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Is my wife crazy or am I going rambo

Reddit View
January 19, 2018
11 upvotes

Ok gents let me lay this down. Been reading the books and lifting and feeling good. Still early days.

So it was my birthday this week, wife was doing a night shift on my birthday so I was stuck at home looking after the kids. (She won't have babysitter... Long story)

I mentioned it would be great to go out for a meal as a couple or family but money is tight after Xmas.

My family (mum and dad) who we get on well with suggested we all get together at their house (it's bigger) at the weekend and have a cooked meal, I checked the calendar all looked good so I said yes that would be great let's do that. I didn't check with the wife but I felt hey I can do this I can do what I want.

So I mention what I have arranged and she isn't keen, then the wheel of excuses rolls out. The kids won't get to bed on time (they are 20mins away). Why can't they come to us. Why don't you consider what I want. Its stressful for me.

So I just said of it's too much hassle you can stay at home with the kids or I can take them with me. "You don't care what I want etc.." I said that's what I wanted to do. Stfu left went to gym

I get back late and she is in bed, i get in bed go to put my arm round her. Get a don't touch me you don't even care.

She is grinding her teeth and her stomach is churning. She appears propperly stressed out. I guess this will blow up again and again. This normal?

I forgot to add, she has always been controlling and treats me like a doormat. Whenever I stand up to her she gets very angry


Post Information
Title Is my wife crazy or am I going rambo
Author FoxShitNasty83
Upvotes 11
Comments 63
Date 19 January 2018 12:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204931
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7re8ki/is_my_wife_crazy_or_am_i_going_rambo/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
lift
Comments

[–]SgtSilverBack24 points25 points  (4 children) | Copy

Damn, did she tell you that your birthday presents should be what she wants?

It's your birthday, she doesn't get to decide what you do, only her role in it.

Take your kids to see their grand parents. Let them cook for you.

She will sees you as they bitch that she can shame into doing what she wants.

Don't get all pissed because internet people said you should stand up to your scary wife. Just tell her it sucks she won't be there for YOUR birthday dinner.

For your own hamster, does she ensure the kids are consistently put to sleep at what ever arbitrary time she just used in her argument?

Does she make a bigger deal about her own birthday?

Does she drive 20 minutes for dumb shit because she wants to?

My point is that she doesn't do shit for you but demands, shames and manipulates you into doing all that for her. See it as such and stop letting her do it.

Fuck, might as well tell your parents your wfe wouldn't let you come out and play.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Fair comment thanks

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This morning started as normal for me just messing with kids. She started to stonewall. She came and found me, gave me a kiss goodbye before I went to work.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She, she, she... You're completely in her frame : work on your outcome independence.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We had a great time in the end, wife came along despite her bratty behaviour. Kids loved spending time with grandparents

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Take the kids and go to the dinner. Kiss your wife on the way out (she’ll be cold but whatever). Tell her you’ll bring her back a slice of cake and go. Then when you get back kiss her and act totally normal no matter how witchy she is. Let her steam for a week if she wants. What’s she going to do, divorce you? These are good baby steps.

I bet she gives in at the last minute and goes with you.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. This is how you want to act.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck getting her a piece of cake.

If you really wanted to fuck with her ask as your leaving "Oh just so we're clear what do I tell my mom that you didn't come?"

Women spew shit out of their mouth because of emotion. So fuck with them for it. My wife would sooner rob a bank then look bad in front of my mother.

[–]BobbyPeru10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

The mistake you made was telling her she can keep the kids and stay home. If you weren’t scared of her, you wouldn’t have given that option. It showed your weakness and increased her contempt.

If she wants to stay home, she stays by herself.

Otherwise, you didn’t do too bad. Just stay on course....

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

(She won't have babysitter... Long story)

No, short story; your wife's in complete charge and doesn't even consider the views of the kids' own father.

You're their father; it's important that you take your kids away regularly. Build up to it by just taking them to the park for an hour if you must start small, but start tomorrow.

She appears properly stressed out. I guess this will blow up again and again. This normal?

I forgot to add, she has always been controlling and treats me like a doormat. Whenever I stand up to her she gets very angry.

Yes, this is a very common strategy controlling people use to manipulate wimps and people with low self-confidence. You have encouraged and reinforced this behavior for many years, and she will continue it as long as it remains effective.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have some brothers giving you good advice, so Ill play devils advocate.

How is the relationship between her and your parents? I am not super fond of my in-laws so I only attend 50-60% of the stuff on their side.

But I never give my wife crap for it, nor prevent her or kids from going. Big things I attend. Little things I will skip from time to time.

If she is like this always, then disregard my question and my answer would be:

Leave her behind. Take the kids and hang out with your folks.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP should not worry about “her relationship with his parents”.

That’s her job.

If he was the prize, it would be perfect

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Due to wifes co controlling it's not good. We hardly spend much time with them. They are not allowed to babysit the kids she insists one of us be with them. They are normal nice People... One of the excuses once was that they might give them something to eat that she dosent want... Like wait for it.. "ice cream"... They are kids for fuck sake! My sister once told me my dad once broke down in tears because he was quite unwell and distrought that he couldn't spend time with his grandkids.

[–]Reach180Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What part would qualify as Rambo?

You're good. When she rages on you about it tomorrow, have your WISNIFG game primed and don't react emotionally

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This was the Rambo movie where he got pushed around by the bullying Sheriff and meekly submitted. For some reason it didn't do well at the box office.

[–]Reach180Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kathy Bates as the sheriff, right?

[–]izual192 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you handled that perfectly. She sounds like a harpy cunt.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

All wives are crazy. Your wife is not special. :)

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank fuck for that 😊

[–]snatch_haggis1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

Have you ever, like literally ever, made plans like this before? Because her reaction makes me think you haven't.

Like I said to somebody the other day, you're trying to turn a 180 with a 10 ton ship. We're all captains, sure, but you're not piloting a hydrofoil, man.

My take, basically don't implement anything until you get your lifts way way way up from where they and you've had another month or two to internalize this stuff.

The reality is if you tell yourself "I will take no actions of any kind right now" you still will, but man, when people first start and they convince themselves they're being subtle, they're almost always just hitting everything around them with a giant MRP-shaped sledgehammer.

Work on you. Give it time. Mind you, go ahead and take the kids, and don't feel bad if she doesn't go. But IMO, slow down, you've been at this 19 days.

[–]Reach180Red Beret5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

Like I said to somebody the other day, you're trying to turn a 180 with a 10 ton ship. We're all captains, sure, but you're not piloting a hydrofoil, man.

My take, basically don't implement anything until you get your lifts way way way up from where they and you've had another month or two to internalize this stuff.

No way. First of all, "Keeping plans for a dinner with my parents" literally sounds like an example you'd find in WISNIFG. It is basic, basic self respect and control of your life. Shit, he's not even demanding she go.

Dread Level 1 is "Recognize and pass shit tests." He's trying to do exactly this.

If we advise against men telling wives that we're going to visit our parents, what the fuck is the point of this place?

[–]snatch_haggis0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Before my comment I looked at post and comment history, both current handle and his old one. A month ago he was posting daily diaries in /r/DB. IMO he's got a ways to go before he's in the right mindset.

I also said "Mind you, go ahead and take the kids, and don't feel bad if she doesn't go."

[–]Reach180Red Beret5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

IMO he's got a ways to go before he's in the right mindset.

This is the perfect teed up meatball for him to assert himself and gain a shred of confidence.

What are his other options in this situation?

  • "Thanks for the dinner invite mom. Lemme check with my real mom and see if I can come over for dinner."
  • "Oh, ok, wife. I see this frustrates you. I will cancel plans with my parents. I'm sorry, I never should have done something without your permission"

The default askMRP answer to "blah blah blah and then my wife got mad" is "Slow down Rambo". Fuck that. Wives get mad. Harpy, controlling bitches get mad. Let em.

He may still go and fuck this up, but the fact that his wife got mad doesn't mean that he fucked up.

[–]SgtSilverBack5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Both you guys are right. He needs to separate himself from her. This is a perfect time. He also isn't ready to laugh it off, smack her ass and tell her he is doing what he wants on the day he was born.

It's time to work small things. "You know hun, I thought about it and you're right. The kids will go to bed too late and it is a long drive for everyone. I'll leave them her with you while I celebrate my birthday with my parents."

Then be happy and practice fogging and OI.

Both of you are saying start small, but START.

[–]AustralianArm1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

"You know hun, I thought about it and you're right. The kids will go to bed too late and it is a long drive for everyone. I'll leave them her with you while I celebrate my birthday with my parents."

That's the MRP equivalent of pulling the pin from the grenade

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OP can't handle anything else right now. He can't even celebrate his own birthday without being shamed.

It's less life a grenade and more like those little snap pops you give three year old on the 4th of July.

[–]AustralianArm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But it seems like a grenade to him.

Even if, in reality, it just makes a little POP!

[–]snatch_haggis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He may still go and fuck this up, but the fact that his wife got mad doesn't mean that he fucked up.

100% agree.

The default askMRP answer to "blah blah blah and then my wife got mad" is "Slow down Rambo". Fuck that.

Sometimes that's the right answer, sometimes the the right answer is "keep your foot on the gas". Depends on context IMO.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Cheers snatch you are right here, too soon. Shes fucked off cos I marched into the bridge and gave the wheel a big yank. I will look to compromise on this

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shes fucked off cos I marched into the bridge and gave the wheel a big yank

Well it was a tiny touch, and how exactly are you proposing to compromise?

Are you going to say sorry for touching the wheel "O Captain my Captain"?

But Snatch is right, you need to go to captain school then stand on the bridge for a while looking like you might have started to know what to do before touching the wheel from now (i.e. without starting a fight / hissy fit). DO THE WORK

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Cheers, will do. I thought it was over but she is still fucking angry. This was big for me, too soon. I will lift and stfu for a lot longer

[–]snatch_haggis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man, it's your birthday, do what you want, and if that includes taking your kids, take your damn kids.

All I'm saying is that you've got a long history of letting her drive everything, so it's not like she's suddenly going to be compliant when you start taking initiative for yourself.

You didn't do anything wrong, but don't be surprised if she fights you every step of the way, so going slow should help. Good luck on your journey, man.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why she got to raise you and them kids ??

Can’t you be a fucking man. ?

Money tight after Xmas. Lame mother fucking excuse. It comes around once a tear like birthdays. Plan stay in budget.

Just make more excuses like that, and it’s the reset button all over again.

Read. Lift. STFU. Most of all, look up self respect

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Been reading the books and lifting and feeling good.

You didn't put in your height, weight, bodyfat level, and dead/squat/bench numbers. What level of Dread are you on?

Do you know what the 1000' rope is?

Whenever I stand up to her she gets very angry

She's allowed to get angry. You're allowed to not care.

"Stand up to her" is already the wrong mindset. You're already putting her in a position of power and validating that; and THEN putting yourself in the responsive role.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Having trouble pasting stats on phone it's early days just started stronglifts. On DL3.

I will look up 1000ft rope, heard it a few times now

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Alpha_Engineer990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When did you actually tell her that you made plans to go to your parents ?

Hopefully not the day before or the day of ????

If that’s true than that’s where you fucked up. Great that you made plans without seeking her permission, but you need to give advanced notice dude , so there’s no room for bullshit.

In the big picture, if you are new to this (leading), it will get worse before it gets better. Just keep doing what you are doing. She isn’t used to it and doesn’t want the current dynamic to change.

Little things like this with her getting all butt hurt will slowly reset the relationship. Picture it like a ratchet affect, slowly ratcheting yourself to where you need to be. Each time you pass her shit tests, not DEER as you usually do, you are resetting the dynamic in your favor.

Keep improving, pass the shit tests that will come at you (just AA them) and never DEER from here on out. Pedal on the metal. Start upping your SMV. She doesn’t respect you , that’s why she treats you like a door mat. She wants you to lead. Do it.

Also, since she treats you like a fucking door mat, she can’t be sexually attracted to you. So, pick one, 1) door mat or 2)high value husband who gets pussy and whom she submits to....

[–]PeggedByOwlette0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's not going to roll over easy, they fight to maintain their power in the relationship.

Keep lifting and SHUTTING THE FUCK UP.

[–]Alphaphux0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Keep reading and practicing mate - you’re not going Rambo but you are expecting her to change after such a short time. Remember to allow a solid month of work for every year of LTR.

Next birthday will be better I guarantee it - if you stay with the program.

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Will do thanks appreciated... Propperly shit myself over this... Fucking stupid, hope it gets easier 😊

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not even close to Rambo...so no danger there.

She's stressed because you wont lead and she has to with her shitty makeshift toolset (nagging, whining, bitching).

Provide less options next time. If you leave things open to debate at this stage...debate is what you get.

It's early. You're raw and soft. Time to grow a thicker skin and care -waythefuckless- about her moods/emotions and even actions at this point. Keep up the reading.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Why did you put up with any of this. Do what you were gonna do. Let her sulk alone.

Question, does she fuck you regular? If not, her aversion to losing her cock blockers is telling

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I will let her sulk alone, no sex for 3 years

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should be operating as a single dad in preparation for the hard NEXT.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Then treat her like a stranger. Polite, but distant.

You have a life to go catch up on. No time for value leeches

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Roger that

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She has started saying that she is disappointed at the way I spoke to her as I said no laughed and walked out when she was dictating what I wanted to do. Says she is angry that I don't care about her or how tired she is. I thought this was a comfort test tried the "oh but I do care line" she walked off in a huff. So I still stfu and carry on till this passes

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You arent getting shit tests or comfort tests. These are power plays, plain and simple. I'd seriously suggest learning about them

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And I do wonder, how consistent your body language was with that laugh. This doesn't read like a guy who can be amused...

[–]King_tony15-1 points0 points  (14 children) | Copy

GO RAMBO!!

[–]FoxShitNasty83[S] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

Fuck really



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