talking my mother in law gets to our house and walks in with our youngest daughter. She picked her up from school because she was doing some activity there.

The first thing out of her mouth to me "Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?" Then proceeds to laugh.

I sit there mid bite and there is a trigger in my head that just got turned over. Like wtf lady, I build a business for this family, your daughter and your grandkids have everything they can possibly want and YOU say that shit to me?

I continue to chew my food. I think I said something like "yeah it's lunch time and I'm hungry." Continued to chew and ponder wtf just happened while she's chatting merrily to my wife who I think might have caught something shift in my demeanor because later when she was leaving she came over to give me a hug and asked if I was ok. Yeah I’m good. Shrug

I didn't think I gave any indication that it bothered me but they see shit you don't.

So RP bros, I come here for advice. How would you handle that situation?

I think I have my shit fairly in order. I eat good, I take care of my business, my family, but I have thin skin and easily get rattled by verbal strikes.

What the fuck do I care what anyone thinks or what my mother in law thinks?

How do I control the rage of wanting to smash shit when I'm disrespected?

When I was younger I wouldn't hesitate to get into a scrap because I was disrespected.

I'm 32 now and it seems like everyone has a degree in shit talking except for me. Beating someone's ass isn't exactly a way to solve any problems unless you want to end up in prison. It's especially not a way to solve problems with females.

My wife's family are fucking word smiths when it comes to talking shit as well. I'm sort of lost in this dance of sarcastic jabs and back and forth. It wasn't how I was raised. So I struggle with it.

I know for a fact that they are supportive and have been super appreciative of everything I do for the family.

The women in particular though just like to run their mouth and check you CONSTANTLY.

  1. How would you have dealt with the above situation? 2) How do I control this rage that almost consumes me when someone "disrespects" me? 3) When someone is talking shit to you in a "fun" way but really are just disprecting you... do you get in the mud with them or just ignore them and walk away? Or do you say some sarcastic shit back that makes everyone laugh at them? 4) How do quiet stoic guys who aren't prone to shit talking, or making fun of people deal with others who try and talk shit in front of others to try and get a rise out of you?

I feel like this is a weakness I need to address immediately. Any thoughts from you guys who have this shit down would be appreciated.

Edit.

Foundation stuff that /u/creating_my_life requested in one of the below posts.

Do you own your shit? What's your age, height, weight, bodyfat, and squat, anyways? Are you well-groomed? Fun?

Age: 32 Weight: 155 Height: 5'8" Bodyfat: not sure. I kind of have abs? Squat: don't know Well groomed: I shave, shower, and brush my teeth, occasionally do my hair. It's not a priority for sure. Fun: Probably ranked low here. I work constantly either at my day job (just left not too long ago) or on my business. As you can see from this post and below I'm also insecure.

In highschool I benched 265 at 135lbs and was a state placer in wrestling. Played corner in football as well. Ran a 4.5 40 and could squat over 400 lbs. Was recruited by some d2 schools for wrestling but didn't want to go north.

Now? A shadow of my former self and I'm currently in physical rebuild mode. I met my wife at 18 at my physical peak.

10 years after college I climbed the corporate ladder and sat on my ass 10 to 12 hours a day doing very little physically other than the occasional sports pickup game.

At 30 I decided I need to leave corp America and started my own import / ecommerce business. What ensued was 2 years of 7 days a week 4-6 hours of sleep per night plus my day job. My already slacking physical activity dropped to almost nothing. In the Fall of 2017 I got the stomach flu and for the first time in my life I threw my back out. Fucked up. Then two months later while stretching I threw it out again. Never before have I felt so worthless.

At this point my business was to the point where it had replaced my day jobs income. I needed alot as my wife is a stay at home wife / mom and we have two kids. In Jan of 2018 I left and have since been going to the gym. I've been swimming (yeah lol I know) but it's been good for my lower back. I've been doing some resistance training and isometrics until I feel like I can start lifting again. My plan in the next few weeks is:

M-F- swim 1hr, pickup games of sports at night T, R, lift high rep for now and move to bigger loads after listening to body S,S - air bike / yoga whatever

As far as being fun. I'm working on it. I put up goals and knock them down. I guess I'm just a serious dude who needs to get my emotional self checked. I'm working through all the books and sidebar.


Post Information
Title mother in law just shit tested me. How should I handle this?
Author fnliftmx
Upvotes 10
Comments 103
Date 13 February 2018 05:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204826
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7xb4lf/mother_in_law_just_shit_tested_me_how_should_i/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret18 points19 points  (9 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t even AA this shit.

Silent pause and then... did you just say something or oh didn’t see you arrive. Then move right the fuck on without addressing anything.

Complete dismissal = no attention. Do you stop to address the concerns of every dog that barks at you?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

Complete dismissal = no attention. Do you stop to address the concerns of every dog that barks at you?

That's my method, but add an eyeball to eyeball smirk first.

Don't let a gnat ruin your day.......

[–]fnliftmx[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I tell myself that everyday. Do you think Tom Brady gives a shit what anyone says about him? At what point does it cross the line and you have to address it? AA vs confrontation vs dismissal

[–]PersaeusRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

At what point does it cross the line and you have to address it?

there is no line. you pass your bitch's shit test because it produces tingles. you pass your boss's shit test because he's paying you. you pass you bro's shit test because it's fun.

unless you like batting the old ball around with your MIL (nothing wrong with that btw); than dismissal is all you need.

kill your ego, she's and old bat with words not sticks and stones.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

For me it goes like this...

I’ll AA you cause I like you or for my own entertainment. I’ll ignore you if I don’t like you cause I have no use for you. I’ll confront you if you cross a hard boundary.

The thing about boundaries is you have to consistently enforce them. There’s scorched earth on the outside of my good graces and it surprises nobody when it happens.

I once kicked my MIL out of my house but it involved my kids. I’d never break frame and let the ego listen in on her nonsense otherwise, hard boundaries.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. It's about frame. Anything she says is either interesting or amusing.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

"The lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep."

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Minorly autistic. I like turtles.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sums me up, Ima use this on tinder.

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

<pause>, "What did you just say?" with a stare that doesn't falter.

If she repeats herself, then, "Hmph" with no other reaction.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

"Hell yea, it's good to be King"

sushi eating intensifies

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Best done in a Bruce Campbell voice.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is money. why didn't I say this?? Simple, right to the point and not giving damn what she says.

[–]creating_my_life6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

This is PURE A&A. ANYTHING else comes off as loss of frame and butthurt. You should be knocking these out of the park so quickly and subconsciously you don't even remember it. Remember, be playful and fun. It's just life. It's YOUR life. She sounds like a good, involved MIL.

"Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?"

"Sometimes I stand."

"We're out of steak."

"I even set my alarm clock early to get up for lunch time!"

"Thanks for reminding me to update my sushi auto delivery schedule."

"Some days I do far, far less. Today is already a win."

You can't let this little stuff get under your skin.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

All solid responses and way better than the lame shit I came up with. Doesn't AA make you look weak though? I feel like I have a hard time just accepting someone's mockery and amplifying it. Like almost as if I'm giving them some victory by me accepting it. I don't know. It's not like I have a better solution. What I did obviously didn't work.

[–]ReturnOfTheSwing1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

The amplify-to-absurdity is a clear indication that you don't "accept" it. You find it hilarious that your MIL thinks that all you do is sit on the couch and eat sushi. And you have no reason whatsoever to defend yourself, explain, excuse, or rationalize your behavior. Remember, don't DEER. You are your own judge. Start reading.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

So if you were at home, you are off for the day (I don't know what you do) and it's 2pm say you are reading a book on the couch (or whatever) your wife lets a family member in and they start getting into you "man some people have to work", "do you even work", "fk you are a lazy bastard".

Do you A&A, ignore them, start talking about them personally like they are you?

Do you know what I would do? I'd probably get defensive and pissed (internally), or even more dumb say something stupid that I would regret even more, or just ignore them excuse myself and leave the room (they win). Either way I tend to lose. This is why I'm here and I'm going to fix it.

[–]creating_my_life2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do you A&A

Absolutely. A THOUSAND fold. A&A is the MOST AWESOME brush off "what you're saying doesn't bother me in the slightest."

I think with you we need to do some foundational work. The core of MRP is "owning your shit." Do you own your shit? What's your age, height, weight, bodyfat, and squat, anyways? Are you well-groomed? Fun?

Someone said it before: YOU ARE YOUR OWN JUDGE. You don't give a shit what other people say about you, BECAUSE YOU ARE CRUSHING IT IN LIFE. If you're not crushing it, WTF is wrong with you? OWN YOUR SHIT AND CRUSH YOUR LIFE.

"man some people have to work",

That reminds me. I have to call my servants shortly.

"do you even work",

"Every morning! Oh, wait, I thought you said 'do you even wank'".

"fk you are a lazy bastard"

"That's FAT lazy bastard, thank you!" (best said at 12% body fat!).

[–]fnliftmx[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Edit.

Foundation stuff that /u/creating_my_life requested in one of the below posts.

Do you own your shit? What's your age, height, weight, bodyfat, and squat, anyways? Are you well-groomed? Fun?

Age: 32 Weight: 155 Height: 5'8" Bodyfat: not sure. I kind of have abs? Squat: don't know Well groomed: I shave, shower, and brush my teeth, occasionally do my hair. It's not a priority for sure. Fun: Probably ranked low here. I work constantly either at my day job (just left not too long ago) or on my business. As you can see from this post and below I'm also insecure.

In highschool I benched 265 at 135lbs and was a state placer in wrestling. Played corner in football as well. Ran a 4.5 40 and could squat over 400 lbs. Was recruited by some d2 schools for wrestling but didn't want to go north.

Now? A shadow of my former self and I'm currently in physical rebuild mode. I met my wife at 18 at my physical peak.

10 years after college I climbed the corporate ladder and sat on my ass 10 to 12 hours a day doing very little physically other than the occasional sports pickup game.

At 30 I decided I need to leave corp America and started my own import / ecommerce business. What ensued was 2 years of 7 days a week 4-6 hours of sleep per night plus my day job. My already slacking physical activity dropped to almost nothing. In the Fall of 2017 I got the stomach flu and for the first time in my life I threw my back out. Fucked up. Then two months later while stretching I threw it out again. Never before have I felt so worthless.

At this point my business was to the point where it had replaced my day jobs income. I needed alot as my wife is a stay at home wife / mom and we have two kids. In Jan of 2018 I left and have since been going to the gym. I've been swimming (yeah lol I know) but it's been good for my lower back. I've been doing some resistance training and isometrics until I feel like I can start lifting again. My plan in the next few weeks is:

M-F- swim 1hr, pickup games of sports at night T, R, lift high rep for now and move to bigger loads after listening to body S,S - air bike / yoga whatever

As far as being fun. I'm working on it. I put up goals and knock them down. I guess I'm just a serious dude who needs to get my emotional self checked. I'm working through all the books and sidebar.

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In highschool

You're living in the past. I don't give a shit what you did in high school. Your wife doesn't give a shit what you did in high school.

I met my wife at 18 at my physical peak.

She's pissed off that the jock she landed in high school let himself go and is a fat slob now. SHE earned better than that; and YOU didn't keep it up. That's her point of view, anyways.

Weight: 155 Height: 5'8" Bodyfat: not sure

You're either sub 15% or fat. Get on it. You're likely a skinnyfat little fuck that isn't sexually attractive. Fix it. At least you're not 235.

As you can see from this post and below I'm also insecure.

That's not attractive at all.

As far as being fun. I'm working on it.

Remember, women LOVE emotions. Give her some. Be the guy OTHER women want; so she feels validated in settling for you.

Best of luck to you. Sincerely.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to respond to this by tomorrow at the latest. I'll answer the questions you posted. Probably tonight though. /u/creating_my_life

Going to hit dinner with the fam. Thanks for following up.

[–]ReturnOfTheSwing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"do you even work"

"No I just sit around most days hoping people will pay my bills. Speaking of which, can you spot me a $20?"

But realistically, none (most) of us are not full-time stand-up comedians, so sometimes, a simple "Nope, not today." works fine. It's really your internal emotions about the interaction that matter.

Understand as you build frame, you are going to get shit-tested more and more by EVERYONE you know, because they instinctively will keep checking to see if you are for real. Eventually they will be forced to accept the new you. In the end, it doesn't really matter. Focus on you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The root of your problem is right there. What does “victory” mean? If MIL thinks she scored a point off you, did she? Nope. When you feel like she scored a point, then she actually scored a point.

You perceived her remark as disrespect. Why does her respect matter to you?

You are your own judge.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ANYTHING else comes off as loss of frame

you dont lose frame. you have it or you dont. it's not a lost & found.

[–]outlawrp10 points11 points  (9 children) | Copy

Perfect instant for agree and amplify. Have fun with it ya fuck.

“Yes, and barbecue, and chicken wings, and steak, somebody has to eat all this food....are you hungry?”

“No, I usually just sit around but I’m hungry today after the last few nights with your daughter.” wink

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Yes all valid and funny. I'm terrible at this sort of shit though. I'm more of put your head down and work type of guy. I'm going to work on it though. It's a weakness I need to address for sure. I appreciate the suggestions.

[–]outlawrp1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Man it’s not easy at first. Practice practice practice. Read about frame. Literally search “frame” in MRP and read the EC’s posts. Strategos and manintheworld specifically.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How do you decide between a silent / pause / complete dismissal and A&A? If I say nothing it looks like they got to me. If I respond back my responses are usually not funny and just come off as me being a dick.

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No response works great for me. Not everybody needs to be a stand up comic. A Clint Eastwood-ish persona works pretty well if that's you. Just eye contact ("I heard you talking, but that stupid shit doesn't even warrant a reply") and back to my food.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Read my Mystery Method post on the sidebar, it has a ton of resources on frame.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok will do. Thanks for the tips. This is a really dumb example that I posted. But shit like this seems to happen frequently with me. Her sisters, dad etc all like to have a go at everyone.

[–]outlawrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No comment

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're not comfortable with being witty, then go with deadly serious.

"What did you just say?" with an unwavering stare.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

My mother in law is like this. Actually much worse.

She hates men. To a degree you can't even understand.

the answer is much simpler than you know. You don't know because your frame is still pretty weak. Still the answer is simple.

She is a woman. treat her as such with the added insight that you don't care so much about her relationship with you. Be warned whatever you do you will be shit tested by your wife. Your frame must be strong.

This is how I would handle it and have when disrespected

Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?

ME: is that how you greet people? Go back and try again.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I would say I'm on solid grounds with her family. They just love to banter like crazy. I feel like I'm not in control when I step into their world. It's like verbal fist fight. They do it in good fun most of the time. I have a hard time separating banter and being disrespected.

And when you are indeed disrespected what do you do? You know how sometimes will say shit as a "joke" and laugh but really that shit goes deeper? I've always struggled in situations like that.

I feel like if I dropped that on her "is that how you greet people? Go back and try again." that would be like a WTF moment and set us on a course for tension and not able to work together.

My wife's mother in law is also pretty "tough" and she is used to running my wife's dad around as she pleases. So I get the impression sometimes she tries it with me.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You need to re read what you wrote. And read NMMNG and WISNIFG. It's clear you haven't and if you have you haven't processed it.

I was in this exact position. Odds are your wife tells her everything...shes her mom after all. Your MIL is the sounding voice for your wife. She is saying things your wife feels and thinks.

Look sarcasm is not humor. Not the way it's used these days. It's veiled contempt. True sarcasm as a form of humor is about a situation or circumstance not leveled at a person.

Your MIL is a pain in the ass. She is trying to control you which is why you are on good terms. Stop being a doormat. And yes of course it is because you have not set any boundaries. A WTF moment? yes. But you know this and your early frame is sensing it otherwise you wouldn't have come here asking this question.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes I'm going to read them. This week I'm planning on it. Will report back. You are right. I didn't come here because everything is great with my frame. I came here because my frame is fucked and I need control my shitty emotions.

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel like if I dropped that on her "is that how you greet people? Go back and try again." that would be like a WTF moment and set us on a course for tension and not able to work together.

What if your retort was so harsh and abusive that she never came back to your house? Damn, that would suck, LOL. =)

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

ME: is that how you greet people? Go back and try again.

Is that how you greet the man who pays your daughter's bills?

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

is that how you greet people? Go back and try again

For the win

[–]maxofreddit3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

The proper response when someone says something ridiculous is to laugh.

Sure, there’s moments where a man, perhaps, is being disrespected, but I’ve found that easily 80% if the time, when guys on here feel “disrespected” from their wife (or MIL) it’s because they have no fucking sense of humor.

What if a guy friend said that to you? You’d laugh & say, “Well, Tuesday IS sushi day, where’s the sake?” Or something else to show that you got the joke. She’s just giving you shit, give it back to her.

For this example you mentioned, I might also openly kiss her ass/flirt with something like, “Well, I was hoping that I’d get to have lunch with YOU, my amazing mother-in-law, but since you won’t make time for me, I’ll sit here & drown my sorrows in soy sauce...how come you never want to have lunch with ME? It’s always ALL about your daughter!”

There are a thousand ways to respond to this that show your not taking her seriously, keeping it light, and not getting butthurt by getting pulled out of frame. Yes, you’ve got a litany if sacrifices & business building you’ve done for your family, but the girls just wanna have fun. If you focus on the former, you get them talking about “what’s up his ass” during their lunch, if you focus on the latter, you get them chatting about, “he’s so fun, even when he’s got work to do, your so lucky you found him” instead. Not that it fucking matters what women talk about, but you get the point.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You have it figured out man. I need this uploaded into my brain. The "serious dude" is sort of my MO. Now time to go find a sense of humor. I'm screwed.

[–]maxofreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You'll get it.

And don't confuse being serious with being focused. If you're focused on something, you can still have fun with it.

Funny enough, it was my mother that taught me that there's humor in everything, even death, if the timing and the delivery is right. Basically, NONE of it is as big a deal as you think. As you progress, you'll see that things that used to eat at you for hours (like this) just roll off of you because they truly aren't a big deal.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now time to go find a sense of humor. I'm screwed.

All you have to do is remember that you are nothing more than a big, smart monkey sitting on a rock that's hurtling through space at 67,000 miles per hour. Life is ridiculous and none of it matters. Enjoy the ride.

[–]ReturnOfTheSwing2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

"Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?"

"Exactly, this home business thing is really under-rated!"

But in reality, the words don't matter. You need to get to a place where you are in your frame and not sucked into the frame of others.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

How do you handle family / friends saying shit in front of people purposefully trying to crack jokes at your expense? Or even complete strangers? If you walk away you concede. If you sling back a bigger joke it starts getting nastier. If you laugh it off it implies you agree with the comment. It's fucking chess and I suck at it.

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"When you daughter is around I also usually have dessert" or " When your daughter's here I eat more than sushi". Anything to up the ante.

And yes, I would 100% say this to my MIL. My wife would blush, but she'd know this is 100% in character for me. If people fuck with you fuck with them and have fun. My wife is the oldest of six, her family will eat you alive if you have no game. I just see it as fun banter.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

her family will eat you alive if you have no game

my nephew just got married. his bride doesn't know how to take a joke (i warned him incidentally). her first Shit-testing-pallooza (aka as family Christmas) should be interesting

[–]ReturnOfTheSwing0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is "Right #1" in When I say no, I feel guilty. You are accepting other people's value judgements of you. Step #1 is to stop doing this, aka build YOUR frame. Then realize its all banter at that point. You have the freedom to choose how to respond but its all contextual. Personally, I would A&A this shit because it sounds like typical banter.

If someone slings a really viscious insult at you, then its time to start enforcing boundaries. Read No More Mr Nice Guy for comments on boundary setting and learn to distinguish when its appropriate and how to enforce your boundaries.

All your questions are answered in the sidebar. Move slowly to avoid redpill Rambo mode.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LOL redpill Rambo mode. What is this haha. It seems AA is the most common response in here. Interesting I always felt weak doing something like that (AA). I'll have to work on it. Yes currently working on reading everything in the sidebars.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah, best job ever.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

You wouldn't think I would let a comment like that phase me. Maybe there is some part of me that wants her approval (MIL) and when she says shit like that I think she's not respecting me and what I've done. So it gets through the defenses when it shouldn't.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on introspection. No sarcasm, I mean it. You have to figure out why her approval matters to you and then squash it.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

MIL approval = wife's approval.

My wife has an older sister. If she told my wife that she is joining the flat earth soceity my wife would think the flat earth soceity is a very worthwhile organisation.

Guess who's approval I seeked? SIL.

Because SIL approval = wife's approval.

Once you get to a stage where you DGAF for their approval you won't even hear comments like that.

Keep in mind some people can't figure out tech and only believe you worked hard if you dug a trench for 10 hours. In the sun. Fuck em.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife has an older sister. If she told my wife that she is joining the flat earth soceity my wife would think the flat earth soceity is a very worthwhile organisation.

oh boy, me too. oldest SIL is the matriarch of the five sis's. luckily for all she is a benevolent one. first time i really slay'ed supreme SIL shit test and started getting "your hot" comments from her; could literally see wife start to gush.

work the SIL/MIL as an extension of wife

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?"

You: "We're out of caviar, so... today, yeah."

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The first thing out of her mouth to me "Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?" Then proceeds to laugh.

Poor resentful BB. Your whining above is pure blue-pill thinking; sidebar, starting with NMMNG.

"You wouldn't believe how much they pay me to eat sushi!"

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn it. Another gold response.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.04 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Look at her and say, "Oh good it's just you. I thought this sushi went bad. Hi."

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

hahaha I need these on the spot next time.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. If you try to copy people's responses from here, it won't be congruent to who you are and you'll look like a dumbfuck. Whatever you say in situations like this needs to be in line with your own style.

I would probably say "Yep and I was really enjoying it too before you came in here flapping your beak". Then hold a stare til she looks away, smile and go back to eating my sushi. (fuckin nasty shit BTW) This would be expected of me cause that's how I normally talk.

Furthermore, the only reason your MIL talks to you like that is because she knows it cracks your frame and women love cracking frames. Give less fucks about shit that doesn't matter.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Actually, your daughter was sitting here hitting on me, and she was about to get lucky until YOU showed up!"

(Wink) "Don't worry, you'll be gone soon enough."

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Advice is all over the place on this one.

I think A&A is your best move.

You froze like a deer in the headlights, and although you may think she didn’t catch it, she smells your butthurt from the next county.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So A&A doesn't put you in THEIR frame? If I agree and amplify whatever the hell someone is saying wouldn't I be conceding to them? I'm going to have to practice this shit more ha. I think if I would have done A&A she would have just immediately gone to the next level like "you some people have to work" and on and on it goes. They are professional level shit talkers. I feel like if I go there with them I'm going to get my ass handed to me. Has anyone ever been shitty at comebacks and gotten really good at? Do you even want to get good at something like that? It's not in my nature to talk shit back or agree with anything people are saying that I don't believe is true. When would you NOT A&A then? At what point does it cross the line and you have to deal with it without A&A?

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The key is you have to say it with a DNGAF attitude, and it has to be real though. If she takes it to the next level, you just STFU - you already said what you had to say, and you are moving on.

A&A does take practice, so start with lower level shit-talkers. Maybe just STFU with your MIL for now.

[–]drjamesstone1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Smile

"Yep"

She actually loves the idea her daughter married success.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's probably what most sane people would think. I'm insecure and looking for validation constantly on my achievements. No matter what I get done I need more validation from others. Sad really.

[–]drjamesstone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My MIL does shit like this all the time. I taunt her for sport and she eats it up. C'mon man, stop being a puss

[–]albus_scirocco1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?"

"No, I frequently fuck your daughter and make babies that you pick up for me."

Say it with a cocky grin - you're a funny asshole.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

ROFL if I said that omg.

[–]MrTippy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?"

"Yup"

Or

"Jealous?"

Or

Shrugs

Or

"Daughter! What did you do today at school? Did you have a good day?"

Or

Raises one eyebrow

Or

Etc.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"That and slay pussy"

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

"So RP bros, I come here for advice. How would you handle that situation?"

I would have got up and knocked the shit out of that bitch

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Srs, fuck who ever down voted this.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

i'm upvoting it as hard as i can

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And my diick

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tranny dick

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Shit tests are foreplay - your MIL was DTF.

How do I control the rage of wanting to smash shit when I'm disrespected?

By being your own judge. Grice's razor can also help idiots who don't understand banter.

Do you even sidebar, bro? Pook, NMMNG, WISNIFG - get to work.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just getting into all of this now. This sort of thing is something I've struggled with for a long time.

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read and apply the books I mentioned. They'll give you the basic tools to stop living in everyone else's frame. Take a break from worrying about what's a shit test and what's not until you have your head straight.

[–]mrpjourneyenabling fuck0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My MIL is a shit testing harpy for sure. I always AA that shit. Its actually quite fun, especially when I make it sexual about her daughter...

I would have responded "Got to keep my energy up with this little vixen around"! While making eye contact with my wife.

My favorite shit test from my MIL was when were were going on vacation. I was responsible for driving us down to the beach, about 8hrs. MIL, FIL, Wife, myself and 2 of our children. She actually asked me if I thought our SUV would be ok and make the trip. Like I would take my kids/wife in a car I thought couldn't make the fucking trip! LOL

Anyway I just responded "Nope, it will most likely breakdown about 200 miles out, you should plan accordingly".

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You seem like the type of guy who is good at those sort of comments. They always come off as forced for me and not funny. Like wtf did he just make a joke? Yeah pretty shitty. I'm going to get better though and you have given me some great ideas.

Your idea about AA and make it somewhat sexual about her daughter might make her think twice about trying to check me. Thanks man.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Even Peter FUCKING Griffin knows what to do in this scenario:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iAkcmoweFg

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LOL that's hilarious thanks for the laugh I needed it

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Want to get folks up in arms? Get them to talk about their MIL.

Need to read up on shit tests and frame.

I would have said "Sometimes I have soy sauce with my sushi." with a smirk and kept walking. Remember, it's not about what you say, it's how you say it. Think of your nonverbals. You cannot let this woman, or any woman crack your frame.

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What does get to you at this point? Anything? It's going to be a long road for me on that one. I have been known to be a bit of a hot head which I'm trying to address. Not good for friends, family, or business.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you seriously going to let you MIL get to you like that? What about your boss? Your coworker? Your friends? Your wife? Why would you EVER let anyone get to you like that. YOU are your mental point of origin.

It's a shit test. She is testing you on your shit. How are you going to respond? With butthurt?

Amused mastery. Look it up. That's what all these responses have in common. Except the punch in the face.

[–]unsolicitedaaadvice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you aren’t good with one-liners, you could always just try laughing it off and admitting it. Like, in a joking way if you were to say, while smiling, “you caught me red handed”, it would come across as pretty smooth. This approach really could take the wind out of her sails. I grew up in a neighborhood where there was a lot of mean spirited teasing and it was almost a matter of survival to handle it well (appear confident and unruffled), not blushing and angry. It’s hard though, if a MIL wants to have a go at you, she’s shielded by your wife.

[–]defnow6810 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"I do love the taste of fish." Then look at your wife and wink, and laugh content to yourself as you remember how much you just lifted at the gym

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OMG LOL you guys are killing me

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"So RP bros, I come here for advice. How would you handle that situation?"

Lighten the fuck up for god's sake

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Correct. It's hard though and I'm trying to work on it. My ego is monstrous and jump at the slightest insult.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]fnliftmx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I actually have this on my list. Did it help you?

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you get rattled when high school kids mock you? Or do you realize that they're just dumb kids?

You MIL is just a dumb kid. Her maturity peaked when she was 18. Your maturity surpassed hers when you hit 28, and it'll never peak.

Act like it.

Responses:
Agree and Amplify: "Mmrgh margle blagle blar" as you chew your food loudly.

Amused Mastery: "Gotta have my brain food to keep making the hard decisions."

Whenever she speaks, think of it as your little girl talking. Would it rile you if your little girl asked you if you just ate food all day?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bill signed on for your shit, not me.

Smack her on the ass and smile, move on with your day

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just found the RP a couple of days ago

I see this, I instantly think rambo.

How do I control the rage of wanting to smash shit when I'm disrespected?

If you think a comment about eating lunch is disrespect, you're a hell of a lot more insecure and beta than I would've imagined for your average poster.

All of this insecure nonsense over a throwaway line.

"Wow is that all you do all day sit at home and eat sushi?"

"Yeah, I try to."

[–]Alphaphux0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don’t know how to A&A or AM just fog it

wow is that all you do all day, sit home and eat sushi?

“Yep” - and keep eating

[–]sars4450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus you got so butthurt that your wife could even tell and came to give your bitch ass a hug.. Lmao

[–]OptimalMale10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would have started to laugh at her for saying that. Looked at my wife and say is she serious ? And moved on

[–]pimptywin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It seems to me she was just trying to be funny. I wouldn't over think this as something to worry about. Good luck man.



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