Guys. See my "fat wife in Dubai post" in marriedredpill for background.
Me: 44 yo, 6'3", 195#, 12% BF. Very fit. Lift nearly every day. Her: 44 yo, 5'6", 210#, BMI 33 (saw dr's report. worse than I originally thought) hurt foot, aching knee Dead bedroom. I stoped the Viagra and stopped sex with her because it was gross. She knows why without me even saying. She doesn't ask. 2 awesome kids, all of us living in Dubai
I'll fill in the details of the last month later but - in short - I am more and more comfortable with ending this marriage and when she moves back to OK, I will follow to be with the kids and find another job. I know I can be successful anywhere I go. Even in OK.
I am ready to tell her I don't want to be married anymore. She has no real friends here in Dubai, SAHM, and time on her hands. Telling her this news will devastate her. She has no where to go in Dubai and no real friends so I'm worried that she will be on the phone for hours to her mom and friends in OK and the drama of her weeping and moaning will affect the children. This will be hard enough for them. I don't want additional drama or her begging me to stay, crying all the time stuck in Dubai, with the kids looking on.
I want to suggest that she go back to the USA for a month or so to see and enjoy her family without kids it tow. Relax, go to a doctor for her feet, knees, and weight in OK. Our summer visits are typically stressful racing around to see family, dealing with jetlag, etc... This gets her to family and in a comfortable place.
After a few weeks, I will tell her I don't want to be married anymore. This lets her absorb the news without me around, with her OK family and friends at her side, in a familiar and comfortable place. The kids will not have to deal with her reaction.
I will suggest that she come back to Dubai in a month or so to sort through belongings and ship them back to USA. In the meantime, I want to work with her on a separation agreement. She was a SAHM for a lot of years, but has a good college education. I don't want to screw her and I'm willing to take the financial hit to help her get back on her feet. Whenever the kids and I get back to OK, we can have 50/50 custody and I can start a new life.
In the past I've been someone who avoids confrontation and I want to stop that. But, the logic of doing it this way seems sound as opposed to a big mess in Dubai. Am I pussy'ing out by not saying this to her face or is my reasoning sound?