706,399 posts

FR: I Finally Woke Up and It's Game On

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February 12, 2018
14 upvotes

My first OYS is here:

[reddit!]https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7qqy5a/own_your_shit_weekly_january_16_2018/dsvt50a/?context=2&st=jdkftdp2&sh=9ee4d4d6

My Fitness details are here:

[reddit!]https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7vms8q/advice_on_bulking_diet/?st=jdkfu90a&sh=df4962ff

TL, DR; 42, 2 kids, married 11 years, dead bedroom

My MAP:

I set about my MAP last summer after reading Athol Kay’s MAP & MMSLP. Made vast improvements in my personal life & went from being a directionless, unmotivated waster to running my own business, having an active personal life and persuing my own hobbies. I straightened out my finances, wrote out my mission, set out my goals for the next 20 years and a plan of action to achieve them. Everything – in that respect – was sorted by Christmas.

I know what I want from life. I know how I’m going to get it. But there’s one thing missing….

Still no sex. Or affection of any kind. Not a kiss, hug or even a touch from her in months.

As you can guess, I discovered MRP the usual way. In January, I set about planning out my MRP map – lift, sidebar, read, STFU etc. Been at it 5 weeks.

An Awakening:

Friday morning, I got into my car to go to the office. I had spent the week hamstering. I realised that I was spending all my spare time thinking about what she was thinking. It was creeping into my work life. It was keeping me awake at night. I was posting stupid shit here about back scratches. I was doing the Dancing Monkey program. I was overthinking everything I said, everything I did, everything she said, everything she did. It was a disruptive and destructive force and it had control of me. I had not found my frame.

Sat in traffic, on my way to work, I realised that until I stopped all this, until I finally burned my ship on the shore, I would be stuck here, dancing around like a hamstering monkey. That’s when I decided I had to kill my ego, forget about “saving the relationship”, to forget about “winning her back” and to concentrate 100% on me and finally swallow the pill. It finally dawned on me that this was the only option, the only way forward, the only way I could stop the rattling and noise that was polluting my head.

I took a massive gulp.. and when I woke up. I felt free. Liberated. My life was finally back in my hands.

When I got to the office, I sat down and made a list with the heading “GFTOW”. I decided to write out a list of ten women I knew who – if I made the effort – would fuck me. TBH, I hadn’t decided if I was going to persue this line or to spin plates, but I had decided that either I was going to get what I wanted from my wife (ie., sex and sexual desire) or I was going to get it elsewhere.

The next couple of months of my MAP would be dedicated to this.

I decided that by summertime, I was going to be having sex again – either with or without her. I was taking back control of my life and that included my sex life.

I put eight names on the list & scratched off 3. “Five isn’t bad to start with”, I thought. I could easily add to that once I put myself about. I am after all, a fucking prize.

I put the list away, and started my day’s work. For the first time in months, I felt 100% focused on my work – no thoughts of her, what she was doing, what she might be thinking. I didn’t care. I’m awake. I’m reborn.

When One Hamster Dies, Another is Reborn:

Friday evening, I knocked off early, picked up the kids, came home, put some tunes on the stereo and cooked the dinner. I felt fantastic. My mood was lighter than it has been in months.. years maybe. Wife got home, we ate and chatted, I went off to the gym. Stopped off at the office and then the supermarket on the way home, so I got back later than usual.

She asked me where I had been. “Just sorting a few things out”, I told her.

“Are you seeing someone else?” she asked

“Would you care if I was?” I replied

“You didn’t answer my question” she said

“Neither did you” I replied

“Who is this girl Hannah?” she asked.

“Why are you asking me about Hannah?”

“Because she was ringing you over Christmas”

Backstory needed here. A couple of times over Christmas, Hannah rang me when I wasn’t in the room (I leave my phone in the kitchen when I get home). My wife saw the calls coming in on the phone. At the time, she said nothing about it and never asked who she was. Hannah is my accountant, though my wife doesn’t know that.

“Ok” I said.

“So are you sleeping with her or not?” she asks

“Would you care if I was?” I replied again

“Look, I’ve been really angry with you” she says, “I loved you so much when I met you and always put you first. I would have done anything for you but you let me down and I’ve been angry with you and I’ve been angry with myself for not standing up to you and for not standing up for myself. That’s why I’ve been the way I have been with you for the last few months”.

“OK” I replied.

“I’m exhausted with all of this – I just want to be loved”, she says.

So I take her in my arms and hold her. She’s like a floppy rag doll, hands down by her sides. I hold her closer. No response. We stay like that for a few minutes, then I step back.

“You haven’t told me what you want”, she says

“You haven’t asked” I reply

She starts to cry – “You have to tell me something. You’re not saying anything. Tell me, what do you want?”

“I want you”, I reply

She moves towards me and hugs me for the first time in months. Not just a hug. It’s like she’s melted into my arms.

I pass a comfort test. Dread is creeping in. It didn’t happen at Christmas when the calls came in but now she’s actually worried now because my SMV is on the rise. She’s hamstering and the hamster is getting tired. It’s wearing her down.

I kiss her on the head and go off to my studio to mix some tracks.

White Light / White Heat:

The next day, we had family over – my brother, his wife, their 3 boys. They’re staying with us for the night. She takes the kids off for the day, I stay at home, organise the beds, tidy up and cook. I’ve prepped like a boss. The dinner goes great – everyone complimenting the cooking. My brother is diabetic, so I’ve made a non-sugar desert from avocado and cocoa powder. Goes down a bomb.

I haven’t seen my brother’s wife in 8 years. She keeps going on about how well I look these days, how I’m in such good shape.

I’ve organised a night out for us all – a gig in town. Two experimental indie rock bands. Think The Velvet Underground with no Lou Reed. I fucking love this shit. I expect everyone else not to but I don’t care – this is me doing what I love doing. By the end of the night, everyone has had a few drinks and all enjoying themselves. The wife is kinoing me every chance she can get. I’m in my element, smiling, having fun with my brother, chatting to people in the bar. A good night all round.

We get back, get into bed and my wife thanks me for organising such a great day and for looking after everyone. She kisses me goodnight.

First kiss in over 6 months.

Game On:

Next morning, I get up. She’s in the kitchen. I walk right up to her, hold her head in my hands and give her a full on kiss on the lips. I see a look in her eyes that I haven’t seen in years – the look of a girl who has just been kissed by a man that she really wants.

The plan now? Just keep on going the way I was going. My life is now back in my hands, I have control and I feel fucking fantastic. I'm not afraid of losing her anymore. It's time to rock the boat, initiate hard and up the dread as required.

By summer time, I will allow some lucky lady (or ladies) to share this new found vibe with me and will reward them by fucking them seven ways till Sunday.

It’s game on.

Currently Reading: Sex God Method ;)


Post Information
Title FR: I Finally Woke Up and It's Game On
Author SBIII
Upvotes 14
Comments 48
Date 12 February 2018 04:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204829
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7x1yyx/fr_i_finally_woke_up_and_its_game_on/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPdread gameframehamsterplatesexual market valuecomfort testliftgame
Comments

[–]PersaeusRed Beret18 points19 points  (11 children) | Copy

“OK” I replied.

pay attention n00bs. this is how you STFU and let the hamster do the work for you.

the iron is hot OP. strike before the metal cools

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

u/SBIII, Dude, me and you are clearly on the arty side of the spectrum. Listen to u/Persaeus: "the iron is hot OP. strike before the metal cools". And have something lined up if she resists. And probably not that hotie Hannah. That's not now. Something, like one of your gigs or mix some music up for some millennials that you hook up with online (fiverr.com, Upwork.com). Find them, build you value and dowse your creative fires in gasoline. Do something that creates an inferno if she declines to light your fire. Then...rinse and repeat. Everyday. Remember the MRP rule The Stay Plan is The Go Plan.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Cheers, man.

I'm in this for the long haul.. I created this mess, so I'm gonna do my best to clear it up. Well aware of the fact that this may never happen and I'm resolved to this fact but at the same time, I'm here to learn as much as I can from MRP and apply it in my daily life and my interactions with my wife.

That includes not jumping on the first pussy that lands in my lap, no matter how tempting, curvy and doe faced it may be.

Unlike Blue Pill Professor, I don't believe that cheating is sinful or wrong - my personal morals differ in that respect but I know that by doing so, it could all blow up in my face and make this whole process pointless.

While the sex would indeed be welcome, I've managed not to die without fucking for the last 6 months and have set a timeline on my MAP, so either way, by the end of the summer, I'll be fucking my wife again or fucking someone else. I can wait that long if I have to, but I will need to change my username to the Blue Ball Professor.

I'll play the active dread levels if it needs to come to that but I'm still working through the early stage dread levels at the minute... somewhere inbetween DL2 & 3 at the minute with some catching up to do on the lifting.

This whole thing with Hannah has inadvertantly caused some dread that I really wasn't expecting and it didn't really happen with the best timing.

There was another blow up about it tonight. She asked me again who Hannah was. I told her and then told her again that nothing is or was going on. Then I told her that this shit had to stop and that I wasn't going to put up with her questioning me about having an affair every time a phone call came in from a female or if I met someone for a coffee.

She told me she didn't trust me and didn't believe that that was all that was going on. I told her that wasn't my problem. Probably went a bit too far with this - I was a bit annoyed but I finished by saying that if I wanted to go and fuck someone else, that I wouldn't be hiding it from her. I'm not afraid to live my life in fear of what anyone thinks of what I do - including her.

Anyhow, I'm going to follow the advice I read on another thread - and indeed from BBPs book - and just slow the boat for the minute and give the rope a bit of time to take up the slack.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, it could be argued that your inability to just say “Hannah is my Accountant”, gives your wife all the power.

If you’re relying on the dread that this is creating I would say it’s working against you.

She’s getting all the feelings she needs from your resistance. They’re negative feelz but she got your ass providing them.

You’re not outcome independent. She’s owning you by pestering you. You’re doing your best to frame up but you don’t have the frame to blow it off in an IDGAF manner.

Listen man, I can’t do much in AA with my wife and I am always, in my circle, at the heart of the party. I am witty, fast, acerbic and absurd. With my wife when she’s testing, that basic technique is not available to me because my frame and OI are not quiet there yet. It comes off as sarcastic or covert or bitchy. So, i have to move on to something that gives me a neutral air. I develop my social circle, look for new business, say yes to nearly everything that gets me out of the House. Whatever. But I have to choose that or IDGAF attitude.

Pick the tool you can use well and use it.

Look at this for a major flip of the tables . And u/wildnight98 has great fun turning a shitstorm around.

If you want to know what your wifey sees when you're fobbing her off read this blistering analysis of butthurt by u/Red-Curious ‘cause you’re right here

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm actually starting to think that she's enjoying this dread.

In the early days, I had a few plates. When we started getting serious, I dropped the plates but bed hopped for a few years. I always suspected that she knew this but was never really sure as she never brought it up.

However, in the last few days she's mentioned a couple of times that I've cheated on her before. Which means that she knew - maybe not the details - but was definitely aware of the fact that I was fucking around.

I'm starting to get a strong suspicion that the thoughts of me fucking someone else is actually a turn on for her. If that's the case, then it's probably no coincidence that our sex life started to take a downhill curve when I decided - for "honourable" reasons - that it was the "right" thing to stop fucking around with other women.

I'm going to try and use this now to my sexual advantage. See if I can trip the switch on this and play to the fantasy.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

By summer time, I will allow some lucky lady (or ladies) to share this new found vibe with me and will reward them by fucking them seven ways till Sunday.

And this is where you win. You didn't let the little bit of sexual attention from her change your frame. I thought this was going to end with you putting the list away and finding hope in her change of attitude, but it didn't. That means the pussy has lost its power over you. Well done.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

Make some people’s numbers into girls names or things like

“Free beer”

“Free massage “

“Blowjobs “

Leave phone out when they call. Make sure wife can see the names

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dread level: sinister

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dread level : DNGAF mode

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thought you were always in that mode. Nobody calls my phone except telemarketers. If she's in the room, sometimes I listen for a while, say "ok" softly and hang up.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lol.

of course I have fucks to give.
for people who add to my life

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Literally laughed out loud at this.

[–]BobbyPeru5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds like you had a burning bush moment...

We’ll see if it was real after you report back she’s fucking you multple times a week.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

or OP is fucking strange. which she it is really doesn't matter

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, either way...

3 frogs are sitting on a log and 1 makes a decision to jump off.

How many frogs are now on the log?

——————————————————

3 , because that one only made a decision and hasn’t taken action yet.

OP is taking action, but time will tell if he can continue once the burning bush euphoria wears off.

[–]ReturnOfTheSwing4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Next morning, I get up. She’s in the kitchen. I walk right up to her, hold her head in my hands and give her a full on kiss on the lips. I see a look in her eyes that I haven’t seen in years – the look of a girl who has just been kissed by a man that she really wants.

Now, I'm going to quote something from your linked OYS post:

I gave up on initiations a long time ago and just haven’t been able to pull it back. Been working on my own shit, building up my SMV and have seen an increase in her attraction to me. But I’ve done nothing about it and am stuck in this mode. I constantly tell myself that I need to ramp up but I just don’t do it. It’s like the drawbridge has been pulled up and I’m afraid to take a leap across the moat. I tell myself I’m building up slowly but that’s just an excuse. As Athol says – and I quote him badly here - “the bull doesn’t wander into the field and complain that the cows aren’t trying to fuck him”.

You know what you need to do. Go for it. You're reading SGM, too. Transform all that pent up emotion into raw passion. Be the bull.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's the plan! The drawbridge is down. Time to unleash the beast.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Look for a mention in my OYS tomorrow. Is she fucking you? She's had 3 opportunites now. I like the attitude. You push on either way.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

there goes garganuanblarg99 (sic probably)

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Haven't fucked yet. The brother's family were with us all weekend, but they left this morning, so I'll be ramping up this week.

[–]weakandsensitive10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Limiting beliefs are limiting.

We had sex in the bathroom of the hotel because daughter was laying down on the bed.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Limiting beliefs are limiting.

Very true. Gonna keep that thought very much in mind.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Would appreciate a bit of feedback on this..

Got home from the gym, hopped in the shower. While I was in there, a text came in from Hannah.

Got downstairs to a torrent of questions about her (she'd obviously seen the text)..

"Who is this girl who was ringing you over Christmas? Were you with her? Did you sleep with her? Did you kiss her? Does she know you're married?" etc

My only reply was, "She's a friend " and when she kept pushing, I said "nothing happened".

Then she tells me she doesn't trust me & doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

"OK" I reply.

"And I don't want you in the bed with me - I don't even want you in the house anymore" she says.

"That's not going to happen" I replied "It's my bed, it's my house and that's not happening. If you want to move out, you know where the door is".

She looks a bit shocked. Thinks about it for a minute and says "OK, we'll have to come to some arrangement then because I can't keep going on like this".

I shrug and finish making my lunch for tomorrow.

Dread, hamstering, or just crazy PMS talk? Da fuck if I know.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

So - you been fucking other women or no?

In either case, you should probably be going on the offensive instead of defensive.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I met Hannah for a coffee today. Man, she is hot. Polish girl, long blonde hair, curves in all the right places, Bambi eyes, a good ten years younger than me and a fucking magnificent pair of tits.

All the signs are there from her - body language, eye contact, kino - there is no doubt, that I could fuck this woman if I wanted to. Or rather if I allowed myself to - because of course I want to fuck her. She is hot AF. You would have to be a total eunuch if you didn't want to fuck this girl.

But for the minute, Hannah is a friend. A tempting, teasing and titty fuck of a friend. A test of majorly voluptuous proportions.

I'm prepared to blow up my marriage and walk away if things don't work out the way I want, I'm not prepared to do it now. That's not part of this stage of the plan.

Anyhow, I think yesterday was just a massive shit test combined with a bit of dread. Six months ago if the same thing had happened I would have done one of the following things:

a). have said that I was thinking of fucking this girl coz I wasn't getting it from her (and covertly think that this would make her want to fuck me)

b). have pleaded with her to give the relationship another chance

c). have told her that I was changing and improving (in a "look at how great I am now?" kind of way, "You can't leave me").

d). got butthurt about it and moved to the spare bedroom

e). a combination or all of the above combined in one desperate plea.

Yesterday, I stood my ground, gave her a firm "No", told her where my boundaries lie and told her that if she wanted to exit the relationship, I wasn't going to stop her. And I meant every word of it. There was no bluffing or faking it - I've made it to the point where my frame is solid.

That's not to say that I don't give a fuck, that part of me wasn't thinking, "what the fuck is going on here?" or wondering if I handled it well. If that was the case, I wouldn't be here.

But after I posted here last night and sat down to chill with a cup of tea and processed things, I thought that if she did actually pack her bags and leave right now, I'd be fine with that. A bit pissed off for sure - but I wouldn't turn into a blubbery mess and start pleading or begging with her, I wouldn't go off the rails and start drinking again, it wouldn't make me run off to the shop to buy some cigarettes. I would be fine. I would keep doing what I'm doing now, just minus the Jedi mind-fucks.

Anyhow, about an hour later, she comes back to me and asks me what the plans are for the weekend.

Never a dull moment. :)

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The opposite of love is apathy, not hate.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

True. Not sure what this means here though. Are you saying she's apathetic?

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm saying until your reaction is apathy instead of anger, try not to bullshit yourself into thinking you don't care. Get to real OI - read about BostonBrakeJob's FR.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the clarification.

I used to get quite angry whenever I was tested. I'd react by either the angry silent treatment or just not listening or shouting back.

I haven't done this in a while - definitely not in the last few months. It's one of the first things I told myself to keep in check and after a while it became a default setting. If she vents, I listen. If she crosses a boundary, I say "no". But never in anger.

Have I truly reached the level of apathy? Am I bullshitting myself into thinking I don't care?

Yeah - probably to some extent.

I'll go read that FR.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

I love me a good turnaround story. The thing is, you don't get extra points for the whole life turnaround thing.

I'd ask you what do you want, but it really is delusional horseshit.

The real question is what is your plan and what are you going to do. Just keeping going the way you are going is not enough. What's your mission.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

My Mission is this:

My work I love my work with a passion. And I'm fucking good at it. I started my own business last year my plan is to keep it steady for the next 18 months until I really establish my "brand". I want to build my reputation as being the "go-to guy" in my field by honing in on the skills that I'm best at.

It's been working well so far, so I aim to contiinue that way and then see how to expand the business. My long term goal for this is to have several branches of design work coming from the one Studio (basically all under the same name). I have other plans to move into retailing / supply of design items but that's longer term as I'll need more capital than what I have at the minute.

My Music

Music has and always will be a passion of mine but I gave up on it for the last 5 years. I'm back writing, recording and making videos. I fucking love this too. My songwriting is better now than it has ever been. I plan to get a band together this year to record and play some gigs. This isn't about money or fame, it's just purely for my own enjoyment.

On a side note, I started writing a song on Friday after my "awakening". It's working title is "Blue Pill Blues".

The Red Factory This is my ultimate goal. To open a "factory" consisting of several spaces for design - one that will house my commercially driven business(es), a seperate space for recording (to rent / lease out to musicians) a third space for exhibitions and events and a fourth space that will provide a free workspace for young people (teens) where they can work on creative projects and get mentoring from the people who are working in or using the factory. There is nothing like that here and I'd love to be able to give something to like that to kids - the kind of place I would have loved to have had when I was young. Somewhere that will encourage expression, experimentation, music, art and design.

Obviously, this goal is at the longer end of my long term goals / mission but it's the grail of it.

Positive Masculinity to keep developing myself as a man;

To follow my dreams, goals and mission with a passion and to not waste time or energy on anything or anyone that doesn't help me achieve what I want.

To be the best father I can be to my kids by showing them how to live by my example.

To stay fit / get fitter through exercise and eating well. Keep the body as healthy as I can and look as sexy as possible. :)

To become a Sex God.

To live my life without fear of anything or anyone, to love without conditions and to die without any regrets.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Good. Now get to work.

So say you turn your ship around, progress through the levels of dread. Say your wife sees the changes and responds (after six months of no hugs/kisses). What will you do from a mission standpoint? If that 1000 foot rope starts pulling in tighter, what then?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

What she does or doesn't do will have no effect on my mission. She's not even part of it.

However if the rope tightens enough for her to catch up and climb on board the ship, I'll make room for her.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Outstanding. u/mariobell, you should read this.

Love that your mission has nothing about her in it.

Careful that you don't replace the dancing monkey program with validation seeking. Ask me how I know.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very nice. +1.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I hope you mean that. So many guys can't wrap this around their head, and LARP for years

[–]straius0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And a lot get surprised that when they do, it can be even more demanding than before. But hopefully the man is actually up to the task to reap the rewards now.

Ie... The curse of a woman's fully awakened sexuality is it's voracity and demand for performance. But I'll take that which sharpens over that which dulls you down.

Hope nobody thinks post RP is gonna be any easier than pre.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn’t get easier; you get better

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

+1, very good mission statement

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The Red Factory

sounds amazing dude

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers. The idea only came to me about two weeks ago, so I've not really planned it out yet. It's like a logical step though - to bring all the things I love into one place and make it into a big commercial venture with a kickback for kids. A heady idea, and an expensive one, but fuck it - it's something to really aim for and work towards. Gives me a long term mission / goal to strive to complete.

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

No hug or kiss for six months?

Jesus. Sometimes seeing how big these issues get for others puts it all in perspective. Plus, Mondays suck.

Did you see Jesus, too, during your epiphany? Be careful, these things sometimes seem so big and then kind of fade away.

If you've been in this position this long...

we have barely touched or kissed in months.

... then you likely have issues with initiative and proactivity, though your recent OYS posts are moving the needle.

Keep the inertia going... hard, harder, hardest... and then even harder still... but be fucking careful you're not doing this for her and her little kisses. Christ.

Edit - You've gotta work on this man:

Arms 12"

Unless that's your wrist or something? Is that a typo? Christ2.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

LOL. No typo. I'm a skinny fuck. I'll keep at the weights.

None of this is for her. I think part of the reason I wasn't initiating or even gaming the wife is because I knew I would be doing it simply because it is part of "the process".

But I wasn't feeling it. So I didn't do it.

On Saturday, I walked up to her, bold as can be and kissed her hard because I wanted to. I wanted it, so I went over to her and took it. It was entirely for me. I didn't think "this is the game / kino I need to be doing". It came from within, totally from my own frame.

The look she gave me showed that she recognised that too.

This look would have meant validation to me in previous months. On Saturday, it didn't. I just saw a woman who looked back at me with a submissive, girly look and thought to myself, "yeah, I'm back."

[–]officepeeon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"yeah, I'm back." This. /salute!

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

“Look, I’ve been really angry with you” she says, “I loved you so much when I met you and always put you first. I would have done anything for you but you let me down and I’ve been angry with you and I’ve been angry with myself for not standing up to you and for not standing up for myself. That’s why I’ve been the way I have been with you for the last few months”.

Wow. That could have been a direct quote from my wife. While I did not have a dead bedroom, it was in ICU for a while. The road back to tightening the rope can be tough. While my wife and I are still having sex - yesterday was the first time she said "I love you" via text (or in any form) in the last @ 8 months. I think that was more of an indication of my attraction level vs sex (since the sex never 100% dried up).

Getting back to being the prize and not being "afraid to lose her" is a big step. When my wife and I first met a long time ago - I had a pretty awesome lift with friends, hobbies and I had a vision. I have allowed for allow of that to be slowly eroded away over the years. Congrats on getting some of that back for yourself.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

first time she said "I love you" via text (or in any form) in the last @ 8 months. I think that was more of an indication of my attraction level vs sex (since the sex never 100% dried up).

She is not likely to drop the L-bomb because you look good, more likely because she feels safe / trusts you and can see where you are headed together (good captain). Unless she is feeling serious dread.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Should have been more clear. When I used "attraction" here I meant leading life that attracts her (safe/trust/good captian). Thanks for the clarification.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, I've been gaming and kinoing all week. Kisses, ass smacks, being cheeky AF. Initiated today, got turned down. No biggy. The game is still on.

My wife is now a sex object - I ask for sex and she objects.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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