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FR: I haven't arrived, but I'm clearly getting somewhere

by gameoflibidos | January 23, 2018 | askMRP

33 upvotes

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2 years ago I was a low confidence beta yes man. I was 240 lbs, probably 30% body fat. Married for 9 years with 3 kids, wife gave me very little respect. I was her work stress punching bag and man servant.

Been lifting for 2 years, 3 to 4 days a week, no breaks except Xmas week twice and beach vacation. Finished all my required reading long ago, in fact, some books I've read 3 times as sometimes I can feel my mental state slipping a bit and I re-read them bring it all right back to the forefront of my mind.

Today, I am about to turn 41. I'm 6 ft, weight about an even 200 and probably 14-15% body fat. I walk with confidence, I would almost say I exude confidence these days. Even so, the process has been so long that I often questioned how much progress I was really making. The wife has been slow to respond, but she is and has been responding. Lifting itself is such a slow process to go from completely out of shape into something a chick will bite her lip when she checks you out. It was so long, when I worthless and out of shape, you sort of walk around like a ghost.. you're just a JAG... nobody looks at you or cares to. You're just some dumpy fat dad. The encouragement over the last 2 years has not come in droves... quite the opposite... tiny little moments when you catch something.. it almost surprises you when you do. A quick glance that never happened before, maybe you catch a friends wife looking you up and down real quick trying to figure out if it's just your new clothes or what.

Today.. I finally received some true encouragement that let me know that I really have made significant strides forward.

I was simply walking through the mall and was dead stopped by a hot little early/mid 20 something working at a pagoda. She had seen me walk through there before because my office is across the street. She introduced herself and was disappointed to notice I had a wedding ring on. She didn't attempt to sell me anything, she only related that I looked great and my wife was a lucky woman. We chatted for a minute and I told her not to worry she'll see me again and left with my food.

When you're almost 41... used to be a fat lazy beta dad slob.. and 2 years later you get dead stopped by a smoking 25 year old who is clearly eye fucking you at the mall.... let me tell you folks... you feel like chad fucking thundercock.

If you ever feel like you aren't making progress... re-read a book... lift more.. lift heavier.. but keep reading and keep lifting until it all sinks in and one day.... one day you'll be in your 40s and be dead stopped by a hot young little number that clearly wants to fuck you... and it'll finally ring in your head.... my god.. I did it.. I'm fucking money.


Post Information
Title FR: I haven't arrived, but I'm clearly getting somewhere
Author gameoflibidos
Upvotes 33
Comments 25
Date 23 January 2018 06:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204908
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7sgb48/fr_i_havent_arrived_but_im_clearly_getting/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Nice FR. Now get back to work. Miles to go yet.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Building options builds standards

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

40# over 2 years, NATTY is about 2 pounds a month of body re-comp.

Very good progress.

Probably need to up Kino and DEVI with the wife at this point to get higher returns in that department if you so desire.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now imagine if you actually had an attractive mindset to go along an attractive body.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great post, thanks.

[–]dcapt460 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Nice work on the body. How's the captaining going? Being fun/funny? Doing shit. Being interesting?

Once you start getting the IOI's like that it clicks in your mind that you KNOW that you could get younger/hotter/tighter if you wanted and you can be OI when you get a refusal. Now is where you find the balance of getting shit done, being fun around the wife and being scarce especially when she is being rude/lazy/boring.

[–]gameoflibidos[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Captaining is going well. I've gotten a pretty strong grip on frame at this point. Even if I've been drinking she has a hard time if she's trying to poke me out of my mood. Which I've found that of all things.. drinking is like frame kryptonite. She's rarely rude to me anymore though.. her attitude has improved significantly. She can get snippy when her work life is particularly stressed, but outside of that, her general attitude towards me has done a 180. She still tests and I'm certain always will.. but she's rarely flat out being a bitch anymore.

Where I still need the most work is being interesting within my family life. 3 kids and 2 full time working parents makes it difficult but we party on the weekends. Going to be signing my 2 older boys up for a parent/kid Judo class at a local MMA joint. What I get very little of though is just me out doing my own thing, currently that's once a month max.

Sex is not totally where I want it to be.. but it's coming along. She still wont initiate on her own, but never get turned down and shes into it. No starfish sex... but its just never like she wanted it right then.. more like I'm always talking her into it and then shes good with it. I'm looking for the .. I'm just making cereal or some shit and she comes out of nowhere grabbing my junk. Still working on it.

Dread is working.. slowly but working... there's a particular recent divorcee woman that hangs out in our circle who was obviously interested in me and the wife knows it. She calls her "my girlfriend" and brings it up often... if she's been drinking .. she's no longer "my girlfriend".. she quickly becomes "that dumb whore" or "cunt bitch" hahaha

Just gonna keep working, I have full confidence I'll eventually reach all my goals.

[–]DanG31 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

“I'm looking for the .. I'm just making cereal or some shit and she comes out of nowhere grabbing my junk.”

Been there, still can be there — if I let it. It definitely correlates to Dread — unbelievably HIGH levels of Dread - to the point of essentially, “I’m so happy you like my husband and he likes you, but we will be leaving soon.” THEN, she’s like Dino on Fred Flintstone. That, however, is a lot of work! I’m still looking for a solution - maybe a threesome?

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dino on Fred flintstone! That’s gold Jerry!

[–]dcapt460 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

more like I'm always talking her into it and then shes good with it.

With some this may never change however how much you have to do to convince her may continue to drop even more. I have seen times where she was clearly getting ready for it to happen (showered, trimmed, door closed etc) but if I didn't make the move then nothing....

I'm looking for the .. I'm just making cereal or some shit and she comes out of nowhere grabbing my junk. Still working on it.

This is working clear sign that she is thinking about it. Some women won't get much more direct than that. Last night I came out of the shower and she commented about the hair on my chest being grey then pulled the front of my pants open to look and have a quick check with her hand as to the color of those hairs.

Dread is working.. slowly but working... there's a particular recent divorcee woman that hangs out in our circle who was obviously interested in me and the wife knows it. She calls her "my girlfriend" and brings it up often... if she's been drinking .. she's no longer "my girlfriend".. she quickly becomes "that dumb whore" or "cunt bitch" hahaha

Don't discourage these references to your girlfriend. Joke about them and have fun with it these are her dread hamster spinning in your favor. Are you working the sex god method to keep it interesting fresh? I need a refresher here things have been going better but I have to keep it fresh.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

An angry drunk is an angry sober person. You both sound like angry drunks to me.

If you cant drink and be happy, don’t drink. Or work harder on being happy.

Taking points away from you due to this follow up comment.

[–]unsolicitedaaadvice0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Thanks for sharing this. This is so fing inspiring to me, as there are lots of similarities. Question about your physique change (this and passing shit tests are really my main focus). Did you do cardio or HIIT, anything like that? Diet changes? I’m just trying to avoid crap and eat good, stop when I’m full.

[–]gameoflibidos[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For the first 12 months I was 90% strength training, 10% cardio. Roughly 40 mins of weights / 10-15 mins on a bike or rowing machine per work out.

Now I do a bulk/cut cycle, during bulk I'm 100% strength training. During cut, I'm 70% strength / 30% cardio.

My diet also cycles. But my diet before I cycled was heavy protein and strictly calorie based. Typical day would have been a glass of milk and small yogurt in the morning, chik-fil-a grilled nuggets w/ a chicken noodle soup side (no fries) for lunch, half a protein bar snack in the late afternoon, grilled chicken breast on rice for dinner. Outside of lunch time, I eat no processed foods.

To properly lose weight, there's unfortunately no way around having to strictly count calories, find out your bodies maintenance amount and then eat under that amount of calories consistently.

Losing weight is never easy, but the first part is the easiest. It's not terribly difficult to get from 30% body fat to 20%. Getting from 20% to 15% is 5x as hard. Getting from 15% to 10% is extremely difficult.

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I think most can get to ~ 15% bf without cardio. Just strength training and basic calorie and macro management. After that you might have to step your game up.

HIIT for weight loss is stupid and for masochists. You're better off walking if you're fat.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

15% is nto that hard to get to. With a locked in diet and lifting alone, 15% is very achievable.

<11% is another story.

[–]unsolicitedaaadvice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for explaining that. 15% bf would be the fat loss I'm looking for.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Have to disagree there - I lost 14 pounds in 8 months using a combination of HIIT and good nutrition.

Ended up too skinny, so I'm lifting now and eating surplus calories to build muscle.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If you lost 14lb and we're too skinny, you werent overly fat. I think reach is saying for those at 30%BF, HIIT doesn't make sense because it's full cardio exertion on an obese body that for all intents and purposes cant/shouldn't take that.

In other words, it works for weight loss sure because it burns calories. But for someone who's fat fat, steady state cardio is a better idea.

[–]unsolicitedaaadvice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes this is my situation. Currently 225. In college was having girls basically throw themselves at me at 180. As a grown man, I’d be very happy <200.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see now. That makes sense!

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's not that I think it doesn't "work", I just think it's unnecessary.

I lost an average of about 2 lbs a week for 4 months on a 10% caloric deficit diet. I was lifting as well, but was doing that before the diet change. Adding HIIT on top of that would have been counter-productive.

Max out the easy gains before you start taking special measures. Especially for fat guys. Fat guys need to focus on nailing down their diet and managing it long term.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

TBH, I've only just recently started learning properly about training and nutrition, so I probably should've kept my mouth shut.

It's interesting stuff though - when I started tracking my calories and macros, I was very surprised to see the results. I tracked a normal week and was eating at a deficit of 200-300 calories and the macros were balanced way too high and protein way too low.

I started planning my nutrition better in the last few weeks - I'm finding it difficult to eat at a surplus of 300 calories as it's 500 calories more per day than I used to eat. Also trying to up the protein hasn't been easy. I'm just about starting to get used to it but I was feeling very full all the time, which I'm just not used to.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

love it man, nicely articulated. I am a bit behind you on progress i think but am enjoying some rewards myself. I'm just starting to get that v-shaped tendon / muscle under the abs (abs are not there yet btw). That thing does wonders for a woman.

One thing i really noticed is a bit of a plateau in cred once everyone you know has gotten past that "wow you're looking good Simba" phase. As in, your circle has gotten used to it and now it is just external people who comment which just reduces the comment frequency (for me).

But that lingering look from a HBX..... fweeew, worth it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A compliment to you as a fat person: Commenter feels good about themselves because they're skinnier/more fit than you, and an attaboy to you makes them feel good because it acknowledges and confirms their position of superior fitness/looks.

A compliment to you as a normal person who's improving: Not said as often because if you continue to improve, you will be more in shape than them. Complimenting you not only makes that fact known in their mind but encourages you to outperform them. Crabs in a bucket.

A compliment to you as a fit person: Genuine desire/admiration. They felt the need to compliment you because your fitness/looks moved them to do it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Congrats bro



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