706,399 posts

New to Pill - How to react? Wife not in 'mood'

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February 3, 2018
7 upvotes

My first post, I awoke to the redpill in november after reading No More Mr Nice Guy.... since then ive read almost every book suggested. Currently going through "When i say no, i feel guilty"

Anyway.. Been married for 8 years, a 4 year old and 1 year old... Great family dynamic.
I already have a lot going for me even before discovering the red pill. Tall, goodlooking, making over six figures (leadership role dealing with major cash flows) and I have a lot of so called 'desirable' traits... I can kill it in the kitchen and have no notion of "that's a male/female job" so i will often clean, do laundry... whatever needs to be done to progress the family. I was always the type of person that wanted to learn how to do something b/c i didn't want to be dependent on anyone for anything.

Anyway... after 7 years ive realized a few major issues;

  1. I spent alot of spare time playing videos - I've stopped completely and replaced this with new hobbies, including reading books and house improvements/fixes
  2. I spent alot of time smoking weed, which i also stopped (went from every day to like twice a month)
  3. I never initiated properly with my wife - Basically waiting patiently for the drip sex or blowjob to get me through the next few weeks. My porn addiction put me in a weird place when i just wanted her to initate
  4. Porn/Masturbation was my primary source of sexual release... I think i had a major addiction to this and it really messed up my sexual desires and what i wanted from my wife - I quit porn/FAPP, approaching 3rd month
  5. I suffer from PE - I cant have sex with her for more than a minute without unloading. I've been reading books on this and trying to improve it, but has still been a major battle - Also the reason that, throughout our 7 years, i preferred blowjobs.. i think i was just so lacking in the PIV department that i avoided it
  6. All the sex do's and don'ts - I did all the don'ts. Never primarily dominate, never had a plan. I would always discuss with her "what she wanted to do next" and most importantly, sex was relegated to night time and in our bed... so rejection resulted in me laying there frustrated. I guess i'm the AFC7)

I cannot recall any childhood trauma that made me like this.. My parents stayed together and provided me with a good upbringing.. but my dad was never romantic towards my mom and would do absolutely nothing during special days.. which i kind of carried into this marriage.

Anyway, since reading all this eye opening stuff i've made some changes... Lifting weights (following the body of a spartan program) and really worked hard on fixing my idea that 'romance was a womens department' and took that over.... Im now planning dates, taking her out... implementing Kino and overall showing her that i desire her. Since quitting porn i am no longer sexually 'dormant' for long periods of time and approach her for sex almost every/other day. I've always had my diet in check and have about 16% bodyfat. In general, i started to take more charge around the house and stopped letting her run the show

Sex went from 1-2 a month to 2-3 a week, which i'm very happy with... although the quality has not improved...

Most importantly, last night after Kino all day I initiated after her shower and she said "no, i want to watch a show first (with me) and then do it" -> Typical since she only really likes sex at the end of the day right before bed (problem to overcome for sure)

So i play it cool and say OK, get dressed and go downstairs... After the show I go do a few quick things and come back to initiate... after some kissing and touching she just tells me "shes not in the mood" which i assume shes not in the mood for foreplay and connecting with me... although she is clearly not saying NO to me fucking her. I dont ask -> So i get her on her hands/knees and have a quickie from behind. During the sex she clearly starts to enjoy it and her mood changes.... Doesn't matter much because of my PE problem its over pretty quick

So im not sure how to take this. Ive STFU about it and just carried on, but internally my intuition is going nuts.. I havent been able to have a real sexual session with her in a long while... like where i can use foreplay and build up to sex... its always quick sex b/c she wants to watch TV or live on instagram. She's "not in the mood" kind of just feels like she doesnt desire me (and shows me no actions to make me think otherwise.) I mean i have 7 years of bad husbandry to overcome.... AND a major PE problem that seems impossible to fix. I've always made her have orgasms orally (when she is 'in the mood' i guess)

Do i just keep hitting the gym, trying to generate dread, and kino her.... Is it all just too early? Is it too late?

Another problem (in general) is being a father of two young kids, and having a senior managers job, my 'free time' is pretty tight.. after hitting the gym i typically have like 30 minutes left for myself...


Post Information
Title New to Pill - How to react? Wife not in 'mood'
Author Steve_rebooting
Upvotes 7
Comments 12
Date 03 February 2018 03:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204862
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7uzvxq/new_to_pill_how_to_react_wife_not_in_mood/
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leadershipdread gamekinoliftthe red pill
Comments

[–]SeamusAwl6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

The “i want to watch X first” is a soft no and a shit test. You also need to learn game if you had been gaming her all day and got a soft no. To which you just gave up!

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your post reflects your state of mind right now. Your mind is all over the place and being overclocked.

Slow down to a gentle panic and take stock. You are making changes on many fronts of your life. Your mind is constantly monitoring every move you make.

Now, you are making progress in the right direction. She is going to catch up but not at the same pace. She is still checking things out to see what is up and are you sustaining the new changes.

For PE, I did find after lifting for a good few months and strengthening my core my performance became much better, both in stamina and ability. I was much more dominant in bed.

Initiating, face her and initiate. Don't claw from behind, she has 2 kids grabbing at her the whole day. Stand your ground and draw her into you, not you move to her or after her. It is a power play where she has to submit to you, not you storming the gates trying to get a fuck out of it. Slow your roll and draw her in, that is when the good sex happens.

If there is a tv in the bedroom it is time to remove it. Bedrooms are made for sleeping and sex.

[–]RedPillPowerNine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Grip your cock really hard while you jack off to porn, it can desensitize it. Guys who do it unintentionally end up having a hard time completing piv, so take it easy. Google death grip and porn I think.

Some SSRI's can delay ejaculations but that's an insane risk, brain drugs can be a pain to get off.

You need to tackle that issue man its proablly been plaguing you in your mind like a broken record for years.

I have been there myself, the problem went away after having a shit pile of sex. If your frequency is shit you might have to step it up more to make progress but that's kind of a catch 22 situation now.

Practice STFU and maintaing frame, there is enough there to keep you buisy for a few months. You have been asleep at the weel for years.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who cares.

Heres a tip:

How about you come back and try posting again when your not high. Pick one of the other 28 days of the month your not hitting the bong while your in front of the TV playing video games, locked in your parents basement.

As if you expect anyone to believe your shit as written.

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, sounds like multiple addictions going on here. OP go take some online quizzes about sex addiction and drug addition. I’d be willing to be your both.

[–]Helrade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can relate to some of your issues from my past/present. Sounds like to me you are on the right track to correcting your problems . It’s hard to be sexually dominant when you are not sexually confident. It’s that burden of performance that we have to accept. The wife just has to lay there. Unfair. From my own experience having more frequent sex helps a lot in building confidence even if it’s not great. Giving up the porn was a really good decision.

[–]ProfessorDrNoob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get your estrogen levels checked. High estro gives me PE, and makes it harder to maintain frame in general.

[–]Zehoff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not judging but agree your mind is all over the place at the moment. After listening to Jordan Peterson Desroy Cathy Newman I looked up allot of his stuff. He talks allot about consistently writing stuff down to make goals in gym life etc also makes your mind more manageable. It really helped me anyway.

He is a badass too and sits on a throne of Redpills!

[–]steve_rap0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for all the replies and taking the time to give me some perspective.

I do agree i am fairly new on this journey and have over 7 years of bad habits and 'expectations' to break through.

I've completely kicked the weed and reserve it for parties/get togethers (Thought i was pretty clear about that. in my OP) My comments about 6 figures wasn't about 'her getting wet over it' but more to illustrate that i dont have a financial or career slump.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I cant have sex with her for more than a minute without unloading.

This is an easy fix with a sex therapist. The practice is also fun so I am told!

Are you really in the dark about why the wife is not "in the mood" very often? Sex with you must be a horrible episode of dissapointment. Think how Aziz Ansari felt after the slut blew him twice but didn't finish him off. That's how your wife feels every time you have sex!

Have you tried going double or nothing? A quick dump truck for you, followed by a much longer session for her? Have you tried toys, vibrators, or numbing gel?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I already have a lot going for me even before discovering the red pill. Tall, goodlooking, making over six figures (leadership role dealing with major cash flows)

Making six figures does not make a woman want you in the way you want.

and I have a lot of so called 'desirable' traits... I can kill it in the kitchen and have no notion of "that's a male/female job" so i will often clean, do laundry... whatever needs to be done to progress the family. I was always the type of person that wanted to learn how to do something b/c i didn't want to be dependent on anyone for anything.

So you're proficient in choreplay! Wonderful.

Didn't I just say that these traits are not going to make women want you in the way you want.

Anyway... after 7 years ive realized a few major issues; 1) I spent alot of spare time playing videos - I've stopped completely and replaced this with new hobbies, including reading books and house improvements/fixes 2) I spent alot of time smoking weed, which i also stopped (went from every day to like twice a month) 3) I never initiated properly with my wife - Basically waiting patiently for the drip sex or blowjob to get me through the next few weeks. My porn addiction put me in a weird place when i just wanted her to initate 4) Porn/Masturbation was my primary source of sexual release... I think i had a major addiction to this and it really messed up my sexual desires and what i wanted from my wife - I quit porn/FAPP, approaching 3rd month 5) I suffer from PE - I cant have sex with her for more than a minute without unloading. I've been reading books on this and trying to improve it, but has still been a major battle - Also the reason that, throughout our 7 years, i preferred blowjobs.. i think i was just so lacking in the PIV department that i avoided it 6) All the sex do's and don'ts - I did all the don'ts. Never primarily dominate, never had a plan. I would always discuss with her "what she wanted to do next" and most importantly, sex was relegated to night time and in our bed... so rejection resulted in me laying there frustrated. I guess i'm the AFC7)

Stop doing beta things like playing videos. Stop smoking weed. Game your wife. Quit porn - go nofap if you have to. Stop living in your wife's frame for sex.

I cannot recall any childhood trauma that made me like this.. My parents stayed together and provided me with a good upbringing.. but my dad was never romantic towards my mom and would do absolutely nothing during special days.. which i kind of carried into this marriage.

Good that you recognized this. Now what are you going to do about it?

Most importantly, last night after Kino all day I initiated after her shower and she said "no, i want to watch a show first (with me) and then do it" -> Typical since she only really likes sex at the end of the day right before bed (problem to overcome for sure)

You need to game your wife more and up your SMV, but still, good progress.

You had a soft no. You need to work on that.

Another problem (in general) is being a father of two young kids, and having a senior managers job, my 'free time' is pretty tight.. after hitting the gym i typically have like 30 minutes left for myself...

Get your butt up a hour early. Get some discipline! Get it done then.

[–]JudgeDoom690 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Making six figures does not make a woman want you in the way you want.

Rosie O'Donnell has an estimated net worth of $100 million. It doesn't make her attractive.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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