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Need to sort my life out

Reddit View
January 23, 2018

First-time poster, long-time lurker. 36yo, 5’6” manlet, overweight 69.3kg (153 lbs), 20% BF. Married (34yo) with 3 young kids under 6. Good profession, decent earnings, but still in heavy debt due to profligate lifestyle.

Wife was my first ever girlfriend, high school sweethearts, been with her since I was 16. Very few drunken ONS on my part over the last 20 years (mostly at uni when we were LDR) always regretted in the morning. Wife faithful to me AFAIK.

Wife never particularly adventurous sexually, but we had an average quantity of sex... with the inevitable decline that comes with kids. Mostly just missionary sex (not Starfish, but no variety).

About 2 years ago, I was a typical Nice Guy, full of covert contracts, nicest husband ever until I’d suddenly blow up over a sexual rejection or even just taking a comment the wrong way. I’d end up sobbing in bed alongside her, begging her to do more with me, how unattractive she made me feel, how unhappy I was. She would just get defensive and nothing changed.

I was a typical Drunk Captain too. Wife in charge of everything - organising, kids, food, finances, everything. She’d have a to-do list as long as her arm, and I’d wake up in the morning and ask “what are we doing today?”.

About 18 months ago I accidentally found the Manosphere while searching for something else (Return of Kings sounds like an awesome video game, right?). From there found my way to reading NMMNG and was just utterly flawed by how much it described me. Like tears flowing, oh my god, what am I?

From there, reading on Reddit, I made the classic mistake of just trying to be an asshole (that’s all you need to be Alpha, right?). Started a diet and lifting weights. Further alienated my wife, but ended up feeling confident enough to start talking to an attractive younger woman at a hobby group, being cocky and funny with her and she was clearly attracted.

We started talking by phone and very quickly we were having an affair. She was the opposite of my wife, a hot young kinky bisexual who loved me dominating her. In my head, I had a plate, in reality I was developing a dangerous Oneitis and neglecting my family even more.

As soon as I got comfortable with my new girl, I dropped all the Red Pill stuff immediately. I obviously didn’t need it any more. What’s the point of going to the gym if this girl tells me she loves my dad-bod? So it was day-and-night texting, blue pill romance, “I love you, you’re so beautiful, blah blah blah”. The excitement of our secret encounters. She was the first thing I thought of in the morning, and the last thing I thought of at night. And all the while, my wife and kids are barely getting a look in.

Trouble started setting in though. I’d go away on holidays with my family, and Oneitis would start getting pissy. I’d end up having massive rows with her by text (while trying to hide it from my wife), while she was complaining that we had no future. I just said whatever it took to keep her happy, lying to her that wife and I never had sex any more, that I was planning on divorcing her (which I wasn’t).

About 3 months ago, I woke up severely hungover in a hotel room after a night away with friends. And I had two angry women messaging me - wife that I hadn’t bothered to check in with her all day yesterday while she was looking after our kids, Oneitis that I had overslept and I wouldn’t be able to see her before she went away for the week. I felt like utter shit - physically awful, and guilty as hell for what I was doing to these two women.

I made a decision I needed to get away from Oneitis. Told her she obviously wanted a real boyfriend, and not a married affair partner. Broke up with her despite all her tears and protestations. Stayed strong through weeks of upset, bitterness and pleading from her. I started to worry I’d never get rid of her.

Time goes by and she finally asks “are we definitely, 100% over?” and I said yes. She said she was going to try to find someone on Tinder, and I wished her well. And then she found someone on day 1, and.... I went to pieces.

She immediately shifts all her affection to this new guy, clearly aesthetically and physically my superior. All of that desperately wanting me back evaporated overnight. She keeps messaging me as a friend, and I just feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake, I beg with her to take me back, but it’s too late, Chad Thundercock has taken my place.

I went properly off the rails, had to take time off work with “depression”, told my wife out of the blue I wanted a divorce then changed my mind, yelling at my kids, telling Oneitis that I hate her, then I love her.... I end up seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor.

And in the midst of this hell, I start reading the Red Pill again. Realise what an utter prick I have been. Realise I need to start turning things around.

I have made some progress since, but I’ll save it for a follow-up post. Any thoughts would be appreciated, I can handle criticism.

EDIT - Added a link to my first OYS to show what I’ve been doing since this fucking disaster.

Own Your Shit

Post Information
Title Need to sort my life out
Author ExceptionableCell
Upvotes 12
Comments 21
Date 23 January 2018 04:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
Return of KingsalphaChadLDRplateONSliftgamethe red pillthe blue pillmanosphereNMMNG

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

What a shit-show. Pull yourself together man.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A child with dynamite.

[–]hystericalbonding10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's your one victim puke.

Get to the weekly Own Your Shit thread. Post your plans there.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Has your wife been faithful this whole time? Does she know about the affair and your plate that turned into a girlfriend?

Your such a fuck up, that this is one of those times where the woman is probably better off alone with your kids and your money.

I know that is what I would tell her to do.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

"For every super model, there is a dude that's sick of fucking her"

Strange pussy is intoxicating and exciting... until it turns into everyday pussy. Then it's just a nagging bitching harpy. The good news is you thoroughly went blue pill beta on her and probably disgusted her away, so hopefully no boiled bunnies in your future.

The bad news? There's one common thread between your two fucked up relationships. You.

You don't feel important or deserving so you self sabotage. Why is that? Figure out why you deserve the best and you can put shitty behavior behind you. Maybe you want a divorce and you can't pull the trigger because your wife is genuinely nice? Maybe you have too much invested in the past? Maybe you like drama?

Who knows, but once you have the answer you'll have the direction you need.

[–]markpf734 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wow that's the best victim puke I've ever seen. Congratulations on your honesty.

You went on a bluepill bender and woke up where you deserved to be. If this is your hitting bottom and you're ready to go through red pill rehab you should start from square one.

You currently have 0 alpha traits.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Until you stop seeking validation, until you stop valuing pussy over your own integrity, you will be controlled by it.

Pussy is worthless else you are worthless.

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What a miserable display of behavior. Good news is you seem to know that.

And in the midst of this hell, I start reading the Red Pill again.

Curious use of the word "again" here as previously you may have looked at the words but you clearly did not read or understand any of the concepts as you vaguely used them as a tool to score a side piece that you shifted your bluepill behavior to on day one.

There's a wealth of information here and you clearly know how to find it. But do you know how to do the work?

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh dear oh dear, you are a complete fuck up. But well done for owning it and telling us. Now you need to commit and unfuck yourself. If your lucky your missus might even hang around long enough to see you become a man.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No mention of how you’re lifting like a madman....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll read your puke and offer a few notes:

5’6” manlet

Don't self-depreciate. Your thoughts affect your feelings, and your feelings affect your actions and the way that people perceive you.

Good profession, decent earnings, but still in heavy debt due to profligate lifestyle.

Use a different account and go to the /r/personalfinance subreddit. They can help you to straighten you shit out with a lot of solid resources. Don't use the same account for MRP that you use at other subs.

We started talking by phone and very quickly we were having an affair. She was the opposite of my wife, a hot young kinky bisexual who loved me dominating her.

Silver lining to this and the remaining few paragraphs of a shit show: Some confidence that you can pull if this whole thing does end up blowing up.

You're a fuck-up, and you're blessed that your wife hasn't divorce raped you and taken your fucking kids.

Overview: You desperately crave external validation. Get to work, faggot.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

5'6" 153lbs overweight? Wanna hint? @ 66" if you aren't at least 160-170 @ 12% or less you're gonna look frail. Ignore weight while you're skinny fat, it's a poor indicator since muscle weighs more than fat and you'll be much heavier during your journey! Make yourself broader since you cannot get taller. Height is irrelevant when your frame is 6'6"......

That being said, What The Fucking Fuck is wrong with you? You went angry Rambo, abandoned your wife and family for some temporary validation. You focused on the symptoms and not the root of the problem. Do you feel slighted or emasculated that she was running your life(someone had too) Is there an underlying mommy issue you need to work through from your childhood or lack of male positive reinforcement?

I'm not gonna go into the you need to do X or Y to unfuck yourself. My only piece of advice to you while you put your dick away and shutting your mouth while devouring every sidebar piece of literature would be to look at yourself and your actions through your children's eyes. Your wife is your wife it's a contractual obligation that can be negotiated out of. The blood you share with your children is unbreakable, as is your obligation to not set them up for failure before they even get started in life cause their Dad was a dimwitted manchild incapable of self reflection and poor decision making with a need for female validation.

Start Lifting right Start eating right Start leading your family(slowly no Rambo), you cannot blame her for her resistance to you taking the reigns. Can you blame her? Would you let your kids go driving with a drunk driver?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well the good news is you are more alpha than most of the guys who crawl in here whinging that their whore wives are texting their ex boyfriend. At least you were the asshole. I feel sorry for your kids you miserable prick, how could you let them down like that? You are a fucking mess but at least you know it. That is good. Start making things back up to your family. Even if the marriage is doomed you have kids. Work harder, cut back dramatically or even better, quit the drinking completely. Be a good dad, be a good provider, be a man. Ghost your ONEitis, delete her details and block her. If you ever decide to have a plate again, make sure there is more than one and don’t go falling for them. I actually think you have a chance to fix your life up, but it is going to be a long road. You are actually man enough to admit your errors and see that you have fucked up. Now fucking fix yourself and stay fixed.

[–]Senor_Martillo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow! Welcome to Trainwreckville, population You.

[–]snatch_haggis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What's your question? Hell, select one below.

  • "Am I a fuckup?"
  • "Did I RP wrong?"
  • "Am I still fat?"
  • "Have I been a shit father?"
  • "Am I my own worst enemy?"


You know what to do. Everything wrong in your life is your own doing, and only you can undo it. Shut the fuck up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get the fuck to work.

And if your shrink isn't giving you similar advice to the above, fire him and get another shrink.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, how sweet.

So, may I ask, how often did you fuck the plate ?

So, how often do you fuck the misses ?

Ya, you are a train wreck. Good luck.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit. This belongs in r/cringe.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You fault was stopping at NMMNG. Had you read Rational Male you would have probably avoided this, because you would realize AWALT, resisted oneitis and implemented solid plate theory. Everything has a beginning, a middle, and and end. To live life we’ll, you have to stick the dismount. You did the opposite.

Get control of yourself and get back to work.

[–]PeggedByOwlette0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell you wife you fucked another woman and had a relationship with her you fucking coward. Only a beta loser has to hide in the shadows like that. That's how they behave, the accountability vortex between their legs sucks it all up. The first lesson in being a captain is, it all your fault. Own it. Read the thread right now on /r/marriedredpill about how to divorce your wife, you might need it.

Your blue pill hamster went fucking wild and this is the result. Now you have to sleep with one eye open in case that plate feels entitled to smashing your marriage to pieces just because Chad thunder cock pumps and dumps her.

Own your shit starts with owning your shit. You sailed your boat into hells bucket and you have no one to blame but yourself.

I almost threw up when you wrote you were begging that plate to come back. What the fuck do you care if Chad thunder cock pounds here. I do know why actually, it's because in your beta fucking brain Chad thunder cock fucks her BETTER than you. That's the only reason you could be jealous.

Jealous of a plate. Ugh.

You didn't internalize ANYTHING that you read before. Your entitled ass read the information and the hamster spun up why you were different and it didn't apply to you.

Ya go back and read, start with the rational male.

Accepting our beat downs here is a good first step. Your getting roasted. Takes balls to own that kind of story here.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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