Alright. Amongst the maelstrom of acronyms, sidebar theories, broken lives testimonials, the "uneasiness" of my marriage feels like literally nothing. And maybe it is nothing.
I started dating this girl when I was 17. She was the same age. Good family, good parents. We were wrecks appearance-wise. Myself more than her, too thin and zits all over the face.
I too came from a nicely structured family. My mom was basically "Queen Gorgo" on us three brothers, and many of the RP tenets here were, in a way or another, taught us by her when we were still adolescents. She was damn smart, elevated IQ, but my father was a real "Leonidas" at home too, and he always made himself respected, improving himself and giving no breaches for "Chads". (pardon for my pop culture poor comparisons for easy understanding of our subjective view on them).
Well, I didn't expect anything from it actually. Never had oneitis for my girlfriend, neither did her. She seemed "ethical", treated their parents well, and was generally a good person. No red flags.
Post high-school I bettered myself considerably, having nailed a $ 80,000-year government job by myself at 19. We were staying together, staying together, and when we were 22, we committed. Safe to say our "families" committed too, because gosh, they are close. Father-in-law and mother-in-law are like parents, to both of us.
I, myself, wasn't so eager to marry, but having witnessed so many failed relationships, so many "witches", I feared never being able to meet someone that "decent" again, with no past traumas, with a clean sheet. I knew she wanted to, but she never forced me or even directly hinted at it. I proposed her by myself. Full responsibility.
Bear in mind. None of us had previous bfs/gfs, and I believe we bonded well because of that.
I get absolutely - almost zero - shit tests from her. She takes care of her appearance and health. She is hot. Sex is plenty and spontaneous. Our circle of friends is minimal, and I have absolutely no reason to believe she ever cheated or even considered the deed.
To the "problem": we are 29 now. I improved myself considerably. Learned 4 languages to fluency from scratch, masters degree, and might nail an even higher paying international government job which will require extensive traveling in the next year or so.
While at that, I am constantly bringing new things to the marriage. Travelling, never being boring, taking her to dancing classes, to swimming, gym... Being an "alpha" to her in my "beta" relationship. I also do my best to make her have a real job and life responsibilities. We also share house chores, and she knows I am adamant about not wanting to have an idle "housewife" at home.
Recently I saw this passage posted here by an older member:
But men don't choose women based on anything else regarding the typical things that define a man's status such as career and > intelligence.
We don't give two shits if a woman has a Phd and has a 6-digit-salary. If she's hot, she's hot. Having a PhD or making 6-digits does not make a woman more attractive, unlike men. She can be a fucking janitor for all I care, and if she's hot, I'd still fuck her.
Well... I have a fair build, I earn fairly well, I have nice social skills. I get hit a lot not only at my job but by other government contacts which I will probably never meet again. I can honestly tell you I give a rat's ass about bimbos, and I don't feel attraction at all by a "hot" woman who is not also witty and intellectual. In these seven years, I cheated once, with a very smart overseas job contact, with probably a whole other plethora of flaws, and I plan on never doing that again. I felt weak and irresponsible, and it made me lose footing with my real self (don't know how to better describe the feeling).
Thing is, I am increasingly meeting new people, including women of course, who I can actually have a meaningful, "intellectual" conversation with. This is, in turn, making me increasingly frustrated with my wife, as much as I love her, and care for her, and try to teach her new things. It feels as if I can't learn a single thing from her. (not that I should, I keep telling myself that). And she tries. I can see in her eyes she does. It doesn't "seem" to be her fault at all. She doesn't have any cognitive problems... It is more like... I bring her with me to a group of friends from the job. She stays mute.
I feel like a jerk for thinking this way, but I am increasingly feeling like I don't have a "partner" at all, but that I married a "daughter", who I can't have a single larger-than-life conversation with. We also want kids, but I would like her to have an active role in raising them too.
So, I don't know if I should "man-up", recognizing there aren't really many "decent" women around to have an LTR with, and simply ignore this. (I know, AWALT, nothing is guaranteed, I mean "decent" as no traumas, no past "comparisons", daddy issues, etc.) Nobody made me make a vow anyways...
Or if I should just let her go, while she is in her "prime" - physically she is - and keep looking for someone with these traits. Thing is, my current "feel" of the market is not very good, and there are always problems which surface with time with anyone anyways. So, maybe, why bother.
Any veterans with similar experiences? Am I someone really blissful, and ignorant about the harsh realities of relationships who should just shut the fuck up?
PS: I honestly don't put the responsibility for my "happiness" over her at all. If I found out she cheated on me, repeatedly even, of course, I would be upset, but I wouldn't be "broken" by it. I myself erred once, and a divorce wouldn't break me mentally.