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Watching her world fall apart post separation. MRP fixes the man, not the relationship.

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January 12, 2018
47 upvotes

I don't take pleasure in watching people suffer. But I also questioned what my worth was while I was in my marriage. According to my ex wife's shit tests, she did everything, blah, blah, blah. And even while I STFU, OMS, remained stoic, lifted, read, built myself and upped the dread, I sometimes doubted my worth and what I added to her life. Did I really deserve a better life than this or was I fooling myself ?

Separation and divorce is the ultimate value test. When 2 people remove each other from their lives, the value that each added gets removed and the deficit in each's life becomes very apparent.

While we were together my loyalty to my ex wife gave her carte Blanche to treat me however she felt, mislead by her feminist thinking and controlling ways. To her own peril she ignored my increasing SMV, bluffing that I would put up with her crap and never dump her fat ass. Dread apparently had no effect on her, because she thought she had me locked up. And apparently it didn't matter that her husband didn't find her attractive anymore, because sex isn't really all that important anyway.

But I was stronger and smarter than that. I read and I lifted. I widened my friends circle. I spent time on my hobbies and didn't let her guilt me into spending all my time with her. I passed her shit tests and AA'd the hell out of her. I removed attention when she disrespected me. I got my balls back.

One day I quietly realized that she was never going to add much value to my life. She felt no obligation to contribute anything meaningful to the relationship and never would. It was OK that I was making friends, getting fit, learning, becoming a better human being. She was fine to sit where she was, spinning her hamster, ignoring the reality of our relationship, keeping a strangle hold on the status quo. But I wasn't.

Our main event was really mild. I calmly announced that I wasn't getting anything out of the relationship and I wanted to end it. I gave her lots of time to respond. I owed her that much. But her response was to escalate by lawyering up. And so it went, one escalation after another, she sure that at some point I'd fold.

But I wasn't bluffing. While she was hamstering away, plotting the steps that would surely drive me back to her, I was well on my way planning and living my life for me. I wasn't going to be held hostage by the duty of loyalty to her. I was certain I'd earned a better life than that. And so the whole thing played out one slow step at a time until now we are completely separated. The whole thing backfired in her face, because IDGAF what she thought we were supposed to do. I was living for me.

It is thus with great interest that I observe from afar how her life is post separation. And the picture is not pretty.

She has come to learn that men don't like fat mouthy opinionated women. Her (single) feminist friends may tell her what a great catch she is, but men don't care about what feminists think. Men have their own agenda and she isn't very attractive to the average man.

And all those little things I used to do religiously - take out the trash, take care of the yard, take care of the vehicles, plan and organize the holidays, cook family meals, pick up the kids, take the kids in, etc. Nobody does that shit for her now. She either has to pay someone to do it or do it herself. And guess what ? It takes time. And effort. She doesn't get to sit on the couch and watch TV anymore. She actually has to be on time to drop off and pick up the kids, because nobody has her back anymore. What a friggin concept !

Her social life is shit. All those guys that I hung around with that were too loud, too redneck ? They aren't in her life anymore. So she hangs out with her boyfriendless feminist girlfriends, or worse, her family. How was Christmas and New Years without me and my circle of friends ? Pretty fucking glum.

And that big career she had ? That has gone to shit too because without a great husband doing everything at home, her work hours have been slashed dramatically. Not to mention all the hours she is spending with her lawyer because she is so fucking mad that her asshole ex husband left her that she'll stop at nothing to try to get revenge. But to no avail.

So why do I care about the details of her life post separation ? I don't, except that it demonstrates the worth I added to her life. I've moved on with my life and things are going great. I'm happy now, I'm better with the kids, the kids and I have a great relationship, I have a great gf, I'm living for me, etc. It makes no difference to me how her life goes.

So while I take no solace in her post divorce woes, what her train wreck post separation does show is the value I added to her life while we were together. And the reason this matters is that I always wondered what I truly added to her life while we were together. I mean I could tally up what I did and know mathematically that I spent X hours per week doing A, B and C. But was I expendable ? Did I really make her life better ? Or was I just kidding myself ?

It turns out that I made an immense contribution to her life. So much so that she is lost without it. I take great pride in that. Because my goal as a man is to lead and make a difference for the people around me. And I did that, in spades.

For me, the biggest question while I was in the relationship was whether I was getting what I deserved from my wife or whether I deserved something better. Not in a covert contract "you owe me this" kinda way, but in a "am I getting what I should out of life" kinda way. For me this question couldn't really be answered until we separated and I saw the outcome. And now that I've seen it, I was selling myself immensely short by staying in that relationship.

The moral of the story is that men that work hard, lead, learn, lift and constantly work on themselves do themselves no good by staying in bad relationship with a poor partner. MRP fixes the man. The hard truth is that it might or might not fix the relationship. Not all women want to lead a conscious life. Not all women are willing to change and grow. Some women are too comfortable to respond. Some women are unable to respond at all, shackled by their belief systems, peer pressure and poor skill sets.

The man must face this reality and be willing to leave the relationship to get the full benefit of his growth. Without a willingness to leave, the fruits of MRP can be nullified by a poor partner. Without a willingness to leave, she has the power to make the rest of your life miserable, one way or another.

Gentleman, you control your destiny. MRP gives you the tools to live a happy life. But it isn't simply enough to apply them and hope for the best. You must be willing to take honest stock of your partner and your relationship and be willing to grenade the whole fucking thing in some cases. It is a big friggin step for sure. But know that if you are willing to work on yourself honestly and relentlessly you will achieve a much better life on the other side of the separation.

I'd wish you good luck, but I don't believe in that shit. You only get one life. Lift hard, read, learn, grow and be brave. The rest will take care of itself.


Post Information
Title Watching her world fall apart post separation. MRP fixes the man, not the relationship.
Author ImSteveMcQueen
Upvotes 47
Comments 57
Date 12 January 2018 10:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204959
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7q0apw/watching_her_world_fall_apart_post_separation_mrp/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gamehamstersexual market valueshit testliftfeministcovert contract
Comments

[–]snatch_haggis17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm really disappointed at the lack of digeridoo in this post.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Careful what you wish for !

[–]drjamesstone14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

I like seeing this highlighted, the MRP isn't about getting more action from the wife, it's about being a better man. All positives beyond that are simply gravy.

Nice work mate

[–]Alpha_Engineer994 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

You WILL get pussy, but it may not necessary be from your wife.

[–]drjamesstone14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife once told me she controls our sex life and I agreed.

"You have some control over OUR sex life. I have control of MINE" Slapped her in the ass and wandered out to walk the dog.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will get to the point where you have so much choice in pussy, you have to choose.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope all you fear mongering faggots can throw caution to the wind and get to work now

All you fuck heads that pretend to do the work or come here and lurk ..... suck it

Steve M- thanks for posting A real gem of the fucking truth .... MRP fixes the man. The man must face this reality and be willing to leave the relationship to get the full benefit of his growth. Without a willingness to leave, the fruits of MRP can be nullified by a poor partner. Without a willingness to leave, she has the power to make the rest of your life miserable, one way or another

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (15 children) | Copy

I have been expecting you......

Dread apparently had no effect on her

Yes it did, but Athol Kay says it take a year at least of improvements and so do most MRP guys. You did not take a year.

One day I quietly realized that she was never going to add much value to my life.

This is the main "drawback" of Dread. If you realize this before your wife starts to add value again bad things can happen. I believe I said "Go SLOW" every other page in my book and was heavily criticized for being repetitive.

I wasn't being repetitive.

I was well on my way planning and living my life for me. I wasn't going to be held hostage by the duty of loyalty to her.

MRP summarized in a nutshell. In most cases the woman realizes her mistake and desperately tries to jump back on the gravy train. I think they HATE MRP and TRP so much because we teach men how to be the choosers and it disempowers women. Checkmate girls.

Without a willingness to leave, she has the power to make the rest of your life miserable

As smart and insightful as he is, /u/Red-Curious is still wrestling with this fact of life. Without the credible threat of ending it, any Dread is greatly attenuated at best and completely worthless in most cases.

You must be willing to take honest stock of your partner and your relationship and be willing to grenade the whole fucking thing in some cases.

Yep.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dread apparently had no effect on her 

Yes it did, but Athol Kay says it take a year at least of improvements and so do most MRP guys. You did not take a year.

You are correct. Pre separation I had 2 questions. What was my real value/SMV ? How much time was I going to give the process ?

She might have came around to being a somewhat suitable first officer had I given her more time. But the chances were slim, very slim. My life is valuable.

It came down to how much time was I willing to put into waiting for her to turn around and what sort of relationship were we going to have at the end of it all ? I considered that carefully and pulled the pin. I was tired of dealing with a fat, loud, opinionated, feministic, power hungry woman. All things considered, separation was a much shorter, better and more realistic path to happiness for me.

One day I quietly realized that she was never going to add much value to my life. 

This is the main "drawback" of Dread. If you realize this before your wife starts to add value again bad things can happen. I believe I said "Go SLOW" every other page in my book and was heavily criticized for being repetitive.

I wasn't being repetitive.

I've read your book several times. I get that.

I'm not a young man anymore. I spent months dealing with the grief of what could have been if I had learned RP earlier in life. I just didn't have the time or energy to put up with her shit anymore. I mean, why ? There are so many ways to enjoy life without her. Why the fuck would I spend another day with her ?

I was well on my way planning and living my life for me. I wasn't going to be held hostage by the duty of loyalty to her. 

MRP summarized in a nutshell. In most cases the woman realizes her mistake and desperately tries to jump back on the gravy train. I think they HATE MRP and TRP so much because we teach men how to be the choosers and it disempowers women. Checkmate girls.

For some women, this is unacceptable. They've been brought up in a feminist /female privilege environment and the thought of being first officer to an alpha man is sacrilegious. And thus a lot of women are single, by their own subconscious doing. The majority of my wife's friends are single with no prospects on the horizon. Her mom is single. Both her sisters are single. One had a child via a sperm donor. Many of her friends are childless. And those that are in a relationship have the most passive, beta guys you can imagine.

Without a willingness to leave, she has the power to make the rest of your life miserable 

As smart and insightful as he is, /u/Red-Curious is still wrestling with this fact of life. Without the credible threat of ending it, any Dread is greatly attenuated at best and completely worthless in most cases.

Bingo.

You must be willing to take honest stock of your partner and your relationship and be willing to grenade the whole fucking thing in some cases. 

Yep.

The principal of least invested.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pft. I I don't say drawback, at all.

Boo boo, I a 1000 ft tow rope. Get on board or get out of the way.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

. I think they HATE MRP and TRP so much because we teach men how to be the choosers and it disempowers women

Men should always have been choosers. Even when I'm out at a onesie bar crawl with lots of women and some flirting, I'm still choosing my wife. Constantly choosing - which some would consider sad because the drawback is that I can't show intent with any hint of honesty.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

because the drawback is that I can't show intent with any hint of honesty

the hardest part about catch and release

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Doesn't bother me so much if I'm honest because it means my relationship is going darn well.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

What do you mean? It's a role, no reason you cannot be convincing, or enjoy the scene.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I enjoy myself thoroughly; just feel like I have on hand tied behind my back when N closing with no intent to call. Better to skip the N and just enjoy the company

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I suppose. I and I suppose they could have just flown to Mordor on eagle and bombed that ring down from orbit.

Would have saved 3 hours of screen time. Who wouldn't pay to watch that?

Though that argument goes all the way to the point where you have to stick a dick in her or... We pick how realistic our sparring sessions can be.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the reality I struggle most with and has highlighted many mistakes in judgment in getting married when I did. Not because I married a low quality woman but because I failed to understand myself well enough to realize this might not be the right woman I will continue to choose.

Ie... I married a great woman, but she may have been the wrong one for me.

Still have shit of my own I'm improving before I can really stand behind that statement fully and make a final decision, but it highlights well how one should think about marriage.

[–]snatch_haggis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do think there are some situations where people are just not compatible and the marriage is just never gonna work, or at least work at a level that equates to anything like happiness.

Will it work better than it did before? Sure. But once a man finally internalizes that he has unlimited choices, he may find that one of the single most fundamental choices he made, his mate, was a poor one.

That said, I 100% agree that from post history Steve seemed to be subscribing to some kind of accelerated MAP that ran through his marriage like a bullet train. I think at some level he simply wanted out and this was part of his process of getting there.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

As smart and insightful as he is, /u/Red-Curious is still wrestling with this fact of life. Without the credible threat of ending it, any Dread is greatly attenuated at best and completely worthless in most cases.

This is where many of my statements are taken with severely limited or otherwise wrong context altogether. My wife occasionally expresses serious concerns that I'll just up and leave her, specifically because she sees how much I'm like my dad and that's what my dad did to my mom. In her mind the threat is real. In my mind, my options for divorce are broader than most other Christians typically give (and theologically I believe I'm right), and my wife knows this. On top of that, I've expressed multiple times that if staying in the marriage is going to lead to a greater degree of sin than leaving, then I have no problem taking the better of two bad options - and my wife knows this. I also fully embrace the idea that a credible threat of divorce is essential toward her desire for me (as opposed to mere fear at the possibilities) because women always want what they can't lock down and what another woman might get.

If I'm purple because I choose in my own life to exchange "divorce her at the drop of a hat" for "divorce her when the situation calls for it," so be it. But since I've started leaning red, the situation has never called for it or even come close ... so I'm not sure why my views on divorce are constantly criticized - ESPECIALLY when my most publicized contributions here are specifically on that subject.

[–]ReddingtonsShitList0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hamster

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

My wife is down to loading the dish washer (not unloading, I do that) and sweeping the floor where the dogs come in. To hear her tell it, she is sacrificing her best years to do this. When I am on the road, I hire help.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya. I think not.

I literally let the house go and don’t do a whole lot anymore as part of my dread. When I congratulated her on winning my “IDGFF” new attitude, I really let anything in the house go. Exterior, vehicles finances are all screeched.

The house used to be spotless. Once I realized she just was in a “welfare state” of me doing most of the work because it had to be done, I stopped doing it. As in all of it. She now folds my clothes, makes sure dinner is ready, and she works full time. She now asks for my help and thanks me if I help, and just last year it was expected, in a very bitchy demanding way

A lot is made in the shorty world of she gave you 20 of her best years - ya really. Maybe 1 out of 20 was acting like an adult. The rest for me, has been definitely of the 14 year old acting years shit.

[–]Reach180Red Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sounds like a woman who wasn't exposed to masculine leadership in her adult life.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That is very insightful. And you are right.

[–]Reach180Red Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your ex sounds like an energy sucking POS, so I'm happy for you that you have been able to escape your former situation.

But you are lamenting the fact that she didn't appreciate years of beta dedication to her.

After supposedly unplugging and reaching the end game, you seem surprised by this. Maybe the gut punch of it actually happening so close to you makes it feel more real than the stuff you read. Women don't appreciate beta, especially when its provided by a beta....they believe they are entitled to it. That's what betas are for!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'll add that a guy can keep his spirits up and his mind focused on being the prize by telling himself something like "her loss" if she doesn't feel like being on his ship. But the actual act of sitting down and wasting your time to think about if she really is worse without him, puts him squarely in her frame. He should be strong enough to acknowledge he isn't special. Ego death will have him admit he's A prize, not THE prize. That her life may be better, may be worse, but either way it's his life he needs to be focused on.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, but it'll pass.

He's had his self reflection... Time to move on

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Insightful would be something unusual or uncommon that got noticed. What woman is exposed to masculine leadership in her adult life? Excepting being exposed to bull dyke blue hairs with more T than the average Merp of course.

[–]Alphaphux2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

How are you still so far up her ass even after divorce?

Who cares what her life is like, seriously let that shit go. You were the drunk captain and you fixed you so good for you, no need to be a sadist

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

How are you still so far up her ass even after divorce

It is freakishly common. I would not be able to think about the person much less interact with them or put up with a single atom of their shit after the divorce but these guys continue to bang at the same pace as when they were married (once a month or so) and they continue to do all the "man's" work for their ex. I have seen guys do electrical work, rip up the carpets and put in hardwood floors, kitchen remodels, plumbing, tax prep, bill payments, even drywall work for exes. Not to mention moving boxes and all the other stuff that never seems to get calculated into the 'chorplay' balance.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

In process of a divorce many years ago, the STBEX at that time asked me to:

  • Help her move
  • fix her car
  • buy her new wardrobe
  • buy her new furniture
  • contribute to her retirement
  • many other things.....

It was amazing to me at the time. Still is when I think about it. When she asked, she often thought she was getting somewhere with it, because I could not speak, I was literally speechless.

The answer was always NO. What part of the word NO do you not understand. NADA NOPE, no fucking way.

Edit: I did help her move, in order to get her out of the house that was sold.

[–]dcapt460 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Edit: I did help her move, in order to get her out of the house that was sold.

My Favorite edit of the day!

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Guilt is a hell of a drug.

[–]snatch_haggis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've said before, you aren't really out of her frame until you don't think about her at all.

[–]2gunsgetsome3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, uh, what's your question?

[–]Marcus_Aurtrillius4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

So why do I care about the details of her life post separation ? I don't...

Sure about that, buddy? 1,364 other words say otherwise...

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

It turns out that I made an immense contribution to her life. So much so that she is lost without it.

I guarantee you she does not realize this and never will. I trust you are not hoping that ultimately she will appreciate your contribution? After all, you were supposed to do all that shit you used to do for her.

Next phase of your MAP: shake off your very evident one-itis for her.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I guarantee you she does not realize this and never will. I trust you are not hoping that ultimately she will appreciate your contribution? After all, you were supposed to do all that shit you used to do for her.

Yeah, I was supposed to do that stuff for her. Fuck that ! I am not a slave. I am not a slave. I am not a slave. I am...

Next phase of your MAP: shake off your very evident one-itis for her.

I'll have to discuss this with my gf.

Seriously, nuking a relationship is a very big decision and in the fog of the relationship sometimes it is hard to tell if you actually add value/ have value like you think you do. Looking at how things turn out post separation gives one a good indication of what was going on during the relationship.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

if you actually add value / have value

And you're judging this value you provide based on HER reaction to you not being there. The value you provide is for YOU. Did you read and lift for her or for you? Did you have a social circle for her or for you? She is a coincidental receiver of your value, but it doesn't matter if she thought you had value or not. You know you did.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am not a slave

Denying a negative assertion is a start but it is better to make a positive assertion:

"I am a free man in charge of my life."

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are correct. Thanks.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

No one cares about the ex and her new life Steve.

Did you join a new gym yet faggot?

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You forgot the /s bro

[–]Marcus_Aurtrillius1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

YOU forgot it too!

I really gotta remember to put "/s" in my posts from now on... /s

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Now I'm confused. This is some inception level /s.

[–]Marcus_Aurtrillius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be careful not to get stuck in /s limbo, where you won't be able to tell what's real and what's /s.

Then you'll end up an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die married...

[–]jarlaxleno0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

" Because my goal as a man is to lead and make a difference for the people around me." Words to live by I am stealing this Thanks

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

See -- here's the problem I have with this. You somehow needed to see the actualization to realize the net worth? This is like saying that you need to put your hand in the fire to know that the fire is hot. You're not technically wrong, but boy you're fucking retarded.

My thought is that if I'm expending effort and you're not appreciating it (which you're free to do) why would I continue expending effort?

What's that mad men quote?

"I feel bad for you."

"I don't think about you at all."

Which one are you? Which one do you want to be?

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

See -- here's the problem I have with this. You somehow needed to see the actualization to realize the net worth? This is like saying that you need to put your hand in the fire to know that the fire is hot. You're not technically wrong, but boy you're fucking retarded.

Sure. Me and half the guys on here.

It's called BP retardation. We get into BP relationships, allow our partner to judge us, lose our frame, lose sight of our value. We shouldn't have to "touch the fire" in order to see it is hot. But, when you haven't touched the fire in a very long time, you forget it is hot. And when society tells you the fire just looks hot and you aren't being a good man because you have hobbies, friends and aren't worshipping your wife, you lose perspective. BP men lose perspective. That is why the RP truths are so hard to swallow. That is why there is an anger and Rambo stage - the realization that things are way out of whack and have been for a while.

So even though objectively I knew I was a pretty decent man and I contributed a lot, I had a hard time believing it internally.

I don't think I'm alone with this. I guess there are 2 classes of men on here. Half don't have their shit together and don't have a higher value outside the relationship and thus don't/won't/can't leave it. The relationship they are in gives them the best life they can have. The other half are operating in her frame and don't realize the value they have outside the relationship and stay in it because they can't envision a life better than the one in the relationship. I was in the later group.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't get me wrong - I get the why.

That's why the majority of men here have no frame at all. That's why they don't have outcome independence. They base their world on other people's responses. The majority of people aren't very sharp and aren't very insightful.

Did you know that 80% of people think they're above average?

[–]PeggedByOwlette-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love your story. You fucking rock! You internalized it all, you did it!

Your a real captain now.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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