First-time poster, long-time lurker. 36yo, 5’6” manlet, overweight 69.3kg (153 lbs), 20% BF. Married (34yo) with 3 young kids under 6. Good profession, decent earnings, but still in heavy debt due to profligate lifestyle.
Wife was my first ever girlfriend, high school sweethearts, been with her since I was 16. Very few drunken ONS on my part over the last 20 years (mostly at uni when we were LDR) always regretted in the morning. Wife faithful to me AFAIK.
Wife never particularly adventurous sexually, but we had an average quantity of sex... with the inevitable decline that comes with kids. Mostly just missionary sex (not Starfish, but no variety).
About 2 years ago, I was a typical Nice Guy, full of covert contracts, nicest husband ever until I’d suddenly blow up over a sexual rejection or even just taking a comment the wrong way. I’d end up sobbing in bed alongside her, begging her to do more with me, how unattractive she made me feel, how unhappy I was. She would just get defensive and nothing changed.
I was a typical Drunk Captain too. Wife in charge of everything - organising, kids, food, finances, everything. She’d have a to-do list as long as her arm, and I’d wake up in the morning and ask “what are we doing today?”.
About 18 months ago I accidentally found the Manosphere while searching for something else (Return of Kings sounds like an awesome video game, right?). From there found my way to reading NMMNG and was just utterly flawed by how much it described me. Like tears flowing, oh my god, what am I?
From there, reading on Reddit, I made the classic mistake of just trying to be an asshole (that’s all you need to be Alpha, right?). Started a diet and lifting weights. Further alienated my wife, but ended up feeling confident enough to start talking to an attractive younger woman at a hobby group, being cocky and funny with her and she was clearly attracted.
We started talking by phone and very quickly we were having an affair. She was the opposite of my wife, a hot young kinky bisexual who loved me dominating her. In my head, I had a plate, in reality I was developing a dangerous Oneitis and neglecting my family even more.
As soon as I got comfortable with my new girl, I dropped all the Red Pill stuff immediately. I obviously didn’t need it any more. What’s the point of going to the gym if this girl tells me she loves my dad-bod? So it was day-and-night texting, blue pill romance, “I love you, you’re so beautiful, blah blah blah”. The excitement of our secret encounters. She was the first thing I thought of in the morning, and the last thing I thought of at night. And all the while, my wife and kids are barely getting a look in.
Trouble started setting in though. I’d go away on holidays with my family, and Oneitis would start getting pissy. I’d end up having massive rows with her by text (while trying to hide it from my wife), while she was complaining that we had no future. I just said whatever it took to keep her happy, lying to her that wife and I never had sex any more, that I was planning on divorcing her (which I wasn’t).
About 3 months ago, I woke up severely hungover in a hotel room after a night away with friends. And I had two angry women messaging me - wife that I hadn’t bothered to check in with her all day yesterday while she was looking after our kids, Oneitis that I had overslept and I wouldn’t be able to see her before she went away for the week. I felt like utter shit - physically awful, and guilty as hell for what I was doing to these two women.
I made a decision I needed to get away from Oneitis. Told her she obviously wanted a real boyfriend, and not a married affair partner. Broke up with her despite all her tears and protestations. Stayed strong through weeks of upset, bitterness and pleading from her. I started to worry I’d never get rid of her.
Time goes by and she finally asks “are we definitely, 100% over?” and I said yes. She said she was going to try to find someone on Tinder, and I wished her well. And then she found someone on day 1, and.... I went to pieces.
She immediately shifts all her affection to this new guy, clearly aesthetically and physically my superior. All of that desperately wanting me back evaporated overnight. She keeps messaging me as a friend, and I just feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake, I beg with her to take me back, but it’s too late, Chad Thundercock has taken my place.
I went properly off the rails, had to take time off work with “depression”, told my wife out of the blue I wanted a divorce then changed my mind, yelling at my kids, telling Oneitis that I hate her, then I love her.... I end up seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor.
And in the midst of this hell, I start reading the Red Pill again. Realise what an utter prick I have been. Realise I need to start turning things around.
I have made some progress since, but I’ll save it for a follow-up post. Any thoughts would be appreciated, I can handle criticism.
EDIT - Added a link to my first OYS to show what I’ve been doing since this fucking disaster.
Own Your Shit