I don't take pleasure in watching people suffer. But I also questioned what my worth was while I was in my marriage. According to my ex wife's shit tests, she did everything, blah, blah, blah. And even while I STFU, OMS, remained stoic, lifted, read, built myself and upped the dread, I sometimes doubted my worth and what I added to her life. Did I really deserve a better life than this or was I fooling myself ?
Separation and divorce is the ultimate value test. When 2 people remove each other from their lives, the value that each added gets removed and the deficit in each's life becomes very apparent.
While we were together my loyalty to my ex wife gave her carte Blanche to treat me however she felt, mislead by her feminist thinking and controlling ways. To her own peril she ignored my increasing SMV, bluffing that I would put up with her crap and never dump her fat ass. Dread apparently had no effect on her, because she thought she had me locked up. And apparently it didn't matter that her husband didn't find her attractive anymore, because sex isn't really all that important anyway.
But I was stronger and smarter than that. I read and I lifted. I widened my friends circle. I spent time on my hobbies and didn't let her guilt me into spending all my time with her. I passed her shit tests and AA'd the hell out of her. I removed attention when she disrespected me. I got my balls back.
One day I quietly realized that she was never going to add much value to my life. She felt no obligation to contribute anything meaningful to the relationship and never would. It was OK that I was making friends, getting fit, learning, becoming a better human being. She was fine to sit where she was, spinning her hamster, ignoring the reality of our relationship, keeping a strangle hold on the status quo. But I wasn't.
Our main event was really mild. I calmly announced that I wasn't getting anything out of the relationship and I wanted to end it. I gave her lots of time to respond. I owed her that much. But her response was to escalate by lawyering up. And so it went, one escalation after another, she sure that at some point I'd fold.
But I wasn't bluffing. While she was hamstering away, plotting the steps that would surely drive me back to her, I was well on my way planning and living my life for me. I wasn't going to be held hostage by the duty of loyalty to her. I was certain I'd earned a better life than that. And so the whole thing played out one slow step at a time until now we are completely separated. The whole thing backfired in her face, because IDGAF what she thought we were supposed to do. I was living for me.
It is thus with great interest that I observe from afar how her life is post separation. And the picture is not pretty.
She has come to learn that men don't like fat mouthy opinionated women. Her (single) feminist friends may tell her what a great catch she is, but men don't care about what feminists think. Men have their own agenda and she isn't very attractive to the average man.
And all those little things I used to do religiously - take out the trash, take care of the yard, take care of the vehicles, plan and organize the holidays, cook family meals, pick up the kids, take the kids in, etc. Nobody does that shit for her now. She either has to pay someone to do it or do it herself. And guess what ? It takes time. And effort. She doesn't get to sit on the couch and watch TV anymore. She actually has to be on time to drop off and pick up the kids, because nobody has her back anymore. What a friggin concept !
Her social life is shit. All those guys that I hung around with that were too loud, too redneck ? They aren't in her life anymore. So she hangs out with her boyfriendless feminist girlfriends, or worse, her family. How was Christmas and New Years without me and my circle of friends ? Pretty fucking glum.
And that big career she had ? That has gone to shit too because without a great husband doing everything at home, her work hours have been slashed dramatically. Not to mention all the hours she is spending with her lawyer because she is so fucking mad that her asshole ex husband left her that she'll stop at nothing to try to get revenge. But to no avail.
So why do I care about the details of her life post separation ? I don't, except that it demonstrates the worth I added to her life. I've moved on with my life and things are going great. I'm happy now, I'm better with the kids, the kids and I have a great relationship, I have a great gf, I'm living for me, etc. It makes no difference to me how her life goes.
So while I take no solace in her post divorce woes, what her train wreck post separation does show is the value I added to her life while we were together. And the reason this matters is that I always wondered what I truly added to her life while we were together. I mean I could tally up what I did and know mathematically that I spent X hours per week doing A, B and C. But was I expendable ? Did I really make her life better ? Or was I just kidding myself ?
It turns out that I made an immense contribution to her life. So much so that she is lost without it. I take great pride in that. Because my goal as a man is to lead and make a difference for the people around me. And I did that, in spades.
For me, the biggest question while I was in the relationship was whether I was getting what I deserved from my wife or whether I deserved something better. Not in a covert contract "you owe me this" kinda way, but in a "am I getting what I should out of life" kinda way. For me this question couldn't really be answered until we separated and I saw the outcome. And now that I've seen it, I was selling myself immensely short by staying in that relationship.
The moral of the story is that men that work hard, lead, learn, lift and constantly work on themselves do themselves no good by staying in bad relationship with a poor partner. MRP fixes the man. The hard truth is that it might or might not fix the relationship. Not all women want to lead a conscious life. Not all women are willing to change and grow. Some women are too comfortable to respond. Some women are unable to respond at all, shackled by their belief systems, peer pressure and poor skill sets.
The man must face this reality and be willing to leave the relationship to get the full benefit of his growth. Without a willingness to leave, the fruits of MRP can be nullified by a poor partner. Without a willingness to leave, she has the power to make the rest of your life miserable, one way or another.
Gentleman, you control your destiny. MRP gives you the tools to live a happy life. But it isn't simply enough to apply them and hope for the best. You must be willing to take honest stock of your partner and your relationship and be willing to grenade the whole fucking thing in some cases. It is a big friggin step for sure. But know that if you are willing to work on yourself honestly and relentlessly you will achieve a much better life on the other side of the separation.
I'd wish you good luck, but I don't believe in that shit. You only get one life. Lift hard, read, learn, grow and be brave. The rest will take care of itself.